So, how many of us have said....."oh, he'll/she'll change once we/they (pick one or more)
marry
have kids
settle down
age
move
new job
new friends
comes to their senses
the list could go on for days.......we are all so guilty of thinking we can change someone.
Think about how freeing, the letting go of wanting to change someone or some situation.
I am a "fixer", a care giver, and I use to think oh no, I don't want to change anyone, but even
as little Miss fixer/care giver that mindset deals with wanting people to change......you know the drill......if I can fix everything, then "they" will be happy, "they" will have a better life, etc.
Every once in awhile, I have to shake up my world, and realize that we are who we are. We change only when and if we want to, I can give freely of my love, but it has to be with no attachments. No bargaining chips, none of this well stuff about, well I did this, so you have to do this.
There is incredible peace of mind in not wanting to change others. When I truly live it, and walk the walk, talk the talk.......there is peace, and great joy. I think about my mom, she spent her whole life trying to change the people around her, trying to save them and in return, much of her life was in chaos. It took me many years to realize that about her, and many more years to accept that she would never change, she was what she was. When I did, I found peace as her daughter.
People are who they are, we are the sum of our life experiences, so if we want someone to change, maybe we need to rethink the relationship.......it might be time to step back, a time-out or move on, or maybe to remind ourselves, the only thing we can change is how we react to the people and events we encounter. The peace of mind is worth it.
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Well said.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the old saying? "Woman marry thinking the husband will change, Men marry thinking the wives should never change." (or something like that!) I see how each of my kids have lived their lives after leaving home...one who follows pretty closely our values..the others who have gone a different direction. Hard to believe they all grew up in the same house! But I don't try to change them, just love them for who they are..great people! I'm trying to concentrate just on changing the things about me I'm too crazy about. (that's a full time job!)
ReplyDeleteSo true I do not try and change people, yes I would love it if my hubby didn't drink so much but I have no control over that and yes I did go through a stage where I thought I could change him and make him drink less but that only lasted a few months then I accepted that it is up to him and I can not change him and in doing so I have found peace........with the man he is.
ReplyDeleteWe try hard to make this new generation believe that changing someone to fit your requirements is a hard road you do not want to go down but they choose to struggle when they could have had peace. It is sad.
ReplyDeleteSo well said. People are who they are is right.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true and so well said :)
ReplyDelete