The Atlas Complex

Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. The world would go on even without you. Don't take yourself so seriously."  - Norman Vincent Peale

This quote spoke to me tonight, loud and clear.  Rick constantly has to remind me that I can't fix everything for everyone.  I have been a caregiver since I was a child. I watched over my younger brother, and as a 'tween and before I could drive, if family members were sick and needed help, my mom would send me.  I look back now and realize how ludicrous that was to send basically a child
to care for an adult.  But thinking back, as a child and even as a teenager, I was old.

I have come a long way, but I still have my moments......when I assume that yes, I can fix it.
Yoga has helped me so much,  that and the study of Eastern philosophy.  I talk about "letting go" in yoga, and usually it is for my benefit as much as anyone else's.  Studying the balance, the yin and the yang has changed me also.........life makes so much more sense now.  Probably a great deal of it is my age, and understanding how little I really do know.  I talked with my classes today about the importance of being responsible for yourself, but not for everyone else.

I see students come to class often, so stressed that their shoulders are up to their ears........they are Atlas, believing that everything will crash and burn without them.  Life teaches hard earned lessons,
when I first started my current job seven years ago, I became so enmeshed with my students that I thought I couldn't even take sick days.......I thought they needed me that much.........well my body rebelled and I became so sick, I missed many days.  I learned I was not Atlas, and that everyone and everything would go on without me.

Tonight, if you, like me......forget your identity sometimes and think that you are really Atlas.
Look in the mirror, no one's shoulders are that big........laugh out loud at the absurdness of you thinking you can fix it all......... and remember, even when you and I are no longer on this earth......the problems, the pain, and all the mess will still be here for someone else to try and fix.

More Than A Toy

First, let me say thank you for the kind and encouraging comments that you all left on my post last night. I still can't believe I have written that many posts!

Rick and I watched White Christmas tonight, there are so many things that I love about that movie.....
Bing Crosby's and Rosemary Clooney's  voices, the costumes, the Vermont Inn, the firepit at the Inn,
the dancing, the friendships.  As we watched tonight, I told Rick that one of my most favorite Christmas gifts I ever got as a child.......a Rosemary Clooney doll.  I had seen her in the window of Gilberts, a little family store  in our small town.....I was maybe 5 or 6.  I immediately told my parents that I wanted her for Christmas.  My dad shook his head and told me Santa could not afford her.  Even at that age, I understood money was tight.
I had six siblings, each of us got one gift.  Our stocking held fruit, nuts and candy.
We learned from the beginning that Christmas was not about how many presents you got.


.
I went to bed on Christmas Eve knowing that Santa would bring something, but not Rosemary.
On Christmas morning, I got up and ran to the Christmas tree, momma handed me my present.
It was a big box, almost as tall as me, and when I opened it, yep.......I got Rosemary in all her splendor.  She wore a pink lace gown, silver shoes and jewelry.  I loved her!   I had a Betsy Wetsy, but Rosemary was not a baby doll, she looked the way I wanted to look when I grew up.....and I wanted to be a singer too.

Rosemary was mine, until I was ten.  We moved to Chicago, where my mom's brother lived......there were good jobs there, and money to be made.  We lived in a small apartment, so Rosemary was left behind, in the basement of our house.  While we were gone, my sister and her family lived in our house, and they got a new pet.  A rowdy little dog.......he chewed Rosemary, along with the rest of my toys to pieces.  Rosemary is just a memory, but she was more than a toy, she was an inspiration.
Maybe I should look for a pink lace dress to wear this Christmas!

Post 1000

This blog tonight is a milestone, one that I never thought I would reach.......this blog is number
1,000.   It is hard to believe that I have posted one thousand posts......wow, I can't believe I thought of that much to say!  Ha!

I started writing this blog as a way to share my thoughts, honestly as a way to let people know that someone cared about them.  I wanted to share love and kindness, I wanted to teach breath work, to encourage a yoga practice, and meditation.   I wanted to let you know, that I believed there was balance and goodness in the world.  I wanted to shine light in the darkness of hate and judgement.

I have never worried about how many followers I had, or how many comments.  In my heart I knew that if one blog post helped one person, my time in front of the computer was well spent.
This blog has allowed me to share my personal journey of illness the past couple of years.
I have shared moments of grief, as well as joy, because that is the balance of life......good and bad, wellness and illness, birth and death.

The title, Transformation Information just came to me.......I knew that most of you were like me, there were times in your lives when you needed a little "transformation information" and I hope I have provided you with some.  We take many paths during our lives,  writing this blog was a path I never would have chosen, but my husband Rick convinced me to write.  I am glad I finally listened to him, sat down in front of this computer and allowed my fingers to speak my thoughts.

I appreciate your comments, I appreciate the time that each of you take to read my words.
It is a cold rainy night here in rural Alabama, I have written this blog in hot sweltering heat,
snow and ice, tornadoes, beautiful springs, and breath-taking falls.  During the course of these blogs,
two of my beloved dogs, Charlie and Blackie Bear passed over the rainbow.
I will continue to write these posts, until my heart tells me it is time to let go.

Thank you all so much, though I may never meet many of you, I think our souls have known each other for centuries.  For those friends who have been with me since post # 1, my heart is full of love and gratitude for your friendship and loyalty.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

December Sunset

A December sunset, clear and cold.......a beautiful backdrop for the trees.
All is calm.......don't let the stress of shopping, of cooking, of parties, and gifts, of missing those who are no longer here.......don't let that holiday stress rob you of the beauty around you.   Stop, look around you......and remember to breathe and be grateful.

Family Holiday

Today was Christmas lunch with my siblings.  After our mom passed, we realized that old traditions would be extremely difficult to continue, and things would never be the same.......so we came up with new ones.  Since my siblings all have children, grandchildren, and some of them great-grandchildren and everyone is scattered, we decided on a siblings only lunch the first Sunday in December.

One brother didn't make it today,  but  both sisters, two brothers, and our sister-in-law,  the wife of our oldest brother who passed away right after our  mom  were there.  We had a great time, just sitting around talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company.  We don't do gifts.......the gift is......time with each other.
Today was so special,  I looked at them all, and thought about how each of them had helped to shape my life.  I looked at them and realized that each of them had been there for me, when ever I needed them.  I looked at them and realized how very lucky I am.

Sadly I know there are families who are estranged, where members don't speak to each other, and there is constant drama.  I am so grateful that we have survived as a family without resorting to all of that craziness.

Age is creeping up on all of us, and each of has some health issues that we deal with,  but my sister's living room was filled with laughter and love today......there was a loving family there.......and tonight,
life is good.  It was a wonderful family holiday.

December 1

December 1..........lunch with old friends and new today

December 1.......Alabama wins SEC Championship

December 1........it's 70 degrees, what happen to fall?

December 1.......treatment number ll this month

December 1.......seven Christmases without my mom, twenty-one without my dad

December 1......chaos, making Christmas cookies with great-nieces and nephews

December 1.......time to paint Christmas cards, and mail them

December 1.......the last month of 2012, I blinked my eyes and it was gone

December 1.......today would have been Rick's mom's birthday, the sixth would have been my mom's.

December 1......I hope it snows

Wanderlust

New hair cut today, new hair stylist.......very happy.  Old stylist semi-retired, our schedules were getting more and more difficult to match.  So happy with new cut, got my new passport photo today.
And even with new cut, the picture is pretty frightful!

I am bound and determined, whether my numbers are up or not, this coming year.......I am going somewhere.  I will take my chances.  My wanderlust  has reach a state of frenzy.

I can't help myself, I have always loved to travel.......road trips, planes, an hour away, a day away, it doesn't matter......new people, places, food.......I LOVE it.  Packing a suitcase makes me a happy camper! and I am a great packer!  Did I tell you I recently bought new luggage?

Now, we have to think about where, when.......my list is long.....poor Rick.