Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Facing Reality

Wake up and face reality, my mom use to tell me that all the time.........life tells me that occasionally too. I spend a great part of time giving as much energy and love as I possibly can to my students at work. But a week like this one shows me, that in reality, it is not about me and my giving, it is about the choices that each one makes.......and honestly, when it all comes down to it, in the end I am not so sure I make any difference at all.

I think that when I am with them, I make a difference, maybe make their situation a little better, a bit more bearable, but I am not sure that what I teach stays in their hearts. I hold on to a thread of hope like I do tonight, hoping that there are some who take what I give to heart, that some how some way I have helped someone have a better life....... but life is hard and the problems that were there before are still there.

Every day living is fast and furious,throw in drugs and alcohol, trauma and horrors, anger and pain.......is it just too hard to let it go, is it really easier to be swallowed up and drown in the quicksand? What is the difference in the one who makes it and all the others who don't?

Tonight, I feel as though I am in the movie Ground Hog's Day.........I keep thinking what, if anything can I do different, can I make a difference? The one thing I know tonight.......I know nothing, I am at a loss, struggling, asking what can I do? Maybe my reality is, I do what I do for me......right now, I can't find any answers.
Posted by Jilda at 8:59 PM

2 comments:

  1. BelleJanuary 6, 2011 at 12:41 AM

    You can only do what you can do. The results are up to each person you try to help. People are so complex. I know it takes a lot for me to learn and apply something new into my life. When I want to change something about myself I make notes, read books and try to understand how to do it. Old habits die hard.

    But I can't tell you how much I appreciate the people in my life who have taught me how to think better and how to live better. Sometimes just one thing was said to me during therapy that stuck in my head and eventually made a huge difference in my life. I am sure you are doing good for your students. You may not see the results - and you may never know how, but you are a force for good. What could be better than that in this harsh world?

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  2. CharleneJanuary 6, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    This is something I think about too much. I want to make an impact but not being wealthy and not being overly skilled in some world changing thing, I know the influence I might have is limited to that I can do with one or a few people. Never discount your positive influence in the life of another.

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