"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." - Illusions, by Richard Bach
I have said goodbye it seems thousands of times in the past several years......that is just part of working at a rehab center, but it doesn't make it easy. I often think of students that I have taught, I wonder how they are,
and hope that life is treating them kind. You'd think I would be use to the goodbyes by now.......but I am not.
Through out my life I have said goodbye to friends, those who have moved away, those who have passed on to the next life. Goodbyes of any kind are difficult for me. Those that I let into my heart, when they leave.....well, I think my heart is covered in cracks from all the goodbyes.
Rick and I recently wrote a song about friends, "I Think of You".......it is a love song of sorts about our friends. No, I am not posting the lyrics, because soon we'll record it, and I will post a video. The quote from Illusions says so much about goodbyes. I love, "......a farewell is necessary before you can meet again" Isn't that a wonderful thought, ......saying goodbye just means you'll meet again.
There are a couple of friends that I have been trying to reach the past few weeks, the last time I spoke to one of them, his health was not the best.......these days I try not to think that our next meeting might be in the next lifetime. My friends are scattered across the four corners of the earth and many of them I know I won't see again in this lifetime, but maybe the next.
I told a friend over the weekend that she should know, when I let you into my heart, you are there for the duration.......I love deep, I love with all my heart, and I love until I take my last breath.......she is having a rough time, and I wanted to remind her, that I am here for her......no matter what.
Good bye, how can that word good be a part of parting, of leaving? "but meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.".........that brings a smile to my face. Have you ever met someone that you felt, that you knew, the two of you had a history, that this meeting was just a re-connecting, just picking up where you left off........and then there are those friends that you go for months or years without seeing, but once you see each other, it's like you were never apart.
I love the old story of "split a parts"........you know that the belly button was where you and your soul mate were attached, and then you were split a part......maybe there is truth in that, especially of friends, that we were all connected in some way, and we keep finding our way back to each other, meeting again.
Just missing friends tonight......hoping that we meet again soon.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
An Ordinary Day
Just an ordinary day, I think that is what makes up most of our lives, ordinary days.......but are they really ordinary? When you think about your day to day living, most of us think those days are nothing special......but every day is special, every day is extraordinary. From the moment we open our eyes every morning, and we see sunlight streaming through our windows, smell the coffee brewing, feel the first drops of water from the shower, most of the time, we think it is just another day.
But every day we live is way more than ordinary.....in some way, we help to change and shape the lives around us each and every day. Maybe you smile at someone on the way to work, or smile at your fellow employees, your smile could be exactly what they needed to reaffirm their existence, their need to feel that they matter.
The hello that you give in passing, may be the only bright spot in some one's life that day. The hug that you give, maybe it's the only hug, that person has received in a long time, do you know how good a hug feels when it has been a while????
If we knew this would be our last day, would we think it ordinary? Would we savor all those little things we take for granted day after day? Would our eyes really see the beauty around us, see the love that shines in someone's eyes when they see us? Would the breeze that brushes our face seem so common, the grass beneath our feet, would we feel its coolness and smell its sweetness? Would we hear a bird sing, a squirrel chatter, a dog bark, even the sound of traffic would have a different cadence!
An ordinary day......there are times when life is so sad, when life is so hard.......whether we realize it or not, we began to crave the ordinary.......
I think it's ok most of the time to think of our days as ordinary, but every once in a while, remind yourself......
that today is not ordinary, I am here, I am alive, and I am connected to every living thing......there is nothing ordinary about that! That is pretty miraculous!
Good night, Sweet dreams.
But every day we live is way more than ordinary.....in some way, we help to change and shape the lives around us each and every day. Maybe you smile at someone on the way to work, or smile at your fellow employees, your smile could be exactly what they needed to reaffirm their existence, their need to feel that they matter.
The hello that you give in passing, may be the only bright spot in some one's life that day. The hug that you give, maybe it's the only hug, that person has received in a long time, do you know how good a hug feels when it has been a while????
If we knew this would be our last day, would we think it ordinary? Would we savor all those little things we take for granted day after day? Would our eyes really see the beauty around us, see the love that shines in someone's eyes when they see us? Would the breeze that brushes our face seem so common, the grass beneath our feet, would we feel its coolness and smell its sweetness? Would we hear a bird sing, a squirrel chatter, a dog bark, even the sound of traffic would have a different cadence!
An ordinary day......there are times when life is so sad, when life is so hard.......whether we realize it or not, we began to crave the ordinary.......
I think it's ok most of the time to think of our days as ordinary, but every once in a while, remind yourself......
that today is not ordinary, I am here, I am alive, and I am connected to every living thing......there is nothing ordinary about that! That is pretty miraculous!
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Present Life
"One of our greatest failings as human beings is our inability to be present in our own lives." - The Rhythm of Life, Matthew Kelly
It is so easy not to be present.......how many of us multi-task all day? I teach about being present and yet I struggle with it too. Do you find yourself thinking of something else when someone is talking to you?
Do you imagine being someplace else when you should be here? What is it about we humans that we resist the present so much? It is work, it takes effort, not to dwell in the past, or worry about the future.
Be here, be now, be in this breath......I say those words over and over every day, yet even as I say them,
I watch faces and I know ........they are not present. But there is something magical when you allow yourself to be present in your own life, there is almost a giddiness, an indescribable joy that takes place in the present.
Think about what it's like to do something you truly love, how when you experience it, you think of nothing else......that is being present in your own life.
When you are present in your own life, you don't experience stress, or worry or fear. Think of being there when your child took their first step, I bet you weren't thinking of what you should be doing......think of what it was like to do something you really wanted to do for the first time......fly fishing, taking an incredible photograph, playing a musical instrument, painting, knitting your first sweater, writing a poem, baking your first loaf of bread.......you were there in the present, intoxicated by the awareness of nothing else.
I know that I have written much about being here, in the now, in the present.......but it's because life is short....no matter how long we live.......and being in the now, living and experiencing our own life now, is so much better than reliving old memories of the past or imagining fears of the future. We live now, yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow may never come.
I sit here now, I listen to Blackie Bear breathe, I can hear my breath, my fingers feel the touch of the keyboard, I wait for my brain to send me more thoughts, no thoughts of yesterday, no worries about tomorrow.......I am content, I am peaceful, I am present in my own life, now.
Take some time, be present in your own life for just a few short minutes, as you become accustomed to that feeling........you will want more. The past will become what it truly is......memories..... and the future, well the present feels so right, so good.....you won't worry about tomorrow. Present in your own life, present in you own breath, present in the present, now.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
It is so easy not to be present.......how many of us multi-task all day? I teach about being present and yet I struggle with it too. Do you find yourself thinking of something else when someone is talking to you?
Do you imagine being someplace else when you should be here? What is it about we humans that we resist the present so much? It is work, it takes effort, not to dwell in the past, or worry about the future.
Be here, be now, be in this breath......I say those words over and over every day, yet even as I say them,
I watch faces and I know ........they are not present. But there is something magical when you allow yourself to be present in your own life, there is almost a giddiness, an indescribable joy that takes place in the present.
Think about what it's like to do something you truly love, how when you experience it, you think of nothing else......that is being present in your own life.
When you are present in your own life, you don't experience stress, or worry or fear. Think of being there when your child took their first step, I bet you weren't thinking of what you should be doing......think of what it was like to do something you really wanted to do for the first time......fly fishing, taking an incredible photograph, playing a musical instrument, painting, knitting your first sweater, writing a poem, baking your first loaf of bread.......you were there in the present, intoxicated by the awareness of nothing else.
I know that I have written much about being here, in the now, in the present.......but it's because life is short....no matter how long we live.......and being in the now, living and experiencing our own life now, is so much better than reliving old memories of the past or imagining fears of the future. We live now, yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow may never come.
I sit here now, I listen to Blackie Bear breathe, I can hear my breath, my fingers feel the touch of the keyboard, I wait for my brain to send me more thoughts, no thoughts of yesterday, no worries about tomorrow.......I am content, I am peaceful, I am present in my own life, now.
Take some time, be present in your own life for just a few short minutes, as you become accustomed to that feeling........you will want more. The past will become what it truly is......memories..... and the future, well the present feels so right, so good.....you won't worry about tomorrow. Present in your own life, present in you own breath, present in the present, now.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Berkeley Bob's
Playing Berkely Bob's Coffee House is one of the best places for a singer/songwriter to perform. It is a true listening venue.....people come to hear the music, not socialize. Actually Bob's was chosen as one of the best 100 music venues in Alabama this year, and rightly so.
Bob and his wife Gerri, have created a haven for musicians.....and I feel honored that he has invited us to play time and time again. We actually have what our friend Jerry Henry calls a "super fan" at Bob's.....his name is Mat, and he has never missed a one of our shows. I would walk across coals for Mat!
Our crowd last night was outstanding, the room was full, they were into our music, and I think that the four of us gave them a great show. Four singer/songwriters, all very different, yet our styles compliment each other.
My friend Jackie who took the photos told me during break, that I was glowing, that I had my music glow!
She was right, there is nothing but happiness and joy in my heart and spirit when I am on that stage singing.
The night started with a mishap.....Fred and the guys had the stage ready, we were doing a sound check,
and when it came time for me to do my check, my guitar filled my ear buds with the most horrible sounds.
My pick-up in the guitar, well it seems the connector to the battery had broken......I learned a valuable lesson, always carry an extra guitar.....I spent the show guitar-less. It's ok, I sang my heart out.
me, and Rick. The stage is small, not the best for photos with four people, but you get a feel for it.
It was a good gig, we have the best sound man around, Fred Miller......we had fun, the audience had fun.....it was a good night! Hopefully, one day soon, Rick and I will be in your town! Have guitar, will travel.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Ingrid Comes Home
Most of you have read my musings about Ingrid, my car.....my last post about her was almost a month ago.
She was seriously ill, her transmission had gone from bad to worse, and Rick was talking of putting her down.
But, a friend knew someone who was "the best car doc around this part of Alabama".....he gave him a call, and he said he could fix Ingrid. He has had her transmission ever since, but Thursday we got the call, Ingrid was
back and all was well! She was clean and shiny, and she drives like she did when she rolled off the line in 1996.
Today, as we drove to our gig, she turned over 250,000 miles........what can I say.....she is a great car!
And I know, it seems so strange to love a machine, but she is a part of me, an extension......we have a history.
When I picked her up Thursday at my friend's auto place, he smiled and said "I bet you get another 200,000 miles on her!" I think he was beginning to form an attachment to Ingrid, so I am glad I brought her home.
As we drove to our gig this evening, (which went great by the way) Rick looked at me and remarked about how good it was to have Ingrid back......she is something else..... a piece of machinery built to last, to serve her owner well.....she has done an outstanding job, Thanks Ingrid! It is good to have you home.
She was seriously ill, her transmission had gone from bad to worse, and Rick was talking of putting her down.
But, a friend knew someone who was "the best car doc around this part of Alabama".....he gave him a call, and he said he could fix Ingrid. He has had her transmission ever since, but Thursday we got the call, Ingrid was
back and all was well! She was clean and shiny, and she drives like she did when she rolled off the line in 1996.
Today, as we drove to our gig, she turned over 250,000 miles........what can I say.....she is a great car!
And I know, it seems so strange to love a machine, but she is a part of me, an extension......we have a history.
When I picked her up Thursday at my friend's auto place, he smiled and said "I bet you get another 200,000 miles on her!" I think he was beginning to form an attachment to Ingrid, so I am glad I brought her home.
As we drove to our gig this evening, (which went great by the way) Rick looked at me and remarked about how good it was to have Ingrid back......she is something else..... a piece of machinery built to last, to serve her owner well.....she has done an outstanding job, Thanks Ingrid! It is good to have you home.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Teach/Learn
"You teach best what you most need to learn." - Illusions, Richard Bach
As a yoga teacher, this one slaps me in the face daily......today, I needed to learn that my strength and energy were coming back......I taught sun salutations. There were fifteen of us in a small cramped room, my rear was always in someone's face, and we sweated like pigs.(do pigs really sweat?) Most didn't think they could make it through one series of salutations, but we went slow, we modified and as everyone's confidence built, they rocked. I could see it on their faces, hear it in their grunts and groans, and laughter......by the end of the class a couple of the guys said they felt like they looked like the folks they saw on tv......they were smiling.
Sun salutations taught the class that they could do what they thought they couldn't do.....and the class taught me that my strength and energy are coming back. Yoga always amazes me, what it gives to each student, what it gives to me to teach. Downward dogs, and planks challenged even the ones who had done yoga in the past, lunges and forward folds taught them new things about their bodies, and they learned through every move, the breath really gets you where you need to be.
We all walked out of that room, sweaty and smiling, with confidence boosted and our minds in a much better place. Monday, we may have to spend some time finding balance......it should be fun.....maybe balance and some twists.....after all that is pretty much how life goes......you think you have it all together, balanced and then......twists!
Good night, Sweet dreams
PS....friends on the east coast, let us hear from you.....prayers and love for a safe ride with Irene.
As a yoga teacher, this one slaps me in the face daily......today, I needed to learn that my strength and energy were coming back......I taught sun salutations. There were fifteen of us in a small cramped room, my rear was always in someone's face, and we sweated like pigs.(do pigs really sweat?) Most didn't think they could make it through one series of salutations, but we went slow, we modified and as everyone's confidence built, they rocked. I could see it on their faces, hear it in their grunts and groans, and laughter......by the end of the class a couple of the guys said they felt like they looked like the folks they saw on tv......they were smiling.
Sun salutations taught the class that they could do what they thought they couldn't do.....and the class taught me that my strength and energy are coming back. Yoga always amazes me, what it gives to each student, what it gives to me to teach. Downward dogs, and planks challenged even the ones who had done yoga in the past, lunges and forward folds taught them new things about their bodies, and they learned through every move, the breath really gets you where you need to be.
We all walked out of that room, sweaty and smiling, with confidence boosted and our minds in a much better place. Monday, we may have to spend some time finding balance......it should be fun.....maybe balance and some twists.....after all that is pretty much how life goes......you think you have it all together, balanced and then......twists!
Good night, Sweet dreams
PS....friends on the east coast, let us hear from you.....prayers and love for a safe ride with Irene.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Dreamland
Can I tell you how much I enjoyed my ribs????? well I was wearing quite a bit of sauce on my cargo pants and when we got into Jerry's car, I actually had sauce on my toes.
I really do like to wear my food! Thank god, the guys laughed with me and were not too embarrassed by my wearing of the sauce!
Hanging with Jerry is such an incredible experience, the music gods speak through him.....he is wise and charming and funny and extremely kind. He also has a great website for all you musically inclined folks to check out......Alabama MusicOffice.com Go ahead, ask him a question!
Have you ever noticed that in any of the self-portraits that Rick takes, he is ALWAYS front and center! There seems to be a pattern here, maybe a little ego issue Rick???? :) photo line-up, Jerry, me, Rick
It was a good day.....nice drive to T-Town, great food, and the best of company. It has been a while since I have had such an enjoyable off day.....I should have more of these! If any of you ever come to visit, we'll make sure we visit Dreamland!
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Storm Lessons
Because of where we live, we get to experience weather extremes that many only dream about.....haha.
We have tornadoes, hurricanes, ice storms, snow, heat and humidity, but tonight I want to share the lessons I have learned from tornadoes and hurricanes. I know that many of you who read my blog live on the east coast, and from the sound of all the chatter coming from the Weather Channel, you all may be in for a rough ride the next few days.
So here are my storm lessons that I've learned....... living in a rural area, when our power goes out, we have twenty four hours of land line phone service, then no phones
living in a rural area, we have no cell phone service at our home, even when the weather is perfect
solar lights(those you have in your yard) are way better and safer than candles
need I say, stock up on batteries, bottled water
speaking of water, our personal water supply comes from a river, when there is debris from storms that might clog the intake, they shut the systems down.......I keep five gallon jugs of water in our bathroom closets so we can flush at least once a day
wash your clothes, and clean your house, before the storm......if you are there for days on end without power, at least there is some semblance of order......also make sure all dirty dishes are cleaned
take a hot shower, wash your hair.......it may be days before you have that luxury again.
when you are buying supplies, buy baby wipes(yes you can bath with them)
unless you have a generator, don't stock up on meat or frozen stuff......also make sure you have gas for the generator
fill your car with gas (but don't hoard, be sensible)
fresh fruits and veggies, nuts, water, shelf milk, bread, tuna, peanut butter, V8 juice.....we have lived on them for days on end.
if you lose power, check on your neighbors
make sure you have your prescriptions and any meds you need
toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer
pet food, any thing that your pets might need including enough water for them and you
if power lines are down, report if possible, keep your family and friends aware of how things are going if possible, just a quick I'm ok will ease their minds
if you are handy with tools, such as chain saws, etc. make sure they are ready to be used and you know where they are
extra trash bags, a couple of good books, cards and games
a battery radio/weather radio
a first aid kit
pepto, the pink stuff (tummy troubles can hit at the worst times)
make sure your cell phones, pc,etc are all charged
have some cash, know how to reach your insurance folks (know where car title, etc is)
Don't get out and try to "see" the storms, we lost people here in Alabama in April, because they wanted to
"see" the tornadoes. Mother Nature can kick your ass in a heartbeat, she is bigger and stronger than any of us will ever be......show her some respect!
Your safety will be at the top of my prayers for the next few days, I hope Irene goes out to sea never to be heard from again.....and let me hear from you!
good night, sweet dreams
We have tornadoes, hurricanes, ice storms, snow, heat and humidity, but tonight I want to share the lessons I have learned from tornadoes and hurricanes. I know that many of you who read my blog live on the east coast, and from the sound of all the chatter coming from the Weather Channel, you all may be in for a rough ride the next few days.
So here are my storm lessons that I've learned....... living in a rural area, when our power goes out, we have twenty four hours of land line phone service, then no phones
living in a rural area, we have no cell phone service at our home, even when the weather is perfect
solar lights(those you have in your yard) are way better and safer than candles
need I say, stock up on batteries, bottled water
speaking of water, our personal water supply comes from a river, when there is debris from storms that might clog the intake, they shut the systems down.......I keep five gallon jugs of water in our bathroom closets so we can flush at least once a day
wash your clothes, and clean your house, before the storm......if you are there for days on end without power, at least there is some semblance of order......also make sure all dirty dishes are cleaned
take a hot shower, wash your hair.......it may be days before you have that luxury again.
when you are buying supplies, buy baby wipes(yes you can bath with them)
unless you have a generator, don't stock up on meat or frozen stuff......also make sure you have gas for the generator
fill your car with gas (but don't hoard, be sensible)
fresh fruits and veggies, nuts, water, shelf milk, bread, tuna, peanut butter, V8 juice.....we have lived on them for days on end.
if you lose power, check on your neighbors
make sure you have your prescriptions and any meds you need
toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer
pet food, any thing that your pets might need including enough water for them and you
if power lines are down, report if possible, keep your family and friends aware of how things are going if possible, just a quick I'm ok will ease their minds
if you are handy with tools, such as chain saws, etc. make sure they are ready to be used and you know where they are
extra trash bags, a couple of good books, cards and games
a battery radio/weather radio
a first aid kit
pepto, the pink stuff (tummy troubles can hit at the worst times)
make sure your cell phones, pc,etc are all charged
have some cash, know how to reach your insurance folks (know where car title, etc is)
Don't get out and try to "see" the storms, we lost people here in Alabama in April, because they wanted to
"see" the tornadoes. Mother Nature can kick your ass in a heartbeat, she is bigger and stronger than any of us will ever be......show her some respect!
Your safety will be at the top of my prayers for the next few days, I hope Irene goes out to sea never to be heard from again.....and let me hear from you!
good night, sweet dreams
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Practice, good or bad
Rick and I practiced our songs for our gig this weekend.......some days you just have to keep going. You know it is bad, when I remember the chords to the songs, and he doesn't! Sometimes, practice is magical........the music flows, the voices blend, and we both are smiling and thinking ok, this is really good. Then there are nights like tonight, my voice had no lilt, no life, words escaped, chords hid, and we just had to go through the motions. Practice, good or bad, put in the reps.
That is ok, it happens, that is why they call it practice......the energy goes someplace else, and you just do the reps. It is an adjustment, getting use to my own natural energy and not the artificial one from the steroids. I went without sleep for so long, that I swear, I could sleep for days now....... but all this shall pass. So, I am putting in the reps, because we have a gig this weekend at one of our most favorite venues......Berkeley Bob's Coffee House in Cullman. It is a true California style coffee house, and yes Bob is from Berkeley......the coffee is good, the sandwiches are excellent and the crowd is amazing! It is a true listening venue, meaning, ........they sit and listen to you play!
We are working up new songs, so that means learning the words, chords, making the songs a personal extension of yourself......yes, you still have to do all that even when you write them! We will share the stage with a couple of other songwriter/friends.......so looking forward to it! This is a short post tonight......the energy has truly left me.....and I don't want to blither and blather.
Good night, Sweet dreams
That is ok, it happens, that is why they call it practice......the energy goes someplace else, and you just do the reps. It is an adjustment, getting use to my own natural energy and not the artificial one from the steroids. I went without sleep for so long, that I swear, I could sleep for days now....... but all this shall pass. So, I am putting in the reps, because we have a gig this weekend at one of our most favorite venues......Berkeley Bob's Coffee House in Cullman. It is a true California style coffee house, and yes Bob is from Berkeley......the coffee is good, the sandwiches are excellent and the crowd is amazing! It is a true listening venue, meaning, ........they sit and listen to you play!
We are working up new songs, so that means learning the words, chords, making the songs a personal extension of yourself......yes, you still have to do all that even when you write them! We will share the stage with a couple of other songwriter/friends.......so looking forward to it! This is a short post tonight......the energy has truly left me.....and I don't want to blither and blather.
Good night, Sweet dreams
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Life Waiting
We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell
Every time I have ever read that quote, it takes my breath. We humans love to plan our lives, we figure if we plan them, we have control......what a joke. I think of all the energy and time I have spent through the years
planning the details of the life I wanted, and something always happened to take me down a different path....to the life that was waiting for me.
It is often a bitter pill to swallow, getting rid of the life we planned so we can have the one waiting. Tonight,
I sit and think of how different my life would be if the life I had planned had been the one I lived. Such a different place I would be, different friends, home, everything.......now I can't imagine how it would be.....I am so happy, so at peace with all that I am, all that I have.
I love my job, the way music and yoga have woven magic through my life, the people that send me their love and care every day, and this little cottage out in the middle of nowhere......where all things big and small come to visit and share their beauty. What a life that was waiting for me!
Tonight, if you have not found the life waiting for you, I pray you find it soon. It's there, I know it is, so claim it, and embrace it, and let go of the one you planned.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Every time I have ever read that quote, it takes my breath. We humans love to plan our lives, we figure if we plan them, we have control......what a joke. I think of all the energy and time I have spent through the years
planning the details of the life I wanted, and something always happened to take me down a different path....to the life that was waiting for me.
It is often a bitter pill to swallow, getting rid of the life we planned so we can have the one waiting. Tonight,
I sit and think of how different my life would be if the life I had planned had been the one I lived. Such a different place I would be, different friends, home, everything.......now I can't imagine how it would be.....I am so happy, so at peace with all that I am, all that I have.
I love my job, the way music and yoga have woven magic through my life, the people that send me their love and care every day, and this little cottage out in the middle of nowhere......where all things big and small come to visit and share their beauty. What a life that was waiting for me!
Tonight, if you have not found the life waiting for you, I pray you find it soon. It's there, I know it is, so claim it, and embrace it, and let go of the one you planned.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I Am Grateful
Fresh flowers on the table in my favorite blue pitcher(my nephew made it), a lavender candle burning brightly,a
few dollars in cash.....thus began my gratitude ceremony tonight......it had to be. Today, my last day on meds to fight the infections that I have dealt with since mid-May. This journey has been most difficult, it has taken its toil on my spirit and my body, but tonight it is over. I have been taught many lessons these past few months,some it seems over and over, and I hope that I have gotten the message, because I don't want them again.
There were moments, when I crumbled, but all is good now. I am different today, so aware of what has taken place in my body, aware of how fragile life can be......I told Rick that at times, I felt the universe bitch slap me, until I was silly and I thought I would never stand again.....but here I am.
Tonight, I am thankful, tonight I am grateful, tonight I reclaim my good health. Gratitude, for all that is good,
for all who love me, who sent me their energies, prayers, and love. Candles, flowers, a gift of cash to someone who needs it, dark chocolate, a glass of champagne, and the promise of another day, and another song to sing. I have some new scars, and there is still a ways to go, but I am grateful....no more meds, no antibiotics, no steroids, did I tell you how grateful I am?????
Sleep, blessed sleep, since Thursday night, I have slept, the first time in three weeks.....and I am grateful.
I can breathe.....and I am grateful.
Peace to you all, gratitude to you all, love to you all.
Good night, sweet dreams.
few dollars in cash.....thus began my gratitude ceremony tonight......it had to be. Today, my last day on meds to fight the infections that I have dealt with since mid-May. This journey has been most difficult, it has taken its toil on my spirit and my body, but tonight it is over. I have been taught many lessons these past few months,some it seems over and over, and I hope that I have gotten the message, because I don't want them again.
There were moments, when I crumbled, but all is good now. I am different today, so aware of what has taken place in my body, aware of how fragile life can be......I told Rick that at times, I felt the universe bitch slap me, until I was silly and I thought I would never stand again.....but here I am.
Tonight, I am thankful, tonight I am grateful, tonight I reclaim my good health. Gratitude, for all that is good,
for all who love me, who sent me their energies, prayers, and love. Candles, flowers, a gift of cash to someone who needs it, dark chocolate, a glass of champagne, and the promise of another day, and another song to sing. I have some new scars, and there is still a ways to go, but I am grateful....no more meds, no antibiotics, no steroids, did I tell you how grateful I am?????
Sleep, blessed sleep, since Thursday night, I have slept, the first time in three weeks.....and I am grateful.
I can breathe.....and I am grateful.
Peace to you all, gratitude to you all, love to you all.
Good night, sweet dreams.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Reading
"We read books to find out who we are." - Ursula K. LeGuin
I love to read......and always have. I am proud to say I was a bookworm. As a child, I read comic books,
the classics, my older brothers and sister's textbooks (high school and college, I was in grade school) anything that could be read, Weekly Readers, magazines, my mom's collections of The Reader's Digest leather bound
condensed books......yep I read them all. As my parents became more religious through my childhood,
I read the Bible, cover to cover, yearly. Most times in my life, I have had at least three books going at once.
Through the years, I have read cookbooks, how to books, self-help books, I still will read almost anything.
When I was a kid, reading gave me an escape......the chance to be someone else, prettier, smarter, living in Greece or the Alps. Reading let me be the girl with the wavy black hair, the dark skin, the girl who traveled, who had means. Reading showed me how others thought, that the world was not black and white but so many shades of grey, they could not be counted. Reading taught me to think for myself, and to ask questions.
Reading opened doors, it led me to fascinating conversations, meeting people I would never have met.
Through the years, when I needed rest and would not take it, Rick knew the answer......bring home a new book, give me ten minutes and I would lie on the sofa the rest of the day and read......I am such an easy mark! Our coffee table is always piled with books and magazines, we sit in the mornings with our coffee, reading.....it is the last thing we do before we go to bed at night. We still receive two daily newspapers, I don't read them cover to cover, but I read a good bit of them......even when it seems the news is not worth reading.
I know that electronic books are taking over the world, but not mine. Rick listens to books on tape, but not me. I love the feel, the texture, the smell of a book. I love that our living room walls and office walls are filled with bookshelves overflowing......these books are old friends, family who if you will have been with me through some of the roughest and the best times of my life.......with these books, I have laughed out loud, and sobbed. Every once in a blue moon, I make myself take an inventory, I force myself to pass on some of my books.....it is difficult, like giving away children......but I make sure they get good homes!
So what are some of my favorite books......those that I have read again and again.......The Alchemist,
Agents of Innocence, To Kill A Mockingbird, For Whom The Bell Tolls, The Rhythm of Life,
As A Man Thinketh, The Power of Intention, Love in the Time of Cholera, Black Cherry Blues, Illusions,
Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting, The Orange Duffle Bag, Double Whammy, Atlas Shrugged, Brave New World,........oh god, I can't list them all! The Prophet, The Tao, ok.....I have to stop now.
In years past, I have given books as gifts to children, one of my favorites to give......The Giving Tree.
I remember I gave Rick's young niece a book for her birthday many years ago, she was not a happy child.
But, now quite a few years later, she told me that her mom made her read that book, and she slowly began a relationship with books......she loves to read now. Now days, if you have not read my husband's book, I will
probably give his book as a gift to you..... of course, it will be signed.
So this love affair continues, I hope until my eyes just fade away. .. Educated people, who think for themselves, who question, who demand to know the answers...... keep our country honest. I love the story of Abe Lincoln, reading by the fire, by candle light, consumed with the burning desire to learn.
Reading keeps the mind open, reading allows us passage to the unknown, reading takes us where we might never go alone......it can shake us to our very soul, create anger and passion, and soothe the savage breast.
Reading has been, I think , the very best part of my education.
I love to read......and always have. I am proud to say I was a bookworm. As a child, I read comic books,
the classics, my older brothers and sister's textbooks (high school and college, I was in grade school) anything that could be read, Weekly Readers, magazines, my mom's collections of The Reader's Digest leather bound
condensed books......yep I read them all. As my parents became more religious through my childhood,
I read the Bible, cover to cover, yearly. Most times in my life, I have had at least three books going at once.
Through the years, I have read cookbooks, how to books, self-help books, I still will read almost anything.
When I was a kid, reading gave me an escape......the chance to be someone else, prettier, smarter, living in Greece or the Alps. Reading let me be the girl with the wavy black hair, the dark skin, the girl who traveled, who had means. Reading showed me how others thought, that the world was not black and white but so many shades of grey, they could not be counted. Reading taught me to think for myself, and to ask questions.
Reading opened doors, it led me to fascinating conversations, meeting people I would never have met.
Through the years, when I needed rest and would not take it, Rick knew the answer......bring home a new book, give me ten minutes and I would lie on the sofa the rest of the day and read......I am such an easy mark! Our coffee table is always piled with books and magazines, we sit in the mornings with our coffee, reading.....it is the last thing we do before we go to bed at night. We still receive two daily newspapers, I don't read them cover to cover, but I read a good bit of them......even when it seems the news is not worth reading.
I know that electronic books are taking over the world, but not mine. Rick listens to books on tape, but not me. I love the feel, the texture, the smell of a book. I love that our living room walls and office walls are filled with bookshelves overflowing......these books are old friends, family who if you will have been with me through some of the roughest and the best times of my life.......with these books, I have laughed out loud, and sobbed. Every once in a blue moon, I make myself take an inventory, I force myself to pass on some of my books.....it is difficult, like giving away children......but I make sure they get good homes!
So what are some of my favorite books......those that I have read again and again.......The Alchemist,
Agents of Innocence, To Kill A Mockingbird, For Whom The Bell Tolls, The Rhythm of Life,
As A Man Thinketh, The Power of Intention, Love in the Time of Cholera, Black Cherry Blues, Illusions,
Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting, The Orange Duffle Bag, Double Whammy, Atlas Shrugged, Brave New World,........oh god, I can't list them all! The Prophet, The Tao, ok.....I have to stop now.
In years past, I have given books as gifts to children, one of my favorites to give......The Giving Tree.
I remember I gave Rick's young niece a book for her birthday many years ago, she was not a happy child.
But, now quite a few years later, she told me that her mom made her read that book, and she slowly began a relationship with books......she loves to read now. Now days, if you have not read my husband's book, I will
probably give his book as a gift to you..... of course, it will be signed.
So this love affair continues, I hope until my eyes just fade away. .. Educated people, who think for themselves, who question, who demand to know the answers...... keep our country honest. I love the story of Abe Lincoln, reading by the fire, by candle light, consumed with the burning desire to learn.
Reading keeps the mind open, reading allows us passage to the unknown, reading takes us where we might never go alone......it can shake us to our very soul, create anger and passion, and soothe the savage breast.
Reading has been, I think , the very best part of my education.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Life and Energy
Life is the spending and replenishing of energy. - The Rhythm of Life, Matthew Kelly
Kelly says energy is our most valuable resource, we don't need more time, we need more energy......after dealing with illness for quite some time, I have to agree with him. Everyone I talk with, seems burned out....well other than my husband Rick, who is retired and mostly fly fishes and writes.
True, I constantly hear people say things about wishing for more hours in the day......but in the scheme of things, I think it does come down to our energy, how we spend it, how we waste it. We multi task, we overload,
and still think and scheme about how to do more. No wonder we numb our bodies and minds with drugs and alcohol! If energy is our most valuable resource, do we think about how we spend it? Do we think about how to restore it? Not only do we waste our personal energy, but we waste the planet's as well, seemingly with no thoughts about replenishing or saving.
The doctor told me to rest this weekend, how rarely do I do that, how rarely do any of us do that? My infection is finally gone, but with no rest, no restoration of energy.......I could be right back where I was in no time. Sobering thought, and scary as hell.
So this energy what to do, how to save and replenish? Simple basics, good nourishing food, lots of water,
some movement, some rest, productive work, time with friends and family, doing something you love(even if you can't make a living at it). The really sad news, we are teaching our kids, to expend their energy constantly, they go to school, sports, activities, they hit burn out before they are teens. Fast food, fast lives,
no sleep, you can't keep spending and not replenish, not save a little every once in a while.
I have given much thought to my energy consumption these last few months.......where I spend it, who I spend it with, and how I spend it. I learned several years ago to avoid those who "vex the spirit", but really there are energy robbers out there too......who will take all you have and never look back. Now, I am trying to avoid those as well. I am way choosier about when and where I teach these days, about doing the things I love, and spending time with people who help to restore my energy. I am way past working on relationships, I offer my love, and all that I can......you accept or not.
Believe it or not, I seem to have more time these days....... to see friends, to play music, to enjoy the good.
Yes, there are moments when I think.....oh no, not enough time and then I think.....since creation.....a day is a day, a night is a night......my choice on how to spend them, my choice on spend or replenish my energy.
Energy.....spend wisely, and save for a rainy day.
Kelly says energy is our most valuable resource, we don't need more time, we need more energy......after dealing with illness for quite some time, I have to agree with him. Everyone I talk with, seems burned out....well other than my husband Rick, who is retired and mostly fly fishes and writes.
True, I constantly hear people say things about wishing for more hours in the day......but in the scheme of things, I think it does come down to our energy, how we spend it, how we waste it. We multi task, we overload,
and still think and scheme about how to do more. No wonder we numb our bodies and minds with drugs and alcohol! If energy is our most valuable resource, do we think about how we spend it? Do we think about how to restore it? Not only do we waste our personal energy, but we waste the planet's as well, seemingly with no thoughts about replenishing or saving.
The doctor told me to rest this weekend, how rarely do I do that, how rarely do any of us do that? My infection is finally gone, but with no rest, no restoration of energy.......I could be right back where I was in no time. Sobering thought, and scary as hell.
So this energy what to do, how to save and replenish? Simple basics, good nourishing food, lots of water,
some movement, some rest, productive work, time with friends and family, doing something you love(even if you can't make a living at it). The really sad news, we are teaching our kids, to expend their energy constantly, they go to school, sports, activities, they hit burn out before they are teens. Fast food, fast lives,
no sleep, you can't keep spending and not replenish, not save a little every once in a while.
I have given much thought to my energy consumption these last few months.......where I spend it, who I spend it with, and how I spend it. I learned several years ago to avoid those who "vex the spirit", but really there are energy robbers out there too......who will take all you have and never look back. Now, I am trying to avoid those as well. I am way choosier about when and where I teach these days, about doing the things I love, and spending time with people who help to restore my energy. I am way past working on relationships, I offer my love, and all that I can......you accept or not.
Believe it or not, I seem to have more time these days....... to see friends, to play music, to enjoy the good.
Yes, there are moments when I think.....oh no, not enough time and then I think.....since creation.....a day is a day, a night is a night......my choice on how to spend them, my choice on spend or replenish my energy.
Energy.....spend wisely, and save for a rainy day.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Seasonal Signals
The past few weeks have been interesting, weather wise here in Alabama........all signs already point to fall....well other than the temps......ninety-seven today. As I herded all five dogs down the trail this morning for their run/walk I saw a Monarch butterfly! Now those, I never see until late September or early October, but there he was floating down the the side of the mountain toward the pond. It seems as though thousands of hickory nuts have already fallen off the trees and green persimmons too. As I continued my walk, I began to notice deep reds and rusts in the sumac and the muscadines are beginning to ripen. On my way to work yesterday, I saw goldenrods blooming on the side of the hills.........how can all this be taking place in near 100 degree heat???? In the middle of August!
One of my blog friends, Jules wrote about the prolific amounts of hair her dogs were shedding......mine too!
She swears an early fall, and cold winter are on the way! I hope Jules is correct......not to wish time away, but fall is my favorite season.......and today I crave the crisp, clean air. Besides the heat, our air quality is not so good right now. We drove into Birmingham today for my doctor's appointment, the sky was grey and heavy, not with rain but pollution and heat and humidity. There is hope for rain this weekend.
This weekend is the first time in quite a while, we don't have a gig.....which is a good thing. The doc said I needed some rest, so that is what this weekend is for.......the other good news......no more infection!
Can we say Happy Dance????? Cat scan all clear! Gratitude abounds!
So, about this fall stuff, now I am starting to look for squirrel's nest, the size of acorns, etc. when you search and read about folk lore and the seasons it is pretty fascinating stuff, well for me anyway. I figure all this research will help keep my mind off the heat, and help to remind me, there is always change in the air. I wish I could figure out what to do with all the dog hair, and the hickory nuts, maybe some sort of three dimension sculpture or mobile......oh yeah, lots of pine cones too! Sorry, my brain took the wrong path for a second.
So how's the weather/season in your neck of the woods?
One of my blog friends, Jules wrote about the prolific amounts of hair her dogs were shedding......mine too!
She swears an early fall, and cold winter are on the way! I hope Jules is correct......not to wish time away, but fall is my favorite season.......and today I crave the crisp, clean air. Besides the heat, our air quality is not so good right now. We drove into Birmingham today for my doctor's appointment, the sky was grey and heavy, not with rain but pollution and heat and humidity. There is hope for rain this weekend.
This weekend is the first time in quite a while, we don't have a gig.....which is a good thing. The doc said I needed some rest, so that is what this weekend is for.......the other good news......no more infection!
Can we say Happy Dance????? Cat scan all clear! Gratitude abounds!
So, about this fall stuff, now I am starting to look for squirrel's nest, the size of acorns, etc. when you search and read about folk lore and the seasons it is pretty fascinating stuff, well for me anyway. I figure all this research will help keep my mind off the heat, and help to remind me, there is always change in the air. I wish I could figure out what to do with all the dog hair, and the hickory nuts, maybe some sort of three dimension sculpture or mobile......oh yeah, lots of pine cones too! Sorry, my brain took the wrong path for a second.
So how's the weather/season in your neck of the woods?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Healing
Healing.....to make whole or well. My first class today was a healing class......on many different levels.
There was such an extreme swing of energies that walked through my door for the first class.......there was anger, pain, sadness....those are always there.....but today, I could feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, touch it much more than usual. Three who were suffering with physical issues asked for reiki , some just walked in and fell to the floor on their mats and groaned. Now, I am no where near well, the infection is still creating havoc in my body, and sleep has avoided me for the past three weeks, but today was the day I had to sacrifice me for the group.
I played the most beautiful music I had, A Place Without Noise.....soft gentle piano.....I filled the air with pure lavender, darkened the room, had them all lie down.....and we began breath work. These are the days when I truly see the miracle of the breath.....as I begin to speak softly, slowly, gently encouraging them to breathe,
to take their awareness to their breaths, to understand that the breath can heal, can soothe, can calm, can change all that darkness to light. Soon, movements ceased, stillness wrapped the room, peace flowed
like a mountain breeze, and bodies began to soften, all that tension, that hate, that stress, that conflict, melted
into the dark recesses of the universe. There was no past, no future, only now.......only the breath.
I gave all that was in me, and prayed for more.......wanting to shower them with love, to let them know....that they were safe. At the end of the class as they all began to sit back up, ever so slow.......I explained that yoga is not always about movement, about stretching, that sometimes the most important thing you can experience is stillness and breath. I reminded them of why they were there, that healing took place in many ways,
through talking and sharing, but also in the stillness, through the breath, allowing peace to fill their heart and souls. Learning to surrender to the now, letting go of all the guilt and anger of their pasts, and not grasping the fear of the future.....today was their day for stillness, for seeing healing in a very different light, and for finally grasping the power of the breath.
We closed the class with Om......as I explained how that simple beautiful sound , flows through the universe,
how it resonates within our chests and our hearts, how it links us together and solidifies the healing energy,
how it reminds us.....there is greatness in all of us, every living creature......I looked into their eyes.....some had tears, some had joy, all had peace.
Tonight, peace, stillness and healing to all of you.
There was such an extreme swing of energies that walked through my door for the first class.......there was anger, pain, sadness....those are always there.....but today, I could feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, touch it much more than usual. Three who were suffering with physical issues asked for reiki , some just walked in and fell to the floor on their mats and groaned. Now, I am no where near well, the infection is still creating havoc in my body, and sleep has avoided me for the past three weeks, but today was the day I had to sacrifice me for the group.
I played the most beautiful music I had, A Place Without Noise.....soft gentle piano.....I filled the air with pure lavender, darkened the room, had them all lie down.....and we began breath work. These are the days when I truly see the miracle of the breath.....as I begin to speak softly, slowly, gently encouraging them to breathe,
to take their awareness to their breaths, to understand that the breath can heal, can soothe, can calm, can change all that darkness to light. Soon, movements ceased, stillness wrapped the room, peace flowed
like a mountain breeze, and bodies began to soften, all that tension, that hate, that stress, that conflict, melted
into the dark recesses of the universe. There was no past, no future, only now.......only the breath.
I gave all that was in me, and prayed for more.......wanting to shower them with love, to let them know....that they were safe. At the end of the class as they all began to sit back up, ever so slow.......I explained that yoga is not always about movement, about stretching, that sometimes the most important thing you can experience is stillness and breath. I reminded them of why they were there, that healing took place in many ways,
through talking and sharing, but also in the stillness, through the breath, allowing peace to fill their heart and souls. Learning to surrender to the now, letting go of all the guilt and anger of their pasts, and not grasping the fear of the future.....today was their day for stillness, for seeing healing in a very different light, and for finally grasping the power of the breath.
We closed the class with Om......as I explained how that simple beautiful sound , flows through the universe,
how it resonates within our chests and our hearts, how it links us together and solidifies the healing energy,
how it reminds us.....there is greatness in all of us, every living creature......I looked into their eyes.....some had tears, some had joy, all had peace.
Tonight, peace, stillness and healing to all of you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Do Not Stop
It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. -Confucius
I use to do five year plans, and yearly plans, and monthly updates.......that was many lives ago.
Now, I have my "what do I want " list, a vow to stay in the now as much as possible, and the earnest yearning to slow time.....my, my how things change.
I have an understanding that yoga feeds my body and my spirit, and that music feeds my soul and ego. My friends are my jewels, and every day that I get to breathe is a gift beyond value. It no longer matters how slow life moves, I have been taught the lessons of patience so many times, I am like melted butter on grilled corn. Repetition is my middle name.
For those of you who are full tilt boogie, I salute you.....I still have my moments, and memories.....but I am tired of these lessons on patience.....I am waiting for the wheel to turn again. I think the energy is there, I have not stopped, hopefully it is just building strength......that surge of power to thrust me into the universe one more time of life in the fast lane somewhere......or is this it? surely not.
So for those of you, who like me tonight, who are still moving, though so slow......we cannot stop.
Maybe we never were hares, maybe we have always been tortoise in disguise......I think not. I choose to think that bright as a rainbow, we'll shine once again!
Just don't stop.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
I use to do five year plans, and yearly plans, and monthly updates.......that was many lives ago.
Now, I have my "what do I want " list, a vow to stay in the now as much as possible, and the earnest yearning to slow time.....my, my how things change.
I have an understanding that yoga feeds my body and my spirit, and that music feeds my soul and ego. My friends are my jewels, and every day that I get to breathe is a gift beyond value. It no longer matters how slow life moves, I have been taught the lessons of patience so many times, I am like melted butter on grilled corn. Repetition is my middle name.
For those of you who are full tilt boogie, I salute you.....I still have my moments, and memories.....but I am tired of these lessons on patience.....I am waiting for the wheel to turn again. I think the energy is there, I have not stopped, hopefully it is just building strength......that surge of power to thrust me into the universe one more time of life in the fast lane somewhere......or is this it? surely not.
So for those of you, who like me tonight, who are still moving, though so slow......we cannot stop.
Maybe we never were hares, maybe we have always been tortoise in disguise......I think not. I choose to think that bright as a rainbow, we'll shine once again!
Just don't stop.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Alive and Aware
It was only in the eighties today.......and headed toward low sixties tonight.........low humidity, clear blue skies....
such a reprieve! Oh, I know it won't last, and that is ok.......at least Mother Nature is letting me know, the heat and humidity of this summer will not last forever.
One of the first things that I notice around mid-August, is how the light begins to change. We live in a small modified A-frame cottage, so the front is floor to ceiling glass, and the house faces northeast. Every morning we sit and drink our coffee looking outside as the sun comes up, the light has definitely changed in the past few weeks. Even on those 100 degree days, there was a coolness if you will to the morning light, a difference in how the sun streamed through the glass, and how the shadows filtered through the leaves. This morning as the temps dropped into the sixties, the light seemed more brilliant, and crystalline, a sign of change.
Awareness of our surroundings, do we look at the light and the play of the shadows? Do we notice the subtle
differences in colors, texture and shapes? What do we smell, feel, hear? Is it concrete, something we can really put our hands on, or is it sensation? Can we fuse it with our memories, or do we let it slide into some
vapor that floats languidly in our brains and then fades to nothingness. Take a few moments in the morning,
become aware, become alive! There are constant changes in our lives, do we notice or allow them to
pass silently and miss out on a great thing of beauty or a moment of brilliance?
Smell the coffee, savor the color as well as the taste, the warmth on your tongue and the sensation as it flows down your throat. In the shower, feel every drop of water, the coolness, the heat, the steam, the bubbles,
the fragrance of the soap, how the skin feels drenched in moisture, let yourself be alive and aware!
And instead of gulping down what ever food you grab, taste, know that it is nourishment for the body, fuel
to start your day, and be grateful, slow down, chew......give yourself moments to live. Become aware!
We are all on the fast track, though there are still twenty four hours in a day, we move faster and faster......
is it all that important, that life becomes a blur......and we don't even remember how our food tastes or how good that morning shower felt? Moments, just take a few, to live, to be aware.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
such a reprieve! Oh, I know it won't last, and that is ok.......at least Mother Nature is letting me know, the heat and humidity of this summer will not last forever.
One of the first things that I notice around mid-August, is how the light begins to change. We live in a small modified A-frame cottage, so the front is floor to ceiling glass, and the house faces northeast. Every morning we sit and drink our coffee looking outside as the sun comes up, the light has definitely changed in the past few weeks. Even on those 100 degree days, there was a coolness if you will to the morning light, a difference in how the sun streamed through the glass, and how the shadows filtered through the leaves. This morning as the temps dropped into the sixties, the light seemed more brilliant, and crystalline, a sign of change.
Awareness of our surroundings, do we look at the light and the play of the shadows? Do we notice the subtle
differences in colors, texture and shapes? What do we smell, feel, hear? Is it concrete, something we can really put our hands on, or is it sensation? Can we fuse it with our memories, or do we let it slide into some
vapor that floats languidly in our brains and then fades to nothingness. Take a few moments in the morning,
become aware, become alive! There are constant changes in our lives, do we notice or allow them to
pass silently and miss out on a great thing of beauty or a moment of brilliance?
Smell the coffee, savor the color as well as the taste, the warmth on your tongue and the sensation as it flows down your throat. In the shower, feel every drop of water, the coolness, the heat, the steam, the bubbles,
the fragrance of the soap, how the skin feels drenched in moisture, let yourself be alive and aware!
And instead of gulping down what ever food you grab, taste, know that it is nourishment for the body, fuel
to start your day, and be grateful, slow down, chew......give yourself moments to live. Become aware!
We are all on the fast track, though there are still twenty four hours in a day, we move faster and faster......
is it all that important, that life becomes a blur......and we don't even remember how our food tastes or how good that morning shower felt? Moments, just take a few, to live, to be aware.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Good Opportunities
"Good opportunities are very hard to refuse......just because something is good doesn't mean it is good for you or right for you." - The Rhythm of Life, Matthew Kelly
Ouch! this one slapped me across the face many times this week. Several times, I had a "good opportunity" this week, I took a couple and regretted at least one. I also passed on one. Why does it all have to be so confusing sometime? We have to filter the good stuff as well as the bad, what is good for someone else, may not be good for us, and how can we pass on something so good that in the end is just not right for us? My head hurts.
I admit, I am self directed for most of the time, just like most of us, I am trying to look out for me. I hear or see a good opportunity, pounce and then about mid-way.....oops, not quite the right direction. I took a couple of good gigs, but for me, this week, not so so good......last Saturday, temp about 102......the infections I have battled are raging in my body, the meds have trashed my body......and I am on stage in the blazing 2:00pm sun, sweating like a coke oven, knees shaking, wondering if I am gonna make it. Serious set back,
as far as health, because I took a good opportunity. See what I mean by this good opportunity stuff!
But different story on Friday, all day Friday I am thinking we should go see our friend play, scout out the location, maybe leave our cd or card, but at work Friday afternoon I am reading to my class from Rhythm of Life and just for grins I decide to read the first page I find. You guessed it, the page about good opportunities. As I drove home from work Friday night, I decided I should stay home and rest......extremely good move on my part. That has been my good opportunity this weekend, I have rested all weekend. It was the best for me.
In my past, I had not taken several what seemed to be not only good opportunities, but golden ones.......sometimes I have wondered if I let them slide because I was afraid of the success they would bring, or if my intuition was truly guiding me and they were really not the best or right or me.....guess I will never know. Most days I try not to think about those. I didn't say anything about easy opportunities, just good ones.
So, when those times of good opportunities come knocking on your door, how do you know, if they are good or good for you???? These are the times you listen to your heart, these are the times you are honest,
and these are the times if you make the wrong call.......you just deal with it, learn your lesson and figure out in the future what really is best for you. I wish you all good opportunities, but what I wish most......is that you are able to know what is good and right for you.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Ouch! this one slapped me across the face many times this week. Several times, I had a "good opportunity" this week, I took a couple and regretted at least one. I also passed on one. Why does it all have to be so confusing sometime? We have to filter the good stuff as well as the bad, what is good for someone else, may not be good for us, and how can we pass on something so good that in the end is just not right for us? My head hurts.
I admit, I am self directed for most of the time, just like most of us, I am trying to look out for me. I hear or see a good opportunity, pounce and then about mid-way.....oops, not quite the right direction. I took a couple of good gigs, but for me, this week, not so so good......last Saturday, temp about 102......the infections I have battled are raging in my body, the meds have trashed my body......and I am on stage in the blazing 2:00pm sun, sweating like a coke oven, knees shaking, wondering if I am gonna make it. Serious set back,
as far as health, because I took a good opportunity. See what I mean by this good opportunity stuff!
But different story on Friday, all day Friday I am thinking we should go see our friend play, scout out the location, maybe leave our cd or card, but at work Friday afternoon I am reading to my class from Rhythm of Life and just for grins I decide to read the first page I find. You guessed it, the page about good opportunities. As I drove home from work Friday night, I decided I should stay home and rest......extremely good move on my part. That has been my good opportunity this weekend, I have rested all weekend. It was the best for me.
In my past, I had not taken several what seemed to be not only good opportunities, but golden ones.......sometimes I have wondered if I let them slide because I was afraid of the success they would bring, or if my intuition was truly guiding me and they were really not the best or right or me.....guess I will never know. Most days I try not to think about those. I didn't say anything about easy opportunities, just good ones.
So, when those times of good opportunities come knocking on your door, how do you know, if they are good or good for you???? These are the times you listen to your heart, these are the times you are honest,
and these are the times if you make the wrong call.......you just deal with it, learn your lesson and figure out in the future what really is best for you. I wish you all good opportunities, but what I wish most......is that you are able to know what is good and right for you.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Peace
This morning I walked down the hill to fetch the paper and mail ( the dogs won't do it) . As I walked back up to the house, I did something I have not done in a very long time, sat down on the steps under my new arbor and did not move. As my back leaned against the post, I planted my feet on an old stepping stone and felt its coolness against my bare feet.( I am still earthing). The stone was cut by the man whose family once owned this old farm, his wife told me before she passed that it was cut as a house warming gift by him , for her when the old farm house was built in 1926.
I sat for a long time, the sun was shinning, but there was just a whisper of a breeze, and for the first time in months, I felt different. I looked up at the sky through the speckled leaves of the persimmon tree and saw vivid clear blue. The humming birds buzzed over my head, I heard the drone of bees, and the tapping of a woodpecker. Time no longer existed, I had no place to be, no where to go, and plenty to do, but I could not move. I breathed slow gentle breaths, and I realized sadly, that I could not remember the last time I had sat
for that long and felt that peace, that stillness........those moments changed my whole day. Today was my day. I did nothing, I could not even read, but I sat on those steps, I slept on the sofa, and I sat in the grass in the backyard with Jordan and his mom, Samantha........I felt life, and health and healing begin to ease into my body and soul.
We can't always "take or go" on vacation, but I learned to today, I could vacate here for awhile. A change of scenery would be nice, but what I experienced today was magical, spiritual, and life changing. I have a ways to go, but today was a major start.......healing does not happen overnight, modern medicine has given
us false illusions about that......but the feel of that time worn, beautiful cut stone against my feet......I could almost feel that young bride's happiness as her husband all those years ago place it at their front door.
As the breeze brushed my face, I felt the energy that has flowed through this earth for a million years, and I knew in my heart that all would be ok. After all, I am a part of that energy, as it flows through each and every living thing in this world.
I felt my vibration change its level today, I know that may not make sense to some, but for me it was as real as the sun's warmth on my face. That stillness, not moving, just breathing, being aware, allowing myself to connect with the magnificence of all that surrounds me.......took me to another level. I feel like a snake whose skin has shed, or a butterfly that has burst from its cocoon.....there is a newness, a rawness, that is so difficult to describe, yet feels so wonderful. I know for me, I experienced a new birth of sorts, and a door opened
that I needed to go through.......I am ready for the change to come, I am grateful that I surrendered to the stillness of the day.
Peace to you all.
I sat for a long time, the sun was shinning, but there was just a whisper of a breeze, and for the first time in months, I felt different. I looked up at the sky through the speckled leaves of the persimmon tree and saw vivid clear blue. The humming birds buzzed over my head, I heard the drone of bees, and the tapping of a woodpecker. Time no longer existed, I had no place to be, no where to go, and plenty to do, but I could not move. I breathed slow gentle breaths, and I realized sadly, that I could not remember the last time I had sat
for that long and felt that peace, that stillness........those moments changed my whole day. Today was my day. I did nothing, I could not even read, but I sat on those steps, I slept on the sofa, and I sat in the grass in the backyard with Jordan and his mom, Samantha........I felt life, and health and healing begin to ease into my body and soul.
We can't always "take or go" on vacation, but I learned to today, I could vacate here for awhile. A change of scenery would be nice, but what I experienced today was magical, spiritual, and life changing. I have a ways to go, but today was a major start.......healing does not happen overnight, modern medicine has given
us false illusions about that......but the feel of that time worn, beautiful cut stone against my feet......I could almost feel that young bride's happiness as her husband all those years ago place it at their front door.
As the breeze brushed my face, I felt the energy that has flowed through this earth for a million years, and I knew in my heart that all would be ok. After all, I am a part of that energy, as it flows through each and every living thing in this world.
I felt my vibration change its level today, I know that may not make sense to some, but for me it was as real as the sun's warmth on my face. That stillness, not moving, just breathing, being aware, allowing myself to connect with the magnificence of all that surrounds me.......took me to another level. I feel like a snake whose skin has shed, or a butterfly that has burst from its cocoon.....there is a newness, a rawness, that is so difficult to describe, yet feels so wonderful. I know for me, I experienced a new birth of sorts, and a door opened
that I needed to go through.......I am ready for the change to come, I am grateful that I surrendered to the stillness of the day.
Peace to you all.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Creature Activity
Creature activity is at an absolute frenzy here in Empire, Al these days. We CANNOT keep the hummingbird
feeders filled, nor the bird feeders, and the deer who normally only come up in the evenings, are coming from morning til night! We are Micky D's for all creatures large and small! I think we could just sit on the porch with feeders in hand and they would all come up for drive thru.
Now thinking back about my Grandmother Mamie and all her folk wisdom I am sure she would have some
incredible wisdom to share about all of this.......you know, like maybe an early fall or extra cold winter, or the black bears are coming duck and run for cover! What ever the reason, it has been pretty interesting.......the humming bird feeders are at the front, so everytime I walk out the front door, those tiny beautiful creatures
buzz me and yell obscenities about my sloth like attempts to keep them feed.
There is a beautiful female cardinal ( I call her Ruby after my mom) and if I don't have those seed feeders filled by 7:30 am every morning, she sits in the rose of Sharon bush out front and scolds me. I walk right up to her as she waits for the sound of the seed filling the feeders and as soon as I turn my back, she is the first one to eat.
The deer have gotten so, they just cross over to the edge of the field, wait for one of us to bring on the corn
and as soon as we head for the house, you can hear them snort and then began to chew. We won't even begin to discuss the squirrels and their eating demands. I am beginning to think they might all hold us for ransom if the funds run out. Oh yeah, let's not forget the rabbits......they ate the peas, the watermelons,
and now they scamper across the yard eating the leftovers from all the rest!
So, I know there is plenty else to complain about, but I have done way too damn much of that lately.
I live in a small paradise, and am reminded of it daily. So tonight, my heart is full of gratitude for all the critters that live here with us, it don't get much better than this.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
feeders filled, nor the bird feeders, and the deer who normally only come up in the evenings, are coming from morning til night! We are Micky D's for all creatures large and small! I think we could just sit on the porch with feeders in hand and they would all come up for drive thru.
Now thinking back about my Grandmother Mamie and all her folk wisdom I am sure she would have some
incredible wisdom to share about all of this.......you know, like maybe an early fall or extra cold winter, or the black bears are coming duck and run for cover! What ever the reason, it has been pretty interesting.......the humming bird feeders are at the front, so everytime I walk out the front door, those tiny beautiful creatures
buzz me and yell obscenities about my sloth like attempts to keep them feed.
There is a beautiful female cardinal ( I call her Ruby after my mom) and if I don't have those seed feeders filled by 7:30 am every morning, she sits in the rose of Sharon bush out front and scolds me. I walk right up to her as she waits for the sound of the seed filling the feeders and as soon as I turn my back, she is the first one to eat.
The deer have gotten so, they just cross over to the edge of the field, wait for one of us to bring on the corn
and as soon as we head for the house, you can hear them snort and then began to chew. We won't even begin to discuss the squirrels and their eating demands. I am beginning to think they might all hold us for ransom if the funds run out. Oh yeah, let's not forget the rabbits......they ate the peas, the watermelons,
and now they scamper across the yard eating the leftovers from all the rest!
So, I know there is plenty else to complain about, but I have done way too damn much of that lately.
I live in a small paradise, and am reminded of it daily. So tonight, my heart is full of gratitude for all the critters that live here with us, it don't get much better than this.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Journey Inward
These past few days have been a journey inward for me.....that is always difficult. Seeing your flaws, your short comings if you will, and how they can destroy you is terrifying. In the book, The Orange Duffle Bag
the writer talks about how hard change is for most of us, and that we will go to our graves sacrificing ourselves and our lives rather than undergo change.
Long talks, brutal honest evaluations, that has been my life these several days. I don't want to be one of those who had rather die than change.....actually I refuse to be one of them.......after all this time, it is about me.
This will not be easy for me, to change the core of my being, shifting a life time of habits to survive.....but I will.
Learning to let people do things for me, a brand new concept, but I am getting there. Asking for help, wow,
totally brand new, but hey, I am embracing, I can do this. And yes, my friend Kaye is spot on, I need vacation time.
All this time of writing this blog, I wanted to help, to speak my thoughts, and be there for others.....the same with my job. But that makes you so one dimensional, to round out, to balance......I can't do all the giving,
I have to take my share too. An aha moment here folks! So for those of you who are so much like me,
listen up......seize the moment, ask for help, let go, take every once in awhile. I realized tonight coming home from our gig, that music gives me what I give ...........on stage I get to take it all back, the energy, the love,
the spirit. Physically still not very good, but getting there.
Good night Sweet dreams.
the writer talks about how hard change is for most of us, and that we will go to our graves sacrificing ourselves and our lives rather than undergo change.
Long talks, brutal honest evaluations, that has been my life these several days. I don't want to be one of those who had rather die than change.....actually I refuse to be one of them.......after all this time, it is about me.
This will not be easy for me, to change the core of my being, shifting a life time of habits to survive.....but I will.
Learning to let people do things for me, a brand new concept, but I am getting there. Asking for help, wow,
totally brand new, but hey, I am embracing, I can do this. And yes, my friend Kaye is spot on, I need vacation time.
All this time of writing this blog, I wanted to help, to speak my thoughts, and be there for others.....the same with my job. But that makes you so one dimensional, to round out, to balance......I can't do all the giving,
I have to take my share too. An aha moment here folks! So for those of you who are so much like me,
listen up......seize the moment, ask for help, let go, take every once in awhile. I realized tonight coming home from our gig, that music gives me what I give ...........on stage I get to take it all back, the energy, the love,
the spirit. Physically still not very good, but getting there.
Good night Sweet dreams.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Transformation Information
I realized something about my myself today as I was teaching......my strongest strength is also one of my greatest weaknesses. It has become way too apparent these past few days. I know that I am a caregiver, and I have always put others before me, the past few years that trait has rattled my cage more times than I care to count.
I have battled an infection for months, and I have seen my docs, but I never slowed down......I took the meds
and went on my way. The past couple of weeks have been more than difficult......the meds have ravaged me....no sleep, emotions all over the place, it has been some time since I was where I am now. I think today
brought me to me my knees, I am ready to do what it takes to find my health again.
Last week, I looked in the mirror and it was hard to recognize the face looking back at me. I should have known, for the past few weeks, everyone who saw me, said the same thing...."you look so tired". My new primary doc looked at me last week and said she didn't know how I was walking around, I was so embarrassed to tell her that I pushed myself, pushed like no body's business.....that for days I could barely
think, I was so sick, so tired.
I know this post may sound ludicrous to some of you, but I truly know how I got here......and there may be some of you who are like me........I was reared by a stoic mom.......unless there was blood gushing, unless you were unable to walk, unless you blinded by the pain......you put one foot in front of the other, and you did what you were suppose to do. Now, logically, I know that is NOT what you do, unless you are running for your life.....but conditioning in early life, well it is hard to change.
But, I am looking at myself tonight, once again trying to redefine all things important to me.....trying to remember what really is important, what truly is the big stuff, it is hard. This is the one day at a time, one breath at a time, let go, and decide. I am writing this tonight, as part of my healing, to see these words and try to understand, how hard I am on me.......I know that there are many of you just like me, and that is why
I sit here and strike these keys.
There are more weeks to go on the meds, my kitchen calendar has them marked. My body craves sleep,
and now the hunger has hit, and it appears to be all consuming........water has become my best friend and great love. This was not written for sorrow, not written for your pity, just to let you know......if you are like me, I understand your struggle......it is after all .......Transformation Information......some days I need it as much as anyone!
I have battled an infection for months, and I have seen my docs, but I never slowed down......I took the meds
and went on my way. The past couple of weeks have been more than difficult......the meds have ravaged me....no sleep, emotions all over the place, it has been some time since I was where I am now. I think today
brought me to me my knees, I am ready to do what it takes to find my health again.
Last week, I looked in the mirror and it was hard to recognize the face looking back at me. I should have known, for the past few weeks, everyone who saw me, said the same thing...."you look so tired". My new primary doc looked at me last week and said she didn't know how I was walking around, I was so embarrassed to tell her that I pushed myself, pushed like no body's business.....that for days I could barely
think, I was so sick, so tired.
I know this post may sound ludicrous to some of you, but I truly know how I got here......and there may be some of you who are like me........I was reared by a stoic mom.......unless there was blood gushing, unless you were unable to walk, unless you blinded by the pain......you put one foot in front of the other, and you did what you were suppose to do. Now, logically, I know that is NOT what you do, unless you are running for your life.....but conditioning in early life, well it is hard to change.
But, I am looking at myself tonight, once again trying to redefine all things important to me.....trying to remember what really is important, what truly is the big stuff, it is hard. This is the one day at a time, one breath at a time, let go, and decide. I am writing this tonight, as part of my healing, to see these words and try to understand, how hard I am on me.......I know that there are many of you just like me, and that is why
I sit here and strike these keys.
There are more weeks to go on the meds, my kitchen calendar has them marked. My body craves sleep,
and now the hunger has hit, and it appears to be all consuming........water has become my best friend and great love. This was not written for sorrow, not written for your pity, just to let you know......if you are like me, I understand your struggle......it is after all .......Transformation Information......some days I need it as much as anyone!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Low Down
So many of you made comments about our playing for a llama convention.......it is true, and now the sordid story. We have friends who at one time were into llamas, you know breeding, showing etc. Well it turns out there are quite a few llama folks around, and they have professional organizations, meetings, parties, etc.
The one thing about playing music, you never know where it will take you or what you will see. Rick and I do singer/songwriter gigs and then we have a friend, Steve Norris that we play with as The Overalls.
Well our, llama friends asked The Overalls about playing for their yearly llama convention which was being held at a State Park a couple of hours from our home.......and there was money, rooms, meals.....a good gig! Ask any musician! Now our friends knew we were acoustic folk, but that was ok, they weren't looking for a dance band or cover group.
We got to the state park that afternoon, had dinner and they told us where the hospitality suite was, that was
our gig location. Big nice suite, sofas, chairs, coffee tables, bar, they had a nice layout. The guitars were
tuned, we found a spot to set up and the folks began to arrive.......it was obvious they had passed another
bar somewhere else and had stopped by......but they were all happy and having fun.
We started the show, and people were talking and laughing.....they loved us! Pretty soon, our friend brought
one of his buddies over, they were smiling and holding this really big jug between them. Well, I am from the south, I come from a long line of moonshine makers and runners.......I knew what was in the jug.
They offered a drink to me, I laughed and said "no thanks, my family use to make that stuff, I know what's in it"......well they started passing that jug around to all their friends. There was a glow in that room like
toxic waste, and by then the noise was almost deafening. Rick and Steve and I looked at each other and howled, it was starting to get interesting.......we broke into a rousing rendition of Me and Bobby McGee.....
soon the dancing began, they stood on table tops, on chairs, and sofas......and not one piece of furniture was lost.
We closed the show a few minutes later, sometimes things are better left private. The next morning as the three of us were eating breakfast, some of the llama folks came into the dinning room.......you could still see the toxic glow in their faces, the plea for coffee was heard across the room. We were never asked to play another llama convention.
The one thing about playing music, you never know where it will take you or what you will see. Rick and I do singer/songwriter gigs and then we have a friend, Steve Norris that we play with as The Overalls.
Well our, llama friends asked The Overalls about playing for their yearly llama convention which was being held at a State Park a couple of hours from our home.......and there was money, rooms, meals.....a good gig! Ask any musician! Now our friends knew we were acoustic folk, but that was ok, they weren't looking for a dance band or cover group.
We got to the state park that afternoon, had dinner and they told us where the hospitality suite was, that was
our gig location. Big nice suite, sofas, chairs, coffee tables, bar, they had a nice layout. The guitars were
tuned, we found a spot to set up and the folks began to arrive.......it was obvious they had passed another
bar somewhere else and had stopped by......but they were all happy and having fun.
We started the show, and people were talking and laughing.....they loved us! Pretty soon, our friend brought
one of his buddies over, they were smiling and holding this really big jug between them. Well, I am from the south, I come from a long line of moonshine makers and runners.......I knew what was in the jug.
They offered a drink to me, I laughed and said "no thanks, my family use to make that stuff, I know what's in it"......well they started passing that jug around to all their friends. There was a glow in that room like
toxic waste, and by then the noise was almost deafening. Rick and Steve and I looked at each other and howled, it was starting to get interesting.......we broke into a rousing rendition of Me and Bobby McGee.....
soon the dancing began, they stood on table tops, on chairs, and sofas......and not one piece of furniture was lost.
We closed the show a few minutes later, sometimes things are better left private. The next morning as the three of us were eating breakfast, some of the llama folks came into the dinning room.......you could still see the toxic glow in their faces, the plea for coffee was heard across the room. We were never asked to play another llama convention.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Strange Day
Strange day......last Thursday, a friend's mom called Rick and I ask us to play at a function today. Her boss had requested that she get in touch with us, it was definitely community service, but that was ok. We had the morning open, and we love helping out when we can.
We had met our friend's boss a few times during the last several years, at a party, social functions, and she once interviewed me for a job. When we arrived today, there was no sign of any acknowledgement that she had ever met us.......interesting. I did not push it, I just thought well, strange. She kept forgetting our names, weird.
It was an in service event, not sure why they asked us to perform........no stage, no biggie, or pa, we can deal.
We did several motivational songs that we had written, but we were playing while vendors presented their wares. I had the sensation of what it would be like if we played a children's birthday party.
We have played some strange gigs........a llama convention comes to mind, immediately. But this, I think was the one that truly didn't make sense. The boss, kept calling us the band........maybe when she had our friend call us, she had us confused with someone else......even our trio, is not really a band. We are acoustic, folk
singer/songwriters.
Years ago, we would sometimes play smoky bars........but even those, people listened. It was like being in the twilight zone for musicians, wondering why, where, what, how today. We gave it all we had, but we both were shaking our heads when left there today........what just happened?????? Strange day in music land.
We had met our friend's boss a few times during the last several years, at a party, social functions, and she once interviewed me for a job. When we arrived today, there was no sign of any acknowledgement that she had ever met us.......interesting. I did not push it, I just thought well, strange. She kept forgetting our names, weird.
It was an in service event, not sure why they asked us to perform........no stage, no biggie, or pa, we can deal.
We did several motivational songs that we had written, but we were playing while vendors presented their wares. I had the sensation of what it would be like if we played a children's birthday party.
We have played some strange gigs........a llama convention comes to mind, immediately. But this, I think was the one that truly didn't make sense. The boss, kept calling us the band........maybe when she had our friend call us, she had us confused with someone else......even our trio, is not really a band. We are acoustic, folk
singer/songwriters.
Years ago, we would sometimes play smoky bars........but even those, people listened. It was like being in the twilight zone for musicians, wondering why, where, what, how today. We gave it all we had, but we both were shaking our heads when left there today........what just happened?????? Strange day in music land.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Loss
An old friend came back into my life around ten years ago, it had been several years since we had seen each other, but it was a joy to reconnect with him. He was a mentor and a hero, a world renowned journalist, who wrote the truth in simple every day language that anyone could understand. He was tall and ruggedly handsome, the years had been kind to him( and yes, he was an older man) his face had that worn leather look, but his eyes still twinkled and he was as curious as ever about my life. As we sat and talked, he looked at me, and mentioned that life must have been really kind, it was apparent that I had not suffered loss.
I laughed, and asked him what he meant. He said," you know, loss.....loved ones, health, important things". I told him, that for once, his journalist instinct had failed him......that I had known loss, great loss and we talked about all that had happened in the years since we had seen each other.
Now this was a man who had faced loss in epic proportions......he had covered war, politics, disasters of all kinds, but though his heart had been broken time and time again by the horrors he witnessed.......there was still gentleness in his heart and spirit......he still saw the good.
I woke up this morning at 3:00am thinking of loss, and my old friend who passed away a few years ago.
I think if he saw me now, he would recognize the shadows of loss on my face. Loss changes so much of your life.....it may not change the outward appearance, but I can tell you from first hand experience it changes the inside. Loss comes in many forms, it may be a shock, or it may be a gradual painfully slow process, I have had both in my life. Illness, the loss of good health, a body that can't and won't do what it once did......death of someone you love, sudden or slow.......the loss of a job or lifestyle you worked your whole life for......a divorce. Loss means many things to each of us.
Loss changed me in many ways...... with the first big one.......there was unstoppable grief, and then anger and resentment.......my heart felt as though holes had been shot through it and that no matter how much love had been there, it could never fill again. As the years went by, the losses continued (that's life) each one took a piece of me, rearranged me, tested me. I realized something as I lay in bed this morning, there has been an upside to all this loss, as the years have gone by, my fears have mostly faded........most times now, when the worst happens, I am reminded of my loss........I made it through them, am still standing......worn, tattered,
but still standing.
Loss kills some, destroys their will to go on, decimates their spirits. I think that having friends and loved ones who cared about me, was my salvation.......so as I write this to you all tonight, if you have suffered loss or know someone who has........reach out......to those around you, who love you......allow them to see your suffering and let them help you.......they really want to. There is strength in the love and kindness of others,
there is healing in hugs and tears, and there is hope, one breath at a time.
I laughed, and asked him what he meant. He said," you know, loss.....loved ones, health, important things". I told him, that for once, his journalist instinct had failed him......that I had known loss, great loss and we talked about all that had happened in the years since we had seen each other.
Now this was a man who had faced loss in epic proportions......he had covered war, politics, disasters of all kinds, but though his heart had been broken time and time again by the horrors he witnessed.......there was still gentleness in his heart and spirit......he still saw the good.
I woke up this morning at 3:00am thinking of loss, and my old friend who passed away a few years ago.
I think if he saw me now, he would recognize the shadows of loss on my face. Loss changes so much of your life.....it may not change the outward appearance, but I can tell you from first hand experience it changes the inside. Loss comes in many forms, it may be a shock, or it may be a gradual painfully slow process, I have had both in my life. Illness, the loss of good health, a body that can't and won't do what it once did......death of someone you love, sudden or slow.......the loss of a job or lifestyle you worked your whole life for......a divorce. Loss means many things to each of us.
Loss changed me in many ways...... with the first big one.......there was unstoppable grief, and then anger and resentment.......my heart felt as though holes had been shot through it and that no matter how much love had been there, it could never fill again. As the years went by, the losses continued (that's life) each one took a piece of me, rearranged me, tested me. I realized something as I lay in bed this morning, there has been an upside to all this loss, as the years have gone by, my fears have mostly faded........most times now, when the worst happens, I am reminded of my loss........I made it through them, am still standing......worn, tattered,
but still standing.
Loss kills some, destroys their will to go on, decimates their spirits. I think that having friends and loved ones who cared about me, was my salvation.......so as I write this to you all tonight, if you have suffered loss or know someone who has........reach out......to those around you, who love you......allow them to see your suffering and let them help you.......they really want to. There is strength in the love and kindness of others,
there is healing in hugs and tears, and there is hope, one breath at a time.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The Ride Never Ends
There is a song that I helped to co-write, The Ride Never Ends.......it is about love and caring, about relationships that truly have no ending. Originally, Rick and our friend Tracy and I had written the lyrics about a truck driver, but a few months ago talking with a friend who had lost all three of her brothers and about my loss of parents and brothers, I felt the need to do a major rewrite, with Tracy's blessings and Rick's help.
Our country lost 30 of it's best and finest today, and all I could think about, for their families and friends.....The Ride Will Never End.
So with my love, my sorrow, and prayers, a couple of verses and chorus:
So many things wish I could change
go back in time and rearrange
to hold those moments I have lost
I'd pay the price at any cost
We get so caught up in our lives
and we let time pass us by
all those rides we meant to take
we wake up and it's too late
Now they're gone
life has changed
only memories remain
The ride never ends
The ride never ends
Peace.
Our country lost 30 of it's best and finest today, and all I could think about, for their families and friends.....The Ride Will Never End.
So with my love, my sorrow, and prayers, a couple of verses and chorus:
So many things wish I could change
go back in time and rearrange
to hold those moments I have lost
I'd pay the price at any cost
We get so caught up in our lives
and we let time pass us by
all those rides we meant to take
we wake up and it's too late
Now they're gone
life has changed
only memories remain
The ride never ends
The ride never ends
Peace.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Can't Say No to Blackie
Another monsoon this evening, power was off for a few hours, another incredible show of electrical works by mother nature. Blackie Bear (lab/chow mix) does not want me to write tonight......he keeps sticking his head in my lap. He missed the fan and cool air while the power was off, Blackie is not happy when he is hot.
A good day of yoga classes today, well they are always good, but some like today......are exceptional.
The first group that came in, we worked on meditation, Warrior asanas, and then I got out the rollers and we rolled each other's backs, they loved it. My rollers......they are wooden rolling pins, and they are awesome for a back massage! Go to the dollar store, get a couple, get a partner and roll! You'll love it!
Second group, lots of shoulder and upper body asanas, and then yep, more rollers! Everybody left with a smile today! Some days you just have to make it fun! Friday is fun yoga.....and you may quote me on that!
Gig tomorrow, Rick and I are performing at an arts festival in Fultondale, a sub of Birmingham. Our time slot is 2:30 to 3:30, pray for clouds.....it is supposed to be around 98 degrees by then. I was told the stage has no covering ( no shade) My pink skin will be beet red! Actually we have three more gigs for the coming week, one on Monday, then Wednesday night and Thursday night......busy week ahead. Busy, but fun!
Ok Blackie wins, he will not go to bed until I go.......and I am a little tired too. Can't say no to Blackie Bear.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
.
A good day of yoga classes today, well they are always good, but some like today......are exceptional.
The first group that came in, we worked on meditation, Warrior asanas, and then I got out the rollers and we rolled each other's backs, they loved it. My rollers......they are wooden rolling pins, and they are awesome for a back massage! Go to the dollar store, get a couple, get a partner and roll! You'll love it!
Second group, lots of shoulder and upper body asanas, and then yep, more rollers! Everybody left with a smile today! Some days you just have to make it fun! Friday is fun yoga.....and you may quote me on that!
Gig tomorrow, Rick and I are performing at an arts festival in Fultondale, a sub of Birmingham. Our time slot is 2:30 to 3:30, pray for clouds.....it is supposed to be around 98 degrees by then. I was told the stage has no covering ( no shade) My pink skin will be beet red! Actually we have three more gigs for the coming week, one on Monday, then Wednesday night and Thursday night......busy week ahead. Busy, but fun!
Ok Blackie wins, he will not go to bed until I go.......and I am a little tired too. Can't say no to Blackie Bear.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Storms of Every Kind
Thunder and lightening, rain is pouring down, the August monsoons have hit Alabama. The rain is warm,
and the air between the storms is heavy, the lightening has been Mother Nature's Fireworks at their best.
You can feel the storms energy, it sets heavy on the chest. There have been energy storms on many levels this week.
Ingrid, my car is sick......I like to to think she is having major surgery, but her chances of recovery are excellent.
She is in the capable hands of a shade tree mechanic car doc, who loves his work and he is rebuilding her transmission.
She will be a good patient. But she has no health care, so there will be a pretty substantial bill, but still much better than making payments on a car no where near the value she has to me.
I have been sick for weeks, I knew better, but I kept thinking it would just go away. After all, for this superwoman there is no kryptonite . (not sure about the spelling,) HA!!!!! So I had a meeting with my new primary care doc, I like her a lot. But now there is a storm of epic proportions raging in my body.
LOTS of steroids, and two antibiotics, I haven't slept since Tuesday.....in the words of my friend Edie,
I am beginning to have some "come aparts". The energy is amazing, it surges through the body and
I can start twenty -five different things at once. And then I realize, I can't concentrate on any of them.........
UGH!!!!!!! How do I channel it????? Three more weeks of this, do you need your house cleaned, your lawn mowed, windows washed, oil changed??????
And this too shall pass, just like any other storm. I have done a lot of breathing today (now that I can breathe). And I say, yes I have learned my lesson, but you know I am so much like most of you..... or maybe not........and hopefully next time, I will remember......there is always kryptonite.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
and the air between the storms is heavy, the lightening has been Mother Nature's Fireworks at their best.
You can feel the storms energy, it sets heavy on the chest. There have been energy storms on many levels this week.
Ingrid, my car is sick......I like to to think she is having major surgery, but her chances of recovery are excellent.
She is in the capable hands of a shade tree mechanic car doc, who loves his work and he is rebuilding her transmission.
She will be a good patient. But she has no health care, so there will be a pretty substantial bill, but still much better than making payments on a car no where near the value she has to me.
I have been sick for weeks, I knew better, but I kept thinking it would just go away. After all, for this superwoman there is no kryptonite . (not sure about the spelling,) HA!!!!! So I had a meeting with my new primary care doc, I like her a lot. But now there is a storm of epic proportions raging in my body.
LOTS of steroids, and two antibiotics, I haven't slept since Tuesday.....in the words of my friend Edie,
I am beginning to have some "come aparts". The energy is amazing, it surges through the body and
I can start twenty -five different things at once. And then I realize, I can't concentrate on any of them.........
UGH!!!!!!! How do I channel it????? Three more weeks of this, do you need your house cleaned, your lawn mowed, windows washed, oil changed??????
And this too shall pass, just like any other storm. I have done a lot of breathing today (now that I can breathe). And I say, yes I have learned my lesson, but you know I am so much like most of you..... or maybe not........and hopefully next time, I will remember......there is always kryptonite.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Mamie's Star
She gave me the plant a few years ago, Mamie called it her blazing star.
I remember this plant in her yard, it was huge, maybe five feet around and at least five feet tall, covered in these incredible scarlet flowers the size of coffee cups.
Mine has stayed small, it is planted in a container on our deck, but this fall......Freedom! I am going to plant her in the ground in hopes that next summer, a corner of our yard will blaze with Mamie's stars!
We all need our freedom to grow, to blossom, to spread our wings.....to feel warm sunshine and gentle rain..... to put down our roots......and be a blazing star.
My wish for all of you tonight, that in some way, you all shine as bright, as vibrant, as beautiful, as Mamie's blazing star.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Self-Pity
I read a very profound statement today......."self-pity is an excuse to do nothing." That rang as true as anything I have ever read. Now, I have had some fabulous pity parties, and I can wallow with the pros....but I know people who have made a life out of not only self-pity, but the pity of others. I can pity my self, but for heaven's sake, the pity of others would be unbearable.
An excuse to do nothing......it is true, you know....self-pity paralyzes you. Once you get in the muck and the mire, the wallow feels so damn good, it is the drug that promises death of the spirit. An occasional wallow is acceptable, but find a friend who promises ( and will make good on that promise) to kick your ass if you the wallow swallows you up.
Nothing......that is not stillness, nor peacefulness......that is shutting down, losing joy, turning your back on gratitude, and becoming about as self-centered as you can get. It becomes all about you......guess what,
it is never all about you, only in your mind.
So if that evil little devil, whispers in your ear, tells you that everything happens to you, that nothing good comes your way, that nothing will work out for you, that your life sucks.......you know the drill. At one time or another, he has sat on everybody's shoulder......call your friend, then for the next five minutes just have the oscar of all pity parties, pull out all the stops, make it the mother of all pity parties......at the end of five minutes, see how sadly ridiculous it all is, take a deep breath, force a smile, and go write down one thing you are grateful for.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
An excuse to do nothing......it is true, you know....self-pity paralyzes you. Once you get in the muck and the mire, the wallow feels so damn good, it is the drug that promises death of the spirit. An occasional wallow is acceptable, but find a friend who promises ( and will make good on that promise) to kick your ass if you the wallow swallows you up.
Nothing......that is not stillness, nor peacefulness......that is shutting down, losing joy, turning your back on gratitude, and becoming about as self-centered as you can get. It becomes all about you......guess what,
it is never all about you, only in your mind.
So if that evil little devil, whispers in your ear, tells you that everything happens to you, that nothing good comes your way, that nothing will work out for you, that your life sucks.......you know the drill. At one time or another, he has sat on everybody's shoulder......call your friend, then for the next five minutes just have the oscar of all pity parties, pull out all the stops, make it the mother of all pity parties......at the end of five minutes, see how sadly ridiculous it all is, take a deep breath, force a smile, and go write down one thing you are grateful for.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Surprise
The best surprise tonight......as we drove into the drive a little after eight, Ingrid's lights flashed on what we thought were the neighbor's dogs by our fence, wrong......there were two adult deer and a tiny fawn.
The fawn was probably only a day or two old, not much bigger than a large cat, with soft creamy spots.
I had been looking for the mom the past few days, worried that the heat had gotten to her, but she and baby
looked just fine tonight. They were sipping water from our birdbath, and eating birdseed from the feeder.
It was a gift.....on the way into work today, a few miles from here....there was a baby fawn lying on the side of the road, about the same size as this one......she didn't make it, probably hit by a car. I had thought about the little fawn all the way to work, and hoped that she hadn't suffered. I know that many consider deer a nuisance,and then there are the hunters......but I find them magical and beautiful. And yes, several have hit or jumped my car during the past several years, but I live here, I know most of their trails and watch for them constantly as I drive.
It is a constant pleasure to see them in our field, eating under the apple tree or in the front yard, sipping from the birdbath. The most incredible gift is to watch them play, running and jumping, chasing each other until they lie down in the field to rest. They are noble, graceful creatures....and I am grateful that they feel safe on our property, that they grace us with their presence.
It's interesting, you'd think our dogs would chase them away, but the dogs seem to enjoy their presence too.
After all, these dogs lie in the grass while rabbits run across the yard and squirrels scurry by them to the bird feeders. If it's not kibble or human food, our dogs are just not interested, and the chase.....well they ran out of chase a long time ago.
Maybe tomorrow, I can get pictures of the fawn.
Good night, Sweet dreams.
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