Treatment #14

Treatment #14 today......some days I dread it more than others.  The room was packed when I got there around 9:30 this morning, only a couple of chairs were empty.  Usually I sit in the corner, but today I sat by the window.  It has been a very cold, windy cloudy day, so I carried a blanket with me today to layer with the nice warm one the nurses wrap me in.

One of the nurses mistakenly set my drip too fast, and I didn't know it.  About and hour or so into the infusion, I started to feel disoriented, really anxious, and for no reason tears were flowing down my cheeks.  She asked if I was ok, and I said yes, but she could tell something was wrong. ( ok, so I learned not to be a tough old broad and tell them when something is not right)  She asked one of the other nurses what the top speed for my drip was, I knew the answer.....I told her 75......she had set it on 90.   That might not seem to be much of a difference but trust me, it is major for me.
One of things that I have learned from the support group and on line sites from the company that makes my "juice".......the flow has to be SLOW.   Many of the side effects come from a drip that is too fast, this I have learned the hard way.  The setting starts at 30, then to 50 and tops is 75.....after today, that is permanently etched in my brain.

I saw several of my chair buddies today, the woman that I mentioned in previous posts......she looked.....well, I think her disease is about to beat her.  She didn't talk, she has lost way too much weight, and her eyes were vacant.  Damn those green chairs!    They rob so many.......but to be fair, they also give to many of us.  They are a curse and a blessing.

One of my favorite buddies got there later today, he made a point to come and talk with me while they got the order for his meds.  He makes my day......I asked today as I was leaving if I could hug him, he laughed and told me that if Rick didn't mind I could hug and kiss......I did.  He radiates joy and love.  He made a very profound remark today, I asked how he was doing.......he smiled and said ok....
he said" if we were doing fine, we wouldn't be here."  So true, so very true.  I am waiting for the day that we are all fine.

Today was not my best in the big green chair, but as I looked  around the room......I always remind myself how very lucky I am.......it could be so much worse.  So tonight, when you say your prayers or send out good thoughts, wish on a star....whatever.......ask that one day, we will all be fine.