Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Treatment #6

Number 6, how many more?  At this point, I don't know.......will have #7 in a few weeks, and see what the docs have to say.  The past six months have been one of the strangest periods in my life.  In many ways,
life seems to be suspended right now, time just hanging like a broken twig in the wind......but it is also rushing by faster than ever.....the treatments seem to come faster and faster.

The big green chair looms in my thoughts almost daily.......really sad day today.  TV on, almost all new faces.
I miss my chair buddy, Rosemary.......I don't think I have it in me to make a new chair buddy.   I feel heavy, does that make sense?  Weighted down and small.......very small.

On a good note, the one familiar face from the past few months, a sweet sweet woman asked me why my hair was not falling out.  I explained that my treatments were not for cancer, but to restore my immune system.  She looked at me for a moment, gave me the warmest, biggest hug and said a prayer for me, right then and there.  She was so worried and concerned that I might catch something in the  infusion room.  I promised her I would be fine, but I needed her promise that she would be too.  She and her husband both hugged me, and told me not to worry.  For those few brief moments, there was an incredible shift of energy in that room........there was love and hope.  I don't know if the others felt it or not, but the nurse who was standing beside me did.  The four of us shed tears........cleansing, healing, loving tears.

I don't know where this path will lead, when it will end.........sometimes it is scary, sometimes filled with dread, but as Rick has said so many times......this has all been a warning shot across the bow of our life boat.
Most days, I truly don't think about tomorrow, and every day without fail, I say many prayers of gratitude......for friends, for family, for talents, for all that is good and beautiful around me,for the team of doctors who care for me, the nurses who are always so kind, for my friends at work who cheer me on.

I always remind myself, things could be worse.......and I remind myself to be grateful........there is always something to be grateful was #6.


  1. I have struggled so many different ways to describe what is happening in my life, with my health - on my blog. I am not eloquent and do best to stick to the mundane [but things which mean the world to me] like my family and my cooking/baking.

    After reading this and what your husband wrote - it feels like someone out there knows exactly what I am feeling and had the ability to convey it through a simple, brief post.

    Thank you. So much.
    [And I am posting this anonymously, but I am sure you can figure out who I am...thanks Jilda.]

  2. Hang on in there lovely Jilda!!! You will beat this!! Take care

  3. It's a terrible thing that someone as sweet natured and loving as yourself is facing such a scary prospect. Please get better.