Grief

This has been an emotional roller coaster week.  One of our dearest friends died Sunday, a victim of pancreatic cancer.  Through the years he and his wife ( we have been friends around 40 years) joked about Rick and I playing for his funeral .  At Christmas he called and once again he asked if we would play.  Today was his service.  It is such and honor and act of love to be asked to play at someone's memorial service, but this was such a hard gig.  But I like to think that he was somewhere listening and smiling.  I think he would have been pleased with our songs.

Tomorrow is the 26th anniversary of my father's death.  You would think after 26 years it would be easier, trust me it is not.  He died with a massive heart attack, my  mom found him in the bathroom floor  and called us that Sunday morning somewhere between 1:00 and 2:00.  Every morning this week I have awoken between 1:00 and 2:00 and not been able to go back to sleep.  I am emotionally raw and fatigued.

Yesterday we got the call that a good friend ,who lives in south Alabama , her father had died.  After work tomorrow we will drive to Tuscaloosa to be with more friends who are grieving.

We have grief classes at work for our patients.  For so many of them it is the first time they have faced their grief and dealt with it.  Those days for them are exhausting, they walk through my door like victims from a battle field searching for comfort in the storm. 

Tonight I feel as if I have weathered a storm, but it is nothing compared to what my friend who lost her husband and the one who lost her dad are feeling tonight.  Life goes on after you loose someone you love with all your heart, but it is never the same.  Yes we have memories, but there are days that I would give anything to feel my daddy's hugs, hear his voice, smell the Old Spice on his skin.

Be kind to all you meet tomorrow, for all its beauty and goodness, there is always a great deal of pain in the world around us.