Monday, February 28, 2011


Have you ever stopped to think that the world views you like you view yourself. If you see your self as a victim, then the world will see you that way. If you constantly tell yourself, you're stupid, then those around will begin to believe it as much as you do. Think about how people react to you on days that you feel on top of your game, then think about how they react when you think the top is no where in sight.

No matter how dark, how murky the past, how scarred it has left you, how beaten you feel, when you allow it to be your identity.......that's the way others see you. Yes, at one time the past was reality, but once it becomes memories, it's time to realize it is no longer real.......just memories that you replay over and over in your head.......and there is nothing noble about letting your past victimize you.

I started down this path tonight because the past few days I have talked with several people whose inability to see them selves separate from their past is destroying their lives. They are latching on to their memories and past experiences and allowing those to shape an identity that the world will only see as negative and destructive.

Everyone has good and bad in their past, some more bad than good........but the more you dwell on the bad, the more that you replay and hold on to the bad memories, the more you victimize yourself, the more the world around you will too. The old saying,"misery loves company" is true,
you will just attract those who think and act like you and the downward spiral will continue
into the darkness......and then you will always wonder, why me?

Change is hard, changing how you see yourself, changing "truths" that you have believed all your not only hard, but damn scary. But when you are trapped in the world of replay.....
when all you do, day after day is replay the sordid have to make the have to change your language, your thoughts, the way you see yourself. Sadly, because it is so hard, I think many of us just stay in the spiral, becoming martyrs, sacrificing a life of joy......because it is easier to wear our sadness like a false badge of courage. A life of pity becomes saint-like, and pain becomes our medal of honor.

So if you are trapped in your past, take a look at the "truths" that you believe.......understand that there is choice in every one's life...... reexamine how you see that really how you want the world to see you? A sad story told once brings sympathy, when it becomes a broken record, it's the scratching of nails on a blackboard.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Perfect Joy

This kind of tired is's the kind when you have worked hard at what you love.
This weekend was a success in many ways. We built confidence, made new friends, honed our performing skills and spent time with old friends.

During the past three days, very little sleep, not a lot of food, even though there was incredible food all around. I eat very little before I sing, and eating alot of food after ten at night does not work for me. I run on water and adrenalin and the energy of the audience. We stay up late because you're so wired after the show. I figure I will crash Tuesday or Wednesday.......tomorrow is back to reality. Four classes back to back, more practice and daily routines to keep.

Isn't it amazing the things that we love, those actions that inspire us to keep on keeping on, how we push ourselves to accomplish that which we deem is our passion? What is it about we humans, where does it come from......that stirring within our hearts that drives the creative energy.

Honestly, there have been times in my life when I thought I would never sing again......I would tell myself to let it go, that it was not important, there was a time when because of ill health I thought I would never sing again........but how do you stop doing something that you have done your entire life,that must be in your DNA? I have sung since I was a small child, not even school age.......and trust me,
there are so many out there better than me.......but I am me, my voice is different, it is very much me.

Pleasure and joy, pure and simple that is what singing gives me. It is a connection to spirit, it is like being plugged into the power house of the universe and that energy fills every cell of your body. When that connection is made, nothing else, not even time exists. It is the present.

That is my wish for all of you, find that which gives you perfect joy. Even if it is only an occasional experience, claim it, hold it dear and know that you deserve it. Let yourselves
experience that vibration of energy and be grateful for all that it gives you. I wish that I could hold your hand and let it flow from me to you.....all I can do tonight is share my words, wish you peace and pray that you find your joy.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Close Your Eyes

Day two, on the road......sleep, yoga, food, rehearsal, sound check......excitement.
The energy flows like a flooded river sweeping through my body, ready for tonight and all good things. For all those times I have encouraged you all to live the life you were born to live.......I am living mine these days. Yoga gives me peace and balance, music kicks life into overdrive and reminds me that doing what you love is fun.

Wish you could all be here......wish that we could come to all your towns and share our songs.
Maybe somewhere in the middle our paths will cross. This is an early post, I have a request....
send good thoughts, energy and love to me tonight......I send you back, gratitude and humble
thanks, hugs and much love.

Close your eyes, hearing me singing through the miles.

Friday, February 25, 2011


Happy! the gig went so well tonight! they want us to come back! Happy Dance!!!!
Fun with friends, great food(oyster po'boys) Pound cake, ice cream........
Another one tomorrow. Fred, our world's best sound guy says we were the best ever tonight.
Thanks for all the wonderful love and energy. Send more tomorrow night.
Good night Sweet dreams

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Finding Stillness

Finding stillness.......why are we so afraid of stillness? It is what our bodies and our spirits crave,
yet it is the last thing that we want to give them. In yoga we teach that we do the asanas(the poses) so that we may be still. I had a student who told me last week after his first yoga class, that it was the first time he could ever remember being still. I think we have become a people of frenzied energy, energy that is like sparks from a sparkler flying in all directions......bursts of energy that do nothing except drain our lives.

It happens often in my classes......that statement about stillness, over and over I hear it. Each time someone says it, I smile.......because I know once they experience stillness......they get it, and will want it again. Often I am told, " I don't have time to do yoga for an hour every day" reply...."you don't have to". Honestly, first thing in the morning, sit still, breathe, then begin to slowly stretch, now maybe two or three yoga postures, end with five more minutes of breathing.
You have spent ten minutes on a life changing experience.

I read a really sad article in the Birmingham News this week, it said that Alabamians are the
worst couch potatoes in the country. That is not the stillness I am talking about! Not lethargic
stillness, with shallow breathing, and mind racing......that is slow death.

Breath, movement and stillness brings life and health........brings joy and peace........helps you to reach the life you were born to live. It stirs the creative juices, builds confidence, and shines light when the darkness is trying to swallow you up.
Breathe, move and find are worth it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Feels Like Home

Home has been in my thoughts a great deal the past few days. I have been thinking how much my concept of home has changed during the years. When I was a child, home was where my family was. Even as a young adult, home.......was where my parents lived.

I never thought of the apartments that I lived in when I was single as home. It was just a place to go to after work, sleep, shower and eat and have friends over. After Rick and I married, that old 12x60 foot trailor, with the orange shag carpet......well there were times that it felt like home, but many times no, once again it was a place to eat, sleep, have friends over.....but it seldom felt like home.

After we built our house, my thoughts of home began to change. I still thought of my parent's place(even though it was not where I had grown up) of being home.......but this place began to feel different. As the trees grew, as our personalities began to show in our belongings, I planted flowers, I painted the front door purple, this house began to feel like home. I think our roots started to finally grow.

When we went to Ireland, from the moment I stepped off the plane I felt at home. On the plane home, before we left the tarmac at Shannon Airport, there were tears streaming down my face
because I was homesick.......for Ireland, for home.

In Telluride this summer, once again......I felt as though I was home. Walking the sidewalks, talking with the locals, breathing that fresh clean mountain air......I was home.

So, now I think......I have many homes. Since my parents have died, that home no longer exists......only in my memories. But I have come to realize that home is not a building or even a's a feeling. Home can be the desert sands of New Mexico, or snow covered Colorado mountains, a sofa at your best friend's house, the floor of a tiny cold water flat in New York City,
on the stage at a pub in Tullamore. Home can be a crowded city street or a place where no one knows your name. It doesn't matter where it is, as long as it feels like home. Feels safe, happy, warm and loving, you feel as though you belong........feels like home to me.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Full Tilt Boogie

This past week has been wondrous and strange........I have heard from friends that I had not heard from in years! (you know it's those wacky vibrations I keep talking about) I love it!
One of the guys is an incredible musician, we are going to hear him play in a couple of weeks and maybe get together to jam and write a little bit. I love it when the universe sends such great surprises!

My hair and new photos on FB and the blog have gotten really positive remarks! My hairstylist should give me a commission, I have told so many people her name! ha ha!

One interesting note, I just realized this past week that I work seven days a week.......a friend at work always ask me on Mondays what I did on the weekend or my days "off"........the past couple of Mondays as I have stood and told her all that I did .......she looked at me and said "you work seven days a week!" Damn! no wonder I am tired!!! I know, I know. After this coming weekend, we are going to take one weekend in March and hibernate, sorta, maybe.

There are times in life when it is all just delicious, like biting into a crisp juicy have to enjoy these times, no matter how fast and crazy it gets........these are the times that keep you alive when all is upside down. To be honest, right now, life is so juicy and sweet I am drinking it up as quickly and as much as I many moments like this do we get?

I spent a few years in a dark dark place and reached a point when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself.......coming into the light, letting the joy back in, there are not enough words in the English language to tell you how good it feels.

So, it's ok to work seven days a week, doing what you love......and it's not like working twenty hours a day. I am full of gratitude for the reconnecting with friends and all the kind remarks about my hair and is good to feel alive, to feel tired, to feel. Being numb, was like being in limbo, suspended in some sort of weird jelly, watching life and just sorta participating.
Every day I am grateful that Jilda came back. Full tilt boogie is better than melted jelly anytime.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Will Travel

Yes, I have changed my photo! Rick took this one Saturday afternoon before we left for our gig......and I thought wow,
that should be my blog here it is!
I am loving guitar. Not nearly as good as I want to be, but working in that direction.
Playing guitar has helped my phrasing and tonal quality is much better, I make the songs mine now......
I own them when I play.

We have a room full of guitars, it is so much fun to just pick one, and feel the music come. Guitars are like people, they have distinct personalities, and moods......and they take on your feelings as well.

This is a short post tonight, I have taught four classes back to back, fatigue is hitting hard. Blackie Bear,(the lab/chow mix) knows I am tired, he won't let me out of his sight.
I think it is time to tell you all goodnight, it is time to say goodnight to the guitars as well. We'll play a lot tomorrow.
Have guitar, will travel. Coming to a coffee house in your neighborhood soon!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

These Dreams

My dreams have taken some strange twists the past few nights........I have dreamed of people that I don't know. In my dreams they were real, friends of friends, and they took place in dreamscapes that I have visited many times before.

Last night, I was in a seaside town that has been in my dreams many times. This is not your usual Gulf Coast seaside is more European, nestled on a river that runs into the sea. I was alone, walking along side the river, headed for the sea. A young man with a dog stopped me, told me that our mutual friend had sent him......we walked into town, and there I met a whole group of friends of my "real" friend. It was actually a wonderful dream, everyone was laughing, eating,playing music
just a warm homey feel. This seaside town is one of my favorite dreamscapes, and it always involves friendly people that know me.....but I don't know or remember them. Maybe it is my other life.

I am fascinated by dreams. As a child I had nightmares almost younger brother
had night terrors, along with sleep walking. I think dreams can be therapeutic, and help guide and direct us in our lives. I believe we can use our dreams to help solve our problems.
I think dreams can help us heal, they connect our conscious and unconscious and let us see more clearly what we can't face in daily life. I know how terrifying nightmares can be, how real they can seem.

I have recurring dreams that I have had for most of my is this beautiful pale green waterfall. The water flows from rock, and it is the color of a soft translucent aquamarine. At the bottom of the falls, the water pools and it is crystal clear. This dream gives me incredible peace every time I dream it. It is one of those that I wish I could experience every night.

So these dreams I am dreaming of friend's friends, they have been really fun......I have to admit,
my friends have some great friends! The shocker will be if/when I ever meet some of these folks.....boy, will I have a blog to write then!
These dreams, I am sure some will laugh about them, but for me the dream world can be just as real as the day world.......good and bad. So what kind of dreams have you had lately?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Do What You Love

I love live radio! We did a fun show tonight at the Bull Pen/Old York Opry. A packed house, great food, and we had a wonderful gig! Our friend, Skip Cochran joined us on stage in a singer/songwriter song swap. Wish you all could have been there.....Fred Miller does the best sound in the world, you rock Fred!

Doing what you love, takes life to a whole different level. There is pure joy in doing what you love.
And just as I have talked about for the past few weeks, like energy attracts like energy.
Speaking of energy, it takes a tremendous amount to perform on stage and I am one tired camper.
I am tired, but full of joy.........right now I wish I could sing for all of you......and then I would like a group hug.

My friend who played with John Denver always says do it for the fun.......he's right. When you look at the audience and see them listening, when you see the smiles, sometimes the tears, feel their energy.......well you know why you had rather make music than just about anything else.

I am so ready for sleep. Love to you all.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

here's the chorus to a song that Rick and I wrote called Do What You Love:

"cause when you do what you love
and love what you do
all of your dreams can come true
if you started right now,
it would not be too soon,
to do what you love and love what you do"

May you all do what you love!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Ain't Love Strange

Ingrid ( my old volvo) was a little under the weather this week, let's say it was a transmission virus. But this morning I drove her down to the car doc and she is much better tonight.
Friends laugh at me about my old car......she is a 1996. But she has character, and I feel we have this weird sort of relationship......I know guys have love affairs with their cars, can't women?
In the words of the great Paul Thorn, "Aint' Love Strange"!

My dog Charlie, he is old and tattered and looks like Albert Einstein on a bad hair day. He and another dog, Dawg were abandoned......they were best friends and Dawg looked liked a big brown stuffed teddy bear with these big round eyes. Neither had been cared for, we carried them to our vet's, but Dawg was going to have to fight to survive. He did for a few years, and then one year just before Christmas we lost him. Charlie grieved for months, there are still times when he goes outside and it seems he is looking for Dawg.......he just walks back in and hangs his head.
Once again,"Ain't Love Strange"!

This morning on my way to the car doc's I saw a rooster sitting on the side of the road, as I got closer........he was sitting beside a hen. She was dead and he was just sitting beside her, so sad.....
"Ain"t Love Strange"!

Rick tells the story of covering a chicken fight for a newspaper article several years of the chickens appeared to have lost the battle.......the owner, gave the chicken mouth to mouth.
"Ain't Love Strange"!

I have known small children who were abused by their parents, you know the stuff, cigarette
burns to the legs, beatings, etc.......when those children were taken from their parents, they cried uncontrollably........."Ain't Love Strange"!

Love, people have died for love, lives have been destroyed, people have given up everything for it........"Ain't Love Strange".........but when it's good, there ain't nothing like it.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

See, Feel and Believe

Wayne Dyer has a small book titled 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace. Secret number 8......treat yourself as if you already are what you'd like to be. Seems everything I am reading these days has to do with attractor energies......that focus of love and creation, the no coincidences path of life. I believe with all my heart we bring people and things into our lives when we need and want them.

For years, when we were not performing, I bought clothes for a life I did not have........I'm wearing them now. Sounds kinda of funny doesn't it? I know that people have come into my life that have changed my path, and I have changed theirs. I look at my vision board and it is so exciting to see life changing daily. Soon I will have a space where I can paint and create jewelry, where new songs can be written without the jangle of the phone, or me looking around feeling guilty because I see all the things I should be doing in the house.

We have a gig this weekend, THREE next weekend, and more to come...... I also know there is yin and yang. I have learned to ENJOY the good and when the down season comes to learn and wait for the circle to continue.

I am still spending fifteen minutes(minimum) feeling good and seeing the life I want. Several friends who are into auras tell me, mine is glowing......I feel it. I "see" my friends and family differently, all the energy that I spent on worry........I send love and blessings their way, and "see " them living their lives as though they are already what they wish for.

Sometimes I may seem a little out in left field, but I was a very good science energy attracts like. If you go around expecting the worst, that is exactly what you will get.
You have to allow good into your life, you have to expect it.

I know tonight seems like a ramble, and it is to some extent.......there is a milky, shimmering,
pearly full moon looking down on me through my window tonight......I feel its magic, the pull of its beauty.......that mystical feeling of possibilities ......I hear it whisper, see, feel and believe.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I have said goodbye thousands of times in the past five is the nature of my job.
It is the most difficult part of the job. Most of my students I meet are at what is often the lowest point of their lives and yoga is not is not high on the list of things that they want to do. They walk in to my classroom sad, lonely, and in pain. Lives are in turmoil, many may lose their job, family, the life they thought they would have for always. Yoga seems like the last thing they would ever need.

I try to fill my class room with love and peacefulness. I tailor the classes to fit the group as much as I can. Many times lesson plans are tossed out as students come in the door and I sense their energies. I have learned to fly by the seat of my fill a need, not just teach a class.

Saying hello is easy, welcoming with love is easy, sharing my love of yoga and my knowledge of breath work and meditation is easy. Listening and caring is easy. Seeing a true smile of joy break across someone's face for the first time is delightful! Getting hugs is a bonus. Hearing how yoga has become a tool in recovery is wonderful.

Saying goodbye, that is the hard part. Someone's last class can be quite emotional, tearful, sad, and yet hopeful and happy. I try to always make the student's last class as good as I possibly can.......make it special, tell them what they have meant to me, how important their presence in class has been. We close the class with a prayer for their peace and many hugs. It is rebirth for them, a new life, a second chance. It is exciting and is one door closing and another opening. Often I wonder how they are doing, how their lives are, if yoga still plays any part at all.

Anytime in life that you say goodbye can be tough, I say it weekly. I have love and let go. I say goodbye......they say hello to a new life. .....often after I hear them walk down the hall , my tears's ok, my goodbye is their send off to a better life.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Me Time

Me time. I took some today and spent the afternoon at the hair salon. Me time, why is it so difficult for some of us to take me time? I struggle with guilt when I am self indulgent with time spent only on me. I think some of it is just being so busy these days. An off day is a rare occurrence, even on the weekends......I tend to think of a million other things I need to do.

Me time, it is something that men and women struggle with........and when there are two living under the same roof.......well, you end up like Rick and I and take a vacation every five or six years. I am getting better at this me time. On Sunday, I took a nap, and read and just really chilled.......I have to admit, I loved it!

Me time, I think that is why hobbies and interests other than work are so important. Even if it is not so self indulgent, spending time on a hobby or just taking a long slow walk is good for the soul. As I told a friend once, it is possible to teach too much yoga, I learned that lesson the hard way. (by the way, it wasn't the bliss, it was the wear and tear on the body and the unending giving of spirit and losing balance in my life)

Me time, I think about friends that I know, who do nothing but their outside interests,
no friends outside of work. They always look tired, stressed and sad, even when they laugh.
Me time, it is part of the balance of life...... that's what it is you know.....balance. The balance of work, family, friends, outside interests, me time. Actually balance is something that I struggle with, but I am working on it, and getting better at it.

Me time, it was fun to be indulgent, to be a little self-centered for a short time......and I look much better for it!


Monday, February 14, 2011

Heart Opening

I taught all four of my yoga classes.....Heart Opening. .......well, it is Valentine's Day. I love teaching this class. Most of us, sit or stand for long periods every day, and that means most of us slump.
So when we slump, we crowd our heart and lungs, we shallow breathe, we are is time to open the heart!

I open the class with a simple beating heart meditation and breath session. Try it, left hand on belly, right on chest, sit nice and tall, close your eyes, breathe slowly, bring awareness to your breath and see if you can feel your heart beat.......if so, breathe with the rhythm of the heart beat, amazing! Try it for five minutes.

Then I did several heart opening asanas, such as chest expansions, lotus flow, cobra, bow, triangle...and a standing camel. I closed the class with fifteen minute savasana (rest) and a heart meditation. All day, folks left the class with smiles.

We close our hearts to survive, we close our hearts to numb the pain, we close our hearts because we think we are not worthy of being loved........the sad truth, shutting our hearts, we don't survive, the pain worsens, and we end up not loving ourselves or anyone else.

Tonight, think of your heart as a beautiful box, the most precious item you the box slowly and look at all the jewels within.......see the gratitude that you packed away years ago,
see the light of love shinning in the darkness from everyone who has ever loved you, see the joy that still after all these years dazzles like the purest of gold......even all the pain and tears that we have locked away in this exquisite jewel of a box has taken on a patina like rich silver and mellowed with the passing of time. Take some time, open your heart, let the gratitude, love and joy shine on you and those around you.

As I open my heart to you all, I share my gratitude and thanks for those who read this daily blog,
I give you love and compassion and hope you share it with others, and most of all tonight,
I give you joy........all I ask in return.......sit for a few minutes and let yourselves FEEL joy, gratitude and love. Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dancing Keys

It's the infamous typing keys dance tonight. I have honestly started three different blogs and trashed them all. As I sat here and typed, the words seemed hollow and not authentic.
It would have been easy to continue on one of the paths I had chosen, but not honest.
I could not cheat you all, I could not cheat myself. I had to follow my own advice and listen to my heart and delete.

Writing this blog is so much like living my life.......when I let the energy flow, when I allow myself to feel good, it is all so easy. When I be clever, to be wise, to control, that's when the downward spiral begins and nothing feels right.

As I opened up tonight, and let go of the trite that I had started, peacefulness settled in.
My shoulders relaxed, my breath slowed, I felt good. So here I sit, with a glass of lemon aid
confessing what could have been.

I spent this sabbath as a day of rest today.......I painted, I napped, I read........and in a little while I will play guitar. The next two weeks are busy, but good busy and as my friend Claude Thomas says, I will live them one breath at a time. The sky was blue, we had sunshine today, it felt good to be alive.

I have continued to spend fifteen minutes a day feeling good. To sit still, to allow yourself to just sit and feel good, my life has continued to change in unbelievably good ways. Before, I would have beat myself up, because I did not think my posts were good enough, but tonight, breathing
letting them go and allowing myself to feel good

Remembering my promise to you all, that I would always respect the power of words.......that is why I am sharing these thoughts with you tonight. This is me, resting and peaceful......this is me, happy and blissful.
Goodnight Sweet dreams.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

One Seed

Many years ago I did volunteer work at a home for displaced that had been in and out of foster homes, kids whose parents couldn't quite deal with them, kids who needed a safe place away from their home, the list went on and on. One of the young boys just really meshed with Rick and I, we brought him to our house on the weekends and Rick taught him to play guitar.

The young man grew up, went to college, met a girl, married and is raising a family.........and became an awesome guitar player. He lives in another state, but he has always kept in touch with us. He is now lead guitar player in a Christian rock band and doing great. He called us tonight,
the band had done a live radio show, their album is number two on the charts in the state where he lives. His life is a far cry from where it was all those years ago.

Through the years, I have done a lot of volunteer work.......many times I wondered if I had wasted my time on some of the projects that I was involved with. I know this, every time our young man calls I know that was time well spent. We played a part in helping him to follow his heart, to pursue his dreams and live the life he was born to live. I am so proud of him, he is sending me his cd, and I cannot wait to hear him play. The group will tour this spring and summer, and you can bet.......Rick and I will be in the audience when ever we can.
All I can tell you is this, when your heart guides you, listen.......when you have the chance to so. You never know how someone's life will change because of kindness, but I can tell you this, it will be for the better.

We never gave much thought to bringing this young man into our home and our lives, we didn't know that what we were doing would make any difference........we just wanted to show him kindness and love. Tonight I know that one seed planted.......grew much larger than we ever dreamed.......and it changed a lot of lives.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Snow Angels

Snow this week, again!
Wednesday evening when I left work, flakes were starting to fall. On the way home, they fell faster and faster, they were bigger and bigger. Soon I couldn't see anything but swirling flakes that shimmered in the headlights. By the time I got home, the flakes were fat and wet and fluffy and the ground was a soft white blanket. You could not only feel the cold but smell it, and the silence was beautiful.
The next morning the dogs could not wait for their run. Blackie Bear loves snow as much as I do and as he ran into the field, he just lay down and started to make snow angels. He grunted with much pleasure as he rolled back and forth and snow clung to his coat like tiny little diamonds. The other dogs run in the snow, but Blackie Bear,
he revels in the icy cold, and makes every moment count. Even after the run, he would go out on the deck and just lay in the snow looking out at the field and woods, I wish I could give him snow every day!

There have been times that the pond down behind the barn has frozen......Blackie enjoys that too. Many times he has come home after a winter's swim with ice on his fur. On these winter days that most complain about the cold, he just comes alive.....his eyes sparkle, there is a prance to his walk, and his coat is thick and shiny. Tonight as always, he is lying on the floor snoring as I write this blog. Most of the snow melted today, but I bet he's dreaming of snow angels.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Inside Job

ok, I promise(well maybe) after tonight I will stop mentioning "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting".
I can't help myself, the book is truly amazing. There is a workbook that goes with the book and yes, today my workbook came.......a quote in the workbook......."Happiness is an inside job."

Isn't it funny/sad how we search for happiness, our quest for happiness. We look for happiness
in our jobs, our relationships, and when we don't find it there, we look in alcohol, drugs, anything and anyone that we think will make us happy........and it's right there waiting, deep within us.

We think we will be happy, if we look a certain way, weigh the right number of pounds, have the right house, car, partner, job, bank account, just fill in the blank............we have all been there.
Yet happiness sits patiently waiting in our hearts, yearning for us to let it out, and we continue to look in all the wrong places.

Happiness is an inside job.......we think we don't deserve happiness, we're not worthy, we don't work hard enough, it's for other people,we'll never be happy. What a bunch of crap we feed ourselves! Happiness is there, since the day you were born, waiting for you to claim it, waiting for you to look within and see it, waiting................. for you.

I love to tell my friends to laugh out loud, it makes you feel great. Those few seconds when you laugh, and happiness is released. Fake a smile, and soon it is authentic, happiness sneaks out at any opportunity.

Happiness is an inside job.......we're too guilty to be happy, too angry, too hurt, too sad, too busy,
too.....we're really into those toos aren't we? Just remember this, happiness is an inside job.......waiting for you.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Loving Energy

The past few days have brought an unbelievable outpouring of seems the universe has opened the love gate and allowed it to practically drown me. I received a gift from a friend last week that still brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart every time I look at it, I have received
e-mails, calls......I cannot ever remember being bathed in this much love.

This morning I got a note from a friend I had not heard from in some time.......and I sat and sobbed tears of joy as I read it. I have been giddy from all the loving energy that has been coming my way. Rick says my energy vibrations are off the charts.

Ever since reading, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting I have been sending out good thoughts and energy to literally every one I can think of.........friends, family, those who love me, those who may have been unkind to me.......anytime I think of someone, I think of them living a wonderful happy healthy life doing all the things they ever dreamed about.

I have been able to let go of some things that I had carried for a long time, the weight has been lifted. True letting go, is freedom.....the best freedom in the world.

This is not to say, I have not had some difficult times, but each time I faced those difficulties,
I remembered to breath, and then I began to think of feeling good, not just good, but great.
I brought myself to a place or time in my life where I felt incredible joy and I thought about it until I could feel that joy welling up inside again. It is so simple, feeling good is so much better than feeling bad. Why do we let ourselves wallow in the sadness and pain? and we do until it becomes the life we live.

All week people have told me how great I is the energy of allowing my self to feel good,
and to send that goodness to everyone I meet and think about it. Tonight I send that energy, that love, that seeing all of you, living the lives you dream about. May we all feel the flow of love.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Define Friendship

For some reason friendships have been flowing through my brain today. I kept thinking, define friendship.....I have a lot of different friendships......each one brings something different to my table, yet there is a common thread. I have friends who are wealthy in material possessions, those who are not, friends who have power and those who laugh at power. I have old friends, new friends and those who may not have been in my life very long, but our souls have always known each other.

My friends are my most valuable gifts......and along the way I have lost some.......some passed on to another life, and some for whatever reason, moved on to other friends. The one thing that I have tried my whole life to do is never use a friend, and never take a friend for granted. If I did either of those, it was unknowingly.

For me, spending time with my friends, whether it is down on the river, out in the back yard,
at the beach, in the mountains, playing music, listening to music, telling jokes, crying because of loss or joy, sharing a meal, being there when needed, it is all good. My friends have been there when I was sick, there for me in loss, and celebration. They have given me hugs, and kicks in the rear when needed. They have called me when I am down, seen me at my worst and best. They have cheered for me, laughed at/with me, and rattled my cage. Never will I be able to repay what some of them have given me........some I will be indebted for life.

I thought about today, how fragile a friendship can be and just like any relationship, if taken for granted, if used, it just won't last. Sometimes a friendship just can't survive the ups and downs of life, the differences, the passing of time. I mourn those lost friendships, but I understand some are for moments, some are for a lifetime.

Some friendships are toxic, like a bad love affair, while others much like falling in love, bring out the best, encourage you to be great, and make you feel wonderful.

There is a new kind of friendship in my life now, my blogger friends.......most I will probably never meet, we too share a common bond. We laugh together, cry, and share......we are amazed that there are others like us, and just like good friends we celebrate and tolerate our differences
or just move on to another blog!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Where Ever

Scattered energy, drama, stress.....interesting day. Don't sweat the small stuff, breathe and runaway train are all things that come to mind.....also, where is the love?

Ok, rant is over..... I feel much better now. This morning I left home to go for fittings for a fashion show I am in this week, it was fifty three degrees......I left work this evening at five thirty it was twenty seven degrees with twenty mile per hour, quick feet are still cold.

I have not modeled in years, this up coming show, what was I thinking????? When I was a hot young babe, no matter the gig, photo shoot, fashion show, etc, there was always the "mature"
model....OMG I am now the "mature" model. Life is insane, is it not? Somebody slap me!

Have you noticed there is still scattered energy and it is coming from yours truly? Believe it or not, as I sit here and write, I am finally able to focus and contain. My classes were interesting today, they were joyous yoga classes. Sometimes, classes are very spiritual, moving, calming.
But today, all the classes were filled with laughter and mirth. I like both types of class, and I think both types are needed, I have learned to let the energy flow as it will, like water.

I have rambled long enough, thanks for hanging with me tonight, I needed the freedom of just letting my thoughts go where ever.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

One Breath

My body is screaming let me rest. The past several days have been a whirlwind and the wind kicks up even faster this week. It is a good kind of busy, but tonight, even my fingers are tired.
There is growth and change taking place in my life these days........that means good and bad definitely is energy going out and time to remember, take it one breath at a time.

One breath at a time........most days I tell my students to take life one day at a time, but there are times, such as now......when only one breath at a time will get you through. I am like all of you, some days I forget to breathe.......and yes I experience the consequences just like you do.
So, you/I look around, the day planner is full, the calendar is full, I wake up in the middle of the night.......and remind myself to breath. The laundry is sitting in the hamper, I can grow a crop on the dust that is now residing on the coffee table, I am in the middle of three books and no time to read, songs to write, songs to learn, rehearsals and fittings for a fashion show, a job.........easy now, slow breath at a time.

For me, it seems all or it that way for you? One breath at a time. I am grateful, for all the energy, all the opportunities, I make it, one breath at a time.
My mother always told me I could rest when I'm breath at a time....... a warm cozy bed, a good night's sleep......and breath at a time.......we can do it.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

High Frequency Feelings

The Beach Boys sang about Good Vibrations, doctors, motivational speakers, shamans, and self-help writers have all spoken or written about them.......studies done in the past and ongoing look at the vibrational frequencies of human energy. The book I am currently reading, "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting" takes the theories to a whole new level.

Lynn Grabhorn, spent much of her life studying energy and feelings. Her book for me is the key, that I had searched for after reading books such as The Power of Intention and The Dancing Wu Li Masters.
Lynn speaks in simple every day language about the power of thoughts, and even better the power of feelings. She talks about vibrating at a high frequency, flat lining and low frequency.
Low frequency feelings and thoughts are those of anger, fear, worry, hate, anxiety and depression.
When we allow ourselves to dwell on those feelings and thoughts, we take ourselves into a vortex of the very things we don't want, we attract those low frequency energies and spread them like a virus to those around us.

Flat lining is day to day mundane feelings and thoughts, which if we don't elevate throughout the day will eventually lead us to the low frequencies.

High frequencies are those feelings that are like those magical rushes, when every thing is right.... think about your perfect day at the beach, or skiing, or capturing the perfect moment in a photograph, how great you feel.

For the past three days, I have been practicing high frequency feelings......on my way to work,
when I take a walk, I think and allow myself to feel, to remember the feelings of amazing moments that have taken place or those that I am waiting for. At least fifteen to thirty minutes per day I have been doing this and the results......... I feel better than I have in months, I have energy to spare, and incredible events are taking place....... a gift that came out of the blue from a dear friend, bookings that just happen, it has been magical. Now for years, I knew in my heart that we get the things we think about, even if we don't want them(Wayne Dyer) but concentrating on thoughts and feelings is truly taking it to a new and incredible level.

Grabhorn says letting your self experience the feelings makes the difference..........say you want a new automobile, Lynn says, first picture what you want, then begin to feel the way the car drives, the smell of the interior, how you look driving the car, how you feel driving the car, the color, how great the stereo system sounds........truly begin to feel the experience your new car.
Don't question, the money issues, the how, the what, the where......let yourself feel, the excitement of having the new vehicle, planning a trip, etc.

Call me wacky, but all I can say........for me, these past three days have been life changing.
I'll keep you posted.

Friday, February 4, 2011


But if you have nothing at all to create,then perhaps you create yourself. -Carl Jung
Creativity can be quite frightening, and is not for the faint of heart.
Creating yourself, down right terrifying.

I do a yoga class on the chakras. Energy centers or meridians that bring balance to the body, and spirit. The second chakra, the sacral chakra deals with creativity.......and with pleasure, sex, dreams, fantasies and emotions. Many times when I talk about the second chakra, there are giggles, especially when I mention the sexual energy. But I love to discuss how we all have creative energy, but it never fails when I start to talk about how we all can create, some one will tell me they have no creative talents and/or energies. What is it about us that we down play creative abilities?
Why do we act like being creative is some sort of handicap and not the incredible gift that it is!!!!!

I truly believe that we all can create, but our lives are so hectic, so geared toward our struggle for success, that for most of us, the ability to create was left behind long ago.
I think that when we are ready to find those creative energies, we do have to create ourselves.
We have to redefine who we are, what makes us happy, and how we want to spend our time.
So many of us, go to work, spend a little time with our families, but I believe we were born to create......and when we don't, we have a void in our spirits......then we look for ways to fill the void....we find ourselves searching for what is already inside us. the kitchen with a great meal, a wonderful flower/vegetable garden, photographs,
a blog, music, painting, writing, a warm welcoming home, caring for animals, the list is never ending. Create yourself, as a friend who will listen and care, as a parent who loves and guides,
as a teacher who shares what you know, as partner or mate who is loving and supportive.

This weekend, I challenge you to create.......a cake, a letter, a photograph, teach someone,take thirty minutes and create something, see what it feels like to let creative energy flow through you.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Everything and Nothing

Brain fog rolled in tonight........big mistake, took a nice hot bath, before playing guitar or writing blog.......what can I say, a hot soak for me is like an opiate. Playing the guitar, could not remember chords or rhythms or words. Sitting down to write, I am thinking of everything and nothing.
It snowed today, just out of the clear blue, make that cloudy, grey skies......first sleet, then tonight, the snow is starting to melt, but those wacky weather guys are saying ice by morning and snow again tomorrow night.

I poured two cups of my special Epsom salt bath mixture in the tub tonight, fragrant with lavender, peppermint and eucalyptus oils.......right now every muscle in my body is limp.....I have never fallen asleep at the computer, but tonight that is a possibility.

I do have to remember to dead bolt the front door tonight.......we woke up this morning to a FREEZING cold house, walked into the great room, the front door was wide open. Turns out, Charlie (our dog who looks like he just came thru the spin cycle) opened the door and went out for a stroll. He can open gates, doors, it is rather scary, God help us if he had thumbs. At least with the dead bolt, he has to act like a dog and use the dogie door.

I think the tea kettle is just about to whistle, a cup of hot tea should put me out for the night.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Self Help

I started reading a new book today.......I think it may be another one of those life changing, shake it up, slap you in the face kind of reads. It was written by Lynn Grabhorn(who passed away in 2004)
the title, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting. Chapter one has been amazing, she talks about what she calls "the physics of thought". There have been alot of books written about the power of our thoughts but she is taking it deeper, past the thoughts into feelings. I can't wait to have a little more time so I can read more of this fascinating book.

It makes Rick laugh, this obsession I have with self-help material. Years ago, he was reading
all these self-help books and ok, I admit I laughed at wasn't that I didn't understand or value what was being said or written, but honestly the approach that many writers and lecturers took was just, shall I say too over the top for me. After being reared in a fundamentalist church, the last thing I wanted to hear was excitement and emotion to motivate me. Wayne Dyer proved to be the answer for my baptism into self-help. His books spoke to me, they made sense, I connected to the spirituality of his writings.

I have to admit, I have read some books, that even though they were best sellers, I thought they contained a little snake oil in their approach. But there have been those that changed my life....
The Power of Intention, The Road Less Traveled, The Rhythm of Life, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, As A Man Thinketh, The Prophet, these are just a few that stopped me in my tracks.

I am still working my Course In Miracles, it is not easy, delving inward is not fun, but I think I am progressing in a backward sort of way. It will truly be interesting to see where this course takes me, and what my thoughts will be come next January when I complete it.

To some all this reading, this study of self and thoughts might seem self-indulgent and a waste of time......but I believe with all my heart we, each and every one of us, we are here for a reason.....
we come into each other's lives for a reason........I keep reading, I study, I want to learn as much as I can, so that in some small way, some where, some time.......I might possibly help someone.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Days Like This

Ok, so here is the deal.......I never got out of my pj's today. Tuesday is my off day, and until May, Tuesday and Thursday(also an off day) my now three year old great nephew, Jordan stays with me. Jordan has had the flu, he is better now, no longer has a fever, but still very clingy and sick.
So I have held him or sat and cuddled all day. It was also a marathon day for coming up with food choices that seemed palatable to him. He has not eaten for several days, today he decided he was hungry.........but you know how it is after you have been sick, nothing tastes exactly right.
So, I would cook, he would taste, no.....and so it went for most of the day......nibbles and bites and when all was said and done, frozen ice pops were still his food of choice.

My brain is mush, the only thing I think I accomplished ( adult wise) I added three new months to my day planner. This has been one of those life lessons days, forget go with the flow and hope for the best.

I am about to play guitar for awhile........ because right now, I feel so disconnected, I need to be centered. I also feel an extra long meditation session is in order for tonight......(thank goodness
for a Wayne Dyer cd). If it weren't pouring rain, and pitch dark I'd think a long walk would be in order(that will take place tomorrow before work) And now to top it all off, that old song.....
momma said there'd be days like this , there'd be days like this my momma said is running
through my brain. It is time to find the real Jilda and call it a night.