Daily Walks

Because of doctor's appointments and teaching schedules, and pouring rain and thunder, I have missed my daily walks the past couple of days.  I miss my walks!  The trail I walk changes daily......it is the old dirt road to the barn, then a path cut through the woods.  I love my walks.  Walking for me is a daily meditation.....my head clears, I am calm, my senses become much more alert.

The sunshine, the fresh air, the dogs as they nudge me, wanting their ears scratched or just a hug.....that is part of the walk.  There are the neighbor dogs, Dixie and Rebel.......beautiful bull dogs,
who always walk with me, knowing that there are treats in my pockets.......treats that are randomly
passed out to each dog at some point during our walks.

There are days, a deer might run across the path, other days you hear this woodpecker tapping on the trees, squirrels, rabbits,snakes, you never know what you might see.

I need those walks.  It's my time, sometimes I just repeat affirmations with each step.......sometimes I daydream as I walk and I couldn't tell you a single thing I saw or heard.
I understand the need for treadmills, but I couldn't do it.  Being outdoors is something my body has to have, to experience every day.....no matter the heat, the cold.

I have more appointments in the morning......but somehow, someway.......tomorrow afternoon

I have to walk.  The trail waits patiently, the dogs walk with Rick.  Tomorrow I walk.

The Enemy Within

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you." - African Proverb

We are our own worst enemies.  We criticize, and belittle ourselves. We constantly set ourselves up for failure........why is it so hard to see the good in ourselves.    Each and every one of us has talents,
creative energy, smarts, kindness.  Yet we can look ourselves in the mirror and say things to ourselves that no one else would ever dare say.

How do we lose the enemy within?  We have to cut ourselves some slack, strive to do our best,but let go of seeking perfection.  We have to forgive ourselves.   We have to accept who we are, that we have flaws and charms.  We have to know we are human, that we are connected to every other human.  We have to stop the comparisons, the expectations, the judgments.  And as simple as it sounds......we have to love ourselves.

It is easy as we age, to be our enemy.  We curse the frailty of our bodies as they age, we fight the march of time on our faces,  we panic as we see the good health we once enjoyed slithering away.
This is when we need our kindness the most, this is when the inner enemy needs to be chained once and for all. And sorry for the cliche, but this is when we should be our own best friend.

Letting go of the enemy within......it starts with listening as we talk to ourselves, how we talk about ourselves to others.  It is time to make peace, with ourselves.......and just imagine,
when we make peace with ourselves, how easy it will be to make peace with others.

I Have Had a Good Day

ok, these pastel sunsets have been just blowing me away!  Here is another one from this evening as I was driving home from work.

The sky looks artificial doesn't it? and this picture does not do it justice.  I look at these sunsets and think, all has to be right with the world.....look at the beauty that is around us......how can we focus on the ugly?

My Monday night yoga class gave me a card tonight......I cried as I read it.  Here are the words written on the card.

Our thoughts of you are always gently wrapped in little prayers for heaven to smile on you, angels to watch over you, and happiness to fill your heart...
because that's how much we care.

What an incredible group!  I 'm a lucky woman.
So between the jaw-dropping sunset, and the outpouring of love from my students......I guess you could say.....I have had a good day.

It Just Is

"You must hear the bird's song without attempting to render it into nouns and verbs."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every time I read this quote it makes me think of something different.....and I really do try not to over think it.  But, don't we all do that, we hear or see something and usually instead of just taking it at face value, we try to "read" it.

Hearing a bird's song.....and just hear it for what it is......a beautiful voice of the bird making music.
We see beauty around us, yet we ignore the beauty and go for all that is harsh and ugly.
We feel the wind and rain, and only  think of storms.... not the drink of water for the earth or the cleansing of the air by the wind.  We feel the cold, and instead of looking at winter as a time of rest......we complain of the cold,  and wish for summer.
Emrson's quote to me is a fancy way of saying......just be.  Just listen to the song, just feel the wind
and the cold......just be, where you are, seeing and listening to all that is going on around you.
Don't try to make it more or less......just be......hear the song for what it is.
Sometimes nothing has to be explained.....it just is.

I Am A Dreamer

"Be careful what you water your dreams with.  Water them with worry and fear and you will produce
weeds that choke the life from your dream.  Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success."  - Lao Tzu

We all dream......and I think when we are young, we do water them with optimism and solutions.
As the years go by, and maybe the dreams take too long to come true,  the worry and the fear
begin to feed the weeds.  We start to doubt our dreams,  and the fears of failure, of ridicule haunt us.
We think maybe our dreams were childish or foolish and we put them aside.

The years go by, and our dreams fall by the wayside...... occasionally they may surface, but usually we just push them away.......the weeds have taken hold.  But maybe, just maybe, we think of them, we see them and remember them.  And if we are lucky,  we grab hold, we find the solutions and optimism is reborn......and we cultivate our dreams.

The dreams I had when I was young,  I realized that they  might not all come true, the way I had originally dreamed, but variations have .   Without dreams, what drives us.....to create, to inspire,
to pursue.  Sometimes our dreams are our saving grace, that tiny thread we hang on  to when the storms of life rage.

I am proud to say I am a dreamer, now and always have been.  There have been times I have surrendered to worry and fear, and my dreams were hidden by the fog of doubt.  But thankfully,
I never let go of those dreams, I did hang on to them, and it is those dreams that keep me pressing on.  Some of the dreams have changed through the years, but so has my definition of success.

Tonight, if your dreams are choked by the weeds, covered by worry and fear.....remember them
the way you first dreamed them......hang on to them, let them manifest in their variations and enjoy your dreams now.  Maybe you won't be a famous artist, but you can still paint.  You might not be an astronaut, but you can study the stars.  You may never be a well known author, but you can write.  Dreams appear for a reason, don't allow them to die.

Softness

Most sunsets this time of year are dazzling vivid streaks of color, often the sky looks as though it is on fire......not this evening.  As I drove home, I noticed that the sky was filled with pastel pinks, peaches, blues and lavenders.....it could have been
a Monet.

Unusual sky, especially since a cold front had just moved through today.  Believe it or not the photo you are looking at is a sunset.....pretty amazing isn't it?

I loved the shift in colors today.....it seemed clean and fresh.....a new beginning.  I think Mother Nature wanted to let us know, spring is early, get ready!  Sometimes the world needs softness, this sunset proved it.

In my class today, I had talked about non-violence.
Not harming ourselves, it seems simple and easy to talk about non-violence toward others.....we get a little nervous when we start to talk about kindness to ourselves.  As we did our breath work I mentioned allowing the breath to be a comfort today,  a compassionate energy coming into the body.  This beautiful soft sunset seemed to reinforce all that I had talked about.  Softness, easy
movements, easy breath, stop being so hard on ourselves......I think Mother Nature and I agreed today.

Signs

Rick's mom passed away Monday afternoon.  She loved the color yellow, each year as I bought memorial flowers for Rick's dad and brothers she would always tell me, "get yellow, it's so bright and happy, I love yellow."

Yesterday morning as I walked to our mailbox, I stopped to look at our huge forsythia bush covered in yellow flowers.  I thought about Rick's mom, actually I spoke to her for a couple of minutes and told her I hoped that all was good.  Something flickered beside me, I looked and there on the twenty-second of February was a yellow butterfly on the forsythia bush......I know it's strange, but it gave me chills.  To see a yellow butterfly on a bush covered in yellow flowers while I stood there and talked to
Rick's mom......it just seemed surreal.

I know, I can get out "there" sometimes, but it just seemed like a sign.....that she was telling me, she was ok, that she was happy........in all that yellow.  We all have our ways, of making it through grief, and honestly, I have always looked for signs.  Many may scoff, but life is strange, and often there are no answers for the grieving process.....we do the best we can.  But for me,
that yellow butterfly, on the twenty-second day of February, flitting on the forsythia bush
was Elwanda's way of saying goodbye to me, of letting me know all was well.  I had been really upset because she died before I could get to the nursing home to be with Rick and the rest of the family to say goodbye......I haven't seen that butterfly again.

Long Lost Friend

The strangest thing happened this week, Rick received an e-mail from a woman who had recently moved to the Jasper area from Texas.  She told him about reading his column and then she mentioned my name, saying that she had gone to school with a Jilda in Chicago whose family was from Alabama,
could that be me?   Well, it was me!  So a long lost friend that I truly never thought I would see again
has come back into my life.  There are some good things that come from Rick writing about me constantly!  Ha,ha!!!

We are going to get together soon for lunch.  I can't wait to see her,to hear about her life and the places she has been.  Wow, who would have thought we would end up living in the same county in Alabama after all these years.  Life can be so strange and wonderful.

Friendships.......they truly are magical.  Through the years, I have made some incredible friendships
only to have life change directions and take those friends with it.  I think about friends tonight, friends that I miss so much and would love to see......maybe, just maybe.....someday in the future,
some of them will show up again....I hope, I pray.

Spreading Your Wings

Tonight I spoke with a young woman who brought back so many memories of myself years ago.
She is young, and talented and smart and full of life and longing to see the world and do it all.
I talked with her about my life, and I shared  the fact that I had lived a rather unconventional life.

I know that there are some who thought/think I was/am a flake, others who thought I was irresponsible.......but I have lived an amazing life.  I have experienced people and places and things that many just dream about.  I know that I marched to my own drummer, and that makes some uncomfortable......it makes me happy.

I spread my wings, my parents and family and friends did not always understand and often did not agree with what I did.......but I made my choices, and accepted the responsibility of them. I searched for my own spiritual life, found my passions, and followed dreams.  All my paths have brought me joy, and the one I follow now has brought me unbelievable peace and happiness.

I encouraged this young woman to follow her passion, but most of all to trust her heart, it would never steer her wrong.  I think she is like so many her age, stressed, worried, trying to make everyone happy and proud, and giving up her authentic self.

Life is not about the car, or the house or the job.......life is short.....it is about service and joy and kindness and love.  It is about using the talents you were given, following your dreams, listening to your heart.  It is about spreading your wings, finding your way, and knowing in your heart you did the right thing.  Life is short.....life is short.......life is short.  (no matter if you live to be 100)

Sad Note

Rick's mom passed peacefully today.  For those of you who have ever lost a loved one, you know it is a difficult time, please keep Rick and his two sisters in your thoughts.
We are exhausted,  and there is still much to do.....but the kindness of friends has been overwhelming.
On a good note, the dogs are thrilled that we are home tonight, but I bet they are kinda disappointed
they can't have their nightly party......now I have to buy new throws and pillows for the sofa.
Change is hard, loss is harder......but this too shall pass.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Passage

Rick's mom is fading slowly,  her passage to where ever is next seems like watching the sunset.  There are changes that fade from one to the next, and for moments it seems time is suspended.  This is that change we all are afraid of, that passing of those we love.......we pray that it is peaceful and painless...
we hope that we are strong and courageous, knowing when to let go and say our goodbyes.

This week has brought back so many memories of watching my own mother as she passed.  It is exhausting, yet there is a part of you that doesn't want it to end, there is a part of you that prays for the end.  You feel as though the skin has been peeled from your body, yet there is absurd numbness too.  The emotions are hitting so fast and hard.....guilt, regret, love, anger, sadness and fear are just a few that course through your heart.  This is the  part of life that no one prepares you for, this is the part that you think and wish never comes.

I wish that our culture was better at this passing......that we celebrated the fact that the body is only temporary and that who we are  goes on forever.  Memories of those we love are forever programmed in our brains, passed through our DNA,  and we weep for the loss of the familiar,the body.......but we rejoice for the passage of the spirit for  what comes next.

The hard part......the waiting, the false hope, the rawness of the emotions, the profound sorrow and grief when that last breath does take place.  Rick has looked at me several times this week and said that he was struggling to stay in the now.  This is the now that no one wants to be in, yet every last one of us will be there at some point in our life. It all comes down to one breath at a time.....when the now becomes the past and the future.....and we say goodbye.

Family

Family.....that word means different things to different folks.  For some, family is only blood.....for others, it is a love that transcends blood lines and becomes almost a spiritual meeting of minds and souls.  I have thought a lot about that word family the past few weeks.  I believe family is much more than blood kin.  I have friends who treat me like family.  They want me in their life, no matter what.

My dogs are family.  They sense my illness, sadness, or happiness.....and they love me no matter what.

Family is way more than marriage or blood.  Family, is that sense of belonging, of being cared for,
of trust.  Co-workers can be family,  think of how much time you spend on the job......if there is that sense of family......going to work every day is not so bad.

You can spend your whole life in a family and never feel like you belong.  You can meet a stranger and in five minutes feel as though they are family.    I think that sense of family is quite tribal.  It really is all about belonging, of feeling needed, of fitting in.
Family is not who's related to who......I think it's all about how we relate to each other.

Life Goes On

I  had an interesting morning, I was interviewed as a guest on a health show that will be airing all over the world on the RFD network.  It was only five minutes, boy they whizzed by fast, but it was loads of fun.  They chose me because of my yoga background.  The show that I will be on, dealt with stress.
When I know the when, where, I will let you all know.

We have not been home much this week, between work and spending as much time as we can with Rick's mom, the dogs are starting to show their displeasure of being left alone.  Last night I came home, all the pillows on the sofas were strewn about , and the cozy throws were on the floor.  It actually looked as though the dogs had had a really fun party while we were out.  The wastebaskets in both bathrooms were ransacked, these dogs had a large time!

They must have felt really guilty about it, because tonight nothing was out of place.  They are all snoring and looking quite angelic, but I am sure they have plans.  The past two weeks have been so strange.  It seems every where I go, or each time the phone rings, some one has died.  I can recall this happening a couple of other times in my life......one of those was when my dad passed.
I call these times, death on a binge.  It seems as though, death gets on a terror, and decides to sweep the community touching each family with its chill.  Grief seems to be everywhere tonight.

I remind my self, to everything there is a season.....a time to be born, a time to die.  We all face it, or fight it.....but in the end, it is always the victor.   Birth and death, joy and sadness, part of that circle, we call life.....and life goes on.
Good night, Sweet dreams

One Journey

"There is only one journey. Going inside yourself. " - Rainer Maria Rilke  Almost daily in my classes I talk about going inward, that the answers we seek are inside us.  As life tosses her best shots at us, we tend to search for answers everywhere!  We ask our friends, we ask family, we ask those that we admire, we ask God.......and we wait.  For most of us, we don't wait very long, and we move on thinking many times that there are no answers.  And sadly, if we think there are no answers, or we began to feel too much, we reach for alcohol or drugs or another human, anything to numb and stop the questions.

One journey, going inside......wisdom and intuition are our gifts, our compass if you will to guide us on our journey through this life......but we don't think we're smart enough or know enough or good enough to have what we seek.  We make this journey difficult don't we?  But it is a learning process,  some of us get it quickly, most of us finally get it, and sadly some never do.

One journey, going inside.......it is usually way scarier to go inward than outward.  Going outward, there are all kinds of things we can grab hold of, people we can blame, circumstances we can whine about, lots of distractions.  Going inside.......then it is just us, that face we see in the mirror every day,the voice in the head that taunts, inside it is only you, for better or worse.  Going inside, then we have to let go of self-judgement, expectations, and all those masks we wear daily.

One journey, going inside.......we find stillness, we find peace and we find the answers we seek.

Changes and Goodbyes

Change of all sorts has been in  the air for several days.......change both good and bad.  It is a time of loss and introspection, a time to examine and  determine what is wanted in life, what is important.
It is one of those times when being left behind is poignant and painful....and the future is so uncertain.

There is a line of thunder storms coming from the west, the dogs are circling around me.  They are extra protective tonight, because Rick is staying with his mom.  Blackie Bear is my big dark shadow,
he follows me tonight even to get a drink of water.....I am honored by his love and loyalty. I can hear the rumbles of thunder, Astro has already found his place in the closet.  Not severe weather, just  old fashioned thunder storms that should usually not visit us until spring.

I am cleaning house, new meds.......new energy......and yes it is artificial, fueled by the high power
expensive antibiotics that are cursing through my body.   Wow, I am not even tired.  Rick might not recognize the place when he comes home tomorrow!  


Change.....tonight, it is difficult to think about, the changes to come.....hard to stay in the  moment.....when the future  seems to overshadow everything.  I am breathing while I clean. I think about one of the classes I taught today.  The whole class hour was yoga nidra, deep relaxation........it was so needed.  There seemed to be so much tension and depression today, but there were smiles and hugs when class was over.  There were goodbyes today.....change, I see their faces, I think of them sometimes in the middle of the night......I pray.....for their protection, for their peace, for joy in their lives.


Goodbyes and change......so difficult, so much a part of life.  But it is part of the experience, part of the learning, goodbyes make me cry, and change is not always good.  This too shall pass.

Practice Hope

"Practice hope.  As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit."- Norman Vincent Peale

Practice hope......such a simple phrase....but there is truth in those two words.  I use to really not like the word practice......well I used it a lot in yoga,  "yoga practice", but when it came to other areas of my life the word practice made me freak.  I began to understand why a few weeks ago,and why now I love that word practice so much.  As much as I have always loved performing, I hated practice.
I would do anything, besides practice.....when it came time to practice for a gig....oh wait a minute, I have so many things to do, or I am tired, or too late, etc.

Now, in my mind, I knew that practice makes you awesome, you gotta do the reps, but it just hung over me like a cloud.....until I substituted the word TRY for practice.  Like, try music, for some reason I thought that every time I practiced, I had to do it perfect.....foolish me, I had forgotten the  meaning of practice......pursue as a profession, repeat performance, the action of doing something, trying to do something.....that's why it's practice, it is not perfect, not until you get the reps in.

So practice hope.....try hope, pursue hope, repeat hope......it will become an incredible path to happiness.  I hear such lack of hope, see lack of hope all around me.....I see it in friends, family
and strangers.  Just like music, art or anything else we want to get good at, we have to practice hope......even when it seems hopeless.  I teach in yoga class, that you don't have to do yoga for an hour every day or even thirty minutes.....take five minutes to breathe , do a couple of poses and sit still.  It will change your life.  Take five minutes a day to practice hope, believe in the good, expect the best, choose happiness. It will change your life.

In the morning, take five minutes, practice hope. 

Hungry

Jordan is doing great, the tests show that the problem can be treated with  meds, no surgery!
Thanks for your good thoughts and prayers.

It has been a long day, cold rain and sleet falling tonight.  The dogs are all snoring.
I just got home, and have had no food since lunch, I am rather hungry. Jordan had not had food since Friday, he has eaten all evening......he might explode.  Now, he wants a steak and mac and cheese!
I think this blogger is about to call it quits tonight and go see what is in the fridge.  My hunger pains are increasing too!
Good night, Sweet dreams

Kindness

"Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return."  - Emanuel Swedenborg

Though we have never met face to face, the kindness that you all show me daily as you read my blog and leave your comments leaves me breathless.  Rick and I were talking this evening, wishing that we could meet you all.

I wanted to share with you that an actual diagnosis was made by the hematologist a few weeks ago,
hypogammaglobulinemia.....say that three times!  Ha,ha!  Some of you are in the medical field, you know what it means, for the rest of you....basically I have few antibodies, my immune system is shoddy.  That is why I have been catching every bug that looked at me for the past year.  There is treatment, just waiting for the immune doc and the hematologist to decide what.  So that is why, over and over and over, I have had upper and lower respiratory infections, and stomach bugs and anything else that chose to have its way with me.

It could be so much worse,  so as always it is time for me to put my big girl panties on and just suck it up.  Last night I felt so bad, I chose to have a major pity party and not invite anyone!
But Blackie Bear crashed it and refused to allow me to wallow.  As always, he has not left my side,
and has insisted on his fair share of hugs and petting.

I will be fine, this too shall pass.  I appreciate all your good thoughts and extreme kindness. But,I
do have a favor to ask tonight.....please say a prayer for Jordan(four year old great-nephew).  He is in Children's Hospital, there is a colon issue and he will undergo tests tomorrow, and may be facing surgery.  Since I have a new infection I can't go see him, but I talked with him today.
He told me they only let him have green popsicles.....I asked if they were good.....his reply"there is nothing good about this place."  I assured him when he came home, his favorite popsicles
Otter Pops, would be waiting on him.

Once again, heartfelt thanks for your concern and kindness.  I do not deserve all these blessings.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

It's Back

Wow, I thought I was really rocking......almost two months without an infection.....HA!

It's Back.  Not doing too well tonight.

Sweet dreams, good night

The World at Two A.M.

For some reason I awoke at two am this morning thinking about the incredible world we all live in.
It really is a strange and wondrous place.  This planet has exquisite beauty and unspeakable horrors.
There is endless love, and never-ending hate.  There are places where the food is plenty, and where there is none.  Where the water flows like liquid crystal,  quenching thirst, and then the desert sands, dry as bone, with nary a drop of moisture.

It is a place where dreams can come true or be ravaged.  A place where people live on top of each other,  or where no one can live.  This world gives us the opportunities to experience whatever our souls seek, good or bad.  It is heaven and hell.....pain and pleasure..

Pretty interesting thoughts at two am, not sure why or how......but felt the need to share. Are we a science experiment  gone bad, or perfection?  I will be thinking about this for days!
Good night, Sweet dreams

My Transformation

I met my good friend Kaye for lunch today.  I needed some time with an old friend, and we have been friends our whole lives.  There is something so comforting about friendship.  Family is there because of blood, friends are there because they want to be.  Our friendship has seen many ups and downs, and many highs and lows.  Kaye has seen me at my best and at my worst.......and we're still friends!

My  mom and Kay's grandmother were actually distant cousins.......Kaye and I do look alike. And she loves to tell anyone who asks, that I am the oldest.  Ha,ha! Kaye and her late husband owned a house at the beach......it was paradise.  My whole family at some time  or other spent time with Kaye and Ron at the beach.  Losing Ron, was like losing a brother.

But time moved on, and Kaye found Jamie.....and they moved to Birmingham a couple years ago!

So now, my friend is only about an hour and half away instead of five......and life is good.  These days we spend together are incredible.....we laugh alot, and sometimes we cry.  Today not only did we have lunch, but then we got out hair cut!  We both use the same hair stylist.  It was truly a girly day. And we have decided that next month, we will treat ourselves to a facial.  

For me, today was transformation.  Since Christmas, I have spent a lot of time seeing doctors and getting tests,  I needed fluff, I needed to look better......and tonight the magic of looking better makes me feel better.  If you have a friend you haven't seen in awhile, give them a call.....send them a note......I can tell you there is magic in connections with friends.  

Be Mindful

My classes today were taught on mindfulness.....awareness of the breathe, the sensations of movement in the body, being in the present.  It seems with each passing day, we are encouraged to multi-task.....do more, do it fast,  do as much as possible at one time.  And while we are all doing many things at once,  we are lost in our pasts, or trapped in the fear of tomorrow......whatever happened to now?

We really are like hamsters in our cages, spinning our wheels fast as we can, and going nowhere.
Have we lost the ability to do one thing at a time?  Can we do our best, and not necessarily our fastest?  Do we remember what it is like to breathe, one breath at a time? To listen to our bodies, and recognize real and honest sensations, such as hunger, sadness, joy.

Mindfulness, yes we learn from our pasts, but we also drag them around like chains or maybe even giant teddy bears.  And there is that big scary future.......we imagine all sorts of scary things and events that might happen there. So what happens to now, the present?  The present has become sorta like Thanksgiving..... squeezed in between Halloween and Christmas, getting less important all the time.

Mindfulness, what is taking place right now.....your breath, what sounds do you hear, what do you smell, what do you feel?  Just take a few minutes, look around.....what do you see?  Take a breathe, see how it feels and sounds to breathe.  What do you hear, what do you smell?  Now, notice sensations in your body.....aches, pains, tightness, any joy, contentment, or peace, hunger, thirst?

Try to take just five minutes each day.....and be mindful.  Start with your breath, how it feels, how it sounds, notice sounds, smells, taste, sights, don't think about what happened yesterday or last week, and don't worry about tomorrow.....five minutes in the now, in the present......be mindful.

Mr. Moon

"I see the moon, and the moon sees  me"........it was quite a spectacle on the way home this evening.....that big fat silvery moon.  But as I sit here at the computer,  he shines through the lace curtain hanging over the window.   Sometimes the moon is all sweet and feminine, but this one tonight is manly.

There is maleness in this moon.....bold, confident, shinning through passing clouds as though they were nothing.  I look through those heavy lace curtains, and see Mr. Moon, almost defiant in his
brilliance tonight .  This is the moon that makes you want to go outside and howl.....and maybe prowl around.

He is rising almost out of sight now, but I peek up for one more view.  He shines through the limbs of the sweet gum tree covered in wisteria vines.....almost sinister now, more cold  than silvery or glowing.

It has been a long time since I have seen a  moon like this one tonight.  He has dominated the sky and the temperature has dropped, creating more chill to the shadows.  I hope he struts his stuff your way, and maybe you too will get the urge......to howl.

Spring Too Soon

Spring is everywhere here in Alabama....visited a new doc today, all over Birmingham flowers and shrubs and trees are blooming.  As we walked this morning, I kept looking at the buds and the blooms, thinking......go back, don't do it, we will get one of those crazy blasts of cold air from way up north, and you will be so sorry!  Right, like Mother Nature is going to listen to me!

For those of you who think and wish that you had our weather the past couple of months....don't go there.  Here in small farm land, peaches, apples, pears, blueberries, etc.  all need some cold.....oops, too late, blooms are here and I hear rumors about that brutal cold snap coming this weekend.  Last year the tornadoes blew the fruit away, this year, the cold may kill the blossoms.  We farm for our own food, and what we give to family and friends........really don't know how honest to god, farmers who farm for a living make it.

It has been a long day, I am very tired, and I apologize for the content and length of this blog tonight, but I have to find my bed soon.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Relax, Be Yourself

"Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are."  - Chinese Proverb

Wow, this one hit home tonight, and hard.  It really made me think about the times I allow myself to stress out....it is all about what, how , or who and my thoughts on the control of all of the above.
And then I think about the times,  I allow life to happen with no struggles, no "fixing" , just being.

Sometimes before we perform I start to get a little antsy ( it really is that thinking about who/how I should be on stage) but when I breathe and think about just having fun.......the real Jilda appears.
One of my best friends played with John Denver for several years......he told me that John always reminded the band to have fun.....now I do that too.  I remind myself, that music is fun, to have fun performing and when it is no longer fun, it's time to go home.

Actually, I remind myself about John's advice to my friend quite often.......I figure if I am not having fun teaching yoga, then I need to go home.  At this stage in my life, I figure most things should be fun, and if not......then I need to rethink why I am doing them.

Tension, just for a few moments think about the times you get tense......then think about how wonderful it is when you feel relaxed.  Of course, now I am thinking this brings it all back to the Dr. Dyer quote, "you get what you think about, whether you want it or not"

So, letting go of tension, relaxing and being ourselves......isn't that what our moms told us years ago.......just be yourself!  I find myself saying that phrase pretty often too......just be yourself.
Relax.......be yourself.......I think it deserves one more acknowledgement......Relax.....be yourself.

Rain and Rest

A day of rain and rest.....it has been an eventful week, with all my classes, rehearsals for the gig, the gig itself.  I have spent the day (in between laundry loads) on the sofa, reading.  Rains came in this afternoon, soft gentle showers at first and then raging downpours.  My energy level has dropped a
good bit today, wee bit of infection dancing around my body, so the sofa was a good thing.

Years ago, I would have considered this a wasted day, but not anymore.  A nice long walk, hanging out with the dogs, reading, staying in  my pj's most of the day.....it was a gift.  The rain just sealed the deal.....that and Blackie Bear's extremely loud snoring.  I have heard from a couple of old friends today, another gift.

I am grateful for this day of rain and rest......and greetings from friends.  I have also had folks tell me how much they enjoyed our show Thursday night, and that is a good thing too.  The photo is from our gig Thursday night, taken by our friend Diana.  Thought you all would enjoy seeing us on stage.

I hope you all have had the opportunity to rest, enjoy your day, your families and your friends.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Heart Work

"If you want  a deep, intimate relationship with another, first become aware of who you are." - William Haugh

I taught a yoga class today on the heart chakra, the energy center for compassion.  As I talked about the heart (physical and emotional) and how important its energy is for yoga, I also talked about love.
As we did breath work, and asanas I talked about how for some it is easy to love others and difficult to love your self.....and some find it easy to think they love themselves more than others.  I mentioned how if you want balance in your life, in your relationships, you love yourself then you can love others.

Rehab is a hard place to love yourself......for one thing, it's all that digging, that truly finding out who you are.  And then you begin to realize that your actions, your life,  really has affected others.  You don't have to be in rehab to become aware of who you are.  First, you have to be willing to be honest, and to look deep.....at your past, your wants, your needs, your pain, and your triumphs.  You think about what makes you happy, your likes and your dislikes, your dreams and your goals.  After a while, you realize that you are a valuable, caring human, worthy of being loved.  I don't even remember where I read this or who said it, but years ago I read something about the definition of love, that it is how good the other person makes you feel about yourself.

Life comes and goes so quickly, it easy to become unaware of who we are.  But to live it to its fullest,  we have to take the time to know ourselves, to love ourselves.
Heart work, it is more than cardio, more than saying I love you, it is knowing and caring about
yourself, and then finding the compassion and love for others.

A Musical Buffet

Late night, just got home from our gig at the Danielday Dream Mecca Gallery.  We did a songwriter's in the round, with our friends, Skip Cochran and Jonathan Mayhall.   It was a good night, friends,
music.....what more can we ask for?

I wish you all could have been there, quite an eclectic show tonight.....Rick and I are Americana,
Skip is country, and Jonathan is rather bluesy rockabilly.  It was a musical buffet!  The Gallery is such a unique place......art gallery, studio and sound stage.....all the senses get a treat!

I will be eternally grateful for the gift of music.  It has opened more doors, brought more new friends, and taken us to such incredible places.......I am awestruck by this gift and its benefits.  Most importantly, is the joy that it gives to me,  there are many who are better and more talented than me, but I can't imagine anyone having more fun singing and playing.

I am tired, but happy.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Energy

Energy, it is something that seems to have left my body these days......I go on push, and not flow.
I know, it is not good, but for now, that is the way it has to be.  I think many of us push, if we didn't, well not much would get done......and then I think, would that be a bad thing?

I have always eaten healthy, but lately, it has all been super healthy.....it's that energy thing.
My yoga classes this week have been centered on the chakras, seven energy points of the spine.
There are certain asanas, or postures that help to keep the energy flow balanced.....and honestly,
as I have taught these classes this week, my energy has been better.

I am fascinated by energy, the fact that we are energy, everything around us is energy.  How we use energy, and all its possibilities, continues to amaze me.  Solar energy, wind energy......all this energy around us, and we still let ourselves be dependent on energy from oil.....quite a puzzle.

And then there is the energy of children.......after that birthday party this weekend, I am convinced that if we harnessed the energy of children, for ourselves and our energy needs,
we would never have to rely on oil again!

Energy, why does it seem that some have a never ending supply while others barely have enough to get going every morning?  It is part of that good health deal, nothing more important in the world.  Money, success, talent, none of it matters if you don't have good health.....it is the most precious gift.  Good health = energy......what I am striving for these days.