REST

I think that I am like many of you, some lessons are more difficult than others, and for some reason, I have to relearn some of them.  You would think that after 16 months of treatments I would know the drill about what to do the following days......well, I do know, but this was one of those weeks I just didn't do what I needed to........which was rest for a couple of days.  I am paying the price tonight.......this too shall pass.

There are lessons in life that we all know the drill for........and we don't follow them......and we pay the price.  You know, it's like driving the car when it really needs service or thinking you can make it to the gas station when the warning light flashes.  Putting off that check-up with the doctor.....and then finally when you do go in, all those should haves added up to a great big, oh no.

Little things add up, knowing what is best for you and not doing it........it will come back to haunt you.  I can testify to that.  We are human.......we think we don't have time, or we think we have plenty of time.......we think it can wait until tomorrow or next week or even next month.......we think it won't happen again.....or it won't happen to us.  My most infamous line, but how can that be, I did everything right!  Life is a gamble, even when all your bases are covered......don't raise the odds by ignoring the things that need to be done.

Next month, already written in my day planner.......days after treatment  REST.  :)

Dive In

Out of my comfort zone, I am diving into uncharted waters.......I don't teach the day after treatment, that is normal.  It's the thought of not teaching at all next week, that is making me a little antsy.  We are such creatures of habit aren't we?

I have been reading about habits......good and bad. It is interesting, that changing a habit creates the same chemical reaction in the brain as withdrawal from substance abuse. No wonder even the simplest change in habit is so difficult.  And then there is the book that I have already read twice, The War of Art.

Complications abound........changing habits, using my creative energy......my head is spinning.

What I do know, my body needs rest, my brain needs a change of venue, my spirit needs nourishment.

I bet it is safe to say that most of you who are reading this blog tonight need all of the above.  If you don't, lucky you.

So what am I going to do?  Read, sit out doors, get some sun......let go of a few "have to's"......just for a few days.....no teaching, no practicing, no house work, no gardening.  I may scream, maybe cry.....or.......I might just enjoy myself!  Will keep you posted.  In the meantime, let's make this a joint venture......let go of something the next few days......it doesn't have to be a permanent change, just try to let go......change a habit....use your creative energy.....come on, I dare you!  Dive right in, we'll do this together. 

Treatment #16

Treatment #16.........they are working, I can tell, and my numbers are coming up..... but,.it doesn't mean I embrace them.  When I got to the infusion room this morning there was only one other person in those big green chairs, within the next hour all the chairs were taken......the room buzzed like a bee hive.

One of the chair buddies had great news today.......no more chemo for her.....she was beside herself with joy.  Louis, my favorite chair buddy came in today. He was suppose to go to a baseball game, but he wasn't feeling well.  I admit, I was glad to see him, but I don't want him sick.  He has done treatments three years....
I am sure he has had his moments, but all you ever see is hope, kindness and dignity. A three time, cancer survivor he is speaking at a fund raiser this weekend.  He told me the only reason he agreed to going, they promised him he didn't have to wear pink.......Louis is not a pink kind of guy.  He looks and sounds like Morgan Freeman.

We were short a nurse today, Justin and Lolly never stopped.....they work that room like a well oiled machine, with incredible team effort. If I were to ever win the lottery, those nurses live's would get much easier. I feel as though they are family, they have become such a part of my life. They take good care of me and all the others who sit in those big green chairs.

I am incredibly tired tonight, it's hard work......letting that drip work its way through your body for almost four hours. I think about my life before I started the infusions, how sick I was.........when I started them, I thought 6 months or so and all will be better......I think about the sickness, how bad the treatments were that first year.......but now we have the kinks worked out, the rate that is right for me and my body.  16 months,
life sustaining juice, every month........I am grateful.
Goodnight, sweet dreams

A Break

My anxiety levels are up today, tomorrow is treatment #16.  You'd think after 16 months I would be a professional about this, but there is still that little angst that creeps into your psyche the day before.
I have met chair buddies who have been getting IV treatments for as many as 16 years.  Sitting in those big green chairs gives true meaning to "life sustaining."

I am also taking a few days off from teaching next week......it is a time for a break.....physical and mental.
My students were not happy about my news today, but it's only four days.  I suppose I have spoiled them just a wee bit.

We humans are interesting, are we not?  Our work ethic and drive vary so much.........some of us can't stop, while others can barely start or go.  I think that I rest, but to hear my husband tell his story I never do.
I blame it on my mom......I know, she's dead, she can't defend herself.  Her philosophy in life, "if you slow down or stop, you'll die."   She ingrained that in all seven of us kids.......we laugh about it at family get-to-gethers, but it is a sad kinda of laugh.

I know that breaks/vacations are important.....for physical and mental health.  I have found even with guitar playing and vocals, breaks are important.....it seems my voice is so much stronger, my guitar playing better if I take a break from practice every once in awhile.  My classes will be better, my students will benefit from my break next week.....I will go back a better, stronger teacher.

Have you all taken a break or vacation lately?  Isn't it time?

Memorial Day

Memorial Day, 2013.......thanks to all of you who have served, who have sacrificed.

Thank you seems inadequate, yet there are no other words that seem to fit.

Thank You

Blessings

One of my chair buddies called today, we were out in the yard, but he left a message that brought a smile to my face.  We had given him a couple of Rick's books, he has read the first one and started the second.
He loves them.......but the smile came when he told me that he was doing so well, that he probably wouldn't see me this week.......he's going to a baseball game.  He'll get his treatment early, then head out to Birmingham's Rickwood Field to see the game.

There was a lilt in his voice, he is always smiling......but, this was different......he felt good.  He is my favorite buddy, and I hope to see him.  It is just not the same when he isn't there.

I can tell it is almost treatment day.......my energy level drops big time.  Not sure if it is physical or psychological, it just seems the juice leaves my body about five days before the next round.
 Today was good, I saw friends and family.  There were blue skies, it was sunny and warm and I made a blueberry pound cake with our fresh blueberries.  But the undercurrent........knowing this is treatment week.
I remind myself, it could be so much worse......this too shall pass.

I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend, remember those who have served, the sacrifices they have made.....bless them all and all of you as well.
Goodnight, sweet dreams

"Stuff"

If I had only planted some red flowers in this bed, it would have been a perfect garden for Memorial Weekend......next year.
My flower beds are still in such disarray......rain, unseasonably cool weather, storms.....and then there are those nasty little treatments every 28 days.......but I am getting there.

Last year, I didn't have enough energy to even think about my flowers, but they hung on.  This year is better, I/we still have a long way to go, but that is ok.

I love foxgloves (that is the big spike of white flowers). My mother grew them, so did my grandmother.  This plant is from seeds that came from my mom's garden.  There is really no smell, but I love their beauty, and their size......they make a statement.

I have washed yoga mats, worked in the flowers, and picked blueberries......a little sunburned.....a lot tired.  It has been a great way to spend a Saturday.  As much as I love performing,  a Saturday to do stuff, is needed as well.  We all need days to do our "stuff"......it is the ordinary that keeps us grounded, it is the ordinary that makes us appreciate the magical,  it is the ordinary that glues the moments to our memories.  I wish you all an ordinary day this weekend, a day to do your stuff.......then take a moment to appreciate the magical.