Rick's mom is fading slowly, her passage to where ever is next seems like watching the sunset. There are changes that fade from one to the next, and for moments it seems time is suspended. This is that change we all are afraid of, that passing of those we love.......we pray that it is peaceful and painless...
we hope that we are strong and courageous, knowing when to let go and say our goodbyes.
This week has brought back so many memories of watching my own mother as she passed. It is exhausting, yet there is a part of you that doesn't want it to end, there is a part of you that prays for the end. You feel as though the skin has been peeled from your body, yet there is absurd numbness too. The emotions are hitting so fast and hard.....guilt, regret, love, anger, sadness and fear are just a few that course through your heart. This is the part of life that no one prepares you for, this is the part that you think and wish never comes.
I wish that our culture was better at this passing......that we celebrated the fact that the body is only temporary and that who we are goes on forever. Memories of those we love are forever programmed in our brains, passed through our DNA, and we weep for the loss of the familiar,the body.......but we rejoice for the passage of the spirit for what comes next.
The hard part......the waiting, the false hope, the rawness of the emotions, the profound sorrow and grief when that last breath does take place. Rick has looked at me several times this week and said that he was struggling to stay in the now. This is the now that no one wants to be in, yet every last one of us will be there at some point in our life. It all comes down to one breath at a time.....when the now becomes the past and the future.....and we say goodbye.
Monday, February 20, 2012
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My mum and I were blessed and cursed in a most cathartic way keeping vigil by my sister's side as she faded away. 3rd December to 31 January. I will never forget those weeks. They were full of tears, full of false hopes, full of anger, full of deepest sadness, full of memories, full of boredom, full of resentment, full of confusion, full of fear, full of love, full of peace, full of grief.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it happens and I count myself lucky I was with her throughout. Take care
x
We have watched my parents and hubbies parents pass into the great unknown. It doesn't seem to get any easier no matter how many times you do it. I can't begin to imagine how it would be for a parent of a child to go through this. Ricks mom is blessed to have you both at her side at this time.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about Rick's mother. You describe the feelings you and he are going through with love and grace. You are right about a lacking in this culture regarding death and the body we leave when we die.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written!
ReplyDeleteDeath is the great sorrow in this world. And yes, we all must die one day. I do have a hope and belief that gives me peace and joy in the face of death. I hope many others do too.
ReplyDeleteAll those emotions that you mention are very real. All we can do is to express them because there's no point in denying them...
ReplyDeleteI've sat vigil with too many loved ones not to know it is a journey they are taking. I'm looking forward to when it is my turn to join them in the next room and continue a journey together...
ReplyDeleteLoves and prayers to you all~