Holiday Stress

That moon is just not cooperating........keeps hiding behind the clouds, even tonight.......maybe tomorrow night Jordan and I can get the telescope out.  This has been the elusive moon.

My siblings and I had our annual Christmas lunch today.  No gifts, no kids.......just siblings and spouses, food and laughter.  My sister Pat hosts it at her house and it is always a good time.

I hope that holiday stress has not reared its ugly face toward any of you.  When I think of all the times in the past that stress robbed me of holiday cheer, I am so embarrassed and sad.  Each time I invite nieces and nephews to our house, I always remind them if the visit causes any stress, to leave off my invite.......never ever never, do I want anyone to stress over visiting our home during the holidays.
I think of all the years and holidays of rushing from place to place, and honestly never getting to savor the moments........those are the things that I wish I could change.

So tonight, if I can help you or offer you any advice about transformation of holiday stress, it is this..... follow your heart, don't let anyone bully or push you into the craziness.......pace yourself......make memories, don't create blurs.........quality time, not perfection, not trying to please everyone.......it really is about peace and joy......not commercial perfection.  Take some moments, turn off the lights, look at the tree, listen to the music or the silence......make some personal holiday traditions  and don't feel guilty because you over indulged......don't forget the mistletoe.

Busy Saturday

We spent the day at an IDF seminar ( Immune Deficiency Foundation).  Contacting this foundation has made a big difference in my life and disease and treatment.  If you or a family member has ( like me) suffered  100's of infections ( the majority of mine, lung) please contact IDF and consider getting tested for Primary Immune Deficiency.  It is a rare disease, only about 250,000 in the US, but there really is help through IDF.

There is a full moon tonight, and just like last month's.......cloudy skies.  I love full moons and so does Jordan, our six year old great nephew.  He and I talked about the full moon last night and how much we loved seeing it.  Our plans were tonight, we'd get the telescope out and look at the cold winter moon........maybe tomorrow night.

Three inches of rain fell last night bringing much cooler temperatures, thank goodness.  It had been in the 70's the past few days.  For me, it's just not Christmas if I can't wear my sweaters and boots.....of course, I am always cold, so I wear them anyway.......but I love the feel of cold air against my face.
Hoping that we can get our tree this week.  We get  a living tree ( our farm is covered in all those that we have planted the past 30 years).  I think I have my design worked out for our Christmas cards that I paint every year.

So that is how my Saturday has been.......wishing you all a Sunday filled with peace.
Goodnight Sweet dreams

Worthy

a quote for tonight from one of my favorite yoga teachers

"Remember to give your attention to what is worthy of it."
- judith lasater

Paying The Price

Feeling good, feeling the flow of energy as it moves through your body is something we take for granted......when it is no longer there, we are devastated and we want to be as we  were before.

Understanding that our bodies changed, that our lives change, that our energy changes is not a lesson any of us wants......but it happens.

We can fight it, get angry, have a pity party and live our lives full of remorse in the glory of yesterday. ......or we can work with what we have.  I had a great day this morning, my energy level was incredible, by 3:00pm meningitis had found its way into my head again.  I do the meds, hit the couch, ice pack on head, drink water and gator aide and wait to feel better.  In a couple hours the symptoms subside and I can function.  

Saying all of that to say this.......if you are to have happiness, joy and peace......you have to learn to go with the flow of life.  I have learned ( kicking and screaming, crying, etc.) sometimes you just put your big girl panties on, suck it up, deal with it, appreciate the good and learn from the bad.

Yep, I learned from the bad this afternoon......I overdid it when I felt so good this morning, treatment was yesterday, I should have rested......I paid the price.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

#36

Treatment #36........three years, measured out  month by month......the big green chairs were full today, but the holiday spirit refused to let any sad faces enter that room.  All those people, and no one turned the tv on......a miracle!  My drip, thick and bubbly as always, was a constant source of attention today, those tiny bubbles set the beeper off about every 30-45 minutes......why sometimes, but not every time, who knows?

My friend Louis was there in all his glory, he calls me the queen of the infusion room......but I promise, it is his court and his audience.  His kindness and smile touch every one who comes in that room.......he speaks to each person, always giving hope and encouragement.   I have learned so much from him. I see in him the true meaning of kindness, a real humanity.

All three of our nurses were so busy, but I noticed one, whose eyes were not as  sparkling as usual.....I worried that she might be sick, but as we talked, I learned her father-in-law had passed in the early morning hours........but yet, there she was, caring for all of us. Those nurses, they are amazing in their  dedication and caring.


The ebb and flow of the patients, the chatter, the constant buzz of the pumps......every person hooked to some sort of drip, such a surreal scene has become a normal day for me. It has become as much a part of my life, as going to the grocery store......or teaching a class....or performing on stage. It has changed me, in many ways......and I hope for the better.  How can you sit in those big green chairs and not become a better person?

It has been a long tiring day......my body is ready for my pillow, my bed.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

Magic

Back at class today, I have missed teaching these past few days.  It is hard not to be angry when illness keeps you from doing what you love.  The meningitis hit last Tuesday, the fever finally broke last night......today I felt like Jilda again.  Treatment tomorrow......the circle begins all over.

Driving home tonight I kept looking up at the sky, the half moon at times was encircled by wispy clouds and at times hidden by them.  Nights like tonight confirm my belief in magic.......to see a sky so beautiful, makes me believe that anything can happen.

Wishing you all a Wednesday full of hope, may you laugh out loud.

December 1

December 1.......the last month of 2014

December 1.......Happy Birthday to our moms, may they RIP

December 1.....Christmas decorations in the neighborhood

December 1......cards to paint

December 1.....treatment #36

December 1.....9 years at my current job

December 1......Jordan and I hunt a Charlie Brown tree, he decorates it with anything he chooses

December 1.....Christmas cookies to bake, nieces and nephews cover them with sugar

December 1.....I bought a new red sweater

December 1.....a fresh living tree, decorate now, plant after New Years

December 1.....holidays are joyful and sad, I miss my parents and big brother

December 1.....wouldn't it be wonderful if just one Christmas, you saw everyone you love

December 1......my Christmas wish......Peace on Earth, Good Will To All Men.