Sunday, March 13, 2011


We attended the funeral of one of our best friends' son today......he was twenty-six. There are no answers when a parent loses a child, no words of comfort.....there are hugs, tears and somewhere in the mix a smile or gentle memory. All you can hope for, somewhere down the road, that the hurt will ease. Over and over I heard people talk about the unfairness of death when the natural order is changed and a child dies before the parent.

It seems in my life, I have seen quite a bit of this "un-natural" order of death. I think the profound sadness of it all.......when death claims the young, is missed chances. They don't get to live the lives their parents had envisioned for them, everything is cut short, too abrupt, and everyone left........ feels cheated.

I think there is a great deal of anger when the young die. Anger because whatever potential they had, was never reached......anger, because they did not get to experience and taste all life has to offer. Death claims the young in many ways, just as it does the rest of us. Through illness, accidents, poor choices.....death waits and when the opportunity arises, swoops down like a greedy vulture to claim its prize.

I had seen our friend's son grow from a little baby to a handsome, gentle young man. He and his brother had visited our home often when they were small. With our group of friends, those who had kids brought them to every function any of us ever had. We all stood there today, broken hearted, grieving and struggling to help our friend. I think we all felt pretty useless.
Here in the south, you always hear certain phrases at, "God's will", or "everything happens for a reason". For myself, .......sometimes, I think bad things happen to good people.


  1. Jilda I can understand you so well. During the last 3 months I lost a dear aunt and uncle and being far away from them and not being able to say goodbye makes me so sad. There are no words of comfort, just breathe!

  2. I agree with you...bad things happen to good people. Unfortunately, I think you never get over something like that either, it just gets a little easier with time. I once worked with a physician who lost 3 children in his lifetime. One as a crib death, one as a teen in a car accident, and one as an adult with pneumonia. (he had 5 in all) He said it is something that you think of every never goes away. I think that's where faith comes know that someday you will all be together again!
    Sympathies to you and your friend...

  3. I think one of the worst things in this world is seeing a parent bury a child. My prayers for your friend.
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  4. I agree, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

  5. I had a brother that died when he was 7. I don't think my mom was ever the same again.

    I am faced with this too as the daughter of a good friend passed away in late Feb. and I am seeing her tomorrow for the first time. The daughter was 51 years old but I am not sure that makes it any less tragic.

  6. When my nephew died in a car accident at 17 we were thunder-struck. A young man who had already met the love of his life, knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life (be a pilot) and was loved by everyone, and I do mean everyone.
    Every photo of this young man showed a smiling face.

    At his funeral, my husband held Jonathan's dad, my brother, and said as dreadful as this was for all of US, how wonderful for Jonathan to leave this earth at the pinnacle of his young life. Full of hope and love and ambition, he never knew a day of anxiety or depression or hopelessness. He soared, just like the plane that spread his young, tender ashes. No one promises us four-score and ten so whatever our life-span is we need to live it to the full. Just like that wonderful young man.

  7. Oh Jilda that had to be so terrible! He was so young. It's just not right. I worked with a girl years ago who at 21 decided shooting herself was better than her life. She hadn't even begun to live. I was so angry that she wasn't going to get to experience all the good things that life has to offer which far outweigh the bad. It makes me appreciate life every day even when times are rough just like they are now.

  8. After my nephew passed away at 18, my sister said that the world could do anything it wanted to her now..she has experienced the worst that it could hand her.