Thursday, November 25, 2010

Way Back Home

It seems for the past five years I have been trying to find my way back home every Thanksgiving.
Maybe home is not the correct word, I think past is more like it. Thanksgiving was a biggie for my family........we are all cooks, my dad cooked, my mom, my brothers, sisters and myself and not only were we all good cooks, we love to eat. Since my mom passed away five years ago this month, the last of our family traditions has faded away.

And honestly making new traditions, just doesn't seem worth the effort. The past couple of years Rick and I have served food at community gatherings. It is very rewarding, but the food is never as good as it was at my mom and dad's. My siblings all have families of their own, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and they are creating their own traditions and rightly so.

I have written about change in the past, I understand all too well that change is a part of life.
I teach and try my best to live in the moment every day........but days like today, I would trade this moment for the past in a heartbeat. But I suppose that is why we have memories.
Life goes on, change takes place every day and the only way to live a life of peaceful stillness is staying in the moment. Sometimes this realization can be a bitter pill to swallow.

I have spent many thoughts today on gratitude, it is the only thing that has kept me from bursting into tears at inappropriate moments. I have an incredible life, it is magical and full of joy and my feet never touch the floor in the mornings before I whisper my prayer of gratitude.
But with loss there is grief, and even in times of great celebrations there come moments when loss shines like a beacon in the darkness. This life has taught me, it is all experience, and the good and the bad are so entwined that they are actually one.

So I have to acknowledge the twinge of sadness, of missing a home that no longer exists except in my heart. I am most grateful for my past today, the experience of it all is the reason I am who I am. So on this Thanksgiving Day.......I am thankful for the home that is always in my heart, and a past that has made me who I am.


  1. The way I look at it Thanksgiving is over. Christmas and New Years approache. I steel myself to get through it.

  2. The holidays do bring back memories of those who are gone. I always think of my brother and grandma at Thanksgiving and Christmas and wish they were here. My grandma always prepared the turkey. After taking out the innards and rinsing it off she would sit it up in the sink to drain a little. Seeing it sitting upright in the sink would make us kids laugh.
    Life does change, now that I am sixty my two girls do all the cooking. That is one change I can live with!