Down the slippery slope, it started last weekend.....that little lung infection that is always hanging around decided to throw a party and invite some more bacteria.....but, I saw the doc, got meds on Tuesday and things were looking up.
And then, on Friday morning Rick and I had been invited to a Birmingham school for their culture event. Around 800 seventh and eight graders, in groups of 200 spent a half hour with us, listening to some of our songs, and hearing us discuss songwriting. It was an awesome event,
we had a great time and really seemed to connect with a lot of the kids. The slippery slope......it was outdoors for almost four hours......chilly, damp, the air loaded with pollen.
Performing, no matter where or who is in the audience is hard work, singing requires a great deal of energy and the speaking can be draining.
Probably even all of the above would have been ok, but then we drove home, I changed clothes, and went directly to work. Three hours of very emotional yoga. A few hours of sleep, up at 5:00am on Saturday morning for a four hour drive south, .......and now you all know why I can speak first hand on how it is so easy not to take care of yourself. But a good visit with friends and home, warm and peaceful tonight......and soon about to climb into my bed.
I am like so many of you, driven.......by love, by creative energy, by need, and by fear.
I know that it is vital for me to rest, to take my meds.......but I always think.....it's ok, I can do this. The past few months, the treatments.......these are hard lessons for me. There are days,
I think......I am doing this, it's not so bad......and then like this past week.......I fall into the old patterns, and reality slaps me in the face. My whole life, I have been a caregiver...... receiving
care......is a very very hard thing for me to do. I know how to give, and I do it well, but honestly......receiving is quite difficult for me.
Thanks for your kindness, your prayers, and your loving energy. Life's lessons are never easy,
slippery slopes are usually never fun.......but with grace and kindness from those who love me.....
I am learning.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
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Boy, isn't THAT the truth! It's so hard to be on the receiving end of caregiving. Someone told me that it is a gift to those that you have helped over the years to receive so that they can feel good about giving to you. I was humbled by that thought and maybe it can help you too. Thankyou for telling me what was happening with you. I know you have a hard row to hoe too. My prayers are with your recovery Jilda. You are so busy it's hard to slow you down when you don't feel good. I'm that way a bit also. Hope they find the right combo of drugs to help make things better...hang in there and get some much deserved rest!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like the hardest thing to do is to use your own energy to look after yourself. You have to do it though my dear. Take care and get some rest.
ReplyDeleteOh Jilda!! You must have some me time!! And you need to get better!! Please take it easy!! Take care
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