"Don't be afraid of death so much as an inadequate life" - Bertolt Brecht
Fear of an inadequate life haunts me.......I think it may be my greatest fear. Every day my brain races, thinking of ways that I can make sure that my life counts, yet no matter what I do it never seems enough. Life is so short,
and complicated and messy, yet in my heart I know life has to matter, I can't be here just to take up oxygen and space.
Occasionally, I allow myself the luxury of a wallow in self-pity, and of course that is when I see all my inadequacies in all their glory.....and then it hits me hard......I have left the present and either fallen face first into the past or allowed unsubstantiated worries of the future to take over my thoughts. Living in the moment, in the present, pretty much assures that you are living the life you should.
I think an occasional pity wallow is ok, it just can't last.....for one thing, no one wants to be around me as I wallow! Ha,Ha! A wallow in the slime of self-pity allows for a look in the dark corners of your heart and spirit, usually it is a wake-up call, a note to one's self that life goes on and you are wasting it.
For the past few weeks, I have fought the ebb and flow of life like a tiger and because of it, have made myself
pretty uncomfortable.....it's tough when life reminds me I have to practice what I teach. Paths we take are lessons to be learned and usually we can't switch paths midway.
If you, like myself struggle with the thoughts of living an inadequate life, don't be so hard on yourself.
Everyday can't be a mountain top experience, some days are like the empty spaces between words in a story or the empty spaces between notes in a song, they create the beauty, the sum total of all that is this life. Those spaces are the connecting blocks, without them, we'd never grasp the highs and lows that make life.....life.
So, if you are like me and this is your fear.....every once in awhile, write down all that you are grateful for,
write down all that you accomplish in a day ( yes, that smile you gave someone at the post office matters)
It will lift your spirits, it will open your eyes, it will remind you that even the little things add up.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
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I think we all have that struggle from time to time it is part of being human.......but as you said there is not point in wallowing in self pity. We just have to shake it off and go forward living the best life we are able to.............
ReplyDeleteDon't bother trying to judge your life, there are enough others out there to do that. I must say that you are a positive influence on us all. And thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteJilda,
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being so honest with yourself.
We are all living an "inadequate life" in one way or another.
I decided long ago just to embrace my own inadequacy, and let the Divine Adequacy of God make up for all my foibles. :)
Yep, that's me. Just inadequate as all get out and as happy as if I had good sense. :)
Have a wonderful summer day. ...Marsha
I admire your ability to put this into words so well. We all demand more of ourselves than anyone else would and if we are exacting we will need to deal with disappointment. I try to never hurt someone else and if I misbehave, forgive myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited that Rick's changes allow me to once again comment!!
Staying positive is so important and we choose which way to go.
ReplyDelete