Hard Transformation

In November, my mom will have been dead 5 years. Most days, I think about her but life keeps moving at its normal speed. But today, well it being Mother's Day and Decoration where she and my dad and my oldest brother and her parents and most of her family are buried, the grief and the loss are profound. I have memories of her teaching me to draw, of her making me clothes out of feed sacks, of always being a room mother at school, she passed on her love of clothes to me, but on holidays, it is the memories of food that make me so sad. On Easter, she always baked a ham, with green beans, potato salad, and usually a coconut cake. On decorations, chicken and dressing,

mac and cheese, purple hull peas, fried okra, slaw, green beans, and usually a strawberry cake or chocolate cake. On Thanksgiving, turkey of course, along with dressing and all the trimmings including sweet potato pie. On Christmas, often a turkey and a ham with all the trimmings. And all those times in between....... turnip greens, collards, fried chicken and rice and gravy, chicken and dumplings, fried squash, corn bread, hot biscuits, country style steak, roast, ribs and kraut, new potato dumplings, boiled okra, salads, slaw.......I could go on for days. My mom took a lot of pride in her cooking, she taught all of us how to cook(my brothers are great cooks, so are my sisters, and I am not so bad either.) My dad fried the best chicken I have ever had. Holidays at our house was not so much the gifts, but the food and everyone being there. Whenever my family does anything together, even now, it is still about the food. Good food, is in my DNA, it is what I equate with good times, with friends, or with family. I love having friends and family over, and cooking great meals for them. Today, I miss all of that so very much, I know I should appreciate every moment, but I just wanted today to hurry up and get over. Families are all different, and I guess all of this may seem strange to some of you, thinking a meal is just food, what's the big deal? At our house, sandwiches were not the norm, neither were burgers or hot dogs or pizza. Even when my mom cooked a burger, it was a big deal, with all kinds of mustards, and toppings and always the best meat she could afford. I go to bed tonight hungry,

missing that special meal, hungry for the fellowship of family, of great food, missing all those

many things I took for granted for so long.