No Resolution

Have you ever had a conversation with someone to resolve an issue? Not an argument, just dialogue, with the intent to reach some sort of agreement about the issue. You sit there for a couple of hours, maybe there are two or three or more involved, everyone speaks their mind, or so it seems. It is as though just the release of saying your thoughts is all that any one really wanted.

Once the air is cleared, everybody gets up and walks away........and nothing is settled. It is quite interesting, I see it pretty often, it's not the resolution that people want, it is just to be heard, the opportunity to speak their mind, get it off their chest, and then it appears all is well and good.

In the end, nothing has changed, no goals, no guidelines, no earth shattering decisions, I find it fascinating. The more I study the Tao, the more I find answers in day to day living. There is a verse that deal with this, and basically it comes down to recognition. The Tao really nails it, it seems the people who want the least recognition get the most, while those who want the most, get the least. One author who worked on the translation said it simply, shut and listen. We live in a world that moves fast, and we are bombarded by radio, tv, cell phones, computers, and larger than life personalities

Maybe that is why, there is so much speaking with no resolutions, peace talks, with no peace

discussions with no answers. I am trying to speak less, listen more, and bless those who love to talk.

Learning to Live Like Water

Verse 8 of the Tao, speaks of living like water( very loosely paraphrased here) for me that is as difficult or maybe even more than being in the now. Water flows, it takes the path of least resistance, yet it has tremendous force and strength. It is life giving, sustaining, yet can take lives.

War have been fought over water, humans are mostly water, and nothing is quite as good when you are hot and thirsty as a glass of water. I love the phrase, "go with the flow" it sounds so easy.

You know, just go with it. But it is so HARD to do! When I think that I am going with the flow, at some point, I begin to feel as though I have lost my spine, that I have become a doormat in the front door of life! Where is that place? where you can flow, yet be strong. Where you flow around the tough places, or go over them, and still remain fluid. Where you can be yourself, yet adapt to the confines of those around you? Every time I read the Tao, I realize I know nothing. Tonight, especially, there is emptiness and nothing, I wish I knew more, I wish I had answers, I wish life was easy. I am not the teacher right now, I am the student, the empty vessel waiting to be filled, hoping that maybe soon, I live like water.

Rain on a Tin Roof

Finally the rain came tonight! We had a tin roof put on our house a couple of weeks ago, and had been waiting for rain. I came home from work, the rain was falling, the tin roof was shining.

What a great sound, those drops hitting the tin. There is suppose to be more rain tonight and tomorrow, can't wait. ........ slumber should be deep and peaceful tonight.

Good night, sweet dreams!

Transformation Is Slow

Old habits die hard, that is what Hank Jr, sang about and it is true. I am working on changing or transforming some habits of mine, it is a slow process. Some days are like magic, and it is as though I never did the old habits, and then other days, well that is when those old habits fight like the devil to live! These are thoughts, beliefs, habits that I have had most of my life. I am having to rewire the circuits in my brain, change my whole thought process, challenge the very essence of my core on certain thoughts.......but it can be done, and I am doing it one day at a time. One of the things that I am trying to change, ask for help. For me, I was taught that being self-sufficient was one of the most important things in life, and while it is good, we all need help from time to time and it is important that we know it is ok to ask for help. Asking for help does not make one weak, or lazy,

it does not create personal flaws. I have come to understand, that trying to doing everything on your own can seem arrogant, egotistical. Asking for help, lets other know that you are human, and that you recognize your strengths and weakness. So, it is hard but I am trying to let go of some of those old beliefs, those old habits...........transformation is slow.

Bliss

Bliss can mean many things to different people. It's a spa and beauty company in NYC, it is utter happiness, it is a state of mind. Today, my bliss is life in the slow lane. I have done laundry, taken a walk, had a nap. The skies are blue, the sun is warm, and for today all is right in my world.

Rick is caring for his mom today, I will go later and buy groceries, and tonight, I will watch the

BBC comedies and laugh out loud. I went down to the garden this morning cut bouquets of flowers, and when the temp cools this evening, I might just go pick blackberries for a cobbler. I am going to make some lemonade, pick up a fashion mag at the store, and just bliss myself right out! For many many years I worked every Saturday, and those of you out there who do that, you have my sympathy. Yes, you get a day off during the week, but it is just not the same as being off on Saturday. So today, there is bliss.......no agenda to speak, no place I have to be, life is good.

May you all find your bliss today.

Giving til it Hurts

Giving til it hurts, I use to hear that phrase in church many years ago. Back then, my understanding of it was that even if you couldn't pay your bills, you gave to the church/God.

I was always puzzled by that, why would God want you to give to the church if you didn't have money for food or shelter?

Today, giving til it hurts has new meaning for me. As I go through my work day, teaching yoga at a drug/alcohol rehab center, I sometimes teach as many as 5 or 6 classes per day. I never feel an ache or a pain until I make it home. Within minutes of arriving home the stiffness sets in, the aches start, and by the time I go to bed at night, every joint in my body hurts. At first I thought it was just me, that I was old, was a wimp, couldn't take it. But as the years went by, I met more and more yoga teachers, personal trainers, PT's , and the like. When I tell them how many classes I teach per week, they are appalled! ( hey I have cut back the past couple of years) So why do I give until it hurts? because yoga works. I have seen spirits lifted, peacefulness and joy in faces, and pain subside. I teach at a community center on Monday nights, students from age 17 to 80 come to that class and the same thing happens there. People rest and relax, they let go of stress, they are amazed at what their bodies can do, and for an hour, their troubles are left at the door. I took my first yoga class many many years ago, and I knew even then, that it was more than stretches, and balance and flexibility, that there was something powerful in learning to breathe, and experience stillness. So I will continue to give until it hurts, my pain is a small price to pay for someone else's relief.

Rationing of Time

Why does 24 hours in a day seem so long when you are eight, and so short when you are 58?

I can remember the days use to seem so very long, the weeks were long, and years were long, but somewhere down the road something changed. I think I was in my late 20's, my dad had his first heart attack... the days got shorter, time went faster. The more I tried to slow things down, the faster it moved. In my 30's, I began to deal with my own"illness", time really started to speed up then. When I was 39, my dad died, and time became a merry-go-round spinning faster and faster. Friends began to die, family members dealt with illness, jobs, Rick in school, every week something robbed me of precious time, I never knew how to say no, and trying to please the world seemed to be my destiny. 5 years ago, my mom died, then a couple of months later, my oldest brother, time was really whizzing by, and for several years I moved and lived in a funk of grief. Honestly, I have just in the past couple of years began to feel like "me". I try to live in the now, which is difficult. I have always felt it was my duty to take care of everyone, but now I try not to worry so much, to let those around me, make their own way. I still have a hard time saying no, but I am learning, to pursue some things that I want to do, and to do the things that make me feel happy and complete. I know I have fewer years left here, that I have lived a large portion of my life, and it is time to do those things that matter to me. Friends and family may not always understand, but life is short and it is moving faster day by day. So, I try to ration the moments, the days, by doing those things that must be done, like work and other obligations, but also, remembering me and my dreams. There was a point in my mother's life when she said any and everything without thinking about it who it might hurt, I was appalled, but I can understand a little better now. .........yes she had dementia, but there was a part of her that also knew in the crevices of her heart, she had no time to suffer fools. Tonight I had a bowl of icy watermelon, I ate it slow, and savored every bite, yes there are dishes to wash, and laundry to be done, and class notes to be done for work tomorrow, I'll ration time for those later.

Grilled Delight

Tonight, I grilled stuffed jalapeños for dinner! They were delightful, labor intensive, but worth the effort! My hands are still burning, because I did not wear rubber gloves, I will next time.

For lunch today, we had fried squash, fresh corn and green beans with new potatoes. Both meals came straight from our garden, it don't get any better than this. I wish you all could have eaten with us, we also had fresh tomatoes from the garden. The wonderful food, well it is worth dealing with the heat and humidity. For breakfast in the morning, we are having blueberry smoothies.

We have a grocery store in our backyard!

Bounty

We harvested 50 or so pounds of potatoes, yesterday. I picked squash today, tomorrow,

peas, beans, and blackberries. This year we have had quite the bounty of good things from our garden. Some years are lean. Last year, there were no pears and few apples, but lots of peaches.

This year, one peach, but looks as though the apples and pears will be plentiful. I love supplementing our table with what we grow, I think it would scare the begeebies out of me if we had to live on what we grew. We could do it, the good thing is Rick and I would both be really skinny, because there would not be lots to eat, but what we had would be really good. I love the thought of eating seasonal. Like in the summer, mostly fruits and vegetables, and in the winter,

squash, nuts, sweet potatoes, turnips,etc. I think it is a very healthy way to eat and we have tried to eat seasonally for the past few years. It works, you feel better, have more energy. I cannot imagine not growing food. I have pots of herbs on the deck, and to walk out back and pick a cuke off the vine, or ripe tomato, well that is just heaven. Even if you live in the city, you can grow tomatoes in a planter! Grow a citrus tree in your living room, food you grow just tastes better! So, grow some food, taste something really fresh, enjoy your personal bounty.

Circle of Life

My nephew Haven and his wife Alesha had a beautiful little baby boy last night. He is tiny and perfect, as all babies are. I can remember when Haven was born, on December 21, 1980, my brother Ricky and his wife Deb, brought him home in a Christmas stocking. We have lived next door to Ricky and Deb for 30 years, we have watched their children grow into adults and now they all three have children themselves. The circle of life keeps on turning. I have thought so much about my dad today. He loved his kids, his grandchildren and would have adored all these great and great great grand kids as well. Whenever anything good or bad happens, I miss my mom and dad, because I miss sharing smiles and tears with them. It seems so appropriate that a new baby came into our family this father's day, it softened the emptiness of not being able to call and tell my dad Happy Father's day. I know daddy would have loved to have held little Anthony this evening, and maybe in some strange and mysterious way he is. I know the circle of life has turned for all us today, for our family we received a new life, for some, they lost a life. For all of you, where ever you are in the circle tonight, may blessings of joy and peace come to you and yours, and know that life is a circle, it keeps on turning.

Gratitude

Tonight, we did a celebration of gratitude. We have a new tin roof, we have paid off our mortgage, and I am finally playing guitar like a big girl! Life is good. I am always telling my yoga students, without gratitude there is no joy. I believe that, you have to be grateful for the small things to reap the big ones! So tonight, I am grateful, for a new roof, for being debt free, for pursuing my talents and my love of music. We lit candles, we drank champagne and we toasted to a life of abundance! So my friends, may you all have gratitude in your lives, and may you all have joy!

Heatwave

The heat continues. In the 90's with humidity almost that high, this is like late July/August

weather. Everyday I look at the weather in Telluride...........highs in the 70's, lows in the 40's.

We go in July, my body will probably go into shock. Am consuming mass quantities of cold water, and ice cold watermelon and hot mint tea. At least the garden is thriving!

I knew we should have bought the house/island in Nova Scotia, years ago when we had the chance.

Heatwave........ someone should write a song, oh wait, they did! I think the heat has gone to my brain, more tomorrow.

Destination

I tell my yoga students that every day is a journey, that their yoga practice is a very personal journey just for them and for each of them their destination will be a different place, just like in life.

My journey, has taken me in many different directions, but my destination has always been pretty much the same, .......music. The past couple of nights, Rick and I have done singer/songwriter gigs. It has been a long time since we did a duet, but back around Christmas we decided it would be fun to spread our wings a little and go back to our roots. Music has been so much to us in the years that we have been together. It has been a glue, a common ground, it has opened doors, and shut some, it has introduced us to incredible friends and taken us to magical places. It has caused tears and laughter, joy and sadness, anger and hurt, has soothed us in the valleys and taken us even higher on the mountain tops, it has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. My first memory of singing, I was 5 years old, in the beauty shop, under the hairdryer, singing at the top of my lungs. Hey, it was good for some laughs! So tonight, I am grateful for the journey, with the curves, the hills, the valleys, because no matter what, even if it is just singing in the shower, I know my destination.

Mrs.Qigley

Tonight, Rick and I played for a private party at Mrs. Quigley's Tea Room in Jasper. It was another wonderful evening of food and fun! We just did a couple of songs and Rick read from his book, but the audience was so appreciative! The Tea Room is a beautiful old house, with so much charm and the meal was excellent. Tarragon carrots, be sure to get some of those, the best carrots I have ever eaten. They have lunch on Tuesdays through Fridays, Rick and I will be going

back! First time we ever played a tea room, and yes we drank a lot of tea!

Book Stores

I love book stores! even the chains, but I really love the privately owned book stores. You know the ones that have all the nooks and crannies, with the wrought iron stair cases, with cards and books you would never find in the chain stores. Tonight Rick did a book signing at one such local bookstore, The Little Professor. It has a cafe, (includes wine and coffee) spiral staircase, interesting folks coming and going, all those nooks and crannies, and comfy places to sit and read.

I bought myself a new book, and one for Jordan, my great nephew. Our friends, Kaye and Jamie dropped by, it was a fun time. Business was slow, but you know sometimes it is all about the experience. .........and the experience was a good one!

Heat Transformation

The heat index was well over 100 today. Right now, it 80 degrees with 91% humidity, and it is 9:45 pm. I really try to embrace everything with positive thoughts, but summer heat(and it is not summer yet) just whips it right out of me. My northern European roots run deep, I love the rain, I love the cold, I love sweaters and coats and hot tea and warm cozy fires and boots. My skin is the color of a fish belly, that just gets pinker as the heat builds. I am not one of those women who looks great without makeup, and trust me, makeup melts in this heat! This time of year, breathing becomes more and more difficult, energy becomes nonexistent, I sweat, I wilt, and I wait for the first cool breeze of autumn, (maybe 3 or 4 months away) When I was 12 or 13, I can remember being at school, red faced, and sweaty, while most of the other girls barely broke a sweat, they got dewy and I looked as though I had ran a marathon. My personal heat transformation, praying that in my next life, I live in Northern California, England, Ireland, Sweden, Nova Scotia, Maine, any place where 80 degrees and above is not the norm!

Chicken Trauma/Blue Berry Rewards

My great nephew, Jordan and his mom Samantha came over this evening just in time to help me feed and water the chickens. We have 11 new chicks, not babies, but around 3 or 4 weeks old.

Jordan loves to go to the chicken pen and help, his mom does not get a warm fuzzy feeling hanging out with the chickens but she is a good sport. Today as we were putting food out, Samantha yelled that one of the chicks was outside the pen, actually between the pen and the chain link fence.

So, I go outside, and Jordan and Sam are inside trying to keep the others at bay while I rescue the one who has escaped. This chicken did not want to be rescued, but finally after the three of us

running ourselves silly, the chicken made its way back inside the pen. Then Jordan wanted to let all the chickens out, so we could round them up! I convinced him it would be more fun to pick those juicy ripe blueberries and eat them instead of chasing the chicks! Thank goodness he loves blueberries as much as I do and was more than happy to pick the berries. Not sure I could have held up to chasing more chickens in the 100 degree heat we had today. Tomorrow, Rick will be working on containment issues with the chicks!

Transformation of Lemons

I made lemonade tonight. How can something so simple be so tasty? Just lemons, sugar and water, but WOW, on a hot summer's night, is there anything better???? My mom made lemonade in the summers and in the winter if we had a cold or sore throat she made hot lemonade. That subtle combination of tart and sweet, it quenches the thirst, yet it tastes so good it soothes like food. If you have not had your first glass of lemonade this summer, I suggest you make yourself a tall cool glass this weekend, kickback with an easy read or glossy magazine and enjoy the heat.

Taylor the Dump Dog

Thru the years, we have had such an assortment of dogs. Big ones, little ones(well not really many) cute ones, mostly not so cute, actually dogs that no one else would want come to our house and know that they are loved. Right now, Taylor the Dump Dog, yes Rick found her at the dump is sitting by me as I write this blog. She has an eating disorder, she is almost blind, and deaf. But she is a sweetie, she looks like the RCA Victor Dog, you know the one who sat by the phonograph and looked so sweet and loving. She weighs around a 100 pounds, loves to be petted and talked to, and will eat you out of house and home if given the chance! I cannot imagine anyone dumping an animal on the side of the road, but out here in the country it happens pretty often. All of our pets have been the ones that no one wanted, except for Buddy, and my mom gave him to us before she died. We have great dogs, with distinct personalities, quirky mannerisms and sweet dispositions. What else could you want in a dog? I mean really pedigree is just something that matters when they breed, right? So we have Taylor the Dump Dog, Charlie(who was abandoned by neighbors) Blackie, who was abandoned, Astro, also abandoned and Buddy who was willed to us. We are so lucky to have such an interesting group of critters, they meet me every day when I come home from work, they let me know how much they have missed me and how glad they are to see me. If I have a bad day, they know, and sit by me, and let me know that they love me no matter what! Everyone should be so lucky! So tonight if you have a pet, give them a hug and a treat, tell them how glad you are that they are in your life and be grateful that you have a creature who loves you no matter what.

Summer Storms

Last night we had an amazing summer storm, not the scary tornado kind, but your thunder and lightening pouring rain variety. For about a half hour before the rain came, you could see the flashes of lightening, almost constant energy going across the night sky. At first there was thunder in the distance, but then it descended like drum rolls until the dogs were going crazy! Buddy, who sleeps at my feet, well once he hears the first clap of thunder, he squeezes between Rick and I and there is no budging him until the thunder moves to another county! Once the rain started, I thought what a great night to sleep, but those flashes of lightening continued, one after another and of course there was the thunder. At some point there was a strike near us, our phone made the ding sound that it always does when lightening hits a nearby tree or transformer, I jumped, and of course that made Buddy go into a frenzy! But finally, the fireworks settled down, and the rain poured and sweet sweet sleep came to Buddy and I. When I was a small child, I was terrified of storms, I would always run to my sister's bed and climb in with her, and then beg her to tell me stories. She probably doesn't remember that, but I loved hearing those stories, I always fell asleep, so I am not so sure about the endings. I just know that climbing in bed with my sister on those stormy nights, hearing her tell the story of Billy Goat Gruff is one of my favorite childhood memories. Telling Buddy a story is not an option when it storms, but he does like to have his ears scratched!

Transformation of Fingers

Guitar playing does strange and wonderful things to the fingers. All those years that I wanted long beautiful nails, mine would never grow! Now, it seems they grow an inch every day and I am having to cut them every morning. The tips of my fingers on my left hand now have thick calluses and there is much more strength in my hands. Interesting, exciting, and scary, lots of hard work, quite a few tears, a few days of depression, is it worth it? You bet it is, I just want to become a good solid guitar player, that can keep up at a pickin' party, not embarrass myself or Rick or anyone else that we play with! I am a very long way from flawless, but it is sounding more like music and less like cats mating. Long practice session tonight, and I am a tired camper beginning to see light(or hear music) at the end of the tunnel. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

Remember, it's never too late to listen to your heart and follow your dreams.

Pathways

Some days I look back at my life, and I am a little amazed at the pathways I have taken. All those paths have shaped me into who I am today. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if I had chosen different paths, made different choices. My life has been magical, I have met people, done things, visited places that many only dream about. Many times I am sure that my positive outlook has rubbed folks the wrong way, but I truly believe that we all travel our paths for a reason, no matter how hard or how difficult. Several years ago, I ran into an old friend who made the remark that I must not had endured many hardships because of how I looked and my positive outlook. As we began to talk, about the ups and downs that we both had gone through, hardships and illness and the passing of friends and family, he looked at me and said with amazement, well you have gone through the same things that everyone else has gone through. I laughed and agreed with him, but I proceeded to share with him my thoughts about how we really get out of life what we expect. Everyone has hard times, if we live long enough we all face illness, sadness, and the passing of those we love. But it's how we react to all of those experiences that shape us into who we are. We can let it all destroy us, make us bitter, and beaten or we can look for those fleeting rays of sunlight, hang onto those happy memories, and face each day with gratitude. This life is a journey, that we are to experience and learn from, and hopefully leave a little of ourselves as we pass through. I hope that my pathways have left a trail of compassion, a bit of hope, and a remembrance of love, and a few smiles and that maybe when I am gone, there will be some fond memories of me.

Whine Transformation

Ok, it is June in Alabama, I can now officially began my whine of summer. It is9:46pm, and it is 81 degrees here in Empire, Al. with humidity at around 75%. Yes, everything is green and lush, the flowers are blooming, our garden is thriving, but until you have lived here in June, July, August and usually September, well you have not experienced summer in the south. Today when we walked,

our labs would not even walk with us! The heat, comes on gradually, at first, you walk outside and think, oh it's warm and then, just like Crystal Hot Sauce, it gets warmer and warmer. The first 10 to 15 minutes, it's warm, but tolerable and then the humidity begins to envelope you. You notice there is stillness, no breeze......and then you realize your lungs are straining to get oxygen from the moisture laden air. You're drowning, and you're walking through the woods! So, there is sweat, but it does not evaporate from your skin, then there's the heat, and the gnats, walking becomes quite the adventure. We have had friends from the north, (like Nashville) and beyond who visit once during the summer and tell us they will be back in maybe November. Once we had friends who came to visit one August from New Hampshire, they stayed about an hour and decided to drive north again! So, I think it is fair that I began to whine, and after all it is only a whine that will last about 3 months. Maybe not that long, I am going to Colorado in a few weeks, I hear they have nice summers. Rick may get lucky, my summer whine may go away soon.

Foreign Lands

I have to renew by passport. I keep watching movies about Greece, I think I need to go there.

I love history, and I guess other than Iraq, Greece offers ancient history at its finest(and probably safest). I love rocky coasts, and crashing waves, old ruins, and people who have lived in the same place for centuries. Greece has been a place that I have dreamed of visiting since I was young, tops on that list was Ireland, then Prague, then Greece and Australia. Dreams of Ireland came from

knowing in my heart that was home, the other dreams came because of books and stories that I had read. I read about the sun bleached rocks and shores of the Greek Isles, of the food, and the music. And of course, the myths, and all the stories of Greek Civilization. It seems that the Irish and the Greek people learned their lessons well, that a good story, using your brain would serve you well through the ages. The birthplace of democracy, and the Olympic games, I really would like to go there. And Prague, well I want to go there for Christmas some day. To walk down those streets where beautiful ancient buildings stand, with snow flakes falling all around, to enter some majestic old church for Christmas eve service, that would be quite a Christmas. So if anyone out there would like to have a couple of American singer/songwriters come for a visit to Greece, or Prague, or Australia, just give us a call. As for Ireland, I keep hoping to see our friends there sooner, not later. First thing though, I have to renew my pass port. The first step in any transformation is usually a small one, like getting your pass port.

Transformation Meltdown

No blog entry last night, why? a slight transformation meltdown. I have been practicing guitar, trying to get my playing to the next level. Last night, the only way to describe the sounds coming out of my Taylor guitar, maybe two alley cats, a raccoon and drunk possum trying to get the last sardine out of the trap out back in the chicken house. It was horrible, I just wanted to set my guitar on fire and put it out of its misery! I have gone way past hitting the wall to maybe hitting the

basement floor. Tonight, I am taking a break, will get up early tomorrow and try again. Will keep you posted on my progress, and if you hear strange noises in your neighborhood, keep an eye out for me and my Taylor. It can't get any worse.

Sleep Transformation

Buddy the dog, was sick last night. Buddy didn't sleep, so I didn't sleep. Buddy spent the day napping today, not me. One of the things that I have noticed about not sleeping these days.....it is terrible. I remember a time when I could stay out all night, come home get dressed and go to work. Ha!!!! Those days are long gone. Now a sleepless night, and I am out for the day. I function, but not at 100%, maybe more like 25%. I swear, I almost fell asleep driving home this evening. Those pink pjs are calling out to me right now, Jordan just called and told me good night sweet dreams, so my friends, I am sending the same message to you all, Good night, Sweet Dreams.

Off day Transformation

I am off on Tuesdays. My plan is to always do something productive, and something fun, and to do something just for myself. Why is such a simple plan so hard to do? My off day gets eaten up by trips to the dentist, to the doc, cleaning house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, running errands, etc. This is not off day stuff!!!!! I so naively believed that a day off from work meant just that, that you could spend the day not working. So wrong, so very wrong. I cannot remember the last time I spent the day doing whatever I wanted to. Weekends are the same way, and the fastest 48 hours of the week happens between Saturday and Sunday. I get off on Fridays, close my eyes, and it is Monday all over again. My husband Rick, retired a couple of months ago, I am so envious of him! He stays busy, but it is doing what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. Even if I retired tomorrow, something tells me, I would not have the luxury of spending every day as I pleased. Once a week, I write out a list called What Do I Want, but I have come to realize that much of what is on my list will not be accomplished until 1. I become extremely self-centered and tell the rest of the world to go fly a kite 2. win the lottery 3. hire a maid, cook, driver, maybe a therapist and a cute cabana boy( oh wait I don't have a cabana)

4. quit my job (and have no money) or take it all in stride, forget about shaving my legs or doing my nails, or reading a book .......... and just breathe.