Long night......I came to the mountains of north Georgia with Rick . He and a couple of his friends will be doing some

Mixed Events

Tonight I am tapping keys, I have started at least three different blogs, so here I am being up front and very honest with ya'll. I am in a strange place, it has been an eventful day........on the way to work today, I came upon a horrible car accident, I was the second person there, the vehicle was in several pieces and when I offered the other person who was the victim assistance, he shook his head........the victim was not moving. I drove around the scattered debris in the road, said a prayer and went on to work. There was only the one vehicle, not sure what happened.

But then, I have also received three of the most incredible compliments today......the kind that makes you blush and stammer, and think that is not possible, they can't be talking about me.

I got good news about Ingrid, she is not as bad as feared, I won't have to take on a third job to pay for her repairs. Maybe I can get another 50,000 miles from her.

But at work, one of my fellow employees got upset with me, so not sure where that will lead. Let's just say, I don't back down when it comes to what's best for my students.......they come first, they get the best I can possibly offer.

Lastly, I am still having difficulty breathing. It doesn't do any good, but sometimes I get angry with my body and its shortcomings......then I have to remind myself it could be much worse.

I could have been the one on the side of the road today, not moving.

I will meditate in a few minutes and try to ground myself. Somedays when the energy is this scattered, it takes some extra work, and a good night's sleep. I am grateful for this day,

all things good and bad, lessons to be learned, moments to be cherished.

Ingrid

Ingrid is not doing so well.......for those of you who don't know by now, Ingrid is my car. She is a 1996 volvo with 244,000 miles, what can I say, if it is possible to love a car, I love Ingrid.

Don't laugh, because we live out in the country, I spend a lot of time in Ingrid......it's twelve miles to the nearest bank or store. My friend Jackie and I have driven Ingrid to every yoga teacher training we have ever attended. Ingrid takes me to work, shopping, to music gigs.

Ingrid is like an old friend, she doesn't care if you sing really loud when your favorite song is playing or if you cry or swear......she has never left me stranded(and other vehicles have). Rick has been gently telling me for the past few months I need to think about another car. (I can't cheat on Ingrid) Today as we drove her to our trusted car doc, once again Rick began to talk about replacing her........I think I can spend few more months with her, at least I hope I can.

But sadly, I am beginning to think her time with me may be limited. For me, she is the perfect fit. She is big enough to carry all my yoga mats. She can carry two guitars, bags and all the other stuff that needs to go to a gig. She handles like a dream, she loves to climb hills and takes a curve like no other car I have ever driven. She's fast enough, and beautiful........deep forest green with British tan leather and a stereo system that rocks. She is like me, she loves the fall and winter, and gets kinda of sluggish when it is hot and humid.

I wrote about attachments last night......when the day comes( and I know it will) and I have to let Ingrid go......that will be a major letting go. She has been my therapist and friend, and sometimes truly a shelter from the storm. I know she is only metal and leather and rubber, just

a machine.....but in many ways she holds it seems, a life time of memories for me. Even tonight

as I write this, I just can't see me driving another vehicle.

I spoke with one of the guys at the car docs today, he told me about how great some of the automobiles were that they serviced and recommended a couple I should think about. Then he looked at my face and grinned...... he said he had seen that same look, that there were a lot of folks who fell in love with their Volvos......he shook his head, told me she would be all shiny and fresh when I came to pick her up.....and that there would be life after Ingrid.

So tonight, I have begun to tell myself that some where down the road, it will be time to let go of Ingrid......I am going to take some photos of her, so one day(when I have to) I will have memories and a photo of a great car. For now, fingers are crossed, holding my breath and patiently waiting for Ingrid to come home.

Attachments

Attachments........ we form them, with no effort.......attachments to others, to our pets, our cars, our stuff! Most of us latch on, and refuse to let go! That is a lesson I am trying to teach myself......let go, don't attach.

It started back in the winter, I had some of my mom's clothing......nothing I would wear, just hanging on to it because it was hers. I finally pulled it out of my closet one day, folded everything neatly and place it in bags for charity. I began to realize, the stuff was not my connection to my mother, my memories are the connecting blocks. Last summer I did the same thing with books, went through my shelves and gave many of my books away.

As we continue to renovate the house, the barn and the creative space, I am still dealing with attachments. Letting go of stuff can be quite painful, whether it is physical or emotional. But I do have boxes that I am filling up, then I will let nieces and nephews get what they want, and once again give to charity.

In the back of my closet I found a dress my dad had bought me, it is not something I would wear now, but it is vintage and I will see if my twenty year old niece wants it. As I am trying so hard to let go, Rick and his family are sorting out his mom's belongings. It is tough, I know that feeling of wanting to hang on to everything because it was your mom's or dad's.

But there is this incredible freeing sensation to let go also..........the memories are there and the stuff you choose to keep should really be special.

I never thought of myself as a pack rat, but going through cupboards and closets, it is pretty

obvious I am......every day as I meditate, I tell myself to let go.......it's getting easier.

I think maybe there are many of us who are pack rats, who think, well I'll use that someday,

I might need that sometime, and the next thing we know, our closets are bursting at the seams.

A good friend who years ago, lost all her belongings in a fire, told me that at first it is devastating, but then it becomes quite freeing to be rid of stuff. I hope I never have to live through that extreme, but I do find myself more and more, looking at things around me, thinking......do I really need that, do I really want that?

This will be a post that will have post scripts the rest of the summer, or at least until all the renovations are done......will let you know how the process continues.......I think there will be some painful withdrawals, and maybe a few celebrations, but it really is time to rethink my attachments.

Spring Musings

The dogwoods bloomed this weekend, everywhere I look there are large fluffy clouds of dogwood blossoms. The "magic tree" a dogwood that sits at the end of our driveway, is almost as large as our house. These blooms came from the "magic tree".

From now until fall, there will be fresh flowers in our house....all grown on our property. The peonies are budding, so is the rhododendron and azaleas. The iris and lilies are tall slender shoots of green. Wild fern and purple violets are peeking through the brown leaves of fall. All of the fruit trees have bloomed, the berries will be next.

This awakening, this springing forth of life......it's pretty amazing stuff. Our springs are filled with great beauty and often much turbulence. Tornadoes ripped through our county last night, we drove home from a friend's house through downed power lines and trees. Tonight it is in the forties, but in a couple of days our forecast is another stormy one.

The checkered table cloth belonged to my grandmother Mamie, the blue clay bowl was created by a nephew, the pitcher was a gift from a friend and the green salt/pepper shakers were my mom's. Many memories in that small photo tonight. Simple every day things, yet to me there is great beauty and joy in that photograph.

Our friend Wes, spent the afternoon with us......just a really nice easy visit on a rainy Sunday.

We picked and grinned, laughed and talked, and solved most of the world's problems in a few short hours......if only we could get the rest of the world to listen. Ha ha! Isn't it great to spend time with friends?!

A cup of hot lemon ginger tea awaits me tonight........just the tonic when a cold rain falls.

Good night, Sweet dreams.

About the magic tree, I wrote a blog about it last spring, if you wish to go back and read it.

Joy List

Today was one of those days, when all plans were pretty much cast aside. I have inhaled the pollen all week, and yesterday I realized that walking from my car to the front door was causing shortness of breath. Today one of my best friends and I were going out to celebrate my birthday(a girl lunch) but I knew as I drank my first cup of coffee this morning, my body had other plans. So I called and rescheduled and I spent most of my day on the sofa reading a new book. The facility that I teach at is based on the Twelve Step Program, so I am always looking for books that I can recommend.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a about a book I was reading, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting by Lynn

Grabhorn.....it is an incredible book. Well she had also gone through a 12 step program and had written another book, Beyond the Twelve Steps. Lynn had twenty something years sober, but she reached a point in her sobriety where there was still something missing.......thus began her journey beyond.

I read this book today.......it's a great book, and if any of you have been through any sort of Twelve Step Program, I highly recommend it......and even if you have not gone through twelve steps, it is a great book.

In Beyond the Twelve Steps, she talks about joy. She says one of the most profound statements about joy that I have ever read......"Joy is high energy that can exist only in the now, not yesterday, not tomorrow. Joy is knowing you're in the process of change."

Lynn suggests making a joy list. She talks about her first list, and how she realized there was little in her life that gave her joy. At first making a joy list, most of us list the biggies.....you know the trip around the world, a million dollars, that new sports car, the big house, the movie star lover........but if we continue and we are honest and true to ourselves, we find that real joy

comes from everyday things.......time to read, a hot shower or bath, looking at the stars, fresh coffee, flowers, a drink of cold water, a run with the dogs, hearing your favorite song, watching a great movie, playing a musical instrument, spending time with someone you love, a phone call to a friend, ..........most of us can complain about all the things that make us unhappy........how many of us have sat down and really thought about what makes us happy. Do you honestly know what makes you happy?

When we start to really look at what brings joy to us, we began to look for ways to achieve it.

When we have a joy list, it is there to remind us and we can choose to do something that day that will give us joy. When we recognize what truly gives us joy, we understand that we can have joy. It is not something we have to wait for, or work for, we can obtain joy every single day of our lives. Think about it, you can have joy in your life..........every day.

So, make a joy list......it might be difficult at first.......maybe you think you don't deserve joy, or that you don't have time for joy, or that there is no joy. Start the list with the big stuff, you know the joy of your dreams.......and then begin to think about little things that give you joy.....a hug,

a juicy strawberry, an ice cream cone, a walk in the rain, a bouquet of flowers, sitting in the sun, a walk, a cup of tea, talking with your best friend or loved one, a drive, five minutes alone.......

Once you start to think about joy, and the small things you can do.......then how can you go a day without joy? Write your list, type it up, print it, look at it every day. Give yourself permission to have joy, to share joy.

I see people every day who have no joy......who think that there will never be joy in their lives again. Look around you, at the grocery store, at the mall, at work, so many faces, no joy.

Many seem to think if every thing was like it use to be, that's joy. Isn't is amazing that when many of us remember the past, we have totally forgotten all the bad stuff......so we are here in the now, bemoaning the fact that we can't live in the past, because that's where all the joy was.

And chances are, back in the past, we were complaining too!

Make a joy list.......look at it......know that you deserve joy, it is your choice. Tomorrow, allow yourself joy, do the same the next day, and the next.......it won't be long, and you my friend....

will be living a joyful life.

Meditation, Practice

Meditation........seems simple, sit quietly, breathe........peace. I taught a meditation class today.....it was really interesting to hear the comments when I questioned my students about their experience. Some accused me of hypnosis, others said they couldn't stand to be still for five minutes, others said the more they tried to let go of their thoughts, the more thoughts they had. A couple said they itched, one got a cramp, it went on and on.....there were moments it seemed for a few that stillness was possible, and that is good.

Why is it so hard for us to experience stillness? to do nothing but sit and breathe. I admit, often meditation is difficult for me, there is a dancing, drunk monkey being stung by a scorpion in my head too. ( I heard that phrase in a teacher training years ago, I love it) There are times when I have meditated and true bliss was achieved.......then there were those times when something like

a song or phrase, for instance.....plop,plop, fizz,fizz became embedded in my brain and there was no escape.

But those moments, when awareness is truly on the breath, and the sticky thoughts are released, those moments are worth all the times when some silly commercial or some worrisome thought moves in for the duration.

For some meditation requires visual help, guidance if you will, for others, soft music and a mantra works, and then there are exquisite moments, when you sit in the early morning light,

listen to the birds, breathe slowly, and you are transported.......all worries, fears, it all fades into

oblivion......and the rest of the day is like sailing on a sea of glass.

My very most favorite meditation......Dr.Wayne Dyer has a small book on meditation "Getting in the Gap". The book comes with a cd, and for me every time I do this meditation, I am transported. I can do it at night, and I sleep like a baby. If my day is stressful or I am just having difficulty staying centered, I pop the cd in, and twenty minutes later.....life is different.

"Getting in the Gap" you focus on the "gap" between your thoughts. That void or space, is where I have found bliss in ways that are unexplainable. In the book, Dr. Dyer talks about using the gap to help you manifest what you want in life.......I have used it for that also, and I can tell you it works.

So, if you have never tried meditation, or maybe you did and you gave up........first, it is like yoga....

it is a practice. Go to the library, there are books and cds a plenty, look on line, lots to choose from. If the first one doesn't seem to work, then try something different. For some, just gazing at a candle flame and breathing works, for others sitting comfortably and bringing all awareness to the breath, and sometimes it takes detailed guidance, music, candles, and lots of practice......

but I can assure you, the practice will change your day, it will change your life.

PS. NOT SURE WHY I DID NOT INCLUDE THIS ON THE POST LAST NIGHT

GO TO rickandjilda.com there are three meditations/relaxations that I recorded, download them for free!