Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Good Energy

I think that the universe knows what we need, when we need it, we just have to allow ourselves to receive.  Tomorrow is treatment day, I am always antsy and very fatigued by now.   Both my classes at work today were amazing.  Students brought joy, love and kindness into my room and it spread like honey to all of us.

In the first group, there were several dealing with chronic pain, some anger issues and more......but as they walked in and began talking you could feel everything change.  We did breath work, and  a somatic class, by the end of relaxation, everyone was smiling and there hugs o'plenty.  When I explained why I would not be back this week,  they were so encouraging with kind words, and many hugs.  Even later this evening when I clocked out, several of them spent time talking to me........assuring me of their prayers and good wishes.
By the way, this was an all male class.

The next group was laughing out loud, they all came early, and we did a heart opening class.
We started the class with back to back breathing.......the girls partnered up sitting back to back, the guys did the same.  Breathing back to back, not only are you aware of your breath, but of the person whose back is up against yours........it is comforting in many ways, knowing that "someone has your back" .

The day started good, Jordan our 5 year old, great nephew spent the morning with us.  Somehow, he always makes me feel better!  His smiles, his laughter, his hugs are magic.
We looked at his vision board, and talked about what had taken place since he made it, and what was still to come.

I am savoring all this good energy and love tonight........I will carry it with me tomorrow when I rest in those big green chairs.

Goodnight, sweet dreams.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Spring Fever

It's a night of key tapping, my brain has left the country or maybe just stopped working.
Rarely am I at a loss for words, but tonight........there is nothing.
Spring fever may have finally captured me..........I saw my first wild magnolia blossom today.
Wishing you all a night of sweet dreams
Wishing you all a night of peace

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Expect Nothing

" Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise. "  - Alice Walker

It is not easy to let go of expectations, there are so many of them.
My students hear the phrase "let go of expectations" in practically every class I teach.

Letting go of expectations, expecting nothing is as difficult as not judging.  But those two actions can turn your life around.
Imagine how freeing it would be to stop expecting.......people to behave a certain way, for things to happen.  Imagine how freeing it would be to stop judging......there would be much less stress in your life.

Expectations and judgement, for most of us, a life without those two seems impossible.  One thing to remember, letting go of expectations is not letting go of your dreams and hopes......it is release of the emotions and attachments, that fuel the ego.  It is pursuit because of the dream and love, not because of recognition and honor.

Judgement......it is easy to forget that we are all walking a very personal path, filled with bumps, and curves and pot-holes.  No one walks in our shoes but us, how can we judge others when we each walk in  a totally different pair of shoes on a totally different path.

I hope every day this coming week, you live frugally on surprise.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The More You Can Hear

"The quieter you become, the more you can hear."  - Ram Dass

It is pouring rain, truly buckets of rain are coming down, lightening is flashing and the dogs are trying to sit on me.  But this rain coming down tonight inspires quiet time........I think sometimes
there is so much noise around us, so much frenzied energy that quiet scares us.   

When you are quiet, that's when you can listen to you.......the answers are there, deep inside......but we search for them in all the wrong places, as far away from ourselves as we can go.

Quiet for me, is sacred.......it is contemplation, it is rest for the mind and spirit and the senses.  I spent some time this afternoon being still and quiet.......I realized after a short time how much I needed it today.
I heard over and over, my body saying rest......and I agreed......

This weekend, find some time to be quiet........it will soothe jagged nerves, and worn out bodies and frayed minds........if there are problems or issues to be solved, you might just "hear" some answers......or, maybe just hear a bird sing.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Friday Night Ramblings

Finally, back in the studio today, working on our cd!  Good progress, but a lot more work to do.
It is exhausting for me, the lungs give out after a few hours, but that is ok..... I go as long as I can and then stop.

It has been a most productive day for me, I worked in the yard for a couple of hours ......there is still so much to be done.  The storms on March 18 wrecked havoc on our place, and since then the rains have not let up.......it is what it is.   Maybe before summer is over, things will look better, we still have to get the barn repaired and the roof to the old farm house.

More rain  coming in tonight and for the next few days.......I knew I should have bought those rain boots that looked like flowered cowgirl boots!  I could have worn them most of this spring.  :)

Forgive me for my ramblings, it has just occurred to me how very tired I am.  Leaving you tonight with a a very profound quote concerning meditation.

"The hard shell of the ego cannot be cracked without surrendering to something bigger than itself."    - Dr.Hiroshi Motoyama

Thursday, April 25, 2013

I See The Moon

In this photo it is just a shimmery pearl  in the darkness, hiding in the branches, teasing, waiting to make an appearance.
A great night for a full moon, not a cloud in the sky, and rather chilly.  As I stood on the deck, I could hear the owl down behind the barn and somewhere in the distance the bark of a dog or maybe coyote.

I just called Jordan to let him know the moon is rising over his house.  I have never known a five year old who loves the full moon as much as he does.  I suppose having me for a great aunt has helped his moon appreciation.

What I love most when I see a full moon.......I know that the same moon is shinning over my friends and loved ones......that they see the same beautiful orb in the sky.......it is a connecting block, a distance eraser if you will.  I think that when we all look up and see that big round full moon, it's as though we are standing side by side.......sorta like holding spiritual hands.  Where ever you are tonight, if you can see the moon......remember, I can too......we're seeing it together.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Way Back When

Rick ran across and old newspaper clipping of us way back when....
yep, it seems we have always played music.  He posted it on our Facebook page, and I cannot believe all the comments.  The funniest has been from our old friend Dave, "wow, I didn't know Jilda knew
Burt Reynolds."   The years do go by fast.

Some things change constantly, some never do........our looks have changed, but our love of music hasn't .

A cool rainy day here in Alabama, I worked in my flower gardens, saw the pulmonary doc, and napped........it has been a good day.
No gigs this weekend, we will be in the studio working on our cd.

Good night, Sweet dreams

Tuesday, April 23, 2013


A female student approached today as I was getting the room ready for class, as we talked, I knew physically she would struggle with what I was teaching this afternoon, but mentally she would blossom.
As class started with breath work, I watched her.  We had talked at length about her listening to her body, not pushing, not feeling intimidated.  She was nervous and frail, as we started sun salutations
I kept an eye on her, urging her to only do what her body could.  I kept encouraging the breath work.
Soon, it was relaxation time......I made sure that she was comfortable.

When class was over, she smiled.......she got it.   When I had talked with her about breath work and chronic pain before class, she was confused.  After class, she looked at me with relief.   She knew
that the movements, the poses would come slow.......but the breath work and meditation  she could
grasp and use now.

I know that so many think yoga is all about the poses, the asanas., they think because they are sick or
frail or just out of shape and inflexible they will never be able to do yoga.  It is so much  more than that.....it is breath work, it is awareness of ones-self and body, it is living a life of peace, of being aware of all that is around you and  more.  I believe yoga turns the switch in your mind to the possibilities of life, of what you can be and how we are all connected.

Yes, there are teachers who teach yoga strictly as a fitness routine, I suppose you know by now......I am not one of them.  It can teach you fitness and health......it can also teach calm, mindfulness and the ability to focus.  It can help you become more flexible, balanced, and yes more fit.  And if it's not for you that's ok.......but do something.......breathe, learn controlled breath work.......walk.......get fresh air and sunshine......eat healthy foods, drink water......this body, it's all you got......treat it right, treat it good.....and remember, the body and the mind are connected.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Practice Daily

Stillness......I watched this afternoon as a roomful of students discovered it.  Some embraced it, and loved it.......others struggled.  We were born to experience stillness and quiet......but our life styles have robbed many of us of the experience.

To watch someone  fully experience stillness is beautiful, almost breath-taking.  You see their facial expressions change, the muscles in the face soften.......they look ten years younger.  When class was over, there were smiles, but also peacefulness and contentment.

To sit or lie, and just breathe......windows open, a warm spring day, a gentle breeze.  As I sat and felt the stillness, watched it spread like a blanket of love throughout the room I knew that some were having the experience of a life-time.  It was one of those times, when I did not want the class to end.

The easiest way to practice stillness.....just sit and breathe, or lie down and breathe.  Follow your breath, let go of the outside world around you, observe your thoughts.  Practice daily.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Aunt Florence

I attended a memorial service for my Aunt Florence this afternoon.  She died early Friday morning.
The phrase I heard over and over about her today.......larger than life.  She was that.
I was fascinated by her as a child.  She was the most flamboyant woman I knew.......she loved flashy jewelry, bright colors, and red lipstick.  She was tall, and loud and as her grandson said today.......you always knew what she was thinking.  There was no filter, she thought it, she said it.

Since my mom died seven years ago, I had called Aunt Florence, sent her cards and visited her.
I only wish I had visited more often.  She always told me how much she loved me, how much my parents had loved me.  She loved Rick, and she read his Sunday columns faithfully.

The chapel was full of friends and family today......and laughter rang out across the room several times as her grandson talked about her.  I sat there and thought, this is how it should be.......memories, laughter and love, mixed with tears.  She was 87 with the spirit of a much younger woman.

At Christmas, she had sent me a card with the sweetest letter.......it is one of my treasures.  I hope that somewhere tonight,  she and my uncle and my mom and dad are laughing, sharing a moment in eternity.

After her husband died ( he was my mom's brother) and my dad died, she and my mom became travel buddies.  Every few months, they were on an Adventure Travel bus headed for good times.  I have my mom's photos of them, they were always smiling.

With Aunt Florence's death, our extended family has shrunk to only two......two aunts.  Now it's only
cousins and sadly, several of them died young.  I am grateful for my large family, I am grateful for the ties that bind........I am grateful for my larger than life, Aunt Florence.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Three Years

Three years......how can that be?   I have written this blog for three years??????  Wow!!!!  I hope that I have helped, inspired, and encourage......I hope that you feel the love, the blessings and the vibrations.   Three years, so long, so short......so little, so much.

I started this blog.....as a way to keep in touch with my students.... to inspire, to love, to keep informed.    I have stumbled, have fallen and have failed in many ways......but that is human and it is ok.    Those damn green chairs .....at times have taken  over my life......but I have sucked it up and continued......those damn green chairs.....they have taken my life and broken my spirit......but I have held on......and it has been three years.

Three years......so short, so long.    Who knew when I started...... three years.    I have loved this blog, I have hated this blog.    But, I have loved my readers.....my followers.......Thank you!

Three short, three long years.......15 treatments, many tears, many songs, many memories and friends.....and life goes on.   I am what I am.....three years.....and this too shall pass.  Three years.....

Friday, April 19, 2013

The Love of Thousands

"Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me.  Be still they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands."  - Linda Hogan

I love this Native American quote, I find it comforting.  When you think about all of those who have lived before you, whose DNA flows through your body and mind and heart, we are the result of the love of thousands.  I like to think that we are also, their experiences, their talents, and their thoughts, their good and bad.

We are all that they were.......I hope mine are proud who I am and that maybe in some way I have fulfilled some of their dreams. We are the result of the love of thousands......

Thursday, April 18, 2013

All About Love

I had two classes of new students today.  Like always, most have that deer in the headlights look as they walk through the door, yoga is the last thing they want to do.......rehab, now yoga, yuck, you see    disbelief written across their face.

So how do you teach yoga to someone who doesn't want a yoga class?  With all the love and compassion that my heart holds.....sometimes, I hear snickers, groans......it's ok.  I teach, because I know what yoga does for the heart, body and soul, I teach because I believe  in what I teach.

After the first class, every new person asked when I would be back.......after the second class, smiles ,
a couple of hugs and more questions about when the next class would take place.  These classes exhaust me, because I know I only have that one chance........it has to  be real, I have to be honest and authentic.  Some may say, well they are made to come to class......that is true, some are.  But for those who are made to come, I work even harder.......I want the experience to be good.  When they leave, they may never attend another yoga class, but hopefully they will say they got something from mine.

Teaching yoga in many ways is like singing a song to someone.......if you are not sincere, if there is not feeling, then it won't matter how flexible your body is, or how trained your voice is.  Passion is as
important as ability, truth shines and fake shouts.  And when all is said and done, love does hold the key, loving what you do, and loving those around you......it really is, all about love.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Building the New

I am very tired tonight, my body has dealt with the pollen, the pollen seems to be winning.
So, I share this brilliant quote with you all.

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."   - Socrates

good night
sweet dreams

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Raise The Vibration

Raise the vibration......it seems that so many of us look for a way to give up......we look for the darkness......we look for the worst.......What will it take to raise our vibration?
Yes, bad things happen.....and when they do, the media turns it into a let's see how bad we can make it.  We live in a very small world these days, something happens, and a split second later it is news.....all over the world.  After it becomes news.......then the fear spinners take over........and all we hear,  at the grocery store, at church, at Walmart is how horrible the world is.

I think it is time to take back our hope.  Our friend Mart, who is a minister in South Alabama wrote a wonderful blog last night and I will share his link at the end of mine, I encourage you to read it.
Energy is energy.......we can turn our energy into fear and invite a very small darkness to take over.....or we can refuse to surrender to such smallness, and recognize all the goodness, all the light and beauty that surrounds us.  When did we become such gluttons for darkness and gloom?
It is as though we bask in tragedy, we thrive on the ability to discuss how awful the world and everyone in it is.

I believe that when we allow our thoughts to entrap us , ......we dishonor those who perish in tragedy.  What will it take to raise our vibration?  What will it take for us to see the good again?  It has never left, we have just closed our eyes and our hearts to it.  Why do we give such power to just a few?

I have used this quote by Wayne Dyer so many times, but I believe it "you get what you think about, whether you want it or not."  I think that when we look for the darkness, that is all we will see.....when we look for pain, that is all we will find......when we allow fear to take over our hearts, that is all we will ever feel.

Raise the vibration, send love and blessings and hope .

my friend Mart's blog, www.martgray.blogspot.com

Monday, April 15, 2013

Shine On

" The lights of stars that were extinguished ages ago still reach us.  So it is with great men who died centuries ago but still reach us with the radiations of their personalities." - Kahil Gibran

I believe this.....I believe that greatness and goodness live on and continue to touch others, as long as the stars shine.  Who we are, our personalities, will vibrate long after our bodies have returned to the earth.  We too, will shine in the darkness......we too, will light the way for others......we too, will inspire.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I Know Who I Am

We watched an old River Phoenix movie tonight......I think it was filmed in 93 about songwriters in Nashville.   It was interesting and poignant and brought back a lot of memories.  Through the years, Rick and I have spent alot of time in Nashville.....for years, we spent our talent, time and energy writing for others.  There were good times, good friends and good songs.......but we both reached a point where we looked at each other  one day and said let's write for ourselves.....forget radio, forget other artists, let's write the songs and sing them the way we want to sing them.

To me, that is when our songs truly became good.  We wrote from the heart, and sang from the heart and all that mattered was the song......the good thing, we never became bitter about the music business, we didn't let it destroy us or our talent......we just chose to create and write for the love of doing just that.......we write and sing for the pure joy of it now.......and that is how it should be.

I often hear singer songwriters complaining because they can't make a living in music.......but my thoughts are these, if the only reason you are doing it is for the money, you need to quit right now, get yourself an MBA and go make money.  Creating music, art, stories, anything you create has to come because of your need to create.......you can earn money doing almost anything.  Creating is the energy that comes from your heart and soul, it is the reason you exist and you will do it no matter what.......and honestly, you will do it until you die or you are no longer capable.  And sometimes, if fate and the gods smile upon you......you will make money.

I am a singer/songwriter.......it is in my DNA......it doesn't matter if you like my voice, you like my songs or even if you like me......it is who I am.   It is my life, though I may not earn a living doing it.
I can fry burgers, teach yoga, do many things to make money.........but I am a singer/songwriter.
No one has to validate it, I know who I am.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Out of Sorts

Out of sorts, that has been my state of mind and being for the past few days.......is it spring fever,
pollen, fatigue?  Who knows, but it is like being suspended in some jello kind of time.......there is energy, but it is hard to harness......a driven kind of feeling......yet also, a tiredness.

This too shall pass........I cleaned closets today, and had serious thoughts about working in my flower beds.......but the closets won.  Our musician's "think tank" meets at our house tomorrow.......maybe an overflow of creative energy will be the fix I need.

Forgive, the short post.....but I am wrapped in my warm fuzzies and my purple flannel sheets are calling my name.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Friday, April 12, 2013

All The Good

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can,  to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."  - John Wesley

Those words pretty much sum it all up, don't you think that is why we are all here?  I like to think that is why we are here, to do good, to help. But, then I suppose good, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if this weekend, we all do as much good as we can, to everyone we meet, at every place we go.  What would happen, how would we feel? Would our lives change, would the lives around us change?

All the good we can......to all the people we can........as long as we can.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Permission to Sleep

The storms have moved through......thankfully no damage here to our place, but in south west Alabama, damage.  I know that many of you are dealing with snow and ice......interesting day, scary day.  Honestly, I'd take snow and ice any day over tornadoes.....and through the years, we have had both in the same day.

But tonight, the air is clean......no sticky pollen.....just the water dripping from the trees.
I did a sleep cd for my students today.  Because of the threat of severe weather, I only taught one class.  Half of that group will be leaving next week, they were thrilled to get the sleep cd......I hope it helps.

I hear that complaint often, not being able to sleep and not just from my students at the rehab center.
I think it has become quite difficult to turn off the day's events and sleep.  I urge my students to take that last hour before bed and let go of the world........don't watch tv, or check your e-mails or play a video game.  Take a warm bath or shower, read, listen to soft music or just sit quietly and allow the thought process to slow down.  It  is important to give yourself permission to sleep, to remind yourself that you deserve a good night's sleep......and remember to breathe.

I hear the rain drops falling on the tin roof,  it is the best sleeping pill of all.  Both dogs are snoring, no thunder and lightening to disturb their dreams.  I am about to take my own advice, warm water on the face, a glass of cool water to drink, and a book.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Spring Rages

Looks as though we are under the gun again, storms headed our way.  I have it down to an art now,
do laundry, shower, wash hair, clean house, make sure generator is ready to go, non-nonperishable
food supply, all phones, lap tops etc. charged and ready.   Welcome to spring.

It is 80 degrees here tonight, it is 50 degrees in Little Rock......somewhere in the middle Mother Nature is going to pitch a hissie fit.  We don't even have the damage repaired from two weeks ago......this too shall pass.

But it is beautiful here in Alabama, the azaleas, red buds, dogwoods and all things spring are in full bloom......so are the pine trees.  The pollen is so thick, there are cloud of the yellow gunk drifting thru the skies.  Ingrid looks as though some giant with a nasty cold sneezed all over her.  Everyone is coughing and sneezing......the rain will wash it all away.....and hopefully the wind will not blow us all away.

If you live where the storms are raging, stay safe..........blue skies will come back soon.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Treat Like A Human

More than once, people I work with tell me that my students make the same comment about me .......they say that I treat them like humans and actually the students have told me.  Each time someone tells me that, I am astounded......how else would I treat someone?.......why would you not treat another human as a human?

Judgement and fear are destroyers........of love, of spirit, of humans.  Mistakes, bad choices, poor decisions......those all make up the human element......the good stuff is there too, like love and compassion......but we all are yin and yang......lightness and dark.

How can we humans expect to grow, to expand, if we continue to treat each other badly?  Treating another human inhumanely surprises me.....and saddens me.  To respect, to treat with kindness, is it that difficult?  What makes any of us think that we are better or morally superior to anyone else?

To be treated like a human, is that too much for any of us to ask?   I think the Golden Rule goes hand in hand with that thought......."do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
Humans treating humans as humans........it's not that difficult.

Monday, April 8, 2013

I Will Sit Up and Sing

"At the end of my life with just one breath left, if you come, I will sit up and sing."  - Rumi

This quote has haunted me all day.  I shared it on our FB page, and I am sharing it with all of you tonight.  What can I say? It resonates all the way to my soul and heart.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Fun Ain't Cheap

Long, but good weekend.......book signing with Rick  yesterday, songwriter showcase today........you could say I might be a wee bit tired.   An old friend use to tell me, fun ain't cheap, anytime I complained.   He is no longer with us, and he was right......sometimes fun comes at a high price for me.   But, then I think of all those times, I have been sick and unable to sing......a little fatigue, a small price for an afternoon of music, sunshine and good friends.  I hope your weekend has been as sunny and as beautiful as mine......I hope you have been surrounded by friends......I hope your ears have been filled with good music and laughter.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Get Rid of the Box

" Instead of thinking outside of the box, get rid of the box." - Deepak Chopra

Get rid of the box........let go of all those old paradigms, get rid of of all those useless old thoughts!
We think ourselves into corners, we think ourselves into a description that doesn't apply to us in any way, shape or form.

Spreading our wings, following our dreams, and allowing ourselves to see what we want ........that is getting rid of the box.  It is so easy to stay in that nice, safe, box.......it is what we know, how we live,
and what we see.  But, getting rid of the box.......it is the first step toward freedom.  It is the first step
toward becoming who we were born to be, achieving the life we were born to live.

Get rid of the box, let go of who you think you are suppose to be, let go of how you think you are suppose to act, let go of the old you....... think about your dreams, think about what you wanted as a child, think about what you would be if you could be anything!

Start small,  step outside of the box, do one thing that is unique for you......how did it feel?
Take another step, do something that you always wanted to do, but you were afraid.......how did it feel?   Get rid of the box......you don't have to be who your parents wanted you to be, you don't have to do what your family expected, it is ok to follow YOUR dreams, your hopes.  Get rid of the box.

We box ourselves in, to a life that is not ours........we box ourselves in......and forget about our dreams.....we box ourselves in......and become shallow, empty beings of who we might have been.
Get rid of the box.  This is it.....this is our life......this is the day we have been waiting for........
get rid of the box.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Sad Plants

 A better day, a much better day.......my energy is returning, the rain has stopped and the sun came out this afternoon.

We are optimistic, we moved all the trees and plants out of the great room and on to the deck this evening.  Last winter our trees did so well, this winter has been a different story.  It has been so cold and rainy, we couldn't move them outside any this winter, they are so sad, leaves dropping, barely hanging on.......I am holding my breath, hoping and praying that the warm weather and sun will revive them.  Many of them belonged to my mom and grandmothers, I am their care-giver, they are my legacy.

This is a busy week-end, Rick has a book signing tomorrow, we have a concert Sunday.......I should never book back to back gigs on a treatment weekend......what was I thinking?  I will rest tomorrow night and am about to turn in now.  Wishing you all a weekend of sunshine, warm spring days and
much laughter!   Send some good energy to my plants please.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

A New Book

Since this was the day after treatment, there was no energy to be found in my body for most of the day......along with the chills and fever and aches that hit and the fact that it is cold and rainy.....I spent the day reading.   I started the morning with magazines, not much attention span, but as the day went by, the energy began to spread through my body and I picked up a new book I had bought this week.

"Manuscript Found in Accra" is the new book from Paulo Coelho.  He wrote The Alchemist, which is one of my all-time favorite books.  This new book is, I think every bit as good as The Alchemist.
It is ancient wisdom, in a simple story full of hope. Each page is full of amazing quotes, words that you will read and reread many times........like this one, "Fate is never unfair to anyone. We are all free to love or hate what we do."  Another one that blew me away, " We are afraid to change because we think that, after so much effort and sacrifice, we know our present world."  And my favorite,
"Therefore, your enemies are not the adversaries who were put there to test your courage. They are the cowards who were put there to test your weakness."

Reading this book today helped put yesterday in better perspective,  though I don't believe I will ever fully understand the world those big green chairs create.
Wishing you all a good night, and sweet dreams.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Treatment #14

Fourteen months,  I started these treatments naively thinking six months or a year at the most.......
it seems I am a full-fledged member of the Big Green Chair Club.
There were only a few in the room today,  it is strange how sometimes there are people waiting on those big green chairs, and then you have days like today......only a couple at a time were occupied.

One of my chair buddies got the news you never want to hear........his chemo is not working......he gets a two week respite and then the radiation starts.  He stared into space, turning on the tv and then finally drifting off to sleep, while the nurses pumped a bag of nutrients into his port.  His daughter sat by me, at first tearful, sharing with me that her mom had passed away only a few months ago, and now this news.  Her dad has everything to live for, yet there is an evil monster in his body, devouring him.  Remember them in your thoughts and prayers.

My other chair buddy, who has been sitting in those chairs for sixteen years, was in good spirits today.  He shared hugs, kisses and funny stories......he is a warrior.  I look forward to seeing him, he is sunshine and warmth, when the storm clouds gather.

Our doctor came in and sat by my friend's daughter, to offer comfort, and hope.........and hugs.
Our doctor is a brave and fearless warrior also,  she fights the monsters tirelessly......I want to bring her home and cook a meal for her, to let her enjoy the peacefulness of the countryside......she needs a break from the fighting.

I really do feel that I am in some sort of brotherhood,  some secret unit like soldiers in combat, that share life and death......and everything in between.  Those green chairs create a bond of sorts, it is not one you seek or aspire to , but in some simple twist of fate.......there you are.

It was rainy and cold today, and those warm cozy blankets just weren't warm enough. The nurses were extra attentive, but the shadow of the monster lurked in the corners.  More and more, I understand that I am meant to be in those green chairs, I suppose I must be a warrior too.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


My classes were packed today.......lots of people searching for answers.   Today, half the class was spent in meditation.......it is difficult to turn inward, when you think that all the answers are in someone
else's hands.  Ownership of mistakes as well worthiness is not easily embraced in recovery.

I understand more and more the phrase, give out.......I have a tendency to give out......until I am empty.  The day before treatment is tough, it is hard to explain.......but it seems the juice runs out, I am a deflated balloon......waiting, with trepidation to be refilled tomorrow.

Going inward was good for me today........sometimes, I teach so many that path.......I stumble often.
In those big green chairs, there is no other place to go but inward.  I am glad it is going to rain tomorrow, the rain seems appropriate for a day in the big green chair.

Wishing you all, a journey inward, may you find peace tonight.......and every night. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

April 1

April   1.....today was warm and sunny, 70 degrees with blue skies, spring might decide to come to Alabama after all

April 1......April is our most turbulent weather month,  it is a bittersweet time, full of hope, growth
and flowers......and sometimes, destruction and death.

April 1.....month number 14 for treatments, actually day after tomorrow is number 14.

April 1......no one played an April Fool's joke on me today

April 1.....the first quarter of 2013 is gone, I blinked my eyes.

April 1.....brings  several fun gigs for Rick and I, music and book signings.

April 1......according to my horoscope, it should be a very profitable month.

April 1.....I clean my closets, and have very strong nesting urges this month.

April 1.....I am ready to dig in the dirt and feel the sun on my back.

April 1.....for the first time ever, the callouses on the tips of my fingers are so thick, my fingers don't hurt when I play the guitar!