Sunday, October 21, 2012

Pick and Choose

Sunday has been a beautiful autumn day.......the trees are starting to show their colors, this morning was in the low 40's........we took the dogs for a walk.  My energy has started to creep back up, doesn't last all day, but I had a few hours today when I felt really good......but by six o'clock this was gone.  That's ok, I have been keeping a diary of all this treatment stuff......and I know that this too shall pass.

One of the biggest lessons that I think I have learned from all of this treatment stuff........I can't do everything, every day.  I have had to learn to pick and choose. That may seem so shallow, but for me, it has been a really big deal.  I have learned that it is really important for me to continue my daily walks, even if that means something else doesn't get done.  It is really important for me to rest, even if that means I turn down an invitation for something that I wanted to do.  This picking and choosing is hard!

I think in the past, I may have caused some friends to feel guilty or bad, because on the surface I appeared to be doing it all.........but you know, my friends didn't see my come-aparts.......when I had so many things going on at once, it was like being on the tilt-a-whirl at the fair........the  meltdowns came, just in the privacy of my home.    There were so many times, I danced as fast as I possibly could, and it was never fast enough.  What a waste of energy, and time. I spent so much of me, trying to make others happy.

My life still gets complicated, now with the treatments, and the visits with the docs.  But keeping it all in perspective has become easier. My biggest fear now, is not too many irons in the fire, but how to stay healthy.......and how to pick and choose what is truly important each day.  If I could tell each of you a secret tonight, a secret that would give you a better would be pick and choose every day.......pick and choose who you want to spend time with, what work you want to do, how you want to live to your life........pick and choose.

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