Heaven

Every day I  express a prayer of gratitude, some days it is just for the fact that I can take a deep breath......other days the list is long.  Yesterday morning before I left for my treatment, I stepped out on our deck with Caillou, the Collie, looked around, sipped my coffee and was grateful for all that I saw.

It is a little piece of heaven, and I am grateful.  My green thumb has been extra green this year.
:)

Treatment #4

Treatment #4 -  the infusion room was busy today......I saw several of my "drip"buddies.   There is a camaraderie that builds as you lie in those big green chairs hooked up to a drip.  Everyone asks how you're doing, there is always encouragement, and always prayers offered.  A couple of folks were not so good today......it is hot, and our air quality is bad.......I worry about them......they're not eating.....do they have air conditioning.......what can I do to help them.

One of the ladies is always accompanied by a couple of younger women (I believe they are her daughters)
they banter with her, they chide her to drink more, but it is obvious they love and adore her.  She sits by me and we talk, she is not eating much and it is showing........I encourage her to eat when she goes home today.
She wants something to read, I have one of Rick's books in my bag and I give it to her.  I want to give her what she needs and wants most, her health, helplessness does not even begin to describe what I feel in that room today.  But, she is loved and she dotes on those girls who are with her.

I know I should concentrate on my healing, as the slow, thick, cold drip enters my body......but how can I?
All around me, there are many who are so much sicker than me......I want to tend to their needs, not mine.
A gentleman on the other side of me was very sick,  it is hard to comfort him when I am hooked to the drip.
He is so thin, so wispy, I am fearful that the wind may blow him away soon.  He tells me the heat is taking its toll on him.

I am always cold now, the heated blankets are so comforting.  One of the women laughs and tell me no no wonder I am cold, I am too little!  She wears the most beautiful scarves wrapped around her head......I comment on her scarves, she tells me she will give them to me in exchange for my head of thick hair.
I wish I could give her my hair.

As each person leaves, we send encouragement, we send prayers, and we send love.......and I think
silently, we each  send the hope that we will see each other next time.  I watch those nurses dressed in blue,
they must walk a million miles a day, giving, serving, smiling.......I know somewhere there are wings waiting for them.  I am the next to the last to leave in the morning group, I look around at the silent room.......I pray that it is a room where healing takes place, I pray for those who work there, that their lives are filled with grace, and I pray that my next visit, I see my drip buddies again.

Loss of Self-repect

"Perhaps, the greatest mistake we make, which causes a loss of self-respect, is making the opinions of others more important than our own opinion of ourselves."  - Wayne Dyer, The Power of Intention

I can plead guilty to that statement.......probably many of you can.  We do it out of love, affection, fear, habit,

whatever the reason.......that loss of self-respect is profound and takes a long time to recover.

The sad thing, most everyone you know has an opinion of you, and most will freely share it with you if given the opportunity.  It begins a vicious cycle, a downward spiral if you will......we give others the credit, the power to shape and form how we feel about ourselves.......and we lose who we really are.

It's ok, that others think highly of us, or not......but in the end, what we think of ourselves, our respect of self.....is what matters most. 

Thanks

On this Memorial Day, from my house to yours, to all of you who have served and sacrificed.......

my heartfelt thanks.

The Most Important Room

Most of life is made up of moments that fade into hours that fade into days, just common ordinary days.
My sister and niece cooked lunch for me today.  Rick is always telling everyone that my sisters, nieces and I are great cooks.  We owe our talents to my  mom and all those ordinary days, of cooking in her kitchen.

My mother loved to cook.....for everyone.  I can remember being three or four years old, helping her in the kitchen.  When she was in the kitchen she would talk about everything she was doing.  It all seemed so natural, this creating a meal.  My brothers cook, my dad cooked.  Food was a really important part of our family.
We always had a garden, and we all were taught how to grow food.  One of the things that momma taught.....you had to cook with love.  If you just went in the kitchen and threw a meal together, it was just something to put in your mouth, to ease the hunger.

Cooking with love meant using the best ingredients you could, everything as fresh as possible.
Cooking with love meant, everyone sitting at the table eating together. One of my girlfriends from highschool told me once, that she came to our house at Christmas, my mom and I were in the kitchen making candy.
She said she had never felt so much love in a house.

I miss the meals at my mom's house so very much, my mom and I grocery shopping together, deciding on menus.  I love table linens, she passed that on to me too, and fresh flowers on the table.  I love the fact that she taught me to enjoy food, to enjoy the laughter and love of a table full of friends and family eating together.
Jordan loves to help in the kitchen, my mom didn't live to see him, to teach him her kitchen skills, but I am doing my best to pass them on.  To show him, that the kitchen is the most important room in the house, and it should always be full of love.

Thank You Jilda 1080p.mov

Many of you read my blog about my sharing experience with students at the University of Alabama this week.
Today, their incredible professor sent me this video......I am speechless.

Brakes

Did anyone miss me?  Sorry, I had a rendezvous with a hot young doctor at the hospital......well, maybe it was just the meds or not, but he was awfully cute!  Enough about me! how are all of you?

We are living in the "hot country" this week, summer has hit Alabama with its usual sticky sweetness.  Temps are in the mid-nineties, and the air is so humid........you know that is my theory about why there are so many writers and musicians from the deep south......the humidity.....it does something to the brain.  It triggers some sort of release of creative juices in the brain,  something akin to brain sweat maybe.

Blackie Bear and I have spent the day languidly (don't you love that word?) resting in the cooling dry breeze of the air conditioner.  We both have spent quite a bit of time panting......not a pretty sight.

Rest, is good.  Sometimes you never know how much you need it until it is forced :)
There are times when the body demands that you stop, and maybe you think that slowing down is all you needed.......but then surprise.....slowing down is not the answer, a full stop is required.  I came to a full stop this week.....at least for a few days.  I thought that I would hate it, but rest has been incredible, I never realized
how close to empty I was.  There are probably many of you who are in dire need of stopping also......it is ok to put the brakes on......that's what they are there for.   I highly recommend using yours if they haven't been used in a while.......

Goodnight, Sweet dreams