Thursday, November 17, 2011

True to Ourselves

Reassess, reevaluate, I used those two words a few nights ago......I have thought of them often since then.
I love what I do, and I am very fortunate that I no longer "have to work".  So that puts me in a unique situation.......when the bullshit hits the fan at work,  it is always very tempting to say ok, take it, have at it,
and walk away.   But, I truly believe in what I do,  I know in my heart that I help people, that I make a difference in their lives......and that is why I stay.

But life is passing quickly, and honestly, if  the insurance charts are correct, I don't have that many years left  to do the things I love......and there is more to my life than yoga.  The music, is just as important to may not touch lives like the yoga, but it is good for my soul.  Time with my friends and the people I love, really had not registered until the storm hit this week,  and when I found myself  being
battered.........I have done a lot of thinking.

The past few years people have kept asking when are you retiring, and my answer was always the same, never.....will work until I die.  So, there is a great deal of thinking, of evaluating.......I don't want to 
leave but I also know, life is too short for the bullshit.   I am good at what I do, actually,  I am really good at what I do, and my students tell me they live for my classes, it is the best part of their day while in rehab.   I am  an extraordinary employee......the company gets my all when I am least two and three times a year I go to workshops, I am constantly studying and reading so that I will be the best teacher I can be.  Oh yeah, those workshops......I pay for most of them myself....and the props that I use.  But I do it, because of my love for my students and knowing how much yoga can help them, in their recovery and their lives.

I hope that things will calm down, that I can go about my teaching and all be as it was before.  But one of my friends told me this week that maybe something better was waiting in the wings, and this was just preparing me for it.  Who knows......but because of this week,  I am thinking thoughts I would never have thought, and the contentment that was there......well,  it will come back,  but for now, there is an open wound that will have to heal.

Change is for certain in life, nothing lasts forever.   The important thing.....knowing you did what you knew in your heart was right, that you treated people the way you wanted to be treated, and that all you did , was with love, courage and the intent to help.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring, every day I ask for my portion of grace and the wisdom to do what I should.  

This was truly not the post I intended to write, but it is the one that the muse gave.  I suppose it needed to be released.  I think that there are many of us in the same position, that have reached the stage in our lives, when we can do what is in our hearts fearlessly.......and if the storms appear,  we will stay on course, and remain true to our selves.  Blessings to us all and all of our endeavors.

Good night, Sweet dreams.


  1. I was also a great employee, I loved the people I was able to help and gave my all. But I reached a point where I knew that I needed to give my husband and myself more of me. So I retired and moved on to the next phase of my life. And it's been so exciting. It was scary but worth it.

  2. A time came when I knew it was time to leave my work. I stopped in stages, working part time for the final 3 years. And the day I stepped away I never looked back, never missed what had been the focus of my days and really, my life, for 34 years. I hadn't acknowledged how stressful those years were. I was worn out.
    I was amazed that live could change in a snap of time. I am still working, for myself, in another area - collectibles, and helping raise my young grandson, and providing considerable care for my parents. It has been four years and I seem to be getting my 'creative part of my life' back. So that is good.
    Do what is best for you. Be kind to yourself.

  3. I know you will take the time to think and be centered and let the right choice unfold for you. Whatever you chose, do what will keep the light flowing in your kind heart. Sometimes we just need to be quiet, let go, and let God.


  4. I believe you are very good at what you do.I can feel that through the way you conway your thoughts here.And I am sure people you 'work' with appreciate that very much:)

  5. Oh Jilda! Whatever happened to you must have been so traumatic for you to be in a state of leaping out into the great unknown! I am so sorry and hope the hurt is easing a little. But I always say things happen for a reason - and looks like your heart's desires are making themselves felt!

    Take care

  6. You have no idea how your post helped me this morning.

  7. Interesting that your post is about change. I myself am going through a major change. Change can be painful but necessary.
    Whatever you decide, I know you will take care of yourself and like the title of your post you will be true to yourself.

  8. You weren't following me around at my place of employment this week were you? The storms have been raging and I'm not in a position to walk away yet..because if I was I would have been handing the letter of resignation to the boss today. I would have had to stand in line by her office because I think we all wanted out! But, I know it's going to be OK and I'll have a few days to regroup..hope you do too and all will be better soon.