Hail

We played one of our most favorite venues tonight, I had looked forward to it all week.
As we walked out of the front door this evening headed for Berkeley Bob's , there were strange clouds and weird light all around us......I looked at Rick and said, "I bet there's hail somewhere."
Twenty minutes later on the interstate, we found the hail.  Quarter and golf ball size hail, beating down on us like a  mad possessed weather experiment.  Cars were pulling onto the shoulders of I65 like crazy,
I kept looking for a funnel cloud.  Ingrid (my car) was pounded without mercy, over and over by those hail stones.  Never had I seen such large stones, never had I seen a hail storm last so long.
Mercifully, Ingrid's windshield remained intact.....when daylight comes tomorrow, we'll see how many dents she has.......in the dark, I didn't see any dents.

So, we made it on to Bob's and had a great show, the crowd was smaller than usual......after April 27th's tornadoes last year, we here in Alabama are gun shy when it comes to the weather.
There is still lightening in the distance tonight, hopefully, all we will get is rain.
I am ready for a cup of hot tea.......
goodnight, sweet dreams

Change the World

A friend share a video clip with Rick and I tonight, it contains a message that I have talked about often.....change your words, change your world.  I had seen the video before, a blind man begging,
a young well dressed woman walks by, writes something on his sign and walks away.  Before she leaves, he feels of her shoes.  Later that day, he is amazed by how generous people are as they walk by.  The young woman walks up, he knows it is her, because he touches her shoes.
He wants to know what she did and she tells him, she just changed his words a little on his sign.
The original sign of course, said something to the effect, help me I am blind.......the new sign,
something to the effect.....I can't see what a beautiful day it is.........that's the power of words.

My sister Pat often makes the statement,that once words are spoken, you can never take them back......that's true.  We all talk, and quite often, we talk before we think.  We say hateful rhetoric, make biased remarks, and assume judgement, and the words just continue to flow.
We speak constantly about what we don't like, and never take the time to speak of what we do like.  Words are the most powerful weapons in the world.......they start wars, break hearts, create hatred......but they can also heal, soothe, calm and create love.   Words are tools and with them, we really can change our world.

Mamie's Flowers

My mom called this a "peach" rose, I suppose because it resembles a tiny rose, and it is the color of a peach blossom.  The original bush came from my grandmother Mamie, passed on to my mom and now it lives in my front yard.  I don't really know what it is, but it has always been one of my favorite early spring flowers.

I have two of them, and one is looking rather sickly.......I am tending to her daily.....hoping that I can save her.  The heat and the drought almost took her out last summer.  I think I need to relocate her.  Her sister, who is thriving lives in a  semi-shaded area and seems very happy.  I think they need to be neighbors.  If any of you know what kind of flower this is, please let me know.  These plants are around 40 years old, I don't want to lose them.

It seems strange I suppose to think of them as family members, but they are.......they really are my legacy.....but at this point I am not sure if any family member would want them after I pass on.  But for now, they make me smile, and they connect ......me to my mom.....me to my grandmother.  I keep reading that fresh flowers and plants in the house are healthy for you, both physically and mentally......I believe it.  Flowers in the house always make me feel better.  I hope there are flowers where ever you are tonight.

Feel Alive

The past few days have been interesting.......I kept thinking something is different, what is going on?   Then over the weekend it hit me, I have energy......honest to god, energy.....wow!
Honestly, it has been several years since my energy level has been this good.  I think the treatments are going to do good stuff for me.  I actually worked in my flowers yesterday,  I have not spent a large portion of my day on the sofa the past couple of weeks.......people keep telling me how good I look.

I take another treatment next week, I admit that first treatment hit me kinda hard.  I spent a great deal of time on the sofa that week, sleeping.....but then as the days went by.....the energy began to creep back into my life.  I can't tell you what it is like to feel good, to actually have the energy to do things......not to have to push myself......as my friend Fred said today, "you feel alive".  He's right, I feel alive.

The past couple of days, there has been almost a constant silent prayer of gratitude in my head.  I still have a chronic illness,  and that's ok, I can deal with it, especially knowing that
I can have some good days.
I feel alive, I am alive, I feel good........wishing you all a good day tomorrow.

Flag Retiring Ceremony

Rick and I were honored to sing at a flag retiring ceremony today.  It was held at our local Veteran's Memorial, by our wonderful Veteran's Group.  My father, being a WWII Vet was adamant about how our flag should be treated, I have seen him angered more than once when he saw a flag being flown or treated  inappropriately.

The local Boy Scout Troop presented the colors,  our Honor Guard led the Pledge and played taps
as the flag was burned. It was such an emotional ceremony, I found myself in tears as I looked around at all the young and old Veterans.  Since I work with the military group at my job, these ceremonies have become so dear to me.  My home town is so lucky to have our Veterans' Group.
Every Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, they have some sort of program, some sort of recognition for those who have and who are still serving this country.  Many times they have asked Rick and I to help in some way,  I could never turn them down.

We have played in prestigious places, in front of bigger crowds, but performances like tonight, those are the pearls......the ones that are special......the ones that you know really count.

Struggles

It seems that many of my friends are in the midst of struggles.......family, personal and health.
For me, it is frustrating, because I want to help.......but sadly, for the most part.....all I can do is say I love you, give a hug, say a prayer and hope for the best.

It is difficult to watch those you love, deal with heartache and pain.......but it all is part of life....part of the experience of living here on this earth......lessons to be learned......experiences to be lived.

I'm sure that when I struggle, they hurt for me too.....and want to help.  For all the sadness that I feel for friends and family, when life is tough for them, I cannot imagine what a parent feels for a child, when their life is in turmoil.  I think the one thing we have to remember no matter what......people, children, friends, lovers.......they are not possessions.  We can love them, learn from them, teach then, but they are not possessions, nor can we control anyone's life.
Hard lessons......and we all have to face them......hopefully with love, and kindness surrounded by those who care.

Sharing a Poem

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

I love this poem, it is one of my all time favorites.  I have thought of it several times the past few days.  I just felt like sharing it tonight.
goodnight, sweet dreams

Contemplation

The sky today was an incredible gift.......the blue was that clear, rich blue of the west......if you have never seen the western blue sky(promise yourself, you will) and if you have.....well you know that color.  At first, there were no clouds, but as the day went by, soft billowy clouds began to float through the jet stream.  Then, streams of cloud like feathers mixed with the billows, all against that azure sky.  The rains ( actually almost monsoons) cleared away the pollen, the atmosphere was pristine.....and it made me yearn for a trip west.  The temps were about fifteen degrees cooler, and as the afternoon faded into evening, the skies filled with clouds, and rain began to fall......quite an interesting weather day.  Like every day, this one was a gift.
Because of the rains, the colors of the grass, leaves, and flowers have intensified, even the sun
shine seemed more golden  today.

Usually the day after my birthday is one of contemplation, this one has been no different.
Thoughts of the past, memories of friends, and hopes for tomorrow.......this has been that kind of day.  Thank you all for your birthday wishes.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Six Decades

Six decades......I have been alive as of today......six decades.....how can that be?  I am grateful, for all the wonderful wishes and thoughts and love, I am grateful that I am still here, I am grateful for a life full of blessings, a life that has always had more good than bad.  I am grateful for friends, for family,
for the paths that I have walked, and all that I have discovered in this life.  The life I live today, is not the life I dreamed when I was young, but it is a life that I have formed because of my choices and because fate has smiled on me.  For whatever is left to come, for the number of breaths that I have left to take,  I can only hope it will be this good.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Birthday Eve

Rain.....no more pollen!  Happy Dance!  It was amazing as the rain started today, swirls of yellow dust covered the ground......my lungs are breathing a sigh of relief.  But spring in Alabama is so very beautiful......flowers are everywhere you look, wisteria hangs from the trees like purple rivers.....most of the leaves on the trees are that 80's acid green.....green on the verge of yellow, Monet would have loved it here.

Blackie Bear and I did not sleep well last night, both our bodies could feel the change in the atmosphere, he would grunt as he tossed and turned on his bed.....I did the same.  We both consumed asprins today......his hips are just not what they use to be, and neither are mine.  It is cooler and the air is clean tonight, I suspect we both will sleep soundly.  Of course that chunk of chocolate with the
carmel center I just consumed may interfere with  my trip to see the sandman.

Wow, my birthday is less than an hour away........it is one of those milestones......I face it with mixed emotions.......thankful I am here......confused by how quickly time has passed......and how the hell did I get this old??????   But I do wear the badge of "tough old broad" well.  I think I should go to bed now, I need all the beauty sleep I can get!  Ha,Ha!

Trauma and Grief

Trauma and grief.......tough groups to participate in.  On Wednesday many of my students attend group counseling in trauma or grief before they come to my class.  They walk into my room and I see the pain on their faces, the way they move and speak.  Most often they are suffering physical pain as well......when you begin to release emotional pain, the body suffers too.

I make sure that the blankets, eye pillows and lavender oil are close by, and that the music is soft and soothing. I ready myself before they come, asking for wisdom and love and for guidance in teaching the class.

Trauma and grief.....sadly most of us have experienced one or both in our lives.  Most of us either figure out on our own, or search out help in moving on......but some become frozen or numb the pain with drugs and/or alcohol.  For some the horrors are so terrifying they become immobilized, stuck in the path of pain, bitterness, anger and sorrow.....often so racked with guilt.....their lives are never the same.  Many like my father did ( who was in WWII) just bury
it all as deeply as possible and pray that it never surfaces.  I believe his heart disease and depression  that started in his early forties, was the suppression of his war experiences.

The good news, the yoga helps.  My group today, came in shoulders slumping, spirits low,
complaining with aches and pains.  I took them through a gentle class, filled with as much love that I could possibly give them.  Breath work and meditation and those gentle moves,
took them to a different place.  When class was over, there were smiles, actually some laughter, and hugs for the teacher.  I'll take those hugs anytime.

Just Good

It has been a really good day.  I had a pedicure, my toes are sporting a nice shiny coat of green, instead of the usual purple or teal.  I met my girlfriend  Jackie for lunch and we exchanged birthday gifts......she got me a rocking yoga jacket!  Jordan came over this afternoon and we ate blue Popsicles.......I know, not very healthy, but fun!

Tonight, I taught a meditation class at work.  I love teaching meditation and breath work, yoga is not for everyone, but EVERYONE should do breath work and meditation.  We tend to make meditation complicated, much as we do everything else in life......but it can be so simple.....just sit and breathe......look out the window, breathe......light a candle, breathe......listen to soft soothing music, breathe......walk slowly, breathe.......wash dishes, breathe.....sweep the floor, breathe.
Awareness of our breathe, awareness of what we do......keeps us in the present, teaches us to focus,to control our thoughts.

So, it has been a good day, nothing earthshaking......just good......I am grateful.
My friend Jackie also bought me some new tea, about to have a nice hot cup.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Pollen Storms

.

There is a blanket of yellow pollen on everything!  Each time the wind blows, a cloud of yellow "dust" sweeps across the horizon.
Our dark green roof is now chartreuse! It seems as though a pollen storm has swept across the state, leaving in its wake, a covering of sticky yellow pollen.

We didn't have a winter, or spring this year, we had a long fall, and then jumped right into summer.  EVERYTHING is blooming!  It is beautiful, just the most wonderful blossoms all around........but here is that yin yang thing again.......all that beauty, has produced all that pollen.

If you are sneezing, coughing, teary itchy eyes there are some home remedies I will share with you.   If you can buy local honey, it should help your immune system fight the allergens.  I know nettie pots have gotten a bad rap, but I love mine for washing the pollen out of my sinus cavities.  If you fear the nettie, then just buy bottles of saline nose spray.  Cold compresses make my eyes feel better, honey and lemon help the cough.

If you are like me and have some pretty serious
respiratory issues, wear a mask on high pollen days if you are outside.  When I do yard work,
I try to remember to wear mine.  Me personally, I also take extra vitamin C, and usually the Air Borne tablets from the local discount store.  Drink lots of water, get a little extra rest and try to limit outdoor activities. Because like everything else, this too shall pass.

I would love to escape to the desert or the beach right now, but since that is not possible, home remedies are the next best thing.......that and lots of rain to wash and cleanse the air. Another lesson I learned, pollen also gets on your clothes, and in your hair......remember that when you put your head on your pillow and start to sneeze.

Enjoy the beauty, some springs the flowers barely bloom, or we have a late frost.  The weather has been almost picture perfect, so I am trying not to complain, just dealing with the
not so perfect stuff.  And if it is cold and dreary where you are tonight, wish I could share the sun and the blooms. Just look at the photo of the honeysuckle, yours will be blooming soon.

Face Book

I took a casual look at Face Book tonight.....I have told Rick several times that I had thought about closing my account, but I always reminded myself that I used it as a social media tool to keep my "friends" posted about our gigs and my yoga classes.  I am so over it......tired of people spewing their religious, political, bilge......their racial prejudice, their anger, judgement and hate.
Silly me, I thought it would be a terrific tool, a way to keep in contact with friends, to know what they were doing with their creative energies, how their lives were going.  I read somewhere that if you had over a 100 or so friends, that the account would no longer function as a social media tool, but would spiral into some strange hideous mutant.  I think this is true.

There lies my mistake, I have some 600 or so "friends".......wrong, most are people I don't know.
So, I think this week, I will purge......and try to regain what I thought I had in the beginning.....a social media tool for myself and my friends.  An easy to way to stay in touch without always sending e-mails.

There are other ugly things about Face Book, corporations using it as a way to check up on employees, insurance companies to spy on their clients, and who knows what else.  Electronic media can be amazing,  musicians can perform their music and sell it without having to ever sign their lives away to a record label.  Writers can share their words without a publisher, art can be seen  without ever stepping foot inside a museum.

Face Book, just like everything else in life......yin and yang.....good and bad........and complicated.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  It has been a good day.
My brother and his family and my sister and her daughter came over and the corn beef and cabbage, the potatoes, the laughter, filled the house.

The weather has been picture perfect, and the four leaf clovers  abundant.  These Irish eyes are smiling tonight....the shamrocks are blooming.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Judgement

One of the most difficult things in life, is not to judge.  Judgement is easy, so effortless to sit back and pass judgement on the acts of fellow human beings.  It is really simple to say what you would never do......to cross our arms, raise our eyebrow, and proclaim loudly......I would never do that.  Yoga teaches no judgement.  It is one of my biggest challenges in life.....not to judge.

We all pass judgments every day, from the simple critical thoughts on how some one should dress or act, to the serious judgments of moral behaviors.  I admit, trying to understand how someone can
deviate from what most of us consider our personal moral compass can be perplexing, even for some of us outraging.

But I believe that any of us, given the right set of circumstances, is capable of any horror.  Spirits get broken, minds get pushed over the edge, and hatred and fear can harden the most loving of hearts.
I think our job is not to judge, but to try to help those who might be teetering on the edge, take their hand and pull them back from the brink of destruction.

Judgments come out of most of our mouths as easy as please and thank you.......we proclaim them with authority and often with joy.......maybe before we passed judgement on others, we should think about how we would feel, if that same judgement was uttered about us.

Birmingham Sunset

We drove into Birmingham tonight, and saw this most exquisite  sunset while driving down I59.
May your dreams tonight be as beautiful as that sunset.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

The Yin and Yang of Loss

"Loss as muse. Loss as character.  Loss as life."  - Anna Quindlen

Usually when we think of loss, we think of it as something very negative or sad in our lives.
But I find this quote so interesting......to think of loss in those terms.  I can clearly see loss as a muse,
causing us to think, to look at things differently, to even boost our creative energy.  Loss as character, well it truly can change you, and I think for most of us, probably for the better, though not always.
Loss as life.....that's the the one that hits me hard.  Loss is life, for all the grand and glorious and wonderful things in life......there is always loss.  If we're breathing, then we are experiencing loss on some level.  Loss of love, loss of health, loss of friendship, loss of confidence, loss of hope.....but then think of loss as a good thing......loss of fear, loss of hate, loss of guilt......loss is yin and yang.  Even in loss, there is balance.....when  we look for it.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Driving Lessons

My father taught me how to drive.  Rick says I am one of the best drivers he has ever ridden with, well that is barring the time we were on our way to Arkansas.....he was sleeping, I was driving, it was two lane roads, I had followed a car for MILES.  Going up a long hill there was a passing lane,
I gunned it, and Rick awoke to see another car in my passing lane flying down the hill.......he questioned my driving abilities at that point.

There is a road near us, called Little Vine.....when I was growing up, my brothers and their friends used it as a drag strip on Saturday nights.  It is the only straight road for miles.  Little Vine Road is where my dad decided he would teach me to drive.  I was fifteen, it was 1968 and we had an old 1959 Oldsmobile 98.  That car was HUGE, you could live in that car it was so big.  Red and white, with these big old fin things on the rear. The steering wheel seemed as big as a bicycle tire.  I had to sit on pillows to see the road, and even then.....I couldn't see over the steering wheel, I looked through the
holes of it.  I was only five feet three, and weighed about 75 pounds.

My  first day out on Little Vine Road was scary.....for me and my dad.  I drove really really slow, and was so terrified that I might hit someone head on,  my dad finally told me, it was not my job to clean out the ditches, the county had someone who did that.  It took a lot of trips on Little Vine Road, a lot of trips on the street where we lived, and I probably put most of the grey hairs that was on my dad's head with those driving lessons.

He also taught me to change the oil, and change a flat.....to keep the car clean and to NEVER run out of gas, to keep a jacket in the back seat(you never knew when it might get chilly) and to NEVER drive if the temperature needle went to the red zone.  There were some tears, some swearing, and some laughter on those driving lessons, but the memories are some of my best.
Missing my dad tonight.

Burnout

Burnout.....we probably have all suffered from it at one time or another. Sadly we are the only one who can fix it.  When we have pushed ourselves beyond the point of rescue and we are going on sheer will power alone, it is time we fixed our problem.

Usually if you go to bed tired, wake up tired, it's time to think about burnout.  When no amount of rest or sleep makes you feel better.....it's time to think about burnout.  Workaholics, caregivers, and perfectionists attract burnout like a moth to a flame.  It may feel like exhaustion, or depression or just an absolute loss of energy.

If you find that knot in the pit of your stomach every morning, and the tears come out of the blue,

it's probably burnout. If nothing is right, you feel trapped.......time to put the big boy/girl undies on and deal with it......it is most likely burnout and you are the only one who can fix it.

It takes lifestyle changes,honesty, and bravery.....usually it is time to slow down and give some serious thought about what you truly want to do.  I have found in my times of burnout......illness strikes with a vengeance.  Every flu bug, cold, virus.....anything that has ever haunted or thought about haunting my body.....jumps in with both feet and promptly kicks my booty.

Burnout happens when we lie to ourselves, we think we can just keep going and everything will be fine.......and then the day of reckoning comes and we know we have hit the wall. It's burnout when  it use to be fun to wake up every morning, when work was a challenge, and life was exciting.

It's burnout when you don't want to leave the bed, every day is overwhelming and instead of excitement, there is dread.

Honesty has to come first, what is wearing you down, taking your life's energy and spitting it out?

Once you identify it, how can you change it, what can be done, .........one small step at a time comes into play.  If it's work.....can you change jobs, send out resumes, change shifts, change careers, take a break......if it is care giving.... ask for help, talk with a social worker or counselor,

look at what's available through home health care, VA, or other services.......if it is perfectionism

.......talk with a counselor, ask for help, let go.  There is always something you can do......it may not be the answer you want, it may be the one you need most.

Burnout, if it is taking place in your life......take control now.....ask yourself the hard questions, be honest, and willing to compromise.....your health and maybe your life depend on it.

March Celebrations

March is a time for celebration in my family......yes, there is St.Patrick's Day and then there are birthdays.......my sister Pat celebrates her day on the 15th (yes, we always say beware, she is not amused) my nephew James is the 8th, my niece Becky, and good friend Keith's on the 6th, my niece
Dannielle and my sister-in-law Deb's is the 12th, mine is the 23rd, my friend Brenda and my late friend Ron's the 19th, oh yeah and my nephew Dawayne's is this  month and my great nephew Jared's.

I do a lot of shopping and card sending, almost as much as December!  Today, my sister and her kids, grand kids and great grands, all celebrated  March birthdays.  Lots of food, a house full of kids, it really was kinda like Christmas.  I got great gifts, new sunglasses, a certificate for a pedicure, a really cool hat, and a beautiful blouse!  I had so much fun, I came home, practiced my sacred idleness and took a nap and walked the dogs.

Some weekends are full tilt boogie, busy schedules, music gigs, not a minute to spare......this was the weekend I had needed for sometime.  Rest, fresh air, exercise, family, good food.....Rick had deadlines to meet, so he has written most of the weekend.....for me, it was exactly the weekend I needed, but probably would never have just sat down and scheduled.  My calendar is pretty jam packed for the next four to six weeks, this was my chance to charge up those batteries.

I am not a fan of daylight savings time, getting up in the dark confuses my bio rhythms, so this week will take some getting use to......and this too shall pass.  I will be gathering up supplies and food for an Irish feast on the 17th, my shamrocks are blooming.  The March winds and rains are moving in tonight and my body thinks it's bedtime.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Sacred Idleness

"Work is not always required....there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected." - George MacDonald

Be assured, I did not neglect sacred idleness today.  I am not sure if the past few days have  been a residue of the treatment Tuesday, the full moon or just my body wanting rest....but I hit the wall today.  I meant to do laundry, to clean house, to work in the yard........well, I did buy groceries.....and I walked.....and visited a friend who is sick.  But mostly, I kept the sofa company.  It just looked kinda lost, and really comfy......and I think I heard it calling my name.

If anyone cultivated sacred idleness today, it was me.  It was not even about picking up a good book to read......more like flip through a few pages of a magazine, watch the birds at the feeders, pet the dogs, nap, eat, nap.....I assure you all, sacred idleness thrived in Empire, Alabama today.....and if anyone needs classes.....just call me, I can teach you!

A few years ago, if I had spent the day as I did today, I would have been overcome with guilt.....not anymore, I am learning......yes it is hard.....but I am learning.  Watching the birds,
looking up at the clear blue sky, petting the dogs......there is sacredness there.  Sometimes the soul is so much hungrier than the body, and we don't even know it.  I think I fed my soul today,  and who knows I may feed it again tomorrow!  Cultivating sacred idleness  is difficult for most of us, I think we all have this fear of stillness, of doing nothing......we think someone may call us lazy, or worthless.....and maybe they will, but at this point....it no longer matters.

Tomorrow is Sunday, for most to feed your soul means some sort of church service.....but what if you stayed home, watched the birds, took a walk, looked up at the sky, took a nap and experienced stillness.....cultivated sacred idleness.....ate some simple fresh food for lunch......and not worry about the fact that you lost an hour tonight.  Is that too radical to even think about?
My friend John once told me he didn't know of a better church anywhere than the outdoors, that he thought God heard prayers a lot better when you were outside.

Cultivating sacred idleness, it takes some courage, a leap of faith, but it is ever so worth it.

I Am

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I was reading the new Wayne Dyer book, Wishes Fulfilled.
One of the things that he mentions is the use of I am......he talks about how we use I can't, I won't
I am not, but I am is one of the keys to the life you seek.  As in most every book he has written,
he writes about your thoughts, "you get what you think about, whether you want it or not".

I used those words I am in a meditation class I taught this week.  I talked about what it is you are really seeking, what it is you want in your life.  As always, we started with the breathe, slow gentle breaths, bringing all awareness to the breathe.......then we began the I am......I am peaceful......I am safe.....I am loved.....I am kind.....I am healthy......I am happy.....I am worthy......I am smart......
I am creative.....see where this is going?  You figure out what you need to finish that phrase I am.....
then in meditation, or at night before you go to sleep......breathe, and say I am.

Dr.Dyer talks about how  important it is to control your thoughts those last few minutes before you go to sleep, that whatever you think of during those last few minutes is planted in the sub-conscious for the rest of the night.  No wonder when we go to sleep worried, fretting about our lives, we wake up the same way......if we sleep at all!

I know what it is like to have a runaway train in your brain when you lie in your bed, but for the past few nights, I have practiced I am......and it works.  Night before last, I had crazy scary nightmares, I awoke in a cold sweat......but I started my breath work, then my I am......in a few minutes I was sleeping peacefully.  All I can tell you, it works for me.  The funny thing, I have been doing I am for years......as I do my daily walks.  For those I ams that I say as I walk, they really have changed my life through the years, I just never thought about them before going to sleep.

This is the post I had written a couple of nights ago, well sorta, that one never came back.
I found it interesting that something that I had done for years on my daily walks, was written about by such a famous author.  It was eye opening to do the same old same old, at a different time and place......it took my I am to a whole new level.  I hope you discover and claim, your personal I am.....and begin to practice it, either/and during walks or before you go to sleep.

Good night, Sweet dreams

Julie's Photos

My niece Julie is the most amazing photographer, and she loves to get creative!  When she came home for her grandmother's funeral she took some photos of all the family......and then promptly went home and had too much fun!

I LOVE this photo of me, I think the Gatsby era would have suited me.  I gave Julie her first book as a present, when she was around eight or nine.  She told me years later, she was so mad because I had given her a book for her birthday, and her mom MADE her read it.  It's funny because today, she loves to read.

It is always fun to see ourselves through someone else's eyes.  Julie sees me as that wild wacky aunt who is fearless.
I see Julie as this incredibly beautiful talented woman, who is kind and caring.  She sent several of these photos to me, all quite different.  I think in each one, she captured a part of me, one of the facets that makes me who I am.   After all, we are all  multi-faceted, many different faces, moods, and personalities....an interesting blend that changes daily.

I apologize for the loss of my blog last night, nope, still hasn't appeared.  It was on a type of meditation that I used in class yesterday and I will write about it later.  These photos from Julie just made me smile tonight......I had to share them with you all.

Disappearing Blog

The universe stole my post tonight, I was down to the last sentence......and all my words just disappeared.  How does that happen?  Did my computer not like my words or subject matter?
Is there a grinch  who steals blogs?

Now my mind is blank, I am too tired to rewrite, energy has left the body.
Maybe the almost full moon is playing tricks on me........whatever, happened the screen went blank except for two letters.

I think I need sleep, maybe my computer needs sleep.
Good night, Sweet dreams

The Healing Room

I did my first treatment today, all is well.....I have slept most of the afternoon.....and that is good.
The room where the treatments are given is airy and light, lots of windows, soft greens.  Big cushy recliners to lie in while the magic drips into your veins......soft warm blankets to wrap yourself in, to hold on to for comfort.

I was there around three hours, at one point all the recliners were taken.....each drip is personalized.
Some go quickly, others slow......bags, and bottles, full of the potions that will cure (hopefully ) what ails you.

The room is not biased......old, young, male, female, every skin color.....some smile, some cry, some sleep.   There are snacks, and spring water and soft drinks......all who work there, seem so caring.

It seemed surreal at times, the nurses walking softly, checking on the drips, checking on the drip receivers.  The one thing that seemed so out of place.....a television.  I kept thinking, this is a healing room.....why is that television here, blaring Wheel of Fortune?  The television seemed
to be the only cold thing in the room, unfeeling......just spitting out"stuff".

A healing room......there should be music there.....don't the healers know that music soothes, and comforts.......music calms.......as a musician I believe music heals.  I craved music when I was in that room today.....I wanted to scream out.....where is the music?  F**k  the television......we need music!!!!!!  Next time, I bring headphones....but it doesn't seem fair does it?  For me to receive the healing power of music, while those who are so much sicker.......get TV.

I carried a new book with me today, the newest release by Wayne Dyer.....Wishes Fulfilled.  It seemed like the perfect book to read in the healing room....and it was.  He talked about his illness, leukemia....and how illness takes you down a different path, and introduces you to different people.   I think I am going to enjoy this book very much, and will probably blog it  about in depth soon.

I do another treatment in one  month.....there were those in the healing room today who spoke of coming every day......I pray the drips work their magic and they don't have to come back ever again.  I looked at their faces today, all of them in the healing room......the patients, the workers, the family members.......I wanted to send them all love,  I wanted to hug them, each and everyone....but most of all, for the receivers of the  drips........I want the healing room to grant their wish.....of healing.

Full Moonitis

There is a full moon rising this week, already the crazy energy permeates the air. Scoff if you wish,
but if  the moon can change the tides, think what the phases do to your body and spirit.
I felt myself getting stressed at work today, I kept thinking this is not like me.....then I remembered full moon coming up Thursday!

You all know how much I love the full moon, and honestly, I have been known to howl......would love to be at the beach or the desert this week when it fulls.  Maybe in a few months.  Allergy season has hit Alabama early, so not only are  the energy levels going off the charts, everyone is sneezing and coughing.......the flowers are blooming and there are frost warnings tonight!

Full moonitis, I get it every time before the moon fulls (yes, I just created a new word, I think). So what are the symptoms?  Lack of concentration, the need for fun, no suffering of fools, the need to get out of town, dancing feet.  But of course I must warn you, the symptoms are different with each person.  You may be craving a jar of peanut butter and Godiva chocolate, or the urge to walk barefoot on the frosty grass.  You might be one of those who at this time cannot resist disco music and mullet hair.  Don't worry, this too shall pass.

So, if you find yourself and your love ones acting a little strange this week, just blame it on the moon......it will all be over over soon.

Find Simplicity

"out of clutter, find simplicity."  -  Albert Einstein

I am having that urge, to clean closets, get rid of what is not being used,  to simplify.  Maybe it is the spring that is just around the corner, maybe because in the past year I have seen thousands in my state lose everything, or maybe it is my optimism of energy that I know is in me somewhere.

How can two people collect so much stuff?  I swear, it is all magnetized and it just pulls other stuff to it.  I am craving simplicity.......in life and in surroundings.  A few years ago, I realized that when the house is cluttered,  I feel it.   It is almost as though the walls start to close in,  it wears on me.

I have a lot of things that were my mom's.......I am ready to let go of them now.  I want to pass them  on to my nieces and nephews, they need to have something of hers in their homes. Then there are the books.....a couple of years ago I cleared out our bookshelves......but what did I do?
Of course, bought more books......time to do that again.  The same thing with movies, and cds.....time to give them up.  And this time, I am willing to let go of some of my cookbooks.
It is time to share them with others, who love to cook.

One of the good things about all these nieces, when any of us clean out our closets, we do "goody
bags" for all the rest.  That weird green purse I bought.......there's a niece who loved it, clothes,
jewelry.....well, everything but shoes.  None of them can wear my shoes.......I wear a size 5.
And I have to say, usually if I buy shoes, it is truly out of love and they get worn!  Now you know my weakness.......shoes.

I have a good friend whose theory is, if you haven't used it in a year.......it goes.  I am trying to get to the point of being that organized.......but then that little voice in the back of my head says......but what if you need this someday?  So, I try to find a happy medium.  But sometimes,
I think I must be like a squirrel, hoarding stuff, the way they do nuts  for a long cold winter.
That phrase I use in yoga.......let go, let go.......I have to keep repeating it!
Find Simplicity........let go, let go.

Bring It On

Cold, windy, cloudy......yesterday......80 degrees, tonight down in the thirties.  Wow!
Blackie Bear has been with me all day.....some days he just does not want me out of his sight.
Buddy has been the same, I think the weather yesterday and last night had them really spooked.
What can I say, it had me spooked.

I have not had a steak in months, but today felt the need for red meat.  So tonight at the Watson house, there were steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, and salads.......and ok, I confess a bottle of red wine that was incredible.......Charles Shaw, Merlot.......excellent, earthy, smoky, rosemary, pepper.
So, had not had steak or wine in a very long time.......but tonight, there was a need.  And after this posting, a gratitude ceremony for once again, surviving the storms.......there was wind and hail and three inches of rain......thanks to the universe, we are still standing.



Fragile is not a word I would not  use often, but for some reason I felt that way today.  Maybe it is the aftermath of the storms and remembering last April, maybe,  it is the fact that I start my treatments Tuesday......but today, I feel fragile,  not feeling like my usual fearless self......thus the consuming of red meat and wine......I need that connection to primal and basic......to remind myself......I am ready......I am strong.....bring it on.


Good night, Sweet dreams.

Wall Cloud

 This is Alabama, about a quarter of mile from our house.  For those of you who are not tornado educated, wall clouds drop the big boys.....tornadoes.   We were lucky, it went up the river about a mile from us.  We're under the gun until mid-night or so.  My heart breaks for those north of us, in Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois......
Our schools have learned the hard way, send those kids home, or no school.
UAB released a special report on the victims killed
here in April of last year......many deaths could have been avoided if the victims had been wearing
helmets......yep, helmets, football, baseball, motorcycle, whatever.  Local news reported a run
on helmets of all types at Walmart today.
Prayers that we all stay safe, and the sun shines tomorrow.  If you are in the red zone or white, make sure you know your plan.

Sacred Garment

"The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, it should be treated with honor."  - Martha Graham

So, how do you treat your body?  We forget that our bodies house our spirits, our connections to
the universe, whatever higher power we believe in.  We loathe our bodies, we feed on processed
food, and drink.....some of us pickle our bodies with alcohol, and others try to numb it into oblivion
with drugs.

We try to pound our bodies into Wall Street's airbrushed perfection.....and when that doesn't happen,
we get depressed or angry and think we are failures.  We tend to forget, that each of us is like a snowflake, all different, all unique.......shapes, sizes, colors.

I can tell you from personal experience, let the loss of good health knock on your door and suddenly we look at our bodies in a very different light.  The thought of the loss of that garment( death) makes us want to treat it as the treasure it is.  Soda or water? fresh food or fast? a little fresh air and exercise or sit in front of the tv/computer?  Choices......it does not involve rocket science, this caring for this exquisite garment, we call the body.

Bodies change so much through our lifetimes......accidents happen, life happens, disease.  We mourn for the bodies of our youth, failing to celebrate our body that is now.  Honor that garment, show gratitude for all that it is today, it could be much less tomorrow.

A sacred garment, wow, when you describe the body like that........what a difference.   My sacred garment is showing some wear and tear, but I try to remind myself everyday......there is not another one like it.....it is an original.