Friday, August 12, 2011

Journey Inward

These past few days have been a journey inward for me.....that is always difficult.   Seeing your flaws, your short comings if you will, and how they can destroy  you is terrifying.   In the book, The Orange Duffle Bag
the writer talks about how hard change is for most of us, and that we will go to our graves sacrificing ourselves and our lives rather than undergo change.  

Long talks, brutal honest evaluations, that has been my life these several days.  I don't want to be one of those who had rather die than change.....actually I refuse to be one of them.......after all this time, it is about me.
This will not be easy for me, to change the core of my being, shifting a life time of habits to survive.....but I will.
Learning to let people do things for me, a brand new concept, but I am getting there.  Asking for help, wow,
totally brand new, but hey, I am embracing, I can do this.  And yes, my friend Kaye is spot on, I need vacation time.

All this time of writing this blog, I wanted to help, to speak my thoughts, and be there for others.....the same with my job.  But that makes you so one dimensional, to round out, to balance......I can't do all the giving,
I have to take my share too.  An aha moment here folks!  So for those of you who are so much like me,
listen up......seize the moment, ask for help, let go, take every once in awhile.   I realized tonight coming home from our gig, that music gives me what I give ...........on stage I get to take it all back, the energy, the love,
the spirit.  Physically still not very good, but getting there.
Good night Sweet dreams.


  1. Please do have a break to re-charge and get better fully!!! Yay for friends you can count on to help when you need them!!! Take care

  2. You will be fine with the adjustment. Remember it's not going to happen overnight. Baby steps and when you need to ask for help...just breathe!!

  3. Like I said in my last comment Jilda work on getting all better before you charge back into heavy activity. We don't want you to get worse but better. OK?

  4. One little thing I wanted to say here. It may not apply to the type meds you are taking. When I was on steroids I didn't realize that what I felt I could do was something that could mask pain if I was doing something physically I shouldn't. Thus, I re-injured the back I was taking the steroids for because at the time I didn't feel the injury. Making sense?

    Hope none of this applies,but a cautionary tale...
    Hugs and heal~