Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Treatment # Nine

The infusions are taking longer now, today was three and a half hours........but apparently, the slower the drip, the less nasty the side effects.  Even if it gets to the point that it takes all day I am willing to do whatever it takes.  The good news, the new nausea meds are working, actually that is great news!

My friends in the infusion center were subdued today, the drips are taking their toll.  A couple of the spouses sat and talked with me, I can see the fear and the worry for their loved ones.  We spoke about how much we missed Rosemary, she left her sweetness in our hearts and memories.
Rosemary lost her battle quickly, but there are others who share their stories with us.......some have been fighting for ten, fifteen years.......I don't easily discuss my illness with most......but it is easy to share in that infusion room.  The most often asked question for me, when do your treatments end?
And that is what I struggle with most, because they open-ended.

As the women and I talked today, I told them I had found a support group on line, that it had helped to hear other people's stories, but there was quite a bit of sadness too.  It seems that what I have hits children too, and I cannot imagine being a child facing "open-ended" treatments.  One young woman shared a story about  her mom on line, that her mother had taken her infusions for a couple of years, and then told the family she just couldn't do it anymore.........her mother died with pneumonia less than a year after stopping the treatments.   I am grateful for my yoga life style, it has taught me not only one day at a time, but one breath at a time.

We have become a family of sorts in that infusion room, people from all walks of life.......whose common thread is a drip.  We grieve together, we encourage each other, and every day that I am there, I try so hard to send love to each and every one in that room.  I looked around that room today, and at times, the suffering smothers me, but there is laughter too......and when you hear laughter in that room, it is like the sound of angels singing.

Rick told me on the way home today that he spoke with my doctor in the hall, she thinks that my illness is for a purpose, that I am in that room to help.......the strange thing, I feel the same way.
I can't think about myself when I am there, all I can do is look around and think what can I do, what can I say to help.  One of the patients was having difficulty walking, my first thought......I need to unplug my drip and help her.......I know, I am there for healing too.  This room, these treatments, the people I have met have changed has all changed Rick too.

So today, treatment # 9,  tonight it is not my illness that is getting me down, but the illness of all those I see, all the ones I cry and laugh with......say a prayer for my friends please, and for those three wonderful nurses who are always there for us,  and I 'll say a prayer for all of you.


  1. Prayers for all of you. After watching Donna go through this I have a better appreciation of what goes on and more respect for the nurses who see so many go in and out daily. I hope your treatments will have an end that happens because you are well. You are a blessing to everyone there...even through blog land I can feel that!

  2. My Rich was terminal and did not want any drugs that would prolong the inevitable. He wanted to live with quality. During that time, he encouraged, supported and talked to so many others. Never thinking of himself. You remind me of him as I read this. Bless your heart and strength. You are an amazing woman! Hugs.