December 31, 2012.......last few hours of the year. I don't do resolutions......but many of you will recall, I do vision boards. When the new one is done, I will post a picture of it.
2012......for me has been a year of tests, of struggles, a year of life staring me in the face and daring me to practice what I teach. It started with a call from my lung doc in December of 2011, it went into a
speeding slide with the introduction of a hematologist/oncologist in January 2012.......a diagnosis of an immune system that had failed miserably and the recommendation of open-ended infusion treatments. And all the doctor visits, and side-effects and meds in between.
But, I met some of the strongest, kindest people in the world in those big green chairs.....and sadly said goodbye to some of them. I have truly learned that all we have is today.......
I have learned that you can do "all the right things" and still have serious health issues.
I have said goodbye to three of my most precious furry friends who had been with me for years, and also said goodbye to several human friends. I have learned that naps are one of my most valuable resources and that my husband Rick is strong and brave.
I have learned that music and art give me peace, that teaching yoga gives me more, than it gives my students. Most of all, I have learned that I am loved......and that these four words "this too shall pass" are true.
I don't think much about the future anymore, I just pray that every day .......we all receive our portion of grace......Happy New Year.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sharing a Poem
This poem was shared with me from another yoga teacher, it was so profound, so truthful, I had to share it with you all. The words have haunted me all day......."the only life you could save."
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~
(Dream Work)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
A Day With Breeze
Her little sister, Daisy came home from the hospital this evening and is doing well. All is calm tonight, Buddy and Calliou are already snoring, I think it will be an early evening for me too.
Wishing you all a peaceful Saturday night.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Steven Johnson Syndrome
About a two weeks ago, Daisy cut her foot, and it was a pretty serious cut, so her parents took her to Childrens' for stitches.....it was all pretty routine, and because she is five, the doc did a routine scrip for antibiotics, because we all know most five year olds do not want to wear shoes.
Last night, her parents James and Andrea rushed Daisy to the ER, she was crying with a burning sensation in her nose and throat, her skin was quickly becoming covered in red splotches, she had a temperature.
The young doctor in the ER pulled up her records on their computer, saw that she had been treated with Bactrim ( a sulfur drug) and quickly diagnosed her with Steven Johnson Syndrome, he saved her life. I am posting all of this tonight, to hopefully prevent or save another child's or adult's life, vision,
lungs, liver or kidneys. There are several drugs that can cause this life threatening reaction, and some doctors also believe there might be some genetics involved. You can Google Steven Johnson Syndrome to see how horrific it can be.
Our Daisy is going to be ok, thanks to the quick action of her parents and her ER doctor, the sooner treatment is started, the better your chances of survival and fewer side effects, such as blindness.
We are deeply grateful tonight, that our Daisy will be baking cookies at our house again soon.
Say a prayer for her speedy recovery, and blessings for her parents.....and oh yes, give all those you love, a great big hug......life can change in the blink of an eye.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Heart Ache
Totally out of sorts......that is not my usual way of describing my self, but today, that is how it it.
Good stuff......a beautiful full moon in a winter's sky.
No matter how joyous the Christmas season is.......it's just not the same after your parents are gone.
I have cried a great deal today, our mixed bull-dog Taylor, who has had congested heart-failure
for some time, worsen.....and once again, our vet gave us the news you never want to hear. Taylor joined Astro and the other dogs over the rainbow this afternoon.
So sorry that I am down and out tonight......I know that this too shall pass.
But for tonight, looking at that big full moon, my heart aches for all those humans and creatures who are no longer with me.
Good night, Sweet dreams
Good stuff......a beautiful full moon in a winter's sky.
No matter how joyous the Christmas season is.......it's just not the same after your parents are gone.
I have cried a great deal today, our mixed bull-dog Taylor, who has had congested heart-failure
for some time, worsen.....and once again, our vet gave us the news you never want to hear. Taylor joined Astro and the other dogs over the rainbow this afternoon.
So sorry that I am down and out tonight......I know that this too shall pass.
But for tonight, looking at that big full moon, my heart aches for all those humans and creatures who are no longer with me.
Good night, Sweet dreams
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Free of Suffering
"In Buddhism compassion is defined as the wish that all beings be free of their suffering." - An Open Heart, The Dalai Lama
This morning as I was doing laundry, I had the tv on in the laundry room and noticed that the 80's movie, Resurrection was on. I had forgotten how good this movie was with Sam Sheppard and Ellen Bursten . Basically, she becomes a healer, and takes away physical suffering. It is a complex story, and a great movie.
Friends often tell me that I have compassion, that is how they describe me......and I suppose looking at the Buddhist definition .......then yes I do have compassion. It is very difficult for me to see others suffer in any way......humans,all creatures great and small.
As I watched Resurrection this morning, I sat there and thought about how wonderful it would to be able to take away someone's suffering........and then I thought about how, maybe as humans we can't totally take away suffering, but we can comfort, we can love, we can lift each other up, we can bring joy,
there is much that we can do to help ease suffering.
Even though we as humans are often the cause of suffering in those around us, we can ease suffering. We can simply smile at others, we can love others,
we can help those who need help, we can think before we speak, we can practice kindness. I think one of the most important things we can do as humans.......treat others as we want to be treated, or "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Peace and Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas! It has rained, and rained and rained........but thank goodness, no tornadoes today.....well at least not where we are, but south of us had a few.
We are safe and sound, and waiting and hoping for snow......but right now, the rain continues to fall in sheets.
I am tired, as always, it has been a Christmas family marathon.......food, family, food, family, more food. Tomorrow we lunch with friends.....more food. I am thinking of doing a short fast later this week, I need raw fruits, veggies and lots of water.
Hoping that you and yours had a happy holiday, full of love and joy.......and food.
Blessings of joy, peace, and much love to all of you tonight.
Merry Christmas
Peace
We are safe and sound, and waiting and hoping for snow......but right now, the rain continues to fall in sheets.
I am tired, as always, it has been a Christmas family marathon.......food, family, food, family, more food. Tomorrow we lunch with friends.....more food. I am thinking of doing a short fast later this week, I need raw fruits, veggies and lots of water.
Hoping that you and yours had a happy holiday, full of love and joy.......and food.
Blessings of joy, peace, and much love to all of you tonight.
Merry Christmas
Peace
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve 2012
Christmas Eve 2012........breakfast with my brother Ricky and his wonderful family. Worked this afternoon, and enjoyed every minute of it........being in rehab is hard, being in rehab at Christmas......the worst. My students were so glad to see me today, they needed a little extra love......
Rick and I will open our presents in a while, we are both a little on edge tonight. Our local weather guys are saying we could have violent storms tomorrow......so if you don't have anyone to say prayers for tonight, say a prayer of grace and safety for all of us in the red zone.
Hoping that Santa brings you the perfect gift tonight.......the realization that you know you are loved.
Merry Christmas
Rick and I will open our presents in a while, we are both a little on edge tonight. Our local weather guys are saying we could have violent storms tomorrow......so if you don't have anyone to say prayers for tonight, say a prayer of grace and safety for all of us in the red zone.
Hoping that Santa brings you the perfect gift tonight.......the realization that you know you are loved.
Merry Christmas
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Rise Up
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius
Some days I think about all the times I have fallen or failed, how difficult it has been to get back up.
Today, I have thought about friends and family members, many of them have fallen, stumbled and with great effort risen again.
I know there are times when you fall so often, you begin to think what's the use.......but it is the falling, the scarring, the bruising that defines us.....and each time we rise up, we're stronger because we know we can get back up. It takes strength, courage, determination, faith and sometimes just plain old grit to get up after a fall.....but better to struggle and finally stand, than to lie down and wallow.
If it is one of those fallen times in your life, don't throw up your hands and give up.......take some time to reflect, to think it through. Ask for help if you need it, pray if you need to, cry if it helps......but remember that once you stand back up, you're wiser and stronger. I think we all fear falling ( emotionally and physically) but watch a baby take its first steps......there are many falls, and tears.....but there is nothing but joy, once that child stands strong and walks.
Don't fret about the fall, just remember to rise up!
Some days I think about all the times I have fallen or failed, how difficult it has been to get back up.
Today, I have thought about friends and family members, many of them have fallen, stumbled and with great effort risen again.
I know there are times when you fall so often, you begin to think what's the use.......but it is the falling, the scarring, the bruising that defines us.....and each time we rise up, we're stronger because we know we can get back up. It takes strength, courage, determination, faith and sometimes just plain old grit to get up after a fall.....but better to struggle and finally stand, than to lie down and wallow.
If it is one of those fallen times in your life, don't throw up your hands and give up.......take some time to reflect, to think it through. Ask for help if you need it, pray if you need to, cry if it helps......but remember that once you stand back up, you're wiser and stronger. I think we all fear falling ( emotionally and physically) but watch a baby take its first steps......there are many falls, and tears.....but there is nothing but joy, once that child stands strong and walks.
Don't fret about the fall, just remember to rise up!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
The Best Gift
Another glorious day of visits with friends, conversations with friends, communications with friends.......This has been one of my best weeks in a very long time. My friends will never know
how much their calls, e-mails, and visits mean to me.
I hope that through out this holiday season you all have been able to spend time (in what ever way you can) with friends. I know that it is stressful, and sometimes it seems to become even more stressful if that is possible, the closer it gets to Christmas........PLEASE, take a few moments for yourself.....a short nap, a warm bath, soft music, a call to an old friend......do something for yourself.
Honestly, we never know when it will be our last holiday.......spend this time with joy in your heart.
Remind yourself, when the stress level is ready to explode.......will this really matter five years from now? Your time, your love, that is what your family and friends want......that is the gift that truly matters.
Sending blessings of peace to each of you tonight, and wishes for a good night's sleep and the sweetest of dreams.
how much their calls, e-mails, and visits mean to me.
I hope that through out this holiday season you all have been able to spend time (in what ever way you can) with friends. I know that it is stressful, and sometimes it seems to become even more stressful if that is possible, the closer it gets to Christmas........PLEASE, take a few moments for yourself.....a short nap, a warm bath, soft music, a call to an old friend......do something for yourself.
Honestly, we never know when it will be our last holiday.......spend this time with joy in your heart.
Remind yourself, when the stress level is ready to explode.......will this really matter five years from now? Your time, your love, that is what your family and friends want......that is the gift that truly matters.
Sending blessings of peace to each of you tonight, and wishes for a good night's sleep and the sweetest of dreams.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Christmas Cookies
I can't remember the last time I was this tired......but it was so worth it.
From the top, Jordan and Anthony
Jordan and Zoe
Jordan and Daisy
Breeze
The cookies were delicious!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
The Value of Friends
The storms moved through this morning, the winds are howling tonight, lows in the 20's......it feels like Christmas. We met some of our oldest and dearest friends for GreenTop BBQ tonight.
Tom, Judy, Brenda and Danny......we had not seen them in since summer......no they don't live that far away.......our lives are like yours, busy and complicated.
It was so good to see them, to sit and laugh and know that no matter how many months go by, when we're together, it is as though we just saw each other yesterday. Susie, who owns the Green Top was a friend of my parents.....she and my dad grew up together......she is 90, but she is younger than many
50 year olds that I know. She has always been more like a favorite aunt, than a friend of the family's.
She asked me again tonight if I would sing at her funeral......I told her yes,
but it had better be a long time coming.
Rick and I sang at Brenda and Danny's wedding, that was held at Tom and Judy's house.......the threads that weave the tapestries of our lives are amazing aren't they? As the years have gone by, I understand the importance even more of having good friends.....you need them for the laughter as well as the tears. That is one thing that my parents taught me.......the value of good friends, I am forever grateful for that. I remember my parents friends coming to visit, drinking coffee, eating cake, hearing their laughter.......and thinking, that is what I want when I grow up.......good friends spending time together, sharing meals.
I have had the good fortune of spending time with, and hearing from good friends today......and because of that, I feel better, I feel stronger tonight.......I feel loved. I hope that during this holiday season that you all spend time with friends, that you share laughter and maybe a few tears.....but most of all......I hope you feel loved.
Tom, Judy, Brenda and Danny......we had not seen them in since summer......no they don't live that far away.......our lives are like yours, busy and complicated.
It was so good to see them, to sit and laugh and know that no matter how many months go by, when we're together, it is as though we just saw each other yesterday. Susie, who owns the Green Top was a friend of my parents.....she and my dad grew up together......she is 90, but she is younger than many
50 year olds that I know. She has always been more like a favorite aunt, than a friend of the family's.
She asked me again tonight if I would sing at her funeral......I told her yes,
but it had better be a long time coming.
Rick and I sang at Brenda and Danny's wedding, that was held at Tom and Judy's house.......the threads that weave the tapestries of our lives are amazing aren't they? As the years have gone by, I understand the importance even more of having good friends.....you need them for the laughter as well as the tears. That is one thing that my parents taught me.......the value of good friends, I am forever grateful for that. I remember my parents friends coming to visit, drinking coffee, eating cake, hearing their laughter.......and thinking, that is what I want when I grow up.......good friends spending time together, sharing meals.
I have had the good fortune of spending time with, and hearing from good friends today......and because of that, I feel better, I feel stronger tonight.......I feel loved. I hope that during this holiday season that you all spend time with friends, that you share laughter and maybe a few tears.....but most of all......I hope you feel loved.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Over The Rainbow
It has been an extremely long day.......this morning around 3:00, a noise awakened us, it was our
dog Astro, a black lab mix. I thought he was having a seizure, Rick and I both were trying to figure out what to do, how to comfort him.....after a while he slept.
Around 6:00 we made coffee, and Astro came into the great room with us like he does every morning.
But , he was weak, as he walked he leaned to one side, and it seemed that he was walking in circles.
When our vet opened, Rick carried him down to her office.........really bad news......Astro had had a major stroke, and his vet, who had taken care of him for twelve years gently suggested we let him go.
Rick called me to break the news, I honestly thought when they left that Astro would be back home ready for our morning walk........instead, he joined Blackie Bear, and Charlie and all the rest of our beloved dogs over the rainbow.
Astro was like all our other dogs, a cast-off......but he was sweet and gentle and would stand for hours beside you, if you petted him. He could never seem to get enough love. Our niece Samantha brought him to her house, just as she did Blackie Bear, but with Sam at school every day, Bear and Astro liked our house better.
Rick had a book signing today, it was hard to sit there and smile and talk with people.......I just wanted to grieve for Astro. When we walked into tonight, I looked for him.......the house seems so empty without him. Tough year......Blackie Bear and Astro......somewhere over the rainbow.
dog Astro, a black lab mix. I thought he was having a seizure, Rick and I both were trying to figure out what to do, how to comfort him.....after a while he slept.
Around 6:00 we made coffee, and Astro came into the great room with us like he does every morning.
But , he was weak, as he walked he leaned to one side, and it seemed that he was walking in circles.
When our vet opened, Rick carried him down to her office.........really bad news......Astro had had a major stroke, and his vet, who had taken care of him for twelve years gently suggested we let him go.
Rick called me to break the news, I honestly thought when they left that Astro would be back home ready for our morning walk........instead, he joined Blackie Bear, and Charlie and all the rest of our beloved dogs over the rainbow.
Astro was like all our other dogs, a cast-off......but he was sweet and gentle and would stand for hours beside you, if you petted him. He could never seem to get enough love. Our niece Samantha brought him to her house, just as she did Blackie Bear, but with Sam at school every day, Bear and Astro liked our house better.
Rick had a book signing today, it was hard to sit there and smile and talk with people.......I just wanted to grieve for Astro. When we walked into tonight, I looked for him.......the house seems so empty without him. Tough year......Blackie Bear and Astro......somewhere over the rainbow.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Dodging
I am becoming an artful dodger, no not a pickpocket, but trying to perfect the art of dodging the flu.
The flu is all around me, at work, in my family.......and honestly, I am washing my hands so much, they are just about to crack. Even my hematologist expressed her concern last week when I saw her.
She didn't have to remind me of the consequences I could face if I catch the flu.
I can't live in a bubble, I am trying to avoid crowds, head in the other direction when I hear someone cough or sneeze.....but this is Christmas, what to do, what to do? I am drinking elderberry tea, have upped my vitamin C, trying to rest as much as possible. Drinking lots of fluids.
I keep telling myself that I will not let my disease define who I am......but when flu season hit early, and our local school sent as many as 200 students home in a day, I admit I began to feel a little anxious. Do you all have any suggestions.....yes, I got a flu shot and a pneumonia shot.
I am teaching chakra classes again at work, and today I taught a class built around #4, the heart.
We talked about love, compassion......not just for others, but for ourselves as well. We talked about the physical heart as well as the emotional one, it was a wonderful healing class. Tonight, I am reminding myself that I am loved, and that in itself boosts the immune system.
I have painted all my cards, mailed half of them, made cookies for Samantha to take to work tomorrow, made spiced cider for Rick's book signing, I am ready for for nog and fruitcake.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams
The flu is all around me, at work, in my family.......and honestly, I am washing my hands so much, they are just about to crack. Even my hematologist expressed her concern last week when I saw her.
She didn't have to remind me of the consequences I could face if I catch the flu.
I can't live in a bubble, I am trying to avoid crowds, head in the other direction when I hear someone cough or sneeze.....but this is Christmas, what to do, what to do? I am drinking elderberry tea, have upped my vitamin C, trying to rest as much as possible. Drinking lots of fluids.
I keep telling myself that I will not let my disease define who I am......but when flu season hit early, and our local school sent as many as 200 students home in a day, I admit I began to feel a little anxious. Do you all have any suggestions.....yes, I got a flu shot and a pneumonia shot.
I am teaching chakra classes again at work, and today I taught a class built around #4, the heart.
We talked about love, compassion......not just for others, but for ourselves as well. We talked about the physical heart as well as the emotional one, it was a wonderful healing class. Tonight, I am reminding myself that I am loved, and that in itself boosts the immune system.
I have painted all my cards, mailed half of them, made cookies for Samantha to take to work tomorrow, made spiced cider for Rick's book signing, I am ready for for nog and fruitcake.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams
Monday, December 17, 2012
Decorating the Tree
Wishing you all love and peace tonight......enjoy your holidays, don't let the stress rob you of the joy!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Peacemakers, Healers and Lovers
"The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers,
healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds." - Dalai Lama
I believe this truth......I want so much to believe that all those six and seven year olds did not die in vain......that somehow, some way, humanity will jump back from the cliff where we seem to be teetering. I know in my heart there is goodness in each of us.....what happens down our paths that changes......I don't know. But, we all start out as children.....and for some of us, the transformation to monster takes place. What creates the monster? Who creates the monster?
I also know in my heart that we have to stop the fear. We have to stop it with love, you cannot stop it with hate. Love really can change the world, we each have the capability to live remarkable lives and there is nothing magical about it.......just the simple act of love. We are all healers, and peacemakers,
we can restore and love.......we just have to do it. It is our responsibility to ourselves and each other.
healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds." - Dalai Lama
I believe this truth......I want so much to believe that all those six and seven year olds did not die in vain......that somehow, some way, humanity will jump back from the cliff where we seem to be teetering. I know in my heart there is goodness in each of us.....what happens down our paths that changes......I don't know. But, we all start out as children.....and for some of us, the transformation to monster takes place. What creates the monster? Who creates the monster?
I also know in my heart that we have to stop the fear. We have to stop it with love, you cannot stop it with hate. Love really can change the world, we each have the capability to live remarkable lives and there is nothing magical about it.......just the simple act of love. We are all healers, and peacemakers,
we can restore and love.......we just have to do it. It is our responsibility to ourselves and each other.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Christmas Comes to the Watson House
Our Christmas tree is decorated......the cards are ready to paint......the big hemlock out front is covered in lights.....the stockings are hung......it is starting to look like Christmas at the Watson house.
I didn't break any decorations this year, a first.....but Rick fell off the ladder......he's fine, a little bruised, but fine. I think he has watched Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation one too many times.
We had a cup of eggnog and a slice of fruitcake tonight, and listened to one of my most favorite Christmas cds by Tori Amos. If you are looking for a new Christmas cd, give her a listen.......the cd was recorded a few years ago, but it is well worth the search.
I kept thinking about last Christmas today......it was about this time last year that I got a call from my pulmonary doctor recommending that I see a hematologist/oncologist. I didn't see the new doc until after Christmas, thoughts that it might be my last Christmas did enter my mind. Thankfully I did not have cancer, but there were some serious issues and I have undergone treatments for the past eleven
months. This week has been difficult, but I always tell myself it could be worse. I am grateful for
a wonderful team of caring doctors, a trio of loving nurses, and a husband who has been there through it all, and friends and family who have given me their love and support.
I am exhausted tonight, but that's ok.......a hot bath, a cup of tea, and a good night's sleep will make it all better.
Good night, Sweet dreams
I didn't break any decorations this year, a first.....but Rick fell off the ladder......he's fine, a little bruised, but fine. I think he has watched Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation one too many times.
We had a cup of eggnog and a slice of fruitcake tonight, and listened to one of my most favorite Christmas cds by Tori Amos. If you are looking for a new Christmas cd, give her a listen.......the cd was recorded a few years ago, but it is well worth the search.
I kept thinking about last Christmas today......it was about this time last year that I got a call from my pulmonary doctor recommending that I see a hematologist/oncologist. I didn't see the new doc until after Christmas, thoughts that it might be my last Christmas did enter my mind. Thankfully I did not have cancer, but there were some serious issues and I have undergone treatments for the past eleven
months. This week has been difficult, but I always tell myself it could be worse. I am grateful for
a wonderful team of caring doctors, a trio of loving nurses, and a husband who has been there through it all, and friends and family who have given me their love and support.
I am exhausted tonight, but that's ok.......a hot bath, a cup of tea, and a good night's sleep will make it all better.
Good night, Sweet dreams
Friday, December 14, 2012
Peace and Love to All
My nephew James Phillips is editor of the Daily Mt. Eagle in Jasper, Al. He has four children under the age of nine. These are his words that he posted on FB today.........I am very proud of him.
Today is not a day to bash people over the head with religion and shove God in their face.
Today is not a day to try to use a terrible tragedy to disprove the existence of God.
Today is not a day to get on political soapboxes, discussing gun control laws and mental health issues.
Today IS a day to mourn.
Today IS a day to grab your children and give them a hug and a kiss, because it could be your last chance.
Today IS a day to think about those who have suffered terrible loss.
Today IS a day to LOVE!
I think his words pretty much sum up my feelings about today.
Sending blessings of peace and love to each and every one.
Today is not a day to bash people over the head with religion and shove God in their face.
Today is not a day to try to use a terrible tragedy to disprove the existence of God.
Today is not a day to get on political soapboxes, discussing gun control laws and mental health issues.
Today IS a day to mourn.
Today IS a day to grab your children and give them a hug and a kiss, because it could be your last chance.
Today IS a day to think about those who have suffered terrible loss.
Today IS a day to LOVE!
I think his words pretty much sum up my feelings about today.
Sending blessings of peace and love to each and every one.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Tree Farm
I rested this morning so that we could go to the tree farm today and get our Christmas tree. It is sitting in our front yard tonight......and hopefully, my energy that is still sitting in the big green chair will come home tomorrow and decorate our tree!
On the way home, I was getting a little weak and shaky, and Rick asked if an ice cream cone would make me feel better......of course it would! So, to celebrate the season I had
a red velvet ice cream cone......it was rather tasty.
The meteor showers are tonight, around midnight and later......since it was cloudy and we missed the ones in the summer, hoping we get a chance to see these. We'll have to set the clock and climb out of bed, but I know it will be worth it.
I thought about Christmases past today, how crazy and stressed out I use to get........I think most of the time now, I really have learned to live in the moment.......I try to encourage my nieces and nephews to not get caught up in the craziness. I do understand that the blending of families and different traditions is fuel to the flame.....so sad that it takes years to work it all out.
All that fresh air, and the hard work of choosing a tree has worn me out, my nice warm bed is calling.
Wishing that we all take time out to look at the stars, blessings of peace to one and all.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Treatment #11
Not many in the infusion room today, I take that as a good sign......it was rather quiet, we all seemed subdued. For one young woman it was her first time in the big green chairs, but her mom and best friend were with her, and when she left she was smiling......she knew she was loved.
I am very tired tonight, the drip has been slowed even more, since last time.......hopefully it will help with the nausea and other side effects. Sitting in those green chairs is not for wussies......and the folks that come with you, well they are not wussies either. Those green chairs show you the stuff you're made of.....or not.
As Rick and I topped one of the hills coming home tonight, we saw one of the most brilliant sunsets.
He kept asking what color is that, the only color I could name..... vermilion......it was magical.
Maybe this whole 12-12-12 thing was a day of magic.
So how many more treatments, still open-ended.......it is what it is.....and this too shall pass.
But I saw a magical sunset today, I saw a young woman understand that she was truly loved,
and once again, I got to tell those blue angels thank you.
Goodnight Sweet dreams
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Mrs. Santa Claus
Leaving work in the dark tonight, I was thinking that I seemed to be missing quite a few sunsets......but then I started to take notice. There are beautiful Christmas lights everywhere on this winding country road. Some are thoughtful, well planned, color and theme driven.......others are
lights spread with wild abandon, like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting......brilliant in color, but you have to look to see the subject.
Even on the dead-end road where we live, Christmas lights have sprung up like mushrooms the past few days. Just like on the drive home, some are well-planned and others seem to be tossed into trees and bushes with joy and enthusiasm.
We will do a tree and a little outside illumination toward the end of the week. We always get a "living tree" to plant after the holidays......you can walk around our yard and visit all our Christmas trees.
This past weekend I did hang the wreath on the door, and the Christmas flag. This weekend I will paint Christmas cards, yes each one individually painted......how many? some years as many as 100, most of the time around 50. I know some get crazy with decorations, I get crazy painting cards.
I made a fruitcake this weekend ( and I actually let Rick help, usually I try to keep him out of the
kitchen, but there was so much fruit and nuts) I had to have help! It feels like Christmas tonight, cold and cloudy. Oh yes, there will some meteor showers tomorrow night and Thursday, hoping for clear skies. Isn't that rather magical, to think about a sky full of shooting stars at Christmas time?
Tomorrow is treatment day, I am wearing a red sweater, so that sitting in that big green chair I will look like Mrs. Santa Claus!
Good night, Sweet dreams!
lights spread with wild abandon, like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting......brilliant in color, but you have to look to see the subject.
Even on the dead-end road where we live, Christmas lights have sprung up like mushrooms the past few days. Just like on the drive home, some are well-planned and others seem to be tossed into trees and bushes with joy and enthusiasm.
We will do a tree and a little outside illumination toward the end of the week. We always get a "living tree" to plant after the holidays......you can walk around our yard and visit all our Christmas trees.
This past weekend I did hang the wreath on the door, and the Christmas flag. This weekend I will paint Christmas cards, yes each one individually painted......how many? some years as many as 100, most of the time around 50. I know some get crazy with decorations, I get crazy painting cards.
I made a fruitcake this weekend ( and I actually let Rick help, usually I try to keep him out of the
kitchen, but there was so much fruit and nuts) I had to have help! It feels like Christmas tonight, cold and cloudy. Oh yes, there will some meteor showers tomorrow night and Thursday, hoping for clear skies. Isn't that rather magical, to think about a sky full of shooting stars at Christmas time?
Tomorrow is treatment day, I am wearing a red sweater, so that sitting in that big green chair I will look like Mrs. Santa Claus!
Good night, Sweet dreams!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Growing Old
"Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old by deserting their ideals. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair." - Douglas MacArthur
I have known young eighty year olds, and old fifty year olds.......it is true age is just a number.
When my mom was eighty-five she announced one day, that she felt twenty-five and the only way she knew she was old......when she looked in the mirror. Honestly, there are few days when I think about my age anymore.
Here's to forgetting about numbers, and just living our lives to their fullest. Hang on to your ideals,
and laugh out loud daily. Sing loudly, walk in the sun and never miss a chance to eat ice cream.
Spend time with dogs and children, read a good book, and tell someone every day you love them.
That is my personal advice for staying young.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams.
I have known young eighty year olds, and old fifty year olds.......it is true age is just a number.
When my mom was eighty-five she announced one day, that she felt twenty-five and the only way she knew she was old......when she looked in the mirror. Honestly, there are few days when I think about my age anymore.
Here's to forgetting about numbers, and just living our lives to their fullest. Hang on to your ideals,
and laugh out loud daily. Sing loudly, walk in the sun and never miss a chance to eat ice cream.
Spend time with dogs and children, read a good book, and tell someone every day you love them.
That is my personal advice for staying young.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sunday Musings
Our songwriter's group got together this afternoon. Each time I am around them, I am left breathless by their talents. I looked around the room today, and thought how can I be this lucky? One of the most unique attributes of this group is their lack of ego........trust me, with artistic talented musicians...that is not always the norm.
We have several projects that we are working on, including more concerts, a book, and a weekend writing get-away. I need this group.......as much as I love my job as a yoga therapist......I too, need yin and yang......balance. The music is personal, it is me time......an expression of who I am, all facets.
It is still so warm here, near 70. No Christmas tree yet, very hard to get in the spirit of things, when I am walking around barefoot. I hear change is coming but only for a few days........but at least if it gets cold again, I'll go get a tree! Cold cider is not nearly as Christmasey as hot, spiced!
This week is treatment week, there have been bouts of nausea this weekend, but not nearly as bad as last month.....keeping my fingers crossed.
Wishing you all a magical week, full of celebrations, joy and peace!
We have several projects that we are working on, including more concerts, a book, and a weekend writing get-away. I need this group.......as much as I love my job as a yoga therapist......I too, need yin and yang......balance. The music is personal, it is me time......an expression of who I am, all facets.
It is still so warm here, near 70. No Christmas tree yet, very hard to get in the spirit of things, when I am walking around barefoot. I hear change is coming but only for a few days........but at least if it gets cold again, I'll go get a tree! Cold cider is not nearly as Christmasey as hot, spiced!
This week is treatment week, there have been bouts of nausea this weekend, but not nearly as bad as last month.....keeping my fingers crossed.
Wishing you all a magical week, full of celebrations, joy and peace!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
A Charlie Brown Tree
Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. It is a tradition that I did with his mom, Samantha when she was his age.
We walked through the woods behind the barn, he could not decide on a tree. They were so much bigger than him.....finally, we saw this one and he liked it.
We had made the ornaments in early fall, out of playdough.
The string of lights wrapped around the little sapling several times........we think it is the perfect Charlie Brown tree. He was so excited about his ornaments......I have to admit I thought they were beautiful too.
We mixed all colors of play dough, rolled it out, cut it with Christmas cookie cutters......stars, trees, bells......all tied with gold and silver ribbons. Even though it has been in the 70's today, the Christmas spirit visited.
There is nothing like a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree and a four year old boy! What a great day!
Friday, December 7, 2012
Don't Let Them Forget
A friend of mine who teaches at a nearby college posted something so sad on FB this morning......he had cancelled classes for today and had casually mentioned to his students to remember how important this day was.......December 7. He had students that had no idea why this day was special.
I cannot imagine any college student in this country not knowing the importance of December 7, the day Pearl Harbor was attacked. It is a date that changed this country, that changed the world.
And now I'm wondering do they even teach history anymore?.......maybe if they had the students at least watch Tora, Tora, Tora?
My dad was a medic during WWII .......he refused to talk to any of us about the war. We never even knew that he had been awarded medals until several years after his death......I had gone to the VA office to talk about possible benefits for my mom when she was ill. The woman told me the battles,
and the awards he had been given. No one in the family knows what happened to them. The war changed my dad, it changed everyone involved in every way.......thousands died......and to think that there are college students that do not know what this day is about......is just not acceptable.
For those of you reading this tonight, teach your children, your grandchildren......remind them of the incredible sacrifices that were made all over the world, don't let them forget.
I cannot imagine any college student in this country not knowing the importance of December 7, the day Pearl Harbor was attacked. It is a date that changed this country, that changed the world.
And now I'm wondering do they even teach history anymore?.......maybe if they had the students at least watch Tora, Tora, Tora?
My dad was a medic during WWII .......he refused to talk to any of us about the war. We never even knew that he had been awarded medals until several years after his death......I had gone to the VA office to talk about possible benefits for my mom when she was ill. The woman told me the battles,
and the awards he had been given. No one in the family knows what happened to them. The war changed my dad, it changed everyone involved in every way.......thousands died......and to think that there are college students that do not know what this day is about......is just not acceptable.
For those of you reading this tonight, teach your children, your grandchildren......remind them of the incredible sacrifices that were made all over the world, don't let them forget.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
The Atlas Complex
Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. The world would go on even without you. Don't take yourself so seriously." - Norman Vincent Peale
This quote spoke to me tonight, loud and clear. Rick constantly has to remind me that I can't fix everything for everyone. I have been a caregiver since I was a child. I watched over my younger brother, and as a 'tween and before I could drive, if family members were sick and needed help, my mom would send me. I look back now and realize how ludicrous that was to send basically a child
to care for an adult. But thinking back, as a child and even as a teenager, I was old.
I have come a long way, but I still have my moments......when I assume that yes, I can fix it.
Yoga has helped me so much, that and the study of Eastern philosophy. I talk about "letting go" in yoga, and usually it is for my benefit as much as anyone else's. Studying the balance, the yin and the yang has changed me also.........life makes so much more sense now. Probably a great deal of it is my age, and understanding how little I really do know. I talked with my classes today about the importance of being responsible for yourself, but not for everyone else.
I see students come to class often, so stressed that their shoulders are up to their ears........they are Atlas, believing that everything will crash and burn without them. Life teaches hard earned lessons,
when I first started my current job seven years ago, I became so enmeshed with my students that I thought I couldn't even take sick days.......I thought they needed me that much.........well my body rebelled and I became so sick, I missed many days. I learned I was not Atlas, and that everyone and everything would go on without me.
Tonight, if you, like me......forget your identity sometimes and think that you are really Atlas.
Look in the mirror, no one's shoulders are that big........laugh out loud at the absurdness of you thinking you can fix it all......... and remember, even when you and I are no longer on this earth......the problems, the pain, and all the mess will still be here for someone else to try and fix.
This quote spoke to me tonight, loud and clear. Rick constantly has to remind me that I can't fix everything for everyone. I have been a caregiver since I was a child. I watched over my younger brother, and as a 'tween and before I could drive, if family members were sick and needed help, my mom would send me. I look back now and realize how ludicrous that was to send basically a child
to care for an adult. But thinking back, as a child and even as a teenager, I was old.
I have come a long way, but I still have my moments......when I assume that yes, I can fix it.
Yoga has helped me so much, that and the study of Eastern philosophy. I talk about "letting go" in yoga, and usually it is for my benefit as much as anyone else's. Studying the balance, the yin and the yang has changed me also.........life makes so much more sense now. Probably a great deal of it is my age, and understanding how little I really do know. I talked with my classes today about the importance of being responsible for yourself, but not for everyone else.
I see students come to class often, so stressed that their shoulders are up to their ears........they are Atlas, believing that everything will crash and burn without them. Life teaches hard earned lessons,
when I first started my current job seven years ago, I became so enmeshed with my students that I thought I couldn't even take sick days.......I thought they needed me that much.........well my body rebelled and I became so sick, I missed many days. I learned I was not Atlas, and that everyone and everything would go on without me.
Tonight, if you, like me......forget your identity sometimes and think that you are really Atlas.
Look in the mirror, no one's shoulders are that big........laugh out loud at the absurdness of you thinking you can fix it all......... and remember, even when you and I are no longer on this earth......the problems, the pain, and all the mess will still be here for someone else to try and fix.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
More Than A Toy
First, let me say thank you for the kind and encouraging comments that you all left on my post last night. I still can't believe I have written that many posts!
Rick and I watched White Christmas tonight, there are so many things that I love about that movie.....
Bing Crosby's and Rosemary Clooney's voices, the costumes, the Vermont Inn, the firepit at the Inn,
the dancing, the friendships. As we watched tonight, I told Rick that one of my most favorite Christmas gifts I ever got as a child.......a Rosemary Clooney doll. I had seen her in the window of Gilberts, a little family store in our small town.....I was maybe 5 or 6. I immediately told my parents that I wanted her for Christmas. My dad shook his head and told me Santa could not afford her. Even at that age, I understood money was tight.
I had six siblings, each of us got one gift. Our stocking held fruit, nuts and candy.
We learned from the beginning that Christmas was not about how many presents you got.
.
I went to bed on Christmas Eve knowing that Santa would bring something, but not Rosemary.
On Christmas morning, I got up and ran to the Christmas tree, momma handed me my present.
It was a big box, almost as tall as me, and when I opened it, yep.......I got Rosemary in all her splendor. She wore a pink lace gown, silver shoes and jewelry. I loved her! I had a Betsy Wetsy, but Rosemary was not a baby doll, she looked the way I wanted to look when I grew up.....and I wanted to be a singer too.
Rosemary was mine, until I was ten. We moved to Chicago, where my mom's brother lived......there were good jobs there, and money to be made. We lived in a small apartment, so Rosemary was left behind, in the basement of our house. While we were gone, my sister and her family lived in our house, and they got a new pet. A rowdy little dog.......he chewed Rosemary, along with the rest of my toys to pieces. Rosemary is just a memory, but she was more than a toy, she was an inspiration.
Maybe I should look for a pink lace dress to wear this Christmas!
Rick and I watched White Christmas tonight, there are so many things that I love about that movie.....
Bing Crosby's and Rosemary Clooney's voices, the costumes, the Vermont Inn, the firepit at the Inn,
the dancing, the friendships. As we watched tonight, I told Rick that one of my most favorite Christmas gifts I ever got as a child.......a Rosemary Clooney doll. I had seen her in the window of Gilberts, a little family store in our small town.....I was maybe 5 or 6. I immediately told my parents that I wanted her for Christmas. My dad shook his head and told me Santa could not afford her. Even at that age, I understood money was tight.
I had six siblings, each of us got one gift. Our stocking held fruit, nuts and candy.
We learned from the beginning that Christmas was not about how many presents you got.
.
I went to bed on Christmas Eve knowing that Santa would bring something, but not Rosemary.
On Christmas morning, I got up and ran to the Christmas tree, momma handed me my present.
It was a big box, almost as tall as me, and when I opened it, yep.......I got Rosemary in all her splendor. She wore a pink lace gown, silver shoes and jewelry. I loved her! I had a Betsy Wetsy, but Rosemary was not a baby doll, she looked the way I wanted to look when I grew up.....and I wanted to be a singer too.
Rosemary was mine, until I was ten. We moved to Chicago, where my mom's brother lived......there were good jobs there, and money to be made. We lived in a small apartment, so Rosemary was left behind, in the basement of our house. While we were gone, my sister and her family lived in our house, and they got a new pet. A rowdy little dog.......he chewed Rosemary, along with the rest of my toys to pieces. Rosemary is just a memory, but she was more than a toy, she was an inspiration.
Maybe I should look for a pink lace dress to wear this Christmas!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Post 1000
This blog tonight is a milestone, one that I never thought I would reach.......this blog is number
1,000. It is hard to believe that I have posted one thousand posts......wow, I can't believe I thought of that much to say! Ha!
I started writing this blog as a way to share my thoughts, honestly as a way to let people know that someone cared about them. I wanted to share love and kindness, I wanted to teach breath work, to encourage a yoga practice, and meditation. I wanted to let you know, that I believed there was balance and goodness in the world. I wanted to shine light in the darkness of hate and judgement.
I have never worried about how many followers I had, or how many comments. In my heart I knew that if one blog post helped one person, my time in front of the computer was well spent.
This blog has allowed me to share my personal journey of illness the past couple of years.
I have shared moments of grief, as well as joy, because that is the balance of life......good and bad, wellness and illness, birth and death.
The title, Transformation Information just came to me.......I knew that most of you were like me, there were times in your lives when you needed a little "transformation information" and I hope I have provided you with some. We take many paths during our lives, writing this blog was a path I never would have chosen, but my husband Rick convinced me to write. I am glad I finally listened to him, sat down in front of this computer and allowed my fingers to speak my thoughts.
I appreciate your comments, I appreciate the time that each of you take to read my words.
It is a cold rainy night here in rural Alabama, I have written this blog in hot sweltering heat,
snow and ice, tornadoes, beautiful springs, and breath-taking falls. During the course of these blogs,
two of my beloved dogs, Charlie and Blackie Bear passed over the rainbow.
I will continue to write these posts, until my heart tells me it is time to let go.
Thank you all so much, though I may never meet many of you, I think our souls have known each other for centuries. For those friends who have been with me since post # 1, my heart is full of love and gratitude for your friendship and loyalty.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams
1,000. It is hard to believe that I have posted one thousand posts......wow, I can't believe I thought of that much to say! Ha!
I started writing this blog as a way to share my thoughts, honestly as a way to let people know that someone cared about them. I wanted to share love and kindness, I wanted to teach breath work, to encourage a yoga practice, and meditation. I wanted to let you know, that I believed there was balance and goodness in the world. I wanted to shine light in the darkness of hate and judgement.
I have never worried about how many followers I had, or how many comments. In my heart I knew that if one blog post helped one person, my time in front of the computer was well spent.
This blog has allowed me to share my personal journey of illness the past couple of years.
I have shared moments of grief, as well as joy, because that is the balance of life......good and bad, wellness and illness, birth and death.
The title, Transformation Information just came to me.......I knew that most of you were like me, there were times in your lives when you needed a little "transformation information" and I hope I have provided you with some. We take many paths during our lives, writing this blog was a path I never would have chosen, but my husband Rick convinced me to write. I am glad I finally listened to him, sat down in front of this computer and allowed my fingers to speak my thoughts.
I appreciate your comments, I appreciate the time that each of you take to read my words.
It is a cold rainy night here in rural Alabama, I have written this blog in hot sweltering heat,
snow and ice, tornadoes, beautiful springs, and breath-taking falls. During the course of these blogs,
two of my beloved dogs, Charlie and Blackie Bear passed over the rainbow.
I will continue to write these posts, until my heart tells me it is time to let go.
Thank you all so much, though I may never meet many of you, I think our souls have known each other for centuries. For those friends who have been with me since post # 1, my heart is full of love and gratitude for your friendship and loyalty.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams
Monday, December 3, 2012
December Sunset
All is calm.......don't let the stress of shopping, of cooking, of parties, and gifts, of missing those who are no longer here.......don't let that holiday stress rob you of the beauty around you. Stop, look around you......and remember to breathe and be grateful.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Family Holiday
Today was Christmas lunch with my siblings. After our mom passed, we realized that old traditions would be extremely difficult to continue, and things would never be the same.......so we came up with new ones. Since my siblings all have children, grandchildren, and some of them great-grandchildren and everyone is scattered, we decided on a siblings only lunch the first Sunday in December.
One brother didn't make it today, but both sisters, two brothers, and our sister-in-law, the wife of our oldest brother who passed away right after our mom were there. We had a great time, just sitting around talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. We don't do gifts.......the gift is......time with each other.
Today was so special, I looked at them all, and thought about how each of them had helped to shape my life. I looked at them and realized that each of them had been there for me, when ever I needed them. I looked at them and realized how very lucky I am.
Sadly I know there are families who are estranged, where members don't speak to each other, and there is constant drama. I am so grateful that we have survived as a family without resorting to all of that craziness.
Age is creeping up on all of us, and each of has some health issues that we deal with, but my sister's living room was filled with laughter and love today......there was a loving family there.......and tonight,
life is good. It was a wonderful family holiday.
One brother didn't make it today, but both sisters, two brothers, and our sister-in-law, the wife of our oldest brother who passed away right after our mom were there. We had a great time, just sitting around talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. We don't do gifts.......the gift is......time with each other.
Today was so special, I looked at them all, and thought about how each of them had helped to shape my life. I looked at them and realized that each of them had been there for me, when ever I needed them. I looked at them and realized how very lucky I am.
Sadly I know there are families who are estranged, where members don't speak to each other, and there is constant drama. I am so grateful that we have survived as a family without resorting to all of that craziness.
Age is creeping up on all of us, and each of has some health issues that we deal with, but my sister's living room was filled with laughter and love today......there was a loving family there.......and tonight,
life is good. It was a wonderful family holiday.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
December 1
December 1..........lunch with old friends and new today
December 1.......Alabama wins SEC Championship
December 1........it's 70 degrees, what happen to fall?
December 1.......treatment number ll this month
December 1.......seven Christmases without my mom, twenty-one without my dad
December 1......chaos, making Christmas cookies with great-nieces and nephews
December 1.......time to paint Christmas cards, and mail them
December 1.......the last month of 2012, I blinked my eyes and it was gone
December 1.......today would have been Rick's mom's birthday, the sixth would have been my mom's.
December 1......I hope it snows
December 1.......Alabama wins SEC Championship
December 1........it's 70 degrees, what happen to fall?
December 1.......treatment number ll this month
December 1.......seven Christmases without my mom, twenty-one without my dad
December 1......chaos, making Christmas cookies with great-nieces and nephews
December 1.......time to paint Christmas cards, and mail them
December 1.......the last month of 2012, I blinked my eyes and it was gone
December 1.......today would have been Rick's mom's birthday, the sixth would have been my mom's.
December 1......I hope it snows
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