Monday, May 31, 2010

Planting the Seed

Our great nephew, Jordan came over this evening. Rick showed him how to plant watermelons.
There was absolute joy on his face as he placed the plants in the dirt. He then helped me pick blueberries, and dig potatoes. His grandfather, my brother Ricky is a plumber( a very good one)so our prayer is that he learns these life skills that we are showing him. Yes, he is only two, but he can identify trees, and he loves working with his hands and fixing things. I appreciate my life skills that my parents taught me, they have given me joy, fed me, saved me money and gotten me through hard times. We will pass our skills on to Jordan, planting the seeds that will help him get through life as he matures. We will teach him to plant, to fix and mend, and maybe even play guitar. Some of the seeds that we sow don't always grow, but if only one thing that we show him, if he remembers and uses that, then we did our job as aunt and uncle. Can't wait to eat those watermelons!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Transformation

I have thought a lot about my dad this weekend. We went to the ground breaking ceremony for a veteran's memorial in my hometown yesterday. There will be a brick paver there with my dad's name, rank, and WW2 carved on it. My dad never talked with me about the being in World War2, the only thing he ever said was that he was a medic. Somehow, I knew that serving on the battlefield had created scars that went so deep, they never healed. Once, I ran into one of his buddies that had served in the army with him, he got a twinkle in his eye when he began to talk about memories of my dad. It seems that some of their best times together, were knocking back a couple of beers and playing guitar. It wasn't until almost 15 years after my father died, that I found out he had been a decorated war hero. My mom was sick, and the bills were rising faster than any of us could pay them. I went to the VA to find out if there were any benefits she could
receive(there were). I sat stunned, as the sweet woman behind a computer pulled up my dad's records and told me about his medals, commendations and the battles that he was in. My father had never once mentioned anything about honors. I came home and asked my mom, if she had recollections of medals. She just shook her head and said daddy never wanted to talk about the War. A few years before, a dear family friend who had served in the Navy during the war was talking to me about my dad. He asked me what daddy did in the war, and I told him he was a medic. Joel's eyes teared up, he told me that my dad had one of the most difficult jobs, that
he had to cross the battlefields, deciding which of the wounded he could help. I remembered all the times during my life, that daddy helped friends and neighbors. He was the most compassionate person I have ever known. At his funereal, so many people came up and told my family about all the times that my dad had helped them. So today, I think about that young, 18 year boy from Hull, Al who went to war. How, he came home and raised a family, and taught us to always help our friends and neighbors. He taught me more about God, than I ever learned in church. He taught me to see goodness and grace in all people, no matter the color of their skin or their station in life. I know that because of him, there were young men who made it back from the war, to live their lives and raise their families. Today, I miss him very much.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Humidity Numbs Brain

It's true, it has been so humid today, my brain is numb. Well, that and maybe a little exhaustion from the 9 yoga classes I taught the past two days. I have watched my favorite Brit coms and I am thinking maybe a good night's sleep is what I need. Sleep is restorative, and that brings transformation, so to all of you........sleep well, restore, and hit the ground running tomorrow!

Friday, May 28, 2010


When I came home today, I walked down to the garden, ate some fresh blueberries and then walked on over to the area where the potatoes are planted. I knew it was time to dig. There they were as I dug my hands into the earth, small, red new potatoes, the size of silver dollars.
I filled a small basket, brought them into the kitchen, washed and scrubbed, dropped them into boiling salted water and about 20 minutes later.........heaven! New potatoes, fresh creamy butter, a little salt, yummy! Life is good, when you can walk out the back door, gather supper, and cook it to perfection. Sometimes the very basics, just potatoes, butter and salt, make a feast that the gods would love. Wish I could have had you all over for supper tonight.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Swell

I love all things Irish. I love to walk thru the villages, talk with the people, visit the pubs, feel the salty breeze in my face and listen to the music. The earthiness and realness of the Irish people are like no other I have ever met. I have many favorite Irish movies, but one of the best is Once.
Last night, Rick and I and our friends Kaye and Jamie heard The Swell. Lead singer, writer, guitar player, piano player, Glen Hansand is Irish, tall and thin, with red curly hair and a voice that booms and then climbs to a soft beautiful tenor. He did the songs, and played the lead in Once, a movie about a struggling Irish singer/songwriter. I have seen so many great music shows, but The Swell took their performance to a level last night that many of the greats aspire to and never reach. The songs are simple, haunting poems with melodies that at times seem unworldly. It was honest music that played with your emotions, lifting, soaring and then crashing you to earth in an instant. All I could think of as I sat and heard those songs, was how much I wanted to go back to Ireland. As I listened to Glen and Marketa Irglove, their voices entwining like the sweetest of roses with the thickest of thorns, I was sadden by the fact that so many have not had the pleasure of hearing them. Everyone in the band was outstanding, it was one of those concerts that you never wanted to end. I kept thinking about our Irish friends, Tony and Dominic, their voices and songs, and how much fun we had playing together. Not much sleep last night, no energy tonight, but those songs have never left my head today, and I am reminded of the sacred trust of songwriting. You write from the heart, you sing and you play from the heart
and somewhere down the road, someone will remember of your songs.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I See the Moon

I walked out on the deck tonight, almost a full moon, shinning through wispy clouds, lacy tree limbs and surrounded by twinkling stars. I thought of a children's song from many many years ago,
I see the moon and the moon sees me. When I was a child I can remember on warm summer nights and chilly winter ones, looking at the moon and being mesmerized by that pearly orb. I remember sometimes in the summer, it would take on a reddish orange hue, and then in the middle of winter, a silvery blue. There were countless wishes made on those stars that stood guard around that shimmery disc, and often I looked in wonderment at the valleys and mountains on its surface trying to see if there really was a man in the moon. I think of times that the soft hazy glow of moisture looked like angora yarns wrapping the moon in a cozy shawl, letting me know that rain was on its way. The first time that I read about the connection of the moon/tide/gravity, I knew that all the years I believed in the magic of the moon were not in vain, the magic was there.
Science had proved it for me! When the space program was in its prime, I kept thinking that one day, someone like me would get to walk on the moon. A vacation on the moon, when I was a teenager that was one of my dream vacation spots.
Books, songs, movies, poems have all been written in celebration of the moon and its powers.
My great nephew, Jordan's favorite book is Goodnight Moon. He never tires of hearing the story. We have a telescope, we are going to set it up this week and maybe Jordan can look at the moon, and yell out Goodnight Moon!
Tonight as I looked at its silvery light, just like time and time before, I felt its magic. I whispered good night moon, I see you, and you know I think the moon saw me.

Monday, May 24, 2010


My brain is full, I came home last night thinking that this morning the sponge in my head would have distributed the info that had been absorbed in the workshop and all would be well. Not so, waiting for the thoughts, and feelings to work their way into the system . I am on overload, as I taught my classes this evening, I shifted in to automatic, could not even follow the notes I had done. Waiting patiently, maybe by tomorrow, I can think.........for now, the bed is softly calling my name. Good night, sweet dreams, the transformation will be done by tomorrow.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Five days away from home, doesn't sound long and in the scheme of things it is not. garden growth it is eons. I left on Wednesday, the tomato plants had tiny little green tomatoes, now they are the size of half dollars. The blueberries are ripe, the potatoes are ready to dig, and some sort of strange green worm ate all the cabbage. Oh yeah, there were no blooms on the squash and now, there are baby squash! One of the first things we did when I got home this evening, we walked through the garden and ate fresh, ripe blueberries. It brought to mind the movie that Kevin Spacey did, K-Pax. It is one of my favorite movies, and one of his lines(speaking about Earth) "your produce alone has been worth the trip" . Well trust me, those first plump blueberries were so worth the drive home to day! So changes occurred in the garden, and hopefully changes
occurred in me because of the workshop that I attended. It has been a very long five days, and I am tired. Good night, sweet dreams.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Transformation Road

What is it about a road trip that alters your daily food intake? Well, there is the availability factor, but what about the cravings????? Every morning Monday through Friday I have a smoothie for breakfast, then weekends, maybe a nice Irish breakfast or Rick makes waffles. Lunch, most of the time is a peanut butter sandwich, but dinner is always special. I have had yogurt every morning since I have been gone, but I have also had a blueberry muffin, that's ok. But then lunch has been major sandwiches( like turkey/bacon, fries, potato cheese soup) and dinner has been out of my daily intake too. I have not been drinking my usual amount of water, it is just different being in a hotel and going out to eat for every meal. I know there are some of you who are thinking what is wrong with her/this? I happen to love my own cooking, there are very few places that I have ever eaten that could cook better than me. But tonight, I am sitting here craving a Milky Way candy bar, a milkshake and hey, maybe a donut too! All I can say, it's a good thing I am going home tomorrow, I could be in real trouble. There are four Starbucks within 3 miles of the hotel, and every fast food chain you can think of. This could be a transformation of the world's fastest weight gain, if I stayed much longer. Thank goodness my friend, Jackie is here to help me maintain my will power! But, you know if I were a gambler,
I'd bet there will be a stop at Starbucks on the way home tomorrow, after all the caffeine will transform that 4 hour trip to maybe a 3 and a half one. And maybe we can pick up a sugar buzz with a muffin or two!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Missing Home

I have been away from home for two days. I miss it. I miss Rick and our morning cups of coffee, walking out to check the garden, feeding the birds and the chickens and the dogs, feeding Rick.
I miss sitting on the sofa looking out our front windows and hearing the morning symphony of birds, chickens, dogs and all those other nature sounds. I miss walking out on the deck and looking at the flowers and herbs, amazed that they grow so much overnight. I will be away two more days, the way things are growing now, it won't look like the same place.
I miss Rick bringing me my morning coffee, sitting on the sofa, reading the paper and planning our day. I miss my blueberry shake, I miss cooking dinner.
This may all sound strange to some of you, I love to travel, to learn new things and meet new people, but in so many ways I am such a creature of habit. And I have to admit, I think that I have my own little plot of paradise.
It is good to leave your comfort zone, to know that for awhile, life will be very different. After all this trip is a short one, only four days. But, I think about those who leave their homes for long periods, or they leave and never get to return. The word displaced is so sad. Yes, you adjust, you make new friends, find a new job, a new home, but what you lost or left is still a part of you. I have friends who lost everything in Katrina, and when they left that awful day, they lost everything except their lives. Some of them don't know to this day where some of their friends relocated. And then I feel guilty because I miss my home for just a few days.
Missing home, it is such a simple phrase, for me it is only for a short while, but for some, it will be their lifetime. That kind of transformation........lets hope that none of us ever have to experience that and if we do, that we will find home in another place, where neighbors and friends care, and that life will always treat us kind.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Not Perfect

Well, finally I got connected.......yes, I know I did not post last night! The computer gods did not smile in my direction, what can I say, could not get on line!!!! This blog is truly not about perfection, and as time goes by, you my friends will definitely see my imperfections, and hopefully love me, or at least like me warts and all! Storms have swept by all day, there is change in the air.

That is the thing about not worrying about perfection, it is good to strive to do good, and be good, but none of us HAVE to be perfect. We all worry and stress about what others think, about how we look, what kind of job we have, the car we drive, how much we weigh, etc........ To find peace, to have joy, to live a life full of abundance, we have to find that place where we can find some sort of contentment with who we are. It is about the journey, because many of us will not make the destination that we have planned for our lives. There are curves and detours on our path and accepting the fact that imperfections are part of the greater perfect plan make the road less traveled an easier road to travel. Embrace your imperfections, they make you perfect!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Personal Transformation

I go to Collierville, Tn tomorrow for yoga therapy class/certification. I am excited about it, I already practice yoga therapy at my job, but this will make me legit. Since I have been teaching yoga, I have taught thousands.......that is a staggering thought. I have never stopped studying ,pursuing my trainings, always on the lookout for how to be a better teacher. I try to do the same with my voice, I have studied with a couple of great vocal coaches, do my vocal exercises, sing as much as possible. I have spent a lot of time studying art as well. I believe in natural talent, but I also believe in taking what you have and making it as good as you can. That comes with study, and practice. Now, I am working on being a better guitar/mandolin player. Same thing, study and practice. You know it's weird, I do not like to practice. .........I make myself practice, I make myself study. Lord knows, I love to reap the benefits of the study and the practice! One thing I have learned, you don't get better by osmosis, thinking about it does help, it keeps you focused, but you have to put in the time. So there it is, a little personal info about my ongoing personal transformation.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Easy Transformation

Breathe. Do you know how many times a day you hold your breath? or how shallow your breathing really is? Do you remember the last time you took a deep breath? We can go several days without food, quite a few without water, how long can you go without breathing.....just , maybe a couple of minutes, if that long. When you are angry, take some long slow deep breaths.
When someone is asking you to do something you do not want to do, take a deep breath and say no.
When you are worried or scared, or just don't know what to say........take some nice slow breaths and exhale even slower. When you can't sleep at night, breathe slowly, listen to your breath, notice how your belly and chest rise each time you breath. Imagine the breath as this beautiful flow of soothing energy moving through your body, it goes to every cell bringing health and peacefulness.
The breathe can soothe or energize, heal and refresh.........and oxygen is FREE!!!!!!
For an easy transformation, a transformation that will change your life..........breathe. Take a few minutes every day to focus on your breath, I promise it is life changing.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Favorite Day

Sunday is my favorite day of the week, maybe it started at birth, I was born on a Sunday.
Actually, I think my dad helped to shape it as my favorite day. When I was small, we took Sunday the time Lewis Smith Dam was being built, and daddy would load everybody up in the car, sometimes even my grandparents, and we would drive up to the dam to see what was going on. Of course, on the trip back home there would be a stop for an ice cream cone or a coca-cola and maybe even a candy bar! When I got older, he would go to the news box and get a Sunday paper, and he always took the comics out and let me read them first! When I was a teenager, and by then we were attending church on a regular schedule, friends from church would come to our house for Sunday dinner and then he would take us to the Mug and Cone for ice cream. He made Sundays so special, usually he worked 6 days a week, but on Sundays, there were fishing trips or visits to family, maybe a nap, and almost always a treat. Yep, I think my love of Sundays came from my dad. I love getting that first cup of coffee on Sunday mornings, sitting down with both our Sunday papers, listening to classical music and then for the second cup of coffee, walk out side and just look at the trees, the birds, the sky! Sundays for Rick and I are special now, we usually visit family, we practice, we take a walk, a nap or maybe have friends over for supper. I try to savor my Sundays, like you would a great cup of coffee or a really good
wine and I tend to get a little testy when something messes with my Sunday! Today has been a really good Sunday, it started with a couple of cups of great coffee, then the papers, then a walk, lunch, a nap, a visit to see Rick's mom, and then our friend Fred came over for supper, yep......another stellar Sunday!!!!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Musical Day

It has been a good day. Rick and I attended a songwriter's workshop this morning, Carrie Tillis(Mel's daughter) was the commentator. We heard some talented songwriters, had a great time! Tonight, we went to Berkeley Bob's Coffee House in Cullman to hear our friend Skip Cochran play. He is a very good singer/songwriter. So, we have had a full day of music, it has been a long time since we did that! I am tired, but refreshed and excited. For a while, our music has taken a back seat, but transformation has begun........ and the music is back where it belongs!
Here's to more full days of music!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Good night, sweet dreams

Every night for the past few months, my great nephew, Jordan calls to say good night, sweet dreams. He is two and lives next door. No matter how rough the day has been, when the phone
rings and I hear his little voice telling me good night, sweet dreams, my heart melts and all is right with my world. I know this probably won't be a ritual that lasts for long, (though I wish and hope it does) for now it is magic. Today, Jordan saw the baby chicks for the first time, so tonight when I answered the phone there was some conversation about telling the baby chicks good night, at least I think that is what he said. Eventually he got around to saying goodnight to me, and then asking for Rick.
A good friend's dad passed away last night, and I know that somewhere, sometime on down the road, he will remember telling his dad good night at some point in his life and the grief and the loss will seem unbearable. I remember telling my mom and dad goodnight so many times and just never really understanding that one day those goodnight, sweet dreams would stop.
So tonight friends, may we all have a good night, and sweet dreams.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Unintenional Transformation

Sometimes life takes us down a path we never planned. Teaching yoga is that path for me, it seems that the path chose me. I had practiced yoga off and for many years and never gave one thought about becoming a teacher. My mom became ill around seven years ago, I was going to a yoga class with a friend and the teacher actually suggested to my friend that she become a teacher. As my friend and I continued to go to class, my mom's health declined and my stress levels soared. I had quit my job because my mom needed more and more of my time for her care. My friend and I had many talks about becoming yoga teachers, we found a training in Ms for a long weekend and off we went! That first day was like yoga bootcamp from hell! Back at the hotel, I kept thinking this is not what I expected, this is not going to work out. But, I stuck it out, and then I went back for more and more and more trainings. I found that the more I taught, the more I loved sharing yoga with anyone who was interested. My mom passed away four and a half years ago, a couple of weeks before she passed, I picked up the phone and called the alcohol/drug addiction center that I now teach at and asked them if they were interested in a yoga teacher. It was one of those moments that just changed my path, I felt so led to teach there! I went for an interview, my(now) boss told me to go take care of my mom, and when she passed, take a few weeks to rest and then call him back. I did exactly as he told me. A month later, I taught my first class at the center. We now have yoga classes six days a week, with two other teachers and myself. I have been told that when patients fill out exit forms that the yoga program rates at the very top! Never did I dream, that when I started that first class it would be such a success. I knew in my heart how good yoga was, but it has amazed me how so many from all walks of life has embraced it. My transformation from student to teacher was so not planned! Sometimes, the door opens, sometimes you have to open the door, but with a leap of faith, and following your heart, the transformation can be life changing for all involved.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Southern Scents

There are lots of really good things about living in the south, but this time of year it is worth the journey just for the smells that permeate the air. Right now, the honeysuckle spreads a sweetness in the warm night air that lingers and wraps around you like an old cashmere sweater. The cottonwoods add some depth with a little musky earthy tone, then there are the privets that are also heavy with sweetness. My neighbor's magnolia is in full bloom, and there is that clean soft
whisper of tenderness. But the crowning touch, are the gardenias, rich, warm, heady, sexy, yet
sweet and innocent, when mine are in full bloom, they intoxicate me with their richness. Their scent is like a promise of pleasure that beckons, yet you never obtain it. We also have heirloom roses that add just a hint of spice. I walk out my door, and it is a sensory overload. I walk through the garden, and the smell of fresh earth, cut grass and the blend of lemon balm, basil, rosemary and lavender add their own unique notes to this incredible symphony of smells. For all of this, it is worth the humidity, the bite of blood thirsty mosquitoes, and an occasional gnat in the eye. This is the south that is dreamed about, written about and sung about it.......and it is good.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Transformational Bath

A hot bath is right up there with a cup of hot tea. Well, the perfect getting ready for bed moment would be sipping a cup of hot tea, while soaking in a hot bath! I didn't combine the two tonight,
the tea is coming in a few moments. But the bath, my secret for a blissful hot bath........ I buy Epsom salts in the bulk, fill a BIG Tupperware container with them and about 20-25 drops of essential lavender oil, let it set for a few days and an exquisite transformation takes place.
Then when filling the tub with water, add two cups of the now lavender infused salts, I promise any aches and pains, stress, nagging doubts or worries will dissolve in that incredible concoction!
There is science and magic, the salts are pretty much magnesium(a natural muscle relaxer, and the lavender is a natural stress reducer) and a few moments in a tub filled with hot water and the salts, well those moments alone, that's the magic! My cup of tea is almost ready, I am in my most favorite pink pj's with the red roses on them and a couple of new magazines await my browsing.
Life is good.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Hard Transformation

In November, my mom will have been dead 5 years. Most days, I think about her but life keeps moving at its normal speed. But today, well it being Mother's Day and Decoration where she and my dad and my oldest brother and her parents and most of her family are buried, the grief and the loss are profound. I have memories of her teaching me to draw, of her making me clothes out of feed sacks, of always being a room mother at school, she passed on her love of clothes to me, but on holidays, it is the memories of food that make me so sad. On Easter, she always baked a ham, with green beans, potato salad, and usually a coconut cake. On decorations, chicken and dressing,
mac and cheese, purple hull peas, fried okra, slaw, green beans, and usually a strawberry cake or chocolate cake. On Thanksgiving, turkey of course, along with dressing and all the trimmings including sweet potato pie. On Christmas, often a turkey and a ham with all the trimmings. And all those times in between....... turnip greens, collards, fried chicken and rice and gravy, chicken and dumplings, fried squash, corn bread, hot biscuits, country style steak, roast, ribs and kraut, new potato dumplings, boiled okra, salads, slaw.......I could go on for days. My mom took a lot of pride in her cooking, she taught all of us how to cook(my brothers are great cooks, so are my sisters, and I am not so bad either.) My dad fried the best chicken I have ever had. Holidays at our house was not so much the gifts, but the food and everyone being there. Whenever my family does anything together, even now, it is still about the food. Good food, is in my DNA, it is what I equate with good times, with friends, or with family. I love having friends and family over, and cooking great meals for them. Today, I miss all of that so very much, I know I should appreciate every moment, but I just wanted today to hurry up and get over. Families are all different, and I guess all of this may seem strange to some of you, thinking a meal is just food, what's the big deal? At our house, sandwiches were not the norm, neither were burgers or hot dogs or pizza. Even when my mom cooked a burger, it was a big deal, with all kinds of mustards, and toppings and always the best meat she could afford. I go to bed tonight hungry,
missing that special meal, hungry for the fellowship of family, of great food, missing all those
many things I took for granted for so long.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Effort and Joy

Our trio, The Overalls played in Helena at the Monkey Basket today. It was a beautiful spring day, with blue skies, and warm sunshine and lots of wind and the privets are blooming.
Now, for those of you who are not familiar with privets blooming in the spring, it is quite an experience if you like me, are allergic to them. I have battled them all week, well actually their pollen, but today........our show was outdoors, for two hours. Halfway through Landslide, the lungs
froze, more like feathers started to grow and then the eyes started to tear, the mucus hit! So with the help of meds, I regrouped, started the song again and emerged victorious! I love to sing, it brings me the most incredible joy, indescribable joy, but today it took some effort and I think I may pay for it tonight. But, you know whatever the pain, or how bad I feel later, those moments when I sing, and that absolute joy fills my soul, all that effort today was worth it. With that said my dear friends, I am fading quickly, more tomorrow.
Sweet dreams.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Interesting day, Long Book signing event with Rick at the Mall. I had forgotten how fun and rewarding it is to people watch. Met some interesting folks, some resurfaced from out of the past, and some strangers. I had a "make-over", had not done that in years and that brought back lots of old memories. For five years, I was one of those makeup artists who travel many cities and several states, doing make-overs for the largest cosmetic company in the world. It was fun, lots of hard work, but never dull. Today I sat in the chair and let someone work their magic on me. It was
nice to be on the other side, letting someone do something for me. I could get use to it. Small changes are surely beginning to take place in my world.'s not so bad.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Rose Tea

Every night before we go to bed, Rick and I drink a cup of hot tea. His is always SleepyTime, but usually I try different teas. Sometimes, it is pomegranate, sometimes orange mint, then there is lemon grass ginger or sweet licorice, but for the past few nights it has been rose tea. I buy teas from Organic India, they are all based on holy basil, and this rose tea is magic. The whole house smells of roses when the tea is brewing, no matter how rough the day, or how tired I am, a good cup of tea makes it all better. Maybe it is the Irish in me, but I truly love my hot tea. In the afternoon on a cold winter's day, a hot chai or peppermint tea can set things right and make you feel all warm and cozy!
Holding this cup of rose tea, I look forward to a good night's sleep, I smell the soft sweetness of the rose petals, and taste the combination of roses and honey, I know I will have sweet dreams. All my life I have been told that the simple things are best, I believe that. The power of a simple cup of hot tea is life changing.
Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

36 years

When I was 18 years old, living to be 50 seemed unreal, my parents were in their 50's and they seemed so old. Well guess what, I am 58 and today Rick and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. The day we married I truly had no thoughts about the future, I was a poster child for living in the moment. In some ways it seems we have always been together, and then there are moments when it seems as though we just met. The past few years I have had people ask how do you make a marriage last? I don't know. I think that living day by day has helped. Having common interests surely helps, being stubborn sometimes helps, and sometimes it hurts. Willing to compromise, willing to say I am sorry, willing to hang in there through sickness and in health, not walking out the door when you don't like each other, and having the sense to know that just because you don't like, doesn't mean you don't love.
Laughing a lot helps, being able to cry together helps too. Leaving was never an option, being pissed, being hurt, that happens, but you know that happens to every one. Some years went so fast it was like riding a carousel and others are like bits of fog, that hug the valleys but you found the sunshine around the curve and the happiness was surreal. We have lived life as full as we could most of the time, and then there were the dark days, when we buried a parent or a sibling and we had to pull each other out of the grips of grief. I can't imagine what the next 36 will be like, who knows what tomorrow will bring........I just know this, having a partner, knowing you are loved, it makes getting out of bed each day a little easier. (especially when the first one up makes the coffee)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I am empty tonight, well not exactly, I have some thoughts but they refuse to expose themselves.
So, I am going to sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow night.
Good night, sweet dreams.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Self Worth

Self Worth, does that mean what is self worth? and is the worth to you or some one else? Today has had me question my self my self worth tied up in numbers, in what some one thinks of me, is my self worth connected to how well I do my job or to some sort of acknowledgement of how well I do something? Most days, my self worth never crosses my mind, but to be honest it has been right out there in front today, and it is not a pleasant thing to deal with or think about. I think I am going to have to ponder on this a few more days before I can give it up. Am not really sure who the winner is in this race or how the outcome will change or not change my life. For now, I am going to let my dreams search for the answer and maybe tomorrow morning I will self worth.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Underwater Garden

Sometimes, we all have to be shown that just when we think we have it all under control, well.....guess what, we don't!!!!! Our garden has been so beautiful this year, the tomatoes are blooming, everything is growing, and tonight it is underwater. I know, it could be so much worse, and I am grateful, we are not having tornadoes, golf ball size hail, or 22 inches of rain. I look at that plot of land, and Rick and I both love to grow things, every morning we take our coffee and we walk out to the garden to see how much and what grew overnight. Things really do grow overnight, it is amazing when we walk out in the mornings and see that the corn grew an inch since yesterday or that the apples and peaches and pears are getting bigger by the day! So, tonight we hope and wait and pray, that even though everything is drowned the sun will come out in a couple of days and the ground will dry and those frisky little veggies and flowers will perk up and continue to grow! And I remind myself, that a couple of years ago, we were in the worst drought that I could remember and all we could do was pray and hope for rain. Mother Nature is willful and strong, sweet and fierce, and totally out of our control! Thank goodness.

Saturday, May 1, 2010


After teaching 6 classes per day, back to back, today was a nothingness day. I did manage to do the laundry, and buy groceries, but I have returned no one's calls, or messages(sorry).
After interacting so much with others, I have to have talk, no interaction,
just being. I think we all need those moments, days or longer of nothingness, of just being.
Without it, the spirit grows smaller and smaller, it is self preservation. One of my dreams/wants is to attend a silent weekend retreat. Sometimes when I tell friends and family that they freak.
For most it seems that a weekend of silence(no talking) would be hell, but for me it sounds
heavenly! 48 hours of just being, listening to birds, the wind, maybe the ocean, no tv, no phones,
I crave that so very much. I knew a minister who did a silent retreat several years ago, he said at first it was wonderful, but by the second day, he was hearing tv and radio commercials run through his brain. I think that shows just how much we all need silence from time to time. When you think about how much stimuli small children are exposed to, radio, tv, video, sports, dance, play dates, school, church functions! No wonder their brains and bodies are on overload! One hour a day less of organized time(practice for what ever) and just the opportunity to run barefoot, to climb a tree, to breathe fresh air, feel the sun, with no pressure to perform, is that too much to ask to give a child, is that too much to ask for ourselves????? So tomorrow, I suggest a little nothingness, I dare you.........take 15 minutes, or thirty, go on take an hour.....and just be, look at the sky, listen to a bird, take a DEEP breath of fresh air!