Actually we probably all have that desire, the need to control or at least feel in control.
And when you think about it, a remote control for our lives would be great! Had a really good day....push that replay button as much as you want. Bad day, hit erase! Want to go back and redo something, hit reverse, want to see the future or at least get out of what is going on right now....hit fast forward.
Don't like your friends or family or job, change channels. But it could be down right scary, some of us would be 18 for ever( mentally some of us are) some would be stuck in some strange 1980 bad hair day with line backer shoulder pads in our jackets. Please don't bring back the mullet!
Some would relive their glory days of high school or college over and over. The bald would have hair, the fat would be skinny, and well the beautiful would still be beautiful. This need to control fascinates me, why is that so strong in all of us? Most philosophers tell us that life gives us what
we need when we live like water, or go with the flow. That incredible lives are waiting for us when we are ready to let go. And yet, so very few of us have the faith, to let go of that need to control.
I imagine what life would be like sometimes if I did let go...... and when I think about the possibilities it is intriguing ........but that leap of faith, that jump, that release of power, the ego just hangs on for dear life. I do know this, when I have gotten out of the way, and let my life take its course, walked through open doors and accepted with faith, miraculous things have happened.
So, why can't I do it every day? My only answer goes back to that need to control, he who holds the remote control, gains the illusion of control...... and that is what control is, just an illusion.
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I think we need to feel we have control because we fear. We fear a lot of things: rejection, embarassment, physical injury, mental pain. We think if we have control, these things won't happen. My husband just cannot let me drive when we are out together, not to the corner store, and not on vacation. He needs to feel that control - after all, I could crash the car and kill him. He also has to have the remote. Why? For my husband it is simple: He is not going to watch whatever crap it is that I want to watch and that is final! (luckily I don't care about TV)
ReplyDeleteI control things by avoiding. I try to avoid anything that has the slightest chance of upsetting me.
Good analogy about the "feeling" of control, because we all know controlling a TV remote is no real control. It's an electronic appliance for gosh sake!
ReplyDeleteI remember reading a book a long time ago. It was "Friday" by Robert A. Heinlein. It was science fiction and may be the only science fiction book I own. In that society a person could go into a cabinet in their home, much like a shower cabinet, where a person could step in, turn a dial and change their physical self; height, weight, eye & hair color, language, personality. This could be to mimic some real person or create a new reality to inhabit. I always thought that would be true control. I'd like that better than the idea of teletransportation, though wow what an idea!
Jilda, I actually just learned about this control in my psychology class. We also discussed change (such as what you mentioned in switching jobs). The fact that we are adults bypasses and puts a cap on what we were allowed to feel as children. Control is about figuring it out, but in a less frightening manner. One of the main reasons that people are afraid to switch to another job or try something new is actually an adult form of separation anxiety. Many adults still experience that fear and anxiety that we all did as children. In adults it transfers to fear and a desire for comfort. So, even as many of us may hate our jobs we stay with them because they are a comfort and we feel safe there. Control then becomes the way we escape the negative aspect of those things we don't like, but stay with. Just like we did when we didn't share our toys as kids. It's an interesting inter-meshed cycle.
ReplyDeleteSorry if that made no sense. I was rambling.