No Resolution

Have you ever had a conversation with someone to resolve an issue? Not an argument, just dialogue, with the intent to reach some sort of agreement about the issue. You sit there for a couple of hours, maybe there are two or three or more involved, everyone speaks their mind, or so it seems. It is as though just the release of saying your thoughts is all that any one really wanted.

Once the air is cleared, everybody gets up and walks away........and nothing is settled. It is quite interesting, I see it pretty often, it's not the resolution that people want, it is just to be heard, the opportunity to speak their mind, get it off their chest, and then it appears all is well and good.

In the end, nothing has changed, no goals, no guidelines, no earth shattering decisions, I find it fascinating. The more I study the Tao, the more I find answers in day to day living. There is a verse that deal with this, and basically it comes down to recognition. The Tao really nails it, it seems the people who want the least recognition get the most, while those who want the most, get the least. One author who worked on the translation said it simply, shut and listen. We live in a world that moves fast, and we are bombarded by radio, tv, cell phones, computers, and larger than life personalities

Maybe that is why, there is so much speaking with no resolutions, peace talks, with no peace

discussions with no answers. I am trying to speak less, listen more, and bless those who love to talk.

Learning to Live Like Water

Verse 8 of the Tao, speaks of living like water( very loosely paraphrased here) for me that is as difficult or maybe even more than being in the now. Water flows, it takes the path of least resistance, yet it has tremendous force and strength. It is life giving, sustaining, yet can take lives.

War have been fought over water, humans are mostly water, and nothing is quite as good when you are hot and thirsty as a glass of water. I love the phrase, "go with the flow" it sounds so easy.

You know, just go with it. But it is so HARD to do! When I think that I am going with the flow, at some point, I begin to feel as though I have lost my spine, that I have become a doormat in the front door of life! Where is that place? where you can flow, yet be strong. Where you flow around the tough places, or go over them, and still remain fluid. Where you can be yourself, yet adapt to the confines of those around you? Every time I read the Tao, I realize I know nothing. Tonight, especially, there is emptiness and nothing, I wish I knew more, I wish I had answers, I wish life was easy. I am not the teacher right now, I am the student, the empty vessel waiting to be filled, hoping that maybe soon, I live like water.

Rain on a Tin Roof

Finally the rain came tonight! We had a tin roof put on our house a couple of weeks ago, and had been waiting for rain. I came home from work, the rain was falling, the tin roof was shining.

What a great sound, those drops hitting the tin. There is suppose to be more rain tonight and tomorrow, can't wait. ........ slumber should be deep and peaceful tonight.

Good night, sweet dreams!

Transformation Is Slow

Old habits die hard, that is what Hank Jr, sang about and it is true. I am working on changing or transforming some habits of mine, it is a slow process. Some days are like magic, and it is as though I never did the old habits, and then other days, well that is when those old habits fight like the devil to live! These are thoughts, beliefs, habits that I have had most of my life. I am having to rewire the circuits in my brain, change my whole thought process, challenge the very essence of my core on certain thoughts.......but it can be done, and I am doing it one day at a time. One of the things that I am trying to change, ask for help. For me, I was taught that being self-sufficient was one of the most important things in life, and while it is good, we all need help from time to time and it is important that we know it is ok to ask for help. Asking for help does not make one weak, or lazy,

it does not create personal flaws. I have come to understand, that trying to doing everything on your own can seem arrogant, egotistical. Asking for help, lets other know that you are human, and that you recognize your strengths and weakness. So, it is hard but I am trying to let go of some of those old beliefs, those old habits...........transformation is slow.

Bliss

Bliss can mean many things to different people. It's a spa and beauty company in NYC, it is utter happiness, it is a state of mind. Today, my bliss is life in the slow lane. I have done laundry, taken a walk, had a nap. The skies are blue, the sun is warm, and for today all is right in my world.

Rick is caring for his mom today, I will go later and buy groceries, and tonight, I will watch the

BBC comedies and laugh out loud. I went down to the garden this morning cut bouquets of flowers, and when the temp cools this evening, I might just go pick blackberries for a cobbler. I am going to make some lemonade, pick up a fashion mag at the store, and just bliss myself right out! For many many years I worked every Saturday, and those of you out there who do that, you have my sympathy. Yes, you get a day off during the week, but it is just not the same as being off on Saturday. So today, there is bliss.......no agenda to speak, no place I have to be, life is good.

May you all find your bliss today.

Giving til it Hurts

Giving til it hurts, I use to hear that phrase in church many years ago. Back then, my understanding of it was that even if you couldn't pay your bills, you gave to the church/God.

I was always puzzled by that, why would God want you to give to the church if you didn't have money for food or shelter?

Today, giving til it hurts has new meaning for me. As I go through my work day, teaching yoga at a drug/alcohol rehab center, I sometimes teach as many as 5 or 6 classes per day. I never feel an ache or a pain until I make it home. Within minutes of arriving home the stiffness sets in, the aches start, and by the time I go to bed at night, every joint in my body hurts. At first I thought it was just me, that I was old, was a wimp, couldn't take it. But as the years went by, I met more and more yoga teachers, personal trainers, PT's , and the like. When I tell them how many classes I teach per week, they are appalled! ( hey I have cut back the past couple of years) So why do I give until it hurts? because yoga works. I have seen spirits lifted, peacefulness and joy in faces, and pain subside. I teach at a community center on Monday nights, students from age 17 to 80 come to that class and the same thing happens there. People rest and relax, they let go of stress, they are amazed at what their bodies can do, and for an hour, their troubles are left at the door. I took my first yoga class many many years ago, and I knew even then, that it was more than stretches, and balance and flexibility, that there was something powerful in learning to breathe, and experience stillness. So I will continue to give until it hurts, my pain is a small price to pay for someone else's relief.

Rationing of Time

Why does 24 hours in a day seem so long when you are eight, and so short when you are 58?

I can remember the days use to seem so very long, the weeks were long, and years were long, but somewhere down the road something changed. I think I was in my late 20's, my dad had his first heart attack... the days got shorter, time went faster. The more I tried to slow things down, the faster it moved. In my 30's, I began to deal with my own"illness", time really started to speed up then. When I was 39, my dad died, and time became a merry-go-round spinning faster and faster. Friends began to die, family members dealt with illness, jobs, Rick in school, every week something robbed me of precious time, I never knew how to say no, and trying to please the world seemed to be my destiny. 5 years ago, my mom died, then a couple of months later, my oldest brother, time was really whizzing by, and for several years I moved and lived in a funk of grief. Honestly, I have just in the past couple of years began to feel like "me". I try to live in the now, which is difficult. I have always felt it was my duty to take care of everyone, but now I try not to worry so much, to let those around me, make their own way. I still have a hard time saying no, but I am learning, to pursue some things that I want to do, and to do the things that make me feel happy and complete. I know I have fewer years left here, that I have lived a large portion of my life, and it is time to do those things that matter to me. Friends and family may not always understand, but life is short and it is moving faster day by day. So, I try to ration the moments, the days, by doing those things that must be done, like work and other obligations, but also, remembering me and my dreams. There was a point in my mother's life when she said any and everything without thinking about it who it might hurt, I was appalled, but I can understand a little better now. .........yes she had dementia, but there was a part of her that also knew in the crevices of her heart, she had no time to suffer fools. Tonight I had a bowl of icy watermelon, I ate it slow, and savored every bite, yes there are dishes to wash, and laundry to be done, and class notes to be done for work tomorrow, I'll ration time for those later.