Golden Light

 Webster defines:

Alone - without any other person

Grief - intense emotional suffering caused by loss

Isolation - apart from others

These words are how I feel without Rick.  People check on me, I receive wonderful calls, texts, notes, gifts and they lift my spirits and I feel the love.  But,  and it is a big but, most of my time I am alone, with my grief and because of the raging of Covid 19, isolated.

Alone is how I drink my morning coffee.  It is how I eat my meals.   It is how I sleep.  It is how I walk around this farm and do my daily chores. Alone is my conversation with Rick's memory on our deck, sitting on our thinking bench, and often walking these woods.

I realize solitude has become my life.  It is a tragic gift, but one that pushes me.  It pushes me to renew my creativity, to maintain friendships and to show as much love and kindness as I possibly can. In many ways now I appreciate my life alone.  I cherish the memory of hugs and laughter with friends and family. I cherish the gigs we played, the places we visited, the friendships we made, the songs we created. 

The solitude has created an urgency in me to live my life to its fullest, even when I am alone. 

The dogs are getting use to my tears, to my conversations with Rick, even to my reading aloud to them. They understand my moods and have a strange, knowing respect for them.

I know there will come a time when Covid is not so menacing and solitude no longer cradles me. But the grief will always be a part of me, just like the love for Rick will be.

If you are alone, for whatever reason, reach out.  It's important to hear the sound of voices, to read words of encouragement and to know that others are living similar stories.

Today's picture is our thinking bench view bathed in golden light.  I beg of you today, be kind to yourself and others.  Wear your mask, wash your hands and live to see your own golden light.