Friday, December 19, 2014

Jordan and Ella

Jordan and his friend Ella spent the day........we made Christmas cookies, cupcakes, painted ornaments for their moms...........wow......my energy left a few hours ago.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Thursday, December 18, 2014

A Little Bout

A little bout of meningitis today, Rick had to pick me up at work, could not teach my classes........I am a little bummed tonight and very wiped out from the fever.  It will be better tomorrow.
Cold and damp the past couple of days, this feels like Christmas.

My friends Linda and Teri from work, both gave me angel ornaments today....they are so beautiful. I am a lucky woman. Teri made me an ice pack for the back of my head and neck from a condiment bag in the kitchen......that is a true friend.  Then she sat with me until Rick came to retrieve me......and then laughed when I stood up and we realized the bag had leaked and my hair was dripping wet. I was a mess!

The weekend before Christmas......time has moved so fast the past few weeks.......and I am getting more and more behind.  But the good news, we have a new hot water heater, no more cold showers.
My warm and cozy bed calls to me.
Goodnight Sweet dreams


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Peaceful Nigth

Winter sunsets here in Alabama are the most beautiful.  It has been a hectic day......but I stepped out on the deck this evening to see swirls of brilliant light shimmering through the trees in our back yard.   This is my most favorite time of day, between daylight and dark.  The tall pines and bare oaks and hickories stood proudly against the ribbons of color......pinks, lavenders, golds, peach and blue.  Life is good.

Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Tuesday Night Musings

I have been painting Christmas cards for the past few days.......it's interesting, things that I once could do for hours on end.......well, now I paint awhile, rest awhile.  Tomorrow the first batch should be mailed.  Treatment was December 3, so far, slight bouts of meningitis....... so much milder than the past three years......there is hope.

Three years ago this week, life for me ( and Rick) changed, the call from the doctor, all the tests and then IVIG treatments started.  It has been a bumpy ride and many times I felt as though I were in  the throes of a hurricane.  Lots of tears, an occasional pity party, many questions and until a few weeks ago not many answers.......but I have pushed to maintain my semblance of  normal. I have told myself hundreds of times that it could be worse, and it could have been.  The big green chair changed my world forever.

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, I hope for those of you who light that first candle tonight that the light shines bright, that blessings come to you and yours........and for us all......Peace.

Monday, December 15, 2014

a thought provoking quote for tonight......

"We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart, the they come together again and fall apart again.  The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery and for joy."   Pema Chodron

Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Christmas Spirit

I think the Christmas Spirit finds us when we least expect it.......in unique and wonderful ways.
This afternoon a few of our friends from our musical think tank came over......I sat and watched them, heard their laughter......and thought about the changes that had taken place in their lives this past year.  One has made it through cancer, one has gotten married, one has made major decisions about their career, others who were not there had big changes in their lives too.  This has been a year of changes for many of us.  But, knowing how everyone's year has been, and then hearing their voices, full of hope and joy.......the Christmas Spirit found my heart.

It has been a year of changes for me too........I have lost friends and family members, struggled with illness and its treatment.  But love and hope kept me going, honestly, I think the Christmas Spirit is always around.......it's just called different things at different times of the year.......but it is always about hope, always about love.

This year is winding down fast, just a few more days to Christmas and then New Years.  If The Christmas Spirit hasn't found you, it will soon.......just open your heart, your eyes and your ears.
Goodnight Sweet dreams.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Old Habits

Caregiver.....I have been one since I was a small child.  How can that be you ask?  Before I ever started to school my mom would tell me it was my job to take care of my little brother Ricky......I took my job seriously.  As I grew older tween and early teen years ( before I could drive) if anyone in the family got sick and needed a caregiver, my mom volunteered me.  I now know, that was not necessarily a good thing, but for many many years I felt it was my personal responsibility to take care of my family and friends, and if for some reason I failed at that, well I shouldered the blame, fault, guilt, etc.

I still struggle with that need to care, to make sure all is well, and if not.......to do whatever I can to fix it......old habits are hard to break.  My mother did not turn me into a caregiver to punish me......I think she thought it was a great way to teach me kindness and caring.......little did she know how obsessive I would become about it, how I would worry and fret, how  as a grown woman I would feel responsible for my loved ones.

Even today I have struggled with the fixation of taking care, of trying to make it all better......I know logically how foolish and harmful it is for me.......yet, old habits are hard to break.  There are positive things that have come from this twisted personality quirk........it made me a good teacher, a good friend, a good wife......I just have to remember I can't fix everything......old habits are hard to break.
I think it is good some times to bare one's soul, to let other see the weak link in your chain.......you've seen mine tonight.......and remember, old habits are hard to break.