There are so many loose ends to tie, and with every call there is the same story to be told over and over.
And no matter how hard I try, somewhere in the middle of telling that story to a faceless voice, I cry.
After about three hours on the phone, I go outside.
I walk around the yard, pet the dogs and cry a bit more. By then I eat a bit of lunch and spend the afternoon reading or writing in my journal. Then it's time to feed and water the chicks, gather the eggs and let the dogs run again.
I'm getting there, where ever there is. I do feel stronger and my mantra has become " I can do this."
Though most of the time I am not sure what "I can do this" means.
I am still getting so many cards and calls. I am sure Rick never imagined how much he was loved. I hope somehow now, he knows.
Posts
I like to feel what a person writes, yours does vibrate. We enjoyed the visit, and yeah, we KNOW you can do it. Your strength showed thru in all Rick's writing. Yep you will survive and always have those wonderful memories.
ReplyDeleteLove from Michigan,
Sherry, jack and JJ, 'On the Road.'
Safe travels
DeleteI can do it if I have to, has been a mantra for years. I do wish the envelope was so thoroughly tested though.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself all the time you need. And a bit more.
Tears are fine. And yes, Rick was and is loved. As you are.
You and Rick are both so loved. I know you have the strength but also take time to rest. I sure wish I had the right words to cheer you up but know that I keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I hope that helps in a small way.
ReplyDeleteNew to your blog. I am so very sorry that you have lost your Rick.
ReplyDeleteOur routines do give us some much needed leverage when it seems to be chaos around us. They keep us in balance. You can and will do this, one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time. Your memories will always be with you and that's how we keep those we've lost close to us. Right in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing here and know that you are cared for. Rick is a great soul and lived his life with dignity, honour and kindness. Hug the doggies
ReplyDeleteMum often would say " I can do this" dad has been gone 15 months but it still feels like yesterday for mum
ReplyDeleteRick dos know how much he is love—and his love for you does go on. His strength too, goes on and is there for you to draw on and steady you.
ReplyDeleteBoth of you are loved. From his blog and his books that I have read, he loved you so much. I know you don’t feel strong right now, but think how much strength you have already shown. Praying for you
ReplyDelete