Who We Are

Walked the dogs for a few minutes today.  My energy is slowly coming back, though there is a great deal of tenderness in my face and mouth. 

I saw the daffodil all by itself, standing tall in the ivy and rose vines.  It seemed so spunky and almost daring.  I thought sometimes we have to do that, stand tall, all by ourselves and dare the rest of the world to question our our being.  That one blossom, a bit of sunshine, a ray of hope, some days that is who we are, no doubt.

Reading

So this evening I am feeling well enough to read.  Almost through with a book that my friend Fred from work suggested, well insisted I read.  It is written by Judy Crane, "The Trauma Heart" and it is one of the best books about addiction I have ever read.  I strongly urge you to read it if you or family or friends are dealing with addiction.  She confirms what I have believed for many years, that every addict suffers from trauma.  My favorite quote so far in this book, "we are not bad people trying to be good, we are wounded people trying to heal."

Once in one of my classes a few years ago, I was teaching on Ahimsa ( do no harm).  I made the remark that I struggled with our use of the words bad and good.  That I believed there was goodness in everyone, that sometimes our beliefs, our ignorance or fear stopped us from seeing that but if we are all human then we are all capable of the same things.  A young man became really upset with me and shouted that there were horrible people in the world who deserved to die.  We talked for awhile but I knew in my heart that something horrible ( trauma) had happened to him and until he worked through that, healing would not come.  Sadly, after he left our program, he killed himself.

In this book, "The Trauma Heart" she addresses suicide in those with addictions that it is the final way to numb the pain, but if the addict can acknowledge the grief, can address what the original trauma was, then healing is possible.

This is not light reading, but it is so informative and helpful in better understanding trauma and addiction.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and the last day of February.  Spread some joy, share some kindness, the world is full of hurt.

Best Friends

I am home.  I am weak and shaky.  There is pain.  Mashed potatoes are my new best friend.
I am so grateful that Rick decided a couple of years ago to let me train and certify him as a yoga teacher.  Tonight he is my sub, I am envious the class will have so much fun.

This evening the couch has become my second best friend. Tomorrow will be better.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Different

I got up this morning with my normal Sunday routine in my head, wash yoga blankets, make meditation cds, get class notes and quotes ready for tomorrow and the rest of the week.  Then I realized, won't be teaching this week.  I am out of sorts already.  A different kind of week for me.

But I have downloaded several articles to read this week and I have 3 books that I am in the middle of, so I think I can stay busy on the sofa for a couple of days. 

It has rained all day.  We walked the dogs between showers and downpours. Calliou and Taz hate getting wet, Hook could care less.  Everyone is complaining about the rain, I am trying very hard not to complain.  I keep thinking about those of you north and east of us who have dealt with floods and tornadoes the past few days.  All too often we deal with those kind of weather days as well, it is a rough road, nasty weather and there is nothing you can do about it most of the time.  Just be prepared and be tough.

These are the last few days of February.  Thursday will be March 1 and a full moon, interesting combination again, remember January.  Take care of yourselves, be kind and spread a little joy where ever you may go.

Contrasts

Today has been a nice low key day.  We went to our local produce stand and picked up fruits and veggies so that I can make smoothies while I recover from oral surgery next week.  Once again the temps have been record breaking and lots of rain.  Looks as though we are facing storms later tonight.

As I walked out to get the mail this morning I got a nice surprise, the yellow jasmine that covers most of the arbor leading to our front door had bloomed.  It was quite a contrast, all those yellow flowers and at the end of the arbor my snowman flag was blowing in the wind.  I usually leave him and our snowman dishes out until the first of March, with 80 degree days I suppose it is time to pack them back until December 1.

Seems there are storms and floods everywhere tonight.  You all stay safe.  May life treat you kind.

Sudden Loss

We left home at 8:30 this morning to make a Costco run, then on to the eye doc's to pick up my contacts.  Made it home by noon, put the food in the freezer, changed clothes, made it to our friend's son's memorial and finally back home around 4:00.  As we came home and changed clothes we both realized we had not eaten since breakfast.  No wonder we were exhausted.

Christopher's service reminded me of my nephew Michael's a few years ago.  Michael, like Christopher died unexpectedly and left behind children.  Michael and Christopher were about the same age.  I watched Christopher's parents, wife, children and siblings struggle today.  Sadly the real grief has not even hit them yet.  That sudden loss does that.  At first you grapple with unexpectedness and shock and then the grief hits.  It just broke my heart to look at the family.  It seems we have spent a great deal of time in the past month going to memorial services.  I know that is the circle of life, but it doesn't make it easier.

We will do a few errands tomorrow, but this weekend will be low key.  We both need some down time.  I hope unexpected kindness finds you tomorrow and when it does I hope it brings great joy as well.

Thursday Thoughts

Today will be my last day of teaching until March 5.  Another round of oral surgery is coming my way on Monday.  I laughed and told my sister I don't mind the surgery so much as I do missing meals with solid foods.  I do love to eat.  But we have a vitamix, lots of recipes for smoothies and soups, I will survive.

Another day with temps in the 80's.  Weather this warm in February makes me nervous.  I can just feel the Gulf of Mexico churning and the Jet Stream building steam.  Both are plotting on where the storms will hit first.  Sorry, we are gun-shy about weather events in this neck of the woods.


A sad day tomorrow, one of our dear friends lost his son this week.  The family is broken hearted and he leaves behind a wife and two children.  They found him in his bed, apparently died in his sleep, probable cause, heart- attack.  Funerals are never how I want to spend my day, but when someone's child dies before them it just seems especially sad.

For our friends who live where the flood waters are raging, stay safe.  I hope you are on higher ground.  May we all know peace and kindness. 

Almost Spring

 

Record warm temps are pushing spring to appear faster than she should here in Alabama.  Not that anyone minds, it has been a chilly dark winter and most who live here  love warm weather.  Few enjoy the fall and winter months as I do.  

For me, spring brings hope.  Hope that the sun will warm the earth, the days will be longer and life will burst forth.  Flowers appear, grass is its greenest, and the buds on tree range in shades from soft yellows to pink to lilac to apricot to green.  Color in the spring is rampant and there are no right or wrong combinations.

The hope of spring reminds me, we can grow our own food, pick fruit from our orchard and feel fresh dirt under bare feet.  Before the heat of summer, which can hit us in April or May, spring caresses with warm days and cool nights.

That hope that spring gives me is why I pick the first flowers and bring them in the house.  They serve as a reminder that yes, there might be more cold and even snow flakes, but spring is coming and she will not be denied.  She will pitch her hissy fits of tornadoes and storms, but she will soothe and be charming with warm days and her bursts of color.

Spring is probably the most transformative season we have here.  It is the  most energetic.  And she is showing her face here on the farm this week.  The yellow bells arrived today.

Light

A friend shared this quote with me today.  I love it.


" Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention.  So go, love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.  The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that you."  - L.R. Knost

Daffodils

As we walked the dogs this morning, flashes of bright yellow caught my eye...Daffodils, we have daffodils blooming!  Of course I quickly gathered a couple, smelled their unique fragrance and then brought them into the house to enjoy.

Sharing daffodils with you all tonight.  I am grateful.

Thankful

My quote today.  Another day without meds, I am thankful.


"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little,  at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."   - Buddha

A Gift

This morning it rained, as we walked the dogs around noon the clouds began to drift apart and soon we could see blue skies and feel sun on our skin.  Within an hour the clouds had returned and with them rain.  It is pouring this evening, but for awhile today we saw the sun.

Today is the first time in over two weeks I have not had to take nausea or vertigo meds.  I hope this is a trend for months to come.  In the meantime my search continues for a neurologist.

Rick and I had dinner at our favorite seafood place tonight.  Wow.  The food is always good on the Gulf Coast but never any better than my Greek grilled seafood platter that I get at Nikki's West in Birmingham.  Simple,  grilled fresh seafood ( crab claws, amber jack, scallops, oysters, shrimp, crab cake) seasoned with olive oil and herbs.   YUMMY!  Greek salad on the side and life is perfect.

With all the rain, we have had wind as well.  Walking the dogs today we picked up broken limbs, that is when I saw the one with plants growing on it.  Isn't it beautiful? Such a wonderful gift.

Tomorrow is Sunday.  May it be filled with peace and much kindness.

Rabbit Hole

Not sure if this is a rabbit hole or not, but every time we walk by it, Taz takes a look and a sniff.
Of course around these parts it could a chipmunk or snake just as easily.
I taught my women's class today, it was awesome, they were awesome.

My head no longer feels as though it might explode or implode, and the vertigo is starting to settle down.  I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel and that I get some answers soon.

I hope there is love and joy and kindness in your lives tomorrow.  For some reason tonight that rabbit hole looks awfully inviting.

Thursday Thoughts

Classes were packed today.  Lots of new students and many smiling faces.  To watch the transformation on faces as students began to relax, some maybe for the first time in their lives is wondrous.  All those years they thought drugs and alcohol were relaxing, true relaxation brings joy and peace.

The weather was warm and muggy but the sun came out for bit this afternoon and I know my husband rejoiced.  He struggles with the low light of winter but today he is happy.

I am still not 100 percent, not even 80, but I am searching for answers and maybe a doctor that can give them to me.  I know things could always be so much worse but I love my life and doing what I do.  I suppose I am greedy because I want to continue teaching, making music and art and live a full life, so I will continue to work at getting better.

Tomorrow I get a hair cut, then I teach a women's group at work tomorrow afternoon.  For Rick's sake, I hope the sun shines again tomorrow.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Love

Happy Valentine's Day!  My mother use to tell me that this was the day that birds fell in love, that they would build their nests and soon in the spring there would be baby birds.  I loved that story.

Pouring rain tonight, my meniere's or whatever this mess is, is still with me.  Though I am able to walk without holding onto anything and the nausea has left.  I am still wobbly and there are still moments of instability but it is getting better and the headache has stopped.  I am grateful.

Steaks and salad and red velvet cheesecake tonight.  Rick got me the sweetest, funniest card. It is one of those cut-out pop-up jobs with nothing but dogs and hearts.  We have always had rescued dogs and this card was perfect.  The caption, Hello Valentine, I wuff you.

I hope your day was filled with love.  That someone told you they loved you and that you were able to do the same.  Love is our hope.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Share The Love

Finally back to work today, it felt good to teach.    Still not a 100 percent but that is ok, I am getting there.

We are in a wet rainy weather pattern. More rain this evening, the sun refuses to show his face.  And it is a moonless month!  No full moon for February, happens about every 19 years or so.  No wonder we are feeling so out of sorts.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  The extras are nice, but what I love about Valentine's Day is the reminder to let those around us know we love them.  The flowers and chocolates are not necessary, neither are the cards, it is the love and most important, that we share that love.

Tomorrow share the love.

Surprise

 A day of surprises.  Since I had been on the steroids, there had been no issues with the  Meniere's.
Until today, around lunch as I was getting things ready to go to work, surprise there was my old friend vertigo.  I took my meds, but it  was way  past leaving time before they kicked in.  I felt myself becoming depressed, but then I remember that last summer when I had to take the steroids I had a flare mid-round of meds and then nothing else until this Christmas.  Fingers are crossed that after today it will be many months before this happens again.

I will make up classes for my students through this week.  I am lucky that my boss is so understanding. 

It has been so cold and rainy today, bone chilling weather.  You know the kind where nothing other than a hot shower gets you warm.

Tonight I am having a cup of hot peppermint tea.  A nice way to warm up before bed.
Tomorrow hoping for no more surprises.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Sunday Night Bliss

Rain this morning then about an hour or so of sunshine this afternoon and more rain now.  This has been the wettest February I can remember.  Temps are also a little higher than normal, so daffodils are starting to bud and bloom and that means the yellow bells will make their debut soon.

A busy Sunday, I took an online anatomy class for yoga teachers, washed my blankets and cooked roast chicken, dressing and veggies for supper.  Oh yes, and did some grocery shopping.  Whew, no wonder I am tired tonight.

Jordan did great in his swim meets this weekend, but sadly did not place in the state.  This is the toughest competition he has been in, this is the competition where they began looking for Olympic swimmers, but his coach was ecstatic with his performance and he will compete again next year for sure.  His mom has already lined up swim camps for the summer and he is so excited.  We are so proud of him because he is having so much fun at something that he is very good at.

I have needed this weekend of being home, resting, contemplating and  soul searching.
Sometimes illness can show us a path we should look at, show us life in a different perspective and writing about it on this blog, I got some very insightful comments from readers/friends.  Thank you all who care enough to share your thoughts and feelings with me.

Tomorrow starts a brand new week.  Always treat those around you the way you want to be treated and don't forget to share some smiles.

Saturday Updates

It has rained all day.  So things worked out as they should, it is raining at the beach as well.  And I my friends,  I feel the best that I have felt in a couple of weeks, with the aid of heavy duty steroids.  That's ok, the inflammation is leaving the body and that is a good thing.  The trick now, not to eat us out of house and home.  One of the things that I learned after having been given steroids so many times for my lungs through the years, when you get hungry, drink a glass of water.

Rick has been busy working on our music.  He has some sort of magical gizmo that he and Fred concocted that is changing up the sound of the guitars.  Those boys and their toys.

It is so rainy and chilly I am cooking soul food tonight.  Pinto beans, turnip greens and cornbread.
It really does feed the soul as well as the body.

Jordan had a swim meet today and tomorrow.  Keep your fingers crossed, if he does good, he goes to State.

More rain tomorrow, it looks like rain all week and the flu is still raging here in Alabama.
I remember when I was five or six there was a nation wide epidemic, my parents and grandparents caught it and my sister Pat who was in junior high had to stay home and take care of us.

May your Sunday be a peaceful, may you know joy and may you know that you are loved.

Strange Beast

It has not been the day we planned.  Our plans were to head south this morning to the beach.  We would celebrate Rick's birthday a few weeks late but that was ok.  But this week has been a toughie for me, 3 flares with Meniere's, 3 bouts of vertigo and nausea.  The latest one hit last night on the drive home from work.  Thankfully I was only about two miles from home when it hit like it does, out of the blue.

Seeing the doc this week, there are meds that I am taking but it takes awhile for them to get rid of the inflammation.  I am better tonight, just drained from so taking so much of the nausea meds and a migraine because of the weather.  ( storms moving in)

We rescheduled our beach trip.  The hotel was very understanding, and thankfully so is my husband.
After all who wants to spend their time at the beach in the hotel room unable to walk and consumed with nausea.  One thing about this disease,  I will never have to diet.  :)

I had a small meltdown this morning, a pity party of sorts.  I just had to put my big girl panties on and remind myself, things could be so much worse.

So, tonight I am cooking Rick a great dinner, salmon filets, fresh green beans with small steamed red potatoes and chocolate cheesecake.  I think he will be happy.  It's not quite food at the beach, but it's good.

Chronic disease is such a strange beast.  To see me, no one would ever guess the lungs are diseased, the immune system is shot and then there is the Menieres..  but I know, believe me I know, things could be worse.

Wishing you all a weekend of kindness, days of joy and always peace.

The Road Home

Not many cars travel my road home after sunset.  The road is narrow and curves are almost always in sight.  The foothills of the Appalachians are in the distance, we live on the plateau of one.  I have traveled this road so many times the past 12 years, I can close my eyes and  describe it.  But as many times as I have driven it, there are always surprises.  I seen storms roll across the mountain, plenty of wild animals, beautiful sunsets and sunrises, wild flowers in the spring and leaves of every color in the fall.  I try to never take the road home for granted.

 

Bone Tired

It has been a long day.  Dental appointment this morning, a quick bite of lunch and then on to the Menieres doc.  Tests and evaluations and finally left the doc's office just in time to make it to work.

After the storms moved through this morning the temps started dropping, tonight we go back down in the 20's and then warmer by the weekend and more rain.

I am bone tired.  This is a short post and I apologize.  Better and more tomorrow night.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Pink Love

Another chilly rainy day.  We stepped out to feed the birds and walk the dogs this morning and I spied a sweet surprise.  A little pink ray on a grey day if you will.  My friends Kaye and Jamie gave us this plant a few years back.  Last winter's warmth stunted its growth but this year the cold and the rain encouraged its blossoms.  I love it.  I hope its joyful pink color brightens your day as well. I call her "pink love".

 

Winter Moss

The cold rains of yesterday really brought the moss to life on the logs and rocks  around our place.
The sun came out this afternoon and the greens popped in the sunlight.

I hope your Monday has been a good one.  Remember our motto this week, be kind.

Sunday Night

A run to Costco this morning in a winter's rain.  Not exactly the perfect Sunday, but somedays you do what you gotta do, and it was time to go to Costco.

February is a short month and it is screaming by.  I looked at the calendar on the wall by my desk and thought wow, March is standing at the door.

I have been listening to a blues singer/songwriter, Samantha Fish.  I am loving her music. At first listen her guitar playing just blew me away, but then I took a few minutes to truly listen to her voice.
It is filled with passion.  If you like the blues, google her and listen, I think you will love her as much as I do.

This weekend went as quickly as any I have had in a long time.  Tomorrow is Monday?
I am in need of a vacay, not just a long weekend but serious down time.  We are looking at places and dates and  making plans.  I can't wait.

I know that most are watching the Super Bowl tonight.  I did watch the half-time show which I loved.
JT knocked it out of the ballpark.  It will be an early bedtime tonight, I will find out who won tomorrow.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

All the Kids

All the kids came to see their Nana and Pop today ( my brother Rick and his wife Deb) so that means we got to see all the kids.  Of course they came over and hung out for awhile at our house too.
It has been a lazy do nothing Saturday, what a fun day!  Just the kind of day we needed.

Oops

I forgot last night was Feb. 1  so I will pretend it is tonight and do my usual 1st  day of the month post.  Here goes.

February 1...last year in this month we set record high temps, thank goodness that is not so this year

February 1...Ground Hog's Day, he says more cold weather, so did the almanac a week ago

February 1...Valentine's Day, I love a day dedicated to love, chocolate and flowers

February 1...short month

February 1...wearing the color red really brightens up your day

February 1...hoping for snow sometime this month, Jordan predicted 3 snows, we need one more

February 1...the still bright waning moon is driving our dogs crazy, but no full moon for this month

February 1...President's birthdays and sales

February 1...do you still give Valentines?  I do.  Yes, I paint them and sometimes I make Valentine cookies.

Daily Practice

The quote on my board today.


" What do you practice every day?" - Dhikuti

Now, think about that question.   Do you practice kindness, love, humility?  Do you practice anger, judgement, gossip, hate?  Do you practice doubt, worry, fear? Do you practice tolerance, open mindedness, faith?  Do you practice skepticism, ridicule, racism?  Do you practice joy, service to others?  It is important to think about what you practice daily.

Whatever you practice daily, you will become good at.  Be careful what you practice.