Change of all sorts has been in the air for several days.......change both good and bad. It is a time of loss and introspection, a time to examine and determine what is wanted in life, what is important.
It is one of those times when being left behind is poignant and painful....and the future is so uncertain.
There is a line of thunder storms coming from the west, the dogs are circling around me. They are extra protective tonight, because Rick is staying with his mom. Blackie Bear is my big dark shadow,
he follows me tonight even to get a drink of water.....I am honored by his love and loyalty. I can hear the rumbles of thunder, Astro has already found his place in the closet. Not severe weather, just old fashioned thunder storms that should usually not visit us until spring.
I am cleaning house, new meds.......new energy......and yes it is artificial, fueled by the high power
expensive antibiotics that are cursing through my body. Wow, I am not even tired. Rick might not recognize the place when he comes home tomorrow!
Change.....tonight, it is difficult to think about, the changes to come.....hard to stay in the moment.....when the future seems to overshadow everything. I am breathing while I clean. I think about one of the classes I taught today. The whole class hour was yoga nidra, deep relaxation........it was so needed. There seemed to be so much tension and depression today, but there were smiles and hugs when class was over. There were goodbyes today.....change, I see their faces, I think of them sometimes in the middle of the night......I pray.....for their protection, for their peace, for joy in their lives.
Goodbyes and change......so difficult, so much a part of life. But it is part of the experience, part of the learning, goodbyes make me cry, and change is not always good. This too shall pass.