Transformation Information

Wall Cloud

2012-03-02T19:34:00.000-06:00

This is Alabama, about a quarter of mile from our house. For those of you who are not tornado educated, wall clouds drop the big boys.....tornadoes. We were lucky, it went up the river about a mile from us. We're under the gun until mid-night or so. My heart breaks for those north of us, in Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois......
Our schools have learned the hard way, send those kids home, or no school.
UAB released a special report on the victims killed
here in April of last year......many deaths could have been avoided if the victims had been wearing
helmets......yep, helmets, football, baseball, motorcycle, whatever. Local news reported a run
on helmets of all types at Walmart today.
Prayers that we all stay safe, and the sun shines tomorrow. If you are in the red zone or white, make sure you know your plan.

Sacred Garment

2012-03-01T21:02:00.001-06:00

"The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, it should be treated with honor." - Martha Graham

So, how do you treat your body? We forget that our bodies house our spirits, our connections to
the universe, whatever higher power we believe in. We loathe our bodies, we feed on processed
food, and drink.....some of us pickle our bodies with alcohol, and others try to numb it into oblivion
with drugs.

We try to pound our bodies into Wall Street's airbrushed perfection.....and when that doesn't happen,
we get depressed or angry and think we are failures. We tend to forget, that each of us is like a snowflake, all different, all unique.......shapes, sizes, colors.

I can tell you from personal experience, let the loss of good health knock on your door and suddenly we look at our bodies in a very different light. The thought of the loss of that garment( death) makes us want to treat it as the treasure it is. Soda or water? fresh food or fast? a little fresh air and exercise or sit in front of the tv/computer? Choices......it does not involve rocket science, this caring for this exquisite garment, we call the body.

Bodies change so much through our lifetimes......accidents happen, life happens, disease. We mourn for the bodies of our youth, failing to celebrate our body that is now. Honor that garment, show gratitude for all that it is today, it could be much less tomorrow.

A sacred garment, wow, when you describe the body like that........what a difference. My sacred garment is showing some wear and tear, but I try to remind myself everyday......there is not another one like it.....it is an original.

Daily Walks

2012-02-29T20:31:00.000-06:00

Because of doctor's appointments and teaching schedules, and pouring rain and thunder, I have missed my daily walks the past couple of days. I miss my walks! The trail I walk changes daily......it is the old dirt road to the barn, then a path cut through the woods. I love my walks. Walking for me is a daily meditation.....my head clears, I am calm, my senses become much more alert.

The sunshine, the fresh air, the dogs as they nudge me, wanting their ears scratched or just a hug.....that is part of the walk. There are the neighbor dogs, Dixie and Rebel.......beautiful bull dogs,
who always walk with me, knowing that there are treats in my pockets.......treats that are randomly
passed out to each dog at some point during our walks.

There are days, a deer might run across the path, other days you hear this woodpecker tapping on the trees, squirrels, rabbits,snakes, you never know what you might see.

I need those walks. It's my time, sometimes I just repeat affirmations with each step.......sometimes I daydream as I walk and I couldn't tell you a single thing I saw or heard.
I understand the need for treadmills, but I couldn't do it. Being outdoors is something my body has to have, to experience every day.....no matter the heat, the cold.

I have more appointments in the morning......but somehow, someway.......tomorrow afternoon

I have to walk. The trail waits patiently, the dogs walk with Rick. Tomorrow I walk.

The Enemy Within

2012-02-28T21:07:00.000-06:00

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you." - African Proverb

We are our own worst enemies. We criticize, and belittle ourselves. We constantly set ourselves up for failure........why is it so hard to see the good in ourselves. Each and every one of us has talents,
creative energy, smarts, kindness. Yet we can look ourselves in the mirror and say things to ourselves that no one else would ever dare say.

How do we lose the enemy within? We have to cut ourselves some slack, strive to do our best,but let go of seeking perfection. We have to forgive ourselves. We have to accept who we are, that we have flaws and charms. We have to know we are human, that we are connected to every other human. We have to stop the comparisons, the expectations, the judgments. And as simple as it sounds......we have to love ourselves.

It is easy as we age, to be our enemy. We curse the frailty of our bodies as they age, we fight the march of time on our faces, we panic as we see the good health we once enjoyed slithering away.
This is when we need our kindness the most, this is when the inner enemy needs to be chained once and for all. And sorry for the cliche, but this is when we should be our own best friend.

Letting go of the enemy within......it starts with listening as we talk to ourselves, how we talk about ourselves to others. It is time to make peace, with ourselves.......and just imagine,
when we make peace with ourselves, how easy it will be to make peace with others.

I Have Had a Good Day

2012-02-27T22:00:00.000-06:00

ok, these pastel sunsets have been just blowing me away! Here is another one from this evening as I was driving home from work.

The sky looks artificial doesn't it? and this picture does not do it justice. I look at these sunsets and think, all has to be right with the world.....look at the beauty that is around us......how can we focus on the ugly?

My Monday night yoga class gave me a card tonight......I cried as I read it. Here are the words written on the card.

Our thoughts of you are always gently wrapped in little prayers for heaven to smile on you, angels to watch over you, and happiness to fill your heart...
because that's how much we care.

What an incredible group! I 'm a lucky woman.
So between the jaw-dropping sunset, and the outpouring of love from my students......I guess you could say.....I have had a good day.

It Just Is

2012-02-26T20:55:00.000-06:00

"You must hear the bird's song without attempting to render it into nouns and verbs."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every time I read this quote it makes me think of something different.....and I really do try not to over think it. But, don't we all do that, we hear or see something and usually instead of just taking it at face value, we try to "read" it.

Hearing a bird's song.....and just hear it for what it is......a beautiful voice of the bird making music.
We see beauty around us, yet we ignore the beauty and go for all that is harsh and ugly.
We feel the wind and rain, and only think of storms.... not the drink of water for the earth or the cleansing of the air by the wind. We feel the cold, and instead of looking at winter as a time of rest......we complain of the cold, and wish for summer.
Emrson's quote to me is a fancy way of saying......just be. Just listen to the song, just feel the wind
and the cold......just be, where you are, seeing and listening to all that is going on around you.
Don't try to make it more or less......just be......hear the song for what it is.
Sometimes nothing has to be explained.....it just is.

I Am A Dreamer

2012-02-25T22:34:00.001-06:00

"Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce
weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success." - Lao Tzu

We all dream......and I think when we are young, we do water them with optimism and solutions.
As the years go by, and maybe the dreams take too long to come true, the worry and the fear
begin to feed the weeds. We start to doubt our dreams, and the fears of failure, of ridicule haunt us.
We think maybe our dreams were childish or foolish and we put them aside.

The years go by, and our dreams fall by the wayside...... occasionally they may surface, but usually we just push them away.......the weeds have taken hold. But maybe, just maybe, we think of them, we see them and remember them. And if we are lucky, we grab hold, we find the solutions and optimism is reborn......and we cultivate our dreams.

The dreams I had when I was young, I realized that they might not all come true, the way I had originally dreamed, but variations have . Without dreams, what drives us.....to create, to inspire,
to pursue. Sometimes our dreams are our saving grace, that tiny thread we hang on to when the storms of life rage.

I am proud to say I am a dreamer, now and always have been. There have been times I have surrendered to worry and fear, and my dreams were hidden by the fog of doubt. But thankfully,
I never let go of those dreams, I did hang on to them, and it is those dreams that keep me pressing on. Some of the dreams have changed through the years, but so has my definition of success.

Tonight, if your dreams are choked by the weeds, covered by worry and fear.....remember them
the way you first dreamed them......hang on to them, let them manifest in their variations and enjoy your dreams now. Maybe you won't be a famous artist, but you can still paint. You might not be an astronaut, but you can study the stars. You may never be a well known author, but you can write. Dreams appear for a reason, don't allow them to die.

Softness

2012-02-24T20:48:00.000-06:00

Most sunsets this time of year are dazzling vivid streaks of color, often the sky looks as though it is on fire......not this evening. As I drove home, I noticed that the sky was filled with pastel pinks, peaches, blues and lavenders.....it could have been
a Monet.

Unusual sky, especially since a cold front had just moved through today. Believe it or not the photo you are looking at is a sunset.....pretty amazing isn't it?

I loved the shift in colors today.....it seemed clean and fresh.....a new beginning. I think Mother Nature wanted to let us know, spring is early, get ready! Sometimes the world needs softness, this sunset proved it.

In my class today, I had talked about non-violence.
Not harming ourselves, it seems simple and easy to talk about non-violence toward others.....we get a little nervous when we start to talk about kindness to ourselves. As we did our breath work I mentioned allowing the breath to be a comfort today, a compassionate energy coming into the body. This beautiful soft sunset seemed to reinforce all that I had talked about. Softness, easy
movements, easy breath, stop being so hard on ourselves......I think Mother Nature and I agreed today.

Signs

2012-02-23T20:48:00.000-06:00

Rick's mom passed away Monday afternoon. She loved the color yellow, each year as I bought memorial flowers for Rick's dad and brothers she would always tell me, "get yellow, it's so bright and happy, I love yellow."

Yesterday morning as I walked to our mailbox, I stopped to look at our huge forsythia bush covered in yellow flowers. I thought about Rick's mom, actually I spoke to her for a couple of minutes and told her I hoped that all was good. Something flickered beside me, I looked and there on the twenty-second of February was a yellow butterfly on the forsythia bush......I know it's strange, but it gave me chills. To see a yellow butterfly on a bush covered in yellow flowers while I stood there and talked to
Rick's mom......it just seemed surreal.

I know, I can get out "there" sometimes, but it just seemed like a sign.....that she was telling me, she was ok, that she was happy........in all that yellow. We all have our ways, of making it through grief, and honestly, I have always looked for signs. Many may scoff, but life is strange, and often there are no answers for the grieving process.....we do the best we can. But for me,
that yellow butterfly, on the twenty-second day of February, flitting on the forsythia bush
was Elwanda's way of saying goodbye to me, of letting me know all was well. I had been really upset because she died before I could get to the nursing home to be with Rick and the rest of the family to say goodbye......I haven't seen that butterfly again.

Long Lost Friend

2012-02-22T22:04:00.000-06:00

The strangest thing happened this week, Rick received an e-mail from a woman who had recently moved to the Jasper area from Texas. She told him about reading his column and then she mentioned my name, saying that she had gone to school with a Jilda in Chicago whose family was from Alabama,
could that be me? Well, it was me! So a long lost friend that I truly never thought I would see again
has come back into my life. There are some good things that come from Rick writing about me constantly! Ha,ha!!!

We are going to get together soon for lunch. I can't wait to see her,to hear about her life and the places she has been. Wow, who would have thought we would end up living in the same county in Alabama after all these years. Life can be so strange and wonderful.

Friendships.......they truly are magical. Through the years, I have made some incredible friendships
only to have life change directions and take those friends with it. I think about friends tonight, friends that I miss so much and would love to see......maybe, just maybe.....someday in the future,
some of them will show up again....I hope, I pray.

Spreading Your Wings

2012-02-21T21:09:00.000-06:00

Tonight I spoke with a young woman who brought back so many memories of myself years ago.
She is young, and talented and smart and full of life and longing to see the world and do it all.
I talked with her about my life, and I shared the fact that I had lived a rather unconventional life.

I know that there are some who thought/think I was/am a flake, others who thought I was irresponsible.......but I have lived an amazing life. I have experienced people and places and things that many just dream about. I know that I marched to my own drummer, and that makes some uncomfortable......it makes me happy.

I spread my wings, my parents and family and friends did not always understand and often did not agree with what I did.......but I made my choices, and accepted the responsibility of them. I searched for my own spiritual life, found my passions, and followed dreams. All my paths have brought me joy, and the one I follow now has brought me unbelievable peace and happiness.

I encouraged this young woman to follow her passion, but most of all to trust her heart, it would never steer her wrong. I think she is like so many her age, stressed, worried, trying to make everyone happy and proud, and giving up her authentic self.

Life is not about the car, or the house or the job.......life is short.....it is about service and joy and kindness and love. It is about using the talents you were given, following your dreams, listening to your heart. It is about spreading your wings, finding your way, and knowing in your heart you did the right thing. Life is short.....life is short.......life is short. (no matter if you live to be 100)

Sad Note

2012-02-20T21:38:00.000-06:00

Rick's mom passed peacefully today. For those of you who have ever lost a loved one, you know it is a difficult time, please keep Rick and his two sisters in your thoughts.
We are exhausted, and there is still much to do.....but the kindness of friends has been overwhelming.
On a good note, the dogs are thrilled that we are home tonight, but I bet they are kinda disappointed
they can't have their nightly party......now I have to buy new throws and pillows for the sofa.
Change is hard, loss is harder......but this too shall pass.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Passage

2012-02-20T01:28:00.000-06:00

Rick's mom is fading slowly, her passage to where ever is next seems like watching the sunset. There are changes that fade from one to the next, and for moments it seems time is suspended. This is that change we all are afraid of, that passing of those we love.......we pray that it is peaceful and painless...
we hope that we are strong and courageous, knowing when to let go and say our goodbyes.

This week has brought back so many memories of watching my own mother as she passed. It is exhausting, yet there is a part of you that doesn't want it to end, there is a part of you that prays for the end. You feel as though the skin has been peeled from your body, yet there is absurd numbness too. The emotions are hitting so fast and hard.....guilt, regret, love, anger, sadness and fear are just a few that course through your heart. This is the part of life that no one prepares you for, this is the part that you think and wish never comes.

I wish that our culture was better at this passing......that we celebrated the fact that the body is only temporary and that who we are goes on forever. Memories of those we love are forever programmed in our brains, passed through our DNA, and we weep for the loss of the familiar,the body.......but we rejoice for the passage of the spirit for what comes next.

The hard part......the waiting, the false hope, the rawness of the emotions, the profound sorrow and grief when that last breath does take place. Rick has looked at me several times this week and said that he was struggling to stay in the now. This is the now that no one wants to be in, yet every last one of us will be there at some point in our life. It all comes down to one breath at a time.....when the now becomes the past and the future.....and we say goodbye.

Family

2012-02-19T01:35:00.000-06:00

Family.....that word means different things to different folks. For some, family is only blood.....for others, it is a love that transcends blood lines and becomes almost a spiritual meeting of minds and souls. I have thought a lot about that word family the past few weeks. I believe family is much more than blood kin. I have friends who treat me like family. They want me in their life, no matter what.

My dogs are family. They sense my illness, sadness, or happiness.....and they love me no matter what.

Family is way more than marriage or blood. Family, is that sense of belonging, of being cared for,
of trust. Co-workers can be family, think of how much time you spend on the job......if there is that sense of family......going to work every day is not so bad.

You can spend your whole life in a family and never feel like you belong. You can meet a stranger and in five minutes feel as though they are family. I think that sense of family is quite tribal. It really is all about belonging, of feeling needed, of fitting in.
Family is not who's related to who......I think it's all about how we relate to each other.

Life Goes On

2012-02-17T22:53:00.001-06:00

I had an interesting morning, I was interviewed as a guest on a health show that will be airing all over the world on the RFD network. It was only five minutes, boy they whizzed by fast, but it was loads of fun. They chose me because of my yoga background. The show that I will be on, dealt with stress.
When I know the when, where, I will let you all know.

We have not been home much this week, between work and spending as much time as we can with Rick's mom, the dogs are starting to show their displeasure of being left alone. Last night I came home, all the pillows on the sofas were strewn about , and the cozy throws were on the floor. It actually looked as though the dogs had had a really fun party while we were out. The wastebaskets in both bathrooms were ransacked, these dogs had a large time!

They must have felt really guilty about it, because tonight nothing was out of place. They are all snoring and looking quite angelic, but I am sure they have plans. The past two weeks have been so strange. It seems every where I go, or each time the phone rings, some one has died. I can recall this happening a couple of other times in my life......one of those was when my dad passed.
I call these times, death on a binge. It seems as though, death gets on a terror, and decides to sweep the community touching each family with its chill. Grief seems to be everywhere tonight.

I remind my self, to everything there is a season.....a time to be born, a time to die. We all face it, or fight it.....but in the end, it is always the victor. Birth and death, joy and sadness, part of that circle, we call life.....and life goes on.
Good night, Sweet dreams

One Journey

2012-02-16T22:45:00.000-06:00

"There is only one journey. Going inside yourself. " - Rainer Maria Rilke Almost daily in my classes I talk about going inward, that the answers we seek are inside us. As life tosses her best shots at us, we tend to search for answers everywhere! We ask our friends, we ask family, we ask those that we admire, we ask God.......and we wait. For most of us, we don't wait very long, and we move on thinking many times that there are no answers. And sadly, if we think there are no answers, or we began to feel too much, we reach for alcohol or drugs or another human, anything to numb and stop the questions.

One journey, going inside......wisdom and intuition are our gifts, our compass if you will to guide us on our journey through this life......but we don't think we're smart enough or know enough or good enough to have what we seek. We make this journey difficult don't we? But it is a learning process, some of us get it quickly, most of us finally get it, and sadly some never do.

One journey, going inside.......it is usually way scarier to go inward than outward. Going outward, there are all kinds of things we can grab hold of, people we can blame, circumstances we can whine about, lots of distractions. Going inside.......then it is just us, that face we see in the mirror every day,the voice in the head that taunts, inside it is only you, for better or worse. Going inside, then we have to let go of self-judgement, expectations, and all those masks we wear daily.

One journey, going inside.......we find stillness, we find peace and we find the answers we seek.

Changes and Goodbyes

2012-02-15T21:45:00.000-06:00

Change of all sorts has been in the air for several days.......change both good and bad. It is a time of loss and introspection, a time to examine and determine what is wanted in life, what is important.
It is one of those times when being left behind is poignant and painful....and the future is so uncertain.

There is a line of thunder storms coming from the west, the dogs are circling around me. They are extra protective tonight, because Rick is staying with his mom. Blackie Bear is my big dark shadow,
he follows me tonight even to get a drink of water.....I am honored by his love and loyalty. I can hear the rumbles of thunder, Astro has already found his place in the closet. Not severe weather, just old fashioned thunder storms that should usually not visit us until spring.

I am cleaning house, new meds.......new energy......and yes it is artificial, fueled by the high power
expensive antibiotics that are cursing through my body. Wow, I am not even tired. Rick might not recognize the place when he comes home tomorrow!

Change.....tonight, it is difficult to think about, the changes to come.....hard to stay in the moment.....when the future seems to overshadow everything. I am breathing while I clean. I think about one of the classes I taught today. The whole class hour was yoga nidra, deep relaxation........it was so needed. There seemed to be so much tension and depression today, but there were smiles and hugs when class was over. There were goodbyes today.....change, I see their faces, I think of them sometimes in the middle of the night......I pray.....for their protection, for their peace, for joy in their lives.

Goodbyes and change......so difficult, so much a part of life. But it is part of the experience, part of the learning, goodbyes make me cry, and change is not always good. This too shall pass.

Practice Hope

2012-02-14T21:32:00.000-06:00

"Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit."- Norman Vincent Peale

Practice hope......such a simple phrase....but there is truth in those two words. I use to really not like the word practice......well I used it a lot in yoga, "yoga practice", but when it came to other areas of my life the word practice made me freak. I began to understand why a few weeks ago,and why now I love that word practice so much. As much as I have always loved performing, I hated practice.
I would do anything, besides practice.....when it came time to practice for a gig....oh wait a minute, I have so many things to do, or I am tired, or too late, etc.

Now, in my mind, I knew that practice makes you awesome, you gotta do the reps, but it just hung over me like a cloud.....until I substituted the word TRY for practice. Like, try music, for some reason I thought that every time I practiced, I had to do it perfect.....foolish me, I had forgotten the meaning of practice......pursue as a profession, repeat performance, the action of doing something, trying to do something.....that's why it's practice, it is not perfect, not until you get the reps in.

So practice hope.....try hope, pursue hope, repeat hope......it will become an incredible path to happiness. I hear such lack of hope, see lack of hope all around me.....I see it in friends, family
and strangers. Just like music, art or anything else we want to get good at, we have to practice hope......even when it seems hopeless. I teach in yoga class, that you don't have to do yoga for an hour every day or even thirty minutes.....take five minutes to breathe , do a couple of poses and sit still. It will change your life. Take five minutes a day to practice hope, believe in the good, expect the best, choose happiness. It will change your life.

In the morning, take five minutes, practice hope.

Hungry

2012-02-13T21:15:00.000-06:00

Jordan is doing great, the tests show that the problem can be treated with meds, no surgery!
Thanks for your good thoughts and prayers.

It has been a long day, cold rain and sleet falling tonight. The dogs are all snoring.
I just got home, and have had no food since lunch, I am rather hungry. Jordan had not had food since Friday, he has eaten all evening......he might explode. Now, he wants a steak and mac and cheese!
I think this blogger is about to call it quits tonight and go see what is in the fridge. My hunger pains are increasing too!
Good night, Sweet dreams

Kindness

2012-02-12T19:25:00.000-06:00

"Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return." - Emanuel Swedenborg

Though we have never met face to face, the kindness that you all show me daily as you read my blog and leave your comments leaves me breathless. Rick and I were talking this evening, wishing that we could meet you all.

I wanted to share with you that an actual diagnosis was made by the hematologist a few weeks ago,
hypogammaglobulinemia.....say that three times! Ha,ha! Some of you are in the medical field, you know what it means, for the rest of you....basically I have few antibodies, my immune system is shoddy. That is why I have been catching every bug that looked at me for the past year. There is treatment, just waiting for the immune doc and the hematologist to decide what. So that is why, over and over and over, I have had upper and lower respiratory infections, and stomach bugs and anything else that chose to have its way with me.

It could be so much worse, so as always it is time for me to put my big girl panties on and just suck it up. Last night I felt so bad, I chose to have a major pity party and not invite anyone!
But Blackie Bear crashed it and refused to allow me to wallow. As always, he has not left my side,
and has insisted on his fair share of hugs and petting.

I will be fine, this too shall pass. I appreciate all your good thoughts and extreme kindness. But,I
do have a favor to ask tonight.....please say a prayer for Jordan(four year old great-nephew). He is in Children's Hospital, there is a colon issue and he will undergo tests tomorrow, and may be facing surgery. Since I have a new infection I can't go see him, but I talked with him today.
He told me they only let him have green popsicles.....I asked if they were good.....his reply"there is nothing good about this place." I assured him when he came home, his favorite popsicles
Otter Pops, would be waiting on him.

Once again, heartfelt thanks for your concern and kindness. I do not deserve all these blessings.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

It's Back

2012-02-11T20:08:00.000-06:00

Wow, I thought I was really rocking......almost two months without an infection.....HA!

It's Back. Not doing too well tonight.

Sweet dreams, good night

The World at Two A.M.

2012-02-10T19:46:00.000-06:00

For some reason I awoke at two am this morning thinking about the incredible world we all live in.
It really is a strange and wondrous place. This planet has exquisite beauty and unspeakable horrors.
There is endless love, and never-ending hate. There are places where the food is plenty, and where there is none. Where the water flows like liquid crystal, quenching thirst, and then the desert sands, dry as bone, with nary a drop of moisture.

It is a place where dreams can come true or be ravaged. A place where people live on top of each other, or where no one can live. This world gives us the opportunities to experience whatever our souls seek, good or bad. It is heaven and hell.....pain and pleasure..

Pretty interesting thoughts at two am, not sure why or how......but felt the need to share. Are we a science experiment gone bad, or perfection? I will be thinking about this for days!
Good night, Sweet dreams

My Transformation

2012-02-09T20:23:00.000-06:00

I met my good friend Kaye for lunch today. I needed some time with an old friend, and we have been friends our whole lives. There is something so comforting about friendship. Family is there because of blood, friends are there because they want to be. Our friendship has seen many ups and downs, and many highs and lows. Kaye has seen me at my best and at my worst.......and we're still friends!

My mom and Kay's grandmother were actually distant cousins.......Kaye and I do look alike. And she loves to tell anyone who asks, that I am the oldest. Ha,ha! Kaye and her late husband owned a house at the beach......it was paradise. My whole family at some time or other spent time with Kaye and Ron at the beach. Losing Ron, was like losing a brother.

But time moved on, and Kaye found Jamie.....and they moved to Birmingham a couple years ago!

So now, my friend is only about an hour and half away instead of five......and life is good. These days we spend together are incredible.....we laugh alot, and sometimes we cry. Today not only did we have lunch, but then we got out hair cut! We both use the same hair stylist. It was truly a girly day. And we have decided that next month, we will treat ourselves to a facial.

For me, today was transformation. Since Christmas, I have spent a lot of time seeing doctors and getting tests, I needed fluff, I needed to look better......and tonight the magic of looking better makes me feel better. If you have a friend you haven't seen in awhile, give them a call.....send them a note......I can tell you there is magic in connections with friends.

Be Mindful

2012-02-08T19:53:00.002-06:00

My classes today were taught on mindfulness.....awareness of the breathe, the sensations of movement in the body, being in the present. It seems with each passing day, we are encouraged to multi-task.....do more, do it fast, do as much as possible at one time. And while we are all doing many things at once, we are lost in our pasts, or trapped in the fear of tomorrow......whatever happened to now?

We really are like hamsters in our cages, spinning our wheels fast as we can, and going nowhere.
Have we lost the ability to do one thing at a time? Can we do our best, and not necessarily our fastest? Do we remember what it is like to breathe, one breath at a time? To listen to our bodies, and recognize real and honest sensations, such as hunger, sadness, joy.

Mindfulness, yes we learn from our pasts, but we also drag them around like chains or maybe even giant teddy bears. And there is that big scary future.......we imagine all sorts of scary things and events that might happen there. So what happens to now, the present? The present has become sorta like Thanksgiving..... squeezed in between Halloween and Christmas, getting less important all the time.

Mindfulness, what is taking place right now.....your breath, what sounds do you hear, what do you smell, what do you feel? Just take a few minutes, look around.....what do you see? Take a breathe, see how it feels and sounds to breathe. What do you hear, what do you smell? Now, notice sensations in your body.....aches, pains, tightness, any joy, contentment, or peace, hunger, thirst?

Try to take just five minutes each day.....and be mindful. Start with your breath, how it feels, how it sounds, notice sounds, smells, taste, sights, don't think about what happened yesterday or last week, and don't worry about tomorrow.....five minutes in the now, in the present......be mindful.

Mr. Moon

2012-02-07T20:46:00.001-06:00

"I see the moon, and the moon sees me"........it was quite a spectacle on the way home this evening.....that big fat silvery moon. But as I sit here at the computer, he shines through the lace curtain hanging over the window. Sometimes the moon is all sweet and feminine, but this one tonight is manly.

There is maleness in this moon.....bold, confident, shinning through passing clouds as though they were nothing. I look through those heavy lace curtains, and see Mr. Moon, almost defiant in his
brilliance tonight . This is the moon that makes you want to go outside and howl.....and maybe prowl around.

He is rising almost out of sight now, but I peek up for one more view. He shines through the limbs of the sweet gum tree covered in wisteria vines.....almost sinister now, more cold than silvery or glowing.

It has been a long time since I have seen a moon like this one tonight. He has dominated the sky and the temperature has dropped, creating more chill to the shadows. I hope he struts his stuff your way, and maybe you too will get the urge......to howl.

Spring Too Soon

2012-02-06T22:13:00.000-06:00

Spring is everywhere here in Alabama....visited a new doc today, all over Birmingham flowers and shrubs and trees are blooming. As we walked this morning, I kept looking at the buds and the blooms, thinking......go back, don't do it, we will get one of those crazy blasts of cold air from way up north, and you will be so sorry! Right, like Mother Nature is going to listen to me!

For those of you who think and wish that you had our weather the past couple of months....don't go there. Here in small farm land, peaches, apples, pears, blueberries, etc. all need some cold.....oops, too late, blooms are here and I hear rumors about that brutal cold snap coming this weekend. Last year the tornadoes blew the fruit away, this year, the cold may kill the blossoms. We farm for our own food, and what we give to family and friends........really don't know how honest to god, farmers who farm for a living make it.

It has been a long day, I am very tired, and I apologize for the content and length of this blog tonight, but I have to find my bed soon.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Relax, Be Yourself

2012-02-05T21:19:00.000-06:00

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." - Chinese Proverb

Wow, this one hit home tonight, and hard. It really made me think about the times I allow myself to stress out....it is all about what, how , or who and my thoughts on the control of all of the above.
And then I think about the times, I allow life to happen with no struggles, no "fixing" , just being.

Sometimes before we perform I start to get a little antsy ( it really is that thinking about who/how I should be on stage) but when I breathe and think about just having fun.......the real Jilda appears.
One of my best friends played with John Denver for several years......he told me that John always reminded the band to have fun.....now I do that too. I remind myself, that music is fun, to have fun performing and when it is no longer fun, it's time to go home.

Actually, I remind myself about John's advice to my friend quite often.......I figure if I am not having fun teaching yoga, then I need to go home. At this stage in my life, I figure most things should be fun, and if not......then I need to rethink why I am doing them.

Tension, just for a few moments think about the times you get tense......then think about how wonderful it is when you feel relaxed. Of course, now I am thinking this brings it all back to the Dr. Dyer quote, "you get what you think about, whether you want it or not"

So, letting go of tension, relaxing and being ourselves......isn't that what our moms told us years ago.......just be yourself! I find myself saying that phrase pretty often too......just be yourself.
Relax.......be yourself.......I think it deserves one more acknowledgement......Relax.....be yourself.

Rain and Rest

2012-02-04T20:40:00.000-06:00

A day of rain and rest.....it has been an eventful week, with all my classes, rehearsals for the gig, the gig itself. I have spent the day (in between laundry loads) on the sofa, reading. Rains came in this afternoon, soft gentle showers at first and then raging downpours. My energy level has dropped a
good bit today, wee bit of infection dancing around my body, so the sofa was a good thing.

Years ago, I would have considered this a wasted day, but not anymore. A nice long walk, hanging out with the dogs, reading, staying in my pj's most of the day.....it was a gift. The rain just sealed the deal.....that and Blackie Bear's extremely loud snoring. I have heard from a couple of old friends today, another gift.

I am grateful for this day of rain and rest......and greetings from friends. I have also had folks tell me how much they enjoyed our show Thursday night, and that is a good thing too. The photo is from our gig Thursday night, taken by our friend Diana. Thought you all would enjoy seeing us on stage.

I hope you all have had the opportunity to rest, enjoy your day, your families and your friends.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Heart Work

2012-02-03T20:40:00.000-06:00

"If you want a deep, intimate relationship with another, first become aware of who you are." - William Haugh

I taught a yoga class today on the heart chakra, the energy center for compassion. As I talked about the heart (physical and emotional) and how important its energy is for yoga, I also talked about love.
As we did breath work, and asanas I talked about how for some it is easy to love others and difficult to love your self.....and some find it easy to think they love themselves more than others. I mentioned how if you want balance in your life, in your relationships, you love yourself then you can love others.

Rehab is a hard place to love yourself......for one thing, it's all that digging, that truly finding out who you are. And then you begin to realize that your actions, your life, really has affected others. You don't have to be in rehab to become aware of who you are. First, you have to be willing to be honest, and to look deep.....at your past, your wants, your needs, your pain, and your triumphs. You think about what makes you happy, your likes and your dislikes, your dreams and your goals. After a while, you realize that you are a valuable, caring human, worthy of being loved. I don't even remember where I read this or who said it, but years ago I read something about the definition of love, that it is how good the other person makes you feel about yourself.

Life comes and goes so quickly, it easy to become unaware of who we are. But to live it to its fullest, we have to take the time to know ourselves, to love ourselves.
Heart work, it is more than cardio, more than saying I love you, it is knowing and caring about
yourself, and then finding the compassion and love for others.

A Musical Buffet

2012-02-02T23:46:00.001-06:00

Late night, just got home from our gig at the Danielday Dream Mecca Gallery. We did a songwriter's in the round, with our friends, Skip Cochran and Jonathan Mayhall. It was a good night, friends,
music.....what more can we ask for?

I wish you all could have been there, quite an eclectic show tonight.....Rick and I are Americana,
Skip is country, and Jonathan is rather bluesy rockabilly. It was a musical buffet! The Gallery is such a unique place......art gallery, studio and sound stage.....all the senses get a treat!

I will be eternally grateful for the gift of music. It has opened more doors, brought more new friends, and taken us to such incredible places.......I am awestruck by this gift and its benefits. Most importantly, is the joy that it gives to me, there are many who are better and more talented than me, but I can't imagine anyone having more fun singing and playing.

I am tired, but happy.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Energy

2012-02-01T20:40:00.000-06:00

Energy, it is something that seems to have left my body these days......I go on push, and not flow.
I know, it is not good, but for now, that is the way it has to be. I think many of us push, if we didn't, well not much would get done......and then I think, would that be a bad thing?

I have always eaten healthy, but lately, it has all been super healthy.....it's that energy thing.
My yoga classes this week have been centered on the chakras, seven energy points of the spine.
There are certain asanas, or postures that help to keep the energy flow balanced.....and honestly,
as I have taught these classes this week, my energy has been better.

I am fascinated by energy, the fact that we are energy, everything around us is energy. How we use energy, and all its possibilities, continues to amaze me. Solar energy, wind energy......all this energy around us, and we still let ourselves be dependent on energy from oil.....quite a puzzle.

And then there is the energy of children.......after that birthday party this weekend, I am convinced that if we harnessed the energy of children, for ourselves and our energy needs,
we would never have to rely on oil again!

Energy, why does it seem that some have a never ending supply while others barely have enough to get going every morning? It is part of that good health deal, nothing more important in the world. Money, success, talent, none of it matters if you don't have good health.....it is the most precious gift. Good health = energy......what I am striving for these days.

Compassion

2012-01-31T20:04:00.002-06:00

"Compassion is not religious business, it is human business. It is not a luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability. It is essential for human survival." - Dalai Lama

A friend had posted this quote on her Facebook page today, it really struck a chord with me.
I have a lot of friends and family members who are religious, but do not seem to have much compassion. Sometimes I am amazed at the things that come out of their mouths, I sit there and think you can't possibly mean that, but they do. Driven by fear, they have lost their compassion.

I too, believe compassion is essential for human survival. If we become so afraid of the differences in each person, that we give up our compassion, I think maybe we are doomed. I have said it before,
I will say it again......we all want the same basic things, a home, food, to be safe, medical care,
our children to be educated, to be loved. As humans we are so very much alike, it's just our cultures and the manipulation of people in power that dehumanize and feed the fear.......and compassion is lost in the wind.

Monday Musings

2012-01-30T21:21:00.000-06:00

Our blueberry bushes are blooming, peach trees are budding, daffodils are blooming, it is spring on the
30th of January! Wow.....I keep waiting for winter, but the old man has forgotten to come south.
The nights are still chilly, but the days are around 70.....so not normal. All I can think about if it is this warm now, July and August will be unbearable......so those of you who live in cooler climates,
can I come visit this summer? Have guitar, will travel, can cook!

I taught three yoga classes today, they were all packed. My community class that I teach on Monday nights was jammed tonight......all ages, teenagers to folks in their seventies. It was fun, watching the interaction of the generations, and amazing how agile some of the newcomers were. I love teaching yoga, watching faces as they get the pose for the first time, watching the stress leave their bodies.
Seeing smiles as they all leave.

Thanks for the wise and caring comments that you all left last night. I appreciate each and every one! and so does Blackie Bear. I am rather tired tonight, so I think this might be it.
Wishing you all, good night, sweet dreams.

We Better Do It Now

2012-01-29T20:13:00.000-06:00

Well, I had almost a whole post written, and just trashed the whole thing......it's ok you deserve better. Even Blackie Bear, grunted in appreciation as I deleted it. Ha,ha!

My best friend called me tonight, she and her boyfriend are going to take a cruise through the Greek Islands for her birthday. As we talked, we both teared up a little, talking about how our lives had intertwined all these years, all the good and the bad that we had experienced. We talked about her husband's death, the loss of friends and family members and she said something really profound,
she said "you know whatever we want to do, we better do it now, it's not like we have our whole lives in front of us anymore". I told her that I had had those thoughts all week, that it had hit me so hard the past few weeks......that whatever I enjoy doing, whatever I want to do, where ever
I want to go, whoever I want to spend time.......I best be doing it now.

"It's not like we have our whole lives in front of us anymore"......that's the kicker, throw in a scary little visit to a hematologist/oncologist and boy howdy, there is a big bitch slap across the face. When I started this blog, I thought that it would probably really focus on the yoga part of my life....thus.....Transformation Information.....but life has a sense of humor and lots of curves and this blog took on a life of its own. If there has been any transformation in any one's life,
it has been in mine. The information.....I think has been more about what has changed me and what I searched for. I wanted to write a blog that would honestly help people with their lives,
but the blog has become a road map and guide for me.

So, thank goodness for Blackie Bear's editorial skills, and his honest grunts of disgust when I am tapping the keys and trying too hard. He too, no longer has his whole life in front of him and he has no time for key tapping.
Time for guitar practice and vocals, we have a wonderful gig this week!
Good night, Sweet dreams.

A Day of Kids

2012-01-28T20:34:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I mourned the twenty-first anniversary of father's death.....today, we celebrated Jordan's fourth birthday, and our great niece Breeze's seventh. They had their birthday party together, at a place called Froggy's. I kept thinking what is a Froggy? Well, it turns out, it is party central for kids!
They have these rooms filled with HUGE blow up slides, and mazes and jump-jumps, after two hours of 20 kids, ages 3 to 9 yelling, running and jumping, then we had cake and ice cream and they opened gifts. I was just about in a sugar coma, and borderline exhaustion by the time we got home.

I kept thinking, surely these kids are in bed now, but nope, I called Jordan's grand-dad and Jordan was still going strong! How can that be? Scientists should study and pursue obtaining the energy from small children and giving it to adults. Actually Jordan's birthday is tomorrow, he gets his gift from Aunt Rick and I in the morning.......a shiny red Radio Flyer Wagon. I can't wait to see his eyes light up, when we take it to him. That is correct by the way, he still calls Rick, Aunt Rick. Breeze got really cool black suede boots, and art supplies, she is quite the bohemian. I see alot of me in her, though she looks very different, our personalities are similar.

My favorite tv shows are about to start, PBS shows all the old British sitcoms on Saturday nights,
I am hooked.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Difficult Anniversary

2012-01-27T21:23:00.000-06:00

Twenty-one years ago today, my dad died.....he got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and suffered a massive heart attack. Some years this anniversary is not so bad, but this morning was tough. I woke up thinking about him, wishing with all my heart that I could speak with him, hug him, just see him one more time.

He would have adored Jordan, he would love knowing that the barn has been refurbished, and that we are working on the old farm house. He would laugh to know that we have chickens, and he would love every one of our five dogs. I think he would be so proud of me and the work that I do with soldiers.
He would want to go fly fishing with Rick ( and catch more than him). He would be thrilled that I finally got off my rear and really do play guitar. He loved the songs that we had written before he passed, he would love the new ones too.

I think it would truly sadden him, this division of our country. He was a decorated war hero, but when he came home, he was a true soldier for peace and loving your fellow man. He was blue collar, working class and smart as any college grad. In a town of less than 2000, more than a 1000 came to his funeral......to this day, there are still people who tell me how my dad helped them at some point in their lives.

He was a coal miner, and a plumber......both hard dirty jobs......but he took pride in his work.
I have his blue eyes, and I think his heart. Being kind was his religion....and joy and laughter
was part of his daily bread. I have cried many tears today, the grief has shook me hard and the sadness just won't leave. This has been a difficult anniversary.

Bumps and First Days

2012-01-26T20:23:00.000-06:00

It's just a bump in the road......it may be a tiny bump or a mountain, but I have found myself saying that pretty often these days. I am trying to live each day like it is my first, not my last. I am trying to look at the things that matter most to me, how I truly want to spend my time, my life.
All my life, I have spent a great deal of my energy doing things for others and honestly quite often not things that I really enjoyed. I never knew how to say no. But that call, sending me to see a hematologist/oncologist was a major slap across the face. For days, before that appointment all I could think about was the time that I had given so freely to others through the years, while I put my wants and desires on the back burner. The words, "treatable, not cancer" was my "another chance".

Now, when things come up, when people are asking for my time, when there is conflict, I try to think about what kind of bump in the road is this? Is it one that is tiny, that it is truly no big deal one way or the other, or is it a mountain, will it be a major bump, that I will give in to, only later to be filled with caustic resentment? Reading "Murphy's Law Repealed"is encouraging, the author keeps reminding the reader, to stay peaceful, to send love, that" everything will turn out right, when you let it."

Jordan spent the day with me, and it has been wonderful. He splashed through mud puddles, taught me all about his Leap/Pad, and gave me dozens of hugs. He teaches you the important stuff......and today has been a learning day for me. He called me last night to let me know how excited he was about spending the day with us......and he didn't want to go home this evening.
We had way too much fun today. There were no bumps in the road with Jordan!

"Murphy's Law Repealed" uses the phrase "live like it is your first day, not your last" often. Charlie says that if you live like it is your last day, then life is frantic and chaotic. But if you live like it is your first, you'll live like Jordan.....eyes wide open, filled with wonder and simple joy, amazed at all that is around you. Whether there are big or tiny bumps in the road, I want to live each day like it is my first.....and maybe a little child-like .....cookies and milk for breakfast are ok, splashing through mud puddles is a necessity.

Charlie's Law

2012-01-25T20:47:00.000-06:00

I am reading a new book, Murphy's Law Repealed! by Charles H. Ware, Ph.D.
(everything turns out right.....when you let it) This is my kind of book, I always thought Murphy's Law sucked......how dare anyone think that "anything that can go wrong, will". That was such a defeatist attitude. We are usually our own worst enemy, we really do get in the way of our success , and then we beat ourselves up about it.

Here are the chapters: 1. Murphy's Law Repealed!
2. If You Need Something, It Will Come to You
3. When Faced with a Difficult Task, Start
4. Just When You Think You've Run Out of Time, You're Done
5. If at First You Don't Succeed, Relax and You Will
6. You Are the Person You'd Like to Become
7. Everything You Do That Comes From Love, Works
8. When Life Seems Overwhelming, Do Less
9. If You Reach the End of Your Rope, Let Go and Fly
10. When You Choose Peace, You Get Peace
11. Live Each Day as If It Were Your First
12. When You Let Go, You Feel Joy

Just looking at those chapter titles, doesn't it make sense? I have said it so many times before,
we all complicate the simplest things sometimes. I think our biggest issue is we don't always get what we want, but I'd bet most of us usually get what we need.......things like, food, shelter, clothing, love, friendships, spiritual growth. We may have to pursue them, work hard for them, and wait for them to come, but we do that for our wants also.

I don't share my book readings that often ( I read constantly, sometimes 2 or 3 books at a time)
but when I find one that really speaks to me, I feel compelled to share. I'll keep you updated, should be finished with this one in a couple of days.

Memories

2012-01-24T19:45:00.001-06:00

I can't help myself, red tulips and white daisies in January........this makes me smile! Thanks to my iPhone for its awesome camera!

My godson is in New York City this week, on radio business......yes, he is a big time radio hot shot, but me and his mom and dad are the only ones who can brag about it. He posted a funny post tonight on FB about a taxi ride he took today His post reminded me of a wild and wacky taxi trip Rick and I had in New York City several years ago.

We had flown up for one of my closest friend's wedding. Rick was a groomsman, I was a bridesmaid. It was quite a wedding, the bride and groom were in showbusiness, so were most of their friends. The wedding was much like being in a broadway show. Needless to say, there are many fun and great memories of that week in NYC. The wedding was on Saturday night, we never went to bed.....but, we had an early flight on Sunday morning, so Rick and I, along with some of my friend's family members grabbed a taxi in an extremely hung over state. We sobered up quickly......it seems our driver( middle eastern, broken English) had learned the rules of taxi-world fast. Our first mistake, telling him we needed to make the airport fast.......no, our first mistake was getting into his taxi. So, we are flying down the streets of Manhattan at six am on Sunday morning, suddenly......he hits another taxi....nothing major, a fender bump......but he floors it. The chase is on.....the other taxi driver can barely speak English and now they are yelling foreign obscenities and playing bumper car with their taxies......
We are now sober, all four of us looking at each other, thinking.....we will never see Alabama again. Light at the end of the tunnel.....we are at the airport, never have you seen four people jump out of a taxi so damn fast. Praise be to God, Allah, Buddha and anyone else we can think of......we ran to our plane!

Wow, had not thought of that story in years, thanks Donovan for stirring old memories!
I miss NYC, would love to make a visit there soon, see our friends and make some more memories.

We Made It

2012-01-23T21:27:00.000-06:00

First up, we made it through the storms, the bad stuff was in the county next to us. Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers. Looks as though it is going to be a long season.

April 27, 2011 made us gunshy.....When the weather is unsettled, I don't sleep, the dogs don't either.
I think they feed off the changes in the atmosphere and my feelings as well. It was a long night last night. Sadly, the forecast is more to come Thursday.

I taught three yoga classes today. It was just what I needed, lots of breath work, and flow......released alot of stress. I have also been painting again, really just some personal cards, but the itch is there to do something bigger.....we'll see what happens. Actually, my creative energy must be sky rocketing....
my guitar playing has taken a leap forward, the itch to paint is big time, I just want to do stuff!!!!

Honestly, I think because I feel better physically than I have in quite some time, the energy is there to create. Now, if I could just spend some time out west.......
Well, because I didn't sleep last night, am very tired tonight. Blackie Bear is ready for bed too.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Ramblings

2012-01-22T20:22:00.000-06:00

January 22, 7:56 pm and it is in the sixties......they say we are in for a rough ride tonight. I know for all of you who live where it is cold and snow and grey, you would love to be here......no, no, no....not tonight. When we have have 60 and 70 degree weather in January and February, it is NEVER good.
We are in the tornado zone tonight, the forecast is for those babies that stay on the ground for miles.
I would love to be where it is snowy and cold and grey tonight. This too shall pass, but if you live in Tenn., Ms. or Alabama as the weather guys say, know your plan. Stay safe, my friends.

On a happier note, a few years a go, I got into the 10,000 steps a day walking program. It was great,
I could eat anything I wanted, had loads of energy.....and then for some reason I just drifted away.
I continued to walk, daily, but I timed my walks and I could see my body changing. So last week,
I found my pedometer and started the program again. Right now, I am shooting for the 10,000 steps at least four days a week, hoping to build back up to seven days soon. I love the yoga, and all that it does for my body, but I also love to eat and I am not burning nearly enough calories......so 10,000 steps it is. Oh yes, and update on the earthing that I talked about last spring and summer, still do that too, though we have had so much rain the past few weeks, ........
I am a wimp, mud squishing between my toes just does not get it.

It has been so warm, the daffodils are budding, the forsythia is blooming and there are buds setting on the peach trees. Camellias are in full bloom too, there are pink ones nearby that look like rose trees. I drove by my mom's old house, her red camellias are blooming......she loved them. Often when they were in full bloom, people would stop by and ask to take pictures of them.....and she would always give them a bouquet. I am so happy that the couple who bought her house have taken care of her flowers.

Today was my kid brother's birthday. He lives next door( he is Jordan's grandfather). I called him early this morning and sang happy birthday to him, later this week is Jordan's fourth birthday.
He is now telling people that he will be twelve. What do you buy a four year old, who thinks he is twelve? HaHa!

So tonight, it has been a ramble, but sometimes it feels good to ramble. Wishing you all a good week, may the traffic gods smile on you, no waiting in line, and no bills in the mail!
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Second Chances

2012-01-21T19:21:00.001-06:00

Second chances.....teaching at rehab center, I hear that phrase alot. But second chances don't always happen the way you want them too. Many think when they come into the center for treatment that that is their second chance ( or for some third, fourth, etc.) or maybe their last chance.
Some lose their families, their health, and sometimes their careers. Sobriety can be sobering in more ways than one. For the ones whose lives fall apart, who lose what they value most.....I often ask,
"what are you going to do when you grow up?" what are you going to do now that life has seen fit to let you start all over again?

It is not just those in rehab that face starting over, a second chance......starting over can come through illness, divorce, death of a loved one, loss of job, marriage, birth of a child. All of those major events are second chances. If you messed up a relationship the first time, the second time gives you the opportunity to make a better choice, work harder at the relationship, and understand the art of compromise.

Chronic illness can help you to understand just how precious health is, how precarious life can be.... so you make better use of your time and energy. Loss of a job or career gives the benefit of truly thinking about how you want to earn your living, that maybe it is time to simplify, or even relocate to that place you always wanted to live.

Not everyone gets a second chance, though most do and many ignore the gift. If you notice I have changed my quote by my photo.....it is a line from a song that I co- wrote. "life is made of many choices, every choice demands a price.....deep inside you know the answer, your heart don't give bad advice." Sometimes, even with a second chance, we are just not willing to pay the price.
Second chances, take courage, can be life's greatest challenge......but can be worth whatever the cost.

Unsettled Atmosphere

2012-01-20T23:18:00.000-06:00

We met old friends for dinner tonight in Birmingham.....always good to reconnect! We stayed so long, the folks at the restaurant were ready to ask us to leave. Ha,Ha! Coming home, such an odd feeling in the air....we stopped to get gas and I just glanced at the weather app on my phone.....we're under a tornado watch. No wonder, the atmosphere felt so heavy! Lots of unsettled air streaming up from the Gulf of Mexico.....it may be a bumpy ride tonight.

The dogs are glad we're home, Astro (the weather forecaster) is already in his spot in the closet. Bear is just ready to go to bed....he does not like these late nights! He needs his beauty sleep and so do I.
Actually, I am ready for bed too.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

Techno Crow

2012-01-19T20:52:00.001-06:00

My favorite thing about my new i-Phone......the camera and the Photo Shop app. I am trying to come up with a new picture of me for this blog.....I think this one might do the trick. I also Photo Shopped this same photo in multi -colors but it reminded me of a clown's wig.
Not a good thing.

If you had told me ten years ago that I would have a cell phone that took great pictures I would have laughed and thought, yeah, right. Wow, who would have guessed technology would have come to this!

I laugh at my technological skills, my husband Rick moans when he is trying to explain something to me.....but for someone who is so not technical.......I also have an i-Pad.....Rick is trying desperately to bring me into this century. I admit I am torn......I still love to write notes, send cards and phone my friends and family.......but all this techno stuff is pretty cool too.

Writing this blog has probably done more to bring me into this century than anything. Sitting here each night typing these words, knowing that people from all over the world will read this.......that is the good techno stuff. I know you don't have to tell me the downside to it all......I am one of those who still mutters about kids who play "games" and never go outside in the sunshine and fresh air.

But tonight, I am taking pictures with my cell phone, writing to people all over the world who receive my words in a flash, and hearing from friends all over the world......ok, I admit it.........it is a good thing.
I have eaten technological crow.....not so tasty.

Forgiveness

2012-01-18T21:16:00.000-06:00

There was a time when I thought that forgiveness meant, I would have to forget or become involved with those who had hurt me in my past......I knew that forgiveness is essential. I knew that without forgiveness that resentment would harden the heart, and that all I once was, would become just a shell.

I began to really study forgiveness, and the yoga practice of opening or softening the heart... releasing blocked emotions, letting go of grief and sadness and anger. Gratitude was part of that practice of opening the heart and forgiving. Service became another way of forgiving, of opening my eyes to the troubles of those around me. Giving without expectations.......a wonderful way to open the heart and learn
about forgiveness.

Realizing that I had spent a great deal of my life in fear, I began to practice living without fear.....and with that practice, accepting the past and getting on with my life became reality. I know that sometimes the hurt is so bad, it just seems impossible to forgive those who have hurt you........but holding on to that does nothing to change what happened or to change or hurt those who hurt you.......it is just a slow breakdown of your life, your joy, your happiness.

Some think that once the person dies who hurt you, then it will all be ok.......how so not true. Without your forgiveness, their death doesn't change how you feel, or the prison that you have built for yourself with the blocks of resentment and anger. Forgiveness means freedom......freedom to live your life, to experience love, and contentment, freedom to move forward. Forgiveness opens your heart to the possibilities of life and all that it holds for you. Forgive, and move on......forgive, and let go.

A Winter's Day

2012-01-17T20:11:00.000-06:00

Monsoonal rains swept across the state last night and today......cold rains driven by a front pushing through, with thunder and lightening and howling winds. Last winter we had record snows, this winter almost balmy days interrupted by bouts of rain and cold. Interesting stuff, weather.

The dogs are restless when it rains, we take down them out ( we have great LLBean rain gear) but the thunder and lightening spook them.....I hear Bear, his claws clicking and clacking on the wood floors, he is ready for me to write.....he's not very happy, Calliou has to decided to visit his sacred office space. I think Bear thinks that collie is way too uppity, and he wishes he were younger......he'd teach Calliou a thing or two.

Even the birds knew the weather was going to be miserable today......they chowed down on the suet this morning.....the cardinals and woodpecker have a dance that they do, each flying to the feeder for a bite of suet, then going back to a branch on the persimmon tree, waiting their turn.

I gathered the last of the turnips today, big fat purple globes with creamy bottoms......mashed with butter and salt and pepper for dinner....not bad.

A really good guitar practice tonight.....productive and fun. All in all, a nice ordinary day in the bleakness of winter. A cup of hot tea awaits me, a warm cozy bed.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Back on the Mat

2012-01-16T22:41:00.000-06:00

Taught my first classes today since last Monday, just before the "bug" tried to take me down.
A little shaky, and a little dizzy, but taught my regular three back to back. It was good to be back on the mat.

Big groups today and tonight.....it keeps you on your toes, watching, teaching.....it is also exhausting.
Blackie Bear is snoring loudly, he promised he would help me write tonight.......he wussed out.
Sadly, I am about to wuss out too.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Acres of Diamonds

2012-01-15T20:11:00.000-06:00

"Your diamonds are not in far distant mountains or in yonder seas; they are in your own backyard, if you but dig for them." - Russell H. Conwell
The Acres of Diamonds story is one of my all time favorites.....Russell Conwell supposedly told his story
sermon over six thousand times. Basically a man sold his farm to travel far to look for diamonds, he lost everything and was penniless when he took his own life. The farmer who bought his farm loved the land and tended the farm with love and compassion, he found an abandoned diamond mine on the property and became wealthy...........each of us has that mine of diamonds with in us.

Often I tell my students, the answers are within you......and they look at me with disbelief. Why is it so hard for us to imagine that that everything we seek is within us.....in our own back yard? Those diamonds that we seek......they are already in our reach, in our grasp. Sometimes it takes a little digging, some work,
some soul searching, some honesty and truth.......but they really are there. The joy that we search for in our jobs or relationships, the love that we look for in others, the self-worth that we seek by tearing others down........it is all within.

We find joy through our gratitude.........our gratitude of all things, big and small. Others love us, when we begin to love ourselves, not arrogant egotistical self-love......but the love of seeing ourselves as human, with our strength and our frailties. Self-worth, that is obtained by finding and pursuing our passion.......following a path of service to others.

I have to admit, that we as a society scoff at the idea of acres of diamonds in our own back yard. How many times, has someone local with talent and potential, not be recognized by their neighbors......you
know, it's just "old Joe" he's done that for years.....and then suddenly old Joe is discovered by someone across the country, who recognized Joe's Acres of Diamonds. Pretty interesting, isn't it?

So tonight, here is another of my thoughts for the new year.......look for diamonds in your own back yard and while you're back there, look at your neighbor's too. Let's start a trend in 2012, looking for the
diamonds......our own and our neighbors. I think we will all be amazed by what we find.

Questions and Answers

2012-01-14T20:36:00.000-06:00

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer" -Zora Neale Hurston

Fourteen days into 2012, what kind of year has it been so far? I hope that it will be one of enlightenment and growth, both spiritually and musically for me. This first fourteen days has been quite eventful, already there is loss, already there is great joy for those in my life. I already have questions that need answers, I hope the answers come soon .

I think back to years when I was young and wacky, there were times I had no questions, so there were never answers.......but then life caught up with me, and the questions hit hard......and it was a few years before there were answers.......even now, I still wait for some of the answers, who knows if they will ever come.

Don't think that because the answers come, it makes the year better......sometimes it does, often no.
Looking back, some of the years that I had the most questions........turned out to be pretty damn good years(with hindsight) I learned a lot, have learned lessons already this year......this could be an interesting year.

The vision board is not done, I am taking my time, really thinking about what I want this year. What do I want to spend my life energy on? One thing I know, there is a great thirst in my spirit for some time in the desert......I see myself there this year. Already this year, the music has taken a great leap forward........I have vision for this year, just have to organize and execute. But every year should be that way, shouldn't it? Vision, then organization and execution.

Only time will tell if this will be a year of answers or questions, or one of both. I have patience.
For you all, are there answers that you seek or questions that haunt you? Make sure you really want the answers and ask the hard questions.

Losing a Week

2012-01-13T20:29:00.001-06:00

It is very easy to lose time, I was reminded of that sharply this week. Tuesday, I picked up a "bug".....I don't remember much about Tuesday night or Wednesday or Wednesday night, Thursday was not much better......but this morning, I had a cup of hot tea and some toast and this evening I reclaim my body.
I am beginning to understand what it means for the immune system to not function fully......several others in my family caught the same bug, they were back on their feet in 24 hours.....I promise, I am not a wuss!
Ha,Ha! and Rick didn't have to put me down, though I bet he thought about it a couple of times.

Losing time, is scary......you realize there are times when there is no control......so today, I walked to the mailbox in the freezing cold.....it felt good to feel the cold north wind, to see sunshine, and blue skies.
Rick had to play a gig without me last night, that has only happened maybe one other time in our life together. But, thanks to our friends Skip (who became the "male Jilda" without makeup) and Jonathan and Diana, the show was a success! They may not let me play with them anymore!

Blackie Bear is happy tonight, we are back in our routine, sitting in the office, me at the computer, while
he guards me from the other dogs. He has been my big black shadow, always near, keeping his best eye on me.

I have lost almost a week.....I can't get it back.....and I am lucky, it could be so much worse.
I thank you all for your kindness, your love and healing energies.....I cried when I read your notes today. I am grateful.....in the scheme of things, a week isn't much.....and there are always lessons to be learned.

Jilda's Under the Weather

2012-01-11T18:48:00.000-06:00

This is Rick posting for Jilda. She is still under the weather. Stomach bug or bad food -- it's hard to say which.
She should be back in the saddle tomorrow.
She sends love and hugs to all.

Good night, sweet dreams.

Izzy

2012-01-09T22:22:00.000-06:00

Simple acts of kindness are never forgotten......a beautiful young woman that I work with brought me a gift today. It was handmade and made with so much love, it made me cry. I had mentioned my health issues and how I much I was dreading the shots and treatments, she had laughed and said you need a teddy bear! Well, she made me the most beautiful stuffed owl, with hope and health embroidered under her wings. She is pink and blue with big round eyes, I have named her Izzy. I can't begin to tell you how deeply I was touched by this act of kindness. When she gave it to me, I felt as though the universe hugged me.

Simple acts of kindness change our lives. We tend to think the big things are the ones that matter most.....but I promise you, those little simple things.....they are our life lines. A pot of soup, a call, a hug,
a note, a card, a hand made gift.......those brighten our days,and lift our spirits and continue to do so for a long time after.

My mother was a card sender, she always sent cards.......get well, sympathy, birthday, thinking of you, congratulations, ............she believed in the power of a card. Her pay-off, when she was sick and dying, for almost two years, cards came in, it was amazing when she passed, all the cards that had been sent to her those two years.

A few years a go, one of my very best friends had breast cancer. I called her one day and she was crying.......all her tops were pull-overs......she had nothing to wear. ( after surgery,she could not lift her arms) All I could think about after we hung up, was helping her feel better. I got on line, and had a cobalt blue velvet shirt sent to her. It was soft, the color of her eyes, and it buttoned down the front......it was not much in the scheme of things
(not when you are fighting for your life) but it was all I could do at the time. A year or so after her recovery, she sent me the most touching card, talking about how much she appreciated that shirt.

So tonight, Izzy sits watching me post......Blackie Bear is wary of her......but I have assured him,
there is no competition.......Izzy will be his companion too. The three of us will share many hugs and probably some tears. I have a little stuffed tiger, I have had him since I was two or three years old, he is worn and frayed, I have loved him my whole life. Izzy and Tiger are comforters,along with Blackie Bear, we can make it through anything.

The Power of Scent

2012-01-08T21:47:00.000-06:00

"For the sense of smell, almost more than any other, has the power to recall memories and it's a pity that we use it so little." - Rachel Carson

It's funny the smells that I remember......I remember how my grandmother Mamie's back door step smelled, an odd mix of red clay, old wood, coffee grounds, and lavender. Before our shaggy dog, Charlie passed away earlier this year, I swear he use to spend time with her( and she has been dead over thirty years). He would bark and want a hug, usually when I was really down, and he would smell just like walking out Mamie's back door.

I remember how my dad smelled the last time I ever hugged him.......Old Spice, Dial Soap, and Brill- cream hair tonic.

Most of us love and remember the smell of freshly fallen snow, rain on dry earth, and an ocean breeze.
Flowers evoke memories good and bad......carnations remind me of funerals, violets and gardenias of spring here in Alabama, and peonies and lilacs remind me of my mother.

My very first real perfume was Ambush.......I bought it with money my parents had given to me the Christmas I was thirteen. My girlfriend, Debbie and I had ridden the bus to Birmingham to go shopping for clothes, and I brought back this big bottle of Ambush. I still remember that sticky sweetness, but I wore it until my senior year, then I wore Chanel # 5..........I thought I was so cool.

In college, musk and patchouli oils became my scent and then someone gave me Shalimar, that is when I began to fully understand the power of scent. Scent creates memories that are as distinct as color, or sounds. To this day, I can remember the smell of stale beer, cigarettes and urine .......a memory from my childhood in Chicago.....walking down Wilson Avenue, in the winter on Sunday morning, passing the bars as the cleaning crews opened the doors and swept out Saturday night's remains.

Even as a young child, I must have realized how important scent was.....everytime the Avon Lady came to call on my mom, I begged for Daisies Won't Tell, right now if I close my eyes I can smell that scent,
remember that chubby little six year old begging for it.

I remember the smell of coal burning in our furnace, and of the mix of coal and damp dirt in our basement where the coal bin was. I remember the softness of mimosa blossoms that bloomed in our front yard, a light powdery scent.

When it's cold, I can close my eyes, and smell my mom's kitchen......the smell of coffee, bacon, and vegetable soup......and if I try really hard......the smell of her home made sauerkraut "working" in the crock.

I love driving to the beach, when you get that first sniff of salty air, before you ever see the ocean.
I love the smell of play dough, paste and crayons........my favorite smells from grade school.

Isn't it amazing when you start to think about smells, all the memories, good and bad that flood your brain? The sense of smell really is quite powerful!

Roads

2012-01-07T20:39:00.001-06:00

There is something about roads that I find fascinating. I love massive interchanges connecting major roads or interstates, I love country roads that meander forever. In Ireland I loved the tiny winding roads that were more like paved paths with the hedges growing along the edges. I love city streets, that disappear into hidden neighborhoods, even those streets that are dangerous and dirty hold a fascination
for me. I love Highway 1, that winds down the Northern California coast to LA, how it twists through the hills and water's edge......how you can smell dill and the redwoods.....how the drop-offs take your breath away.

Tonight on the way home, there were clouds full of lightening to the north, but eastward, the almost full moon was brilliantly beaming down, her rays like beacons guiding us home. As we drove the curvy hilly road through Sipsey, there were times that the pavement shimmered in the moonlight like polished hematite.......almost as if the road and the moonlight became as one, rising up to meet each other like old friends. The trip home ended way too soon.

I walk the dirt road to our barn every day......it is lined in trees. You can look down through the hollow, hear woodpeckers and wild turkey, in the evenings, an owl. The road though so familiar, can seem so distant sometimes, seemingly leading to someplace other than the barn or home. The dogs love to walk down that old dirt road, and Jordan loves to run it. There are dogwoods that fill the hollow with clouds of white and pink in the spring, hydrangeas line the edges of the road and deep wispy ferns.
This time of year, the road is covered in fallen leaves and acorns and hickory nuts, the trees bare. But there is great beauty in the earthen shades. This is my favorite road, it always takes me home.

Half Full

2012-01-06T20:57:00.000-06:00

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." - Helen Keller

My glass is always half full, I can't help it......I can't look at life any other way. I figure, we are here, in the midst of all that is amazing......people of all cultures, beliefs, terrain that goes from desert to mountains to oceans and wild life that is both savage and beautiful.

As I drive home from work on the same road every evening, I find myself quite often thinking of how different it all looks.......some days the drive seems so mundane and on others, it feels as though I have taken a brand new route. But there is always beauty, always some good along the way. This evening,

the stars were beginning to shine, and the moon rose above the foothills, very few cars, and good songs on the radio........it felt like an adventure.......just driving home.

Yes, there is sadness, and life can be frightening, but that is part of the experience..........we learn, we grow, we share. I may never make any important discoveries, or change the world in any way........but hopefully, there will be some who remember me fondly, who loved my songs and my art, who appreciated my optimism on a bad day.......who because of me, will look at their glass as half full.

Goodnight, sweet dreams

First Lesson of the New Year

2012-01-05T20:27:00.001-06:00

Have you ever done something, and as soon as you did.......you thought, uh oh, that was stupid.
Well, I did that tonight. Rick and I were watching a movie, and Buddy ( the weird corgi mix that was my mom's)
started chewing on something strange and hard. He was lying in the floor at my feet. Now Buddy is old,
and arthritic, and has had some problems with his teeth. So, I am thinking what ever he is chewing on,
needs to go.........yep, I reached down to take what turned out to be a Brazil nut from him, and he nailed
my thumb. I have a really nasty bite, man it hurt like the dickens! All Rick and I could think of, is
oh hell, we have a gig next week, thank god it's not the hand you chord the guitar with. Ha,Ha!

Buddy is now sitting by Rick's desk, looking very sheepish.......he knows he is on my list. Now, I have to figure out how to hold a pick with band-aids on my thumb. Buddy has always been a snapper, and I knew to always be extra careful when giving him his treats.......I can promise you, I will never try to take a Brazil nut away from him again, ugh!

You know, that is where as a human I screwed up, our dogs become such a part of our household, our family, that we forget.......no matter how cute they are, they are animals. Buddy gave me a painful
reminder of that tonight. Painful lesson learned tonight, first one of the new year.

Night Magic

2012-01-04T21:14:00.000-06:00

At 2:00am this morning the alarm clock buzzed......at first I thought.....I am going to kill Rick, why is the clock going off at 2:00am????? Then we both jumped out of bed, we remembered the meteor showers.

It was 22 degrees at 2:00 am in Empire, Al. We bundled up, wrapped ourselves in blankets and hit the back deck. Within a couple of minutes, we saw stars shooting across the sky, in all directions.

The night sky was beauty at its best! We only stayed out a little while, Rick was worried that I might get too cold......my friend Nancy braved the cold for the whole show. It was magic watching those fragments

cross the heavens, the cold seemed to intensify their brightness. The whole night sky seemed to be at its finest. I hope you all had a chance to make a wish last night.......it was worth getting up at 2:00am and worth braving the cold.

I am trying to savor more each and every day. I want to live, not just pass through. I have always prided myself in my awareness...but I am pushing now, every day to notice more, feel more, taste more.

I wish that I could convince all those whose lives revolve around how bad life is, to sit up and notice.

You see what you think about, you get what you think about (Wayne Dyer, paraphrased a bit) During my life, I have been with several people as they were dying.....none of them talked about politics, most didn't talk about religion, they talked about loving the people around them, how they wished they had more time.

It's hard to explain, but standing in the cold last night, watching those stars, making wishes, I had never felt so alive. In my neck of the universe, there was supreme contentment and gratitude......I hope you felt it too.

There Is Enough

2012-01-03T19:37:00.003-06:00

I think that one of the reasons I love yoga so much, it is non-competitive......just a personal journey that allows you the freedom to take your practice where you want. When I first went to college, I went into
fashion design. I had always sewn many of my own clothes, made clothes for friends, and constantly sketched designs........the cutthroat competition turned my stomach. People would destroy patterns, fabric, and badmouth anyone they thought might a little bit more talented than they.

As the years have gone by, I have grown to realize it is that way in anything you do. My thought process is if one person does well, that just opens the door for others.......I have found that not to be a true statement for some. What makes someone afraid of another person's success, why would you fear another person's creativity? Rick says it is young souls, who just haven't found their way in this lifetime.
A very good songwriting buddy Skip, sums it up pretty well too........why can't folks just enjoy making music and leave the ego out of it? Feel free to substitute any vocation for the word music......art, doctor, teacher, writer, etc. I suppose it is so very human.......this drive that some have to one up or outdo someone else. I just think it is rather like preschoolers on the playground doing their best
to show up their friends.

Our insecurities amaze me, after all, we are all human, nothing but flesh and bone......but those insecurities breed petty behavior and childish actions. My mother often said "if you can't say something nice about some one, keep your mouth shut"........I second that motion. And it is not easy to do that......if someone hurts you, humiliates you , always trying to outdo you......turning the other cheek and keeping the mouth shut become mountains to be climbed and conquered. Letting go becomes a test.........of giant proportions.......and more than ten deep breaths are needed.

What started me down this path tonight? Thoughts of an incredible gathering of some of the most talented people I have ever met........I wrote about it during the Christmas holidays......there were musicians, artists, writers, film makers........and there was complete joy......all were fascinated by each
other's talents and abilities, supportive, kind and giving, happy to be in the midst of each other.
I think of it tonight and wish for more of that feeling for me and everyone else, no matter what you do.
There is enough for us all, share the blessings, the wealth, the talent......there is enough.

Yoga and Wishes

2012-01-02T21:36:00.001-06:00

A whole week without teaching yoga.......I can't remember the last time that happened. But, I chose to practice what I teach and last week I truly needed the break. I missed my students. It was good to teach again today, three classes........good to be back. I am a little tired, I will be so glad to start my treatments
so that I feel better soon.

It is so cold here in Alabama today, so classes were flowing......I don't think anyone complained about overheating! Actually the night class I teach at the community center, mercy, we about froze......it was 56 degrees when we got there tonight, it might have warmed up to 70 by the time we left. This is the coldest day of the year so far, 40 degrees for a high, in the 20's tonight.......flannel sheets will feel nice tonight.

The dogs are all asleep, settled in on this cold winter's night......by the way, did you all know about the meteor shower that takes place Wednesday morning, 3:00 am EST, it is supposed to be a wonderful one! I can't wait, we have set reminders on our phones to set the clocks so we don't miss it.......I think this is truly the year to wish on stars. The name of the shower event, The Quadrantids, could be as many as 100 per hour.

I'll share a secret with you all, ever since I was maybe ten or twelve, I have made a wish on the first star
I see each night......I still do......in the evenings as I leave work, when I see that first star.....I make my wish. Aren't wishes wonderful? I never pass up a chance to make a wish, I am the eternal optimist, always hoping and wishing for the best. So when all those stars shoot across the heavens Wednesday morning, I will be making wishes.......as many as I can, as fast as I can. I am not selfish with my wishes, I'll make them for you all too.

Yoga and wishes, you never know where this blog will take you........but I think in some cosmic way
the two go together.......yoga joins the body and the mind......wishes take care of the spirit.
Good night, Sweet dreams.

1-1-2012

2012-01-01T20:47:00.000-06:00

Holey Moley!!!!! January first, 2012..........enough to boggle the mind. When I was a teenager I dreamed

of space travel, really cool modernistic clothing, and cars that needed no gasoline by the year 2000.

We have made leaps and bounds in some areas, and I think we have gone backwards in others.

Humans are after all human.......and we live our lives ruled by fear........I wonder, will there ever be a time when we are not afraid? Madison Avenue, Wall Street and politicians use that fear to shape our lives....

what would life be, if we stopped and no longer allowed them to scare us into thoughtless actions.

January, 2012........for this year, for myself........what do I want? #1. Good Health #2. More Gigs

#3. Creative Space #4. Travel

January 2012......for you all.......what do I want #1. Good Health #2. Joy #3. All That You Need, whatever that is

January 2012......I am excited, this is the year of the Dragon! and I am a Dragon !

January 2012......I am hopeful.....I am excited.....I am curious.....I am grateful

So, this first day of the first month of the year .........Blackie Bear is snoring loudly, he stayed up to see the New Year come in last night......he thinks as long as there are walks in the woods, plenty of fresh

water, a bowl of his favorite food, and a loving hug daily.......life is good.......I agree.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams

New Year Blessings

2011-12-31T19:04:00.000-06:00

Blessings for the New Year........I wish all things good for all of you......a life filled with miracles,
big and small. A year that brings more joy than tears......a year full of good health.
A year that encourages you to face your fears, and do that one thing you have wanted to do your whole life! Wishing you a year of wisdom, a year of trust, and a year of peace..........may you be loved as much as you love.......may you know kindness every day.......may your needs be met, and your wants filled....
and may you get as many hugs as you give.

Happy New Year!

Passionately Curious

2011-12-30T21:04:00.000-06:00

"I have no special talent, I am only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein
This quote is special to me, because frankly, I too am passionately curious.......I ask questions, I read,
I ask more questions. There are times I drive Rick crazy, he tells me I should have been a detective or researcher......my questions drive him up the wall.

I wanted to know all the answers even as a child......why, how, where, when? I was a teacher's nightmare.
I drove my mother up the wall, so she gave me books to read. My brothers and sisters did the same thing,
when I would deluge them with questions, they gave me books to read. Rarely am I ever surprised by an ending to a movie or book......that is a gift and a curse.

When I meet someone, I try not to bombard them with questions, but I am just always curious.....I truly do want to know about them, to understand them, to connect with them. Where did this natural curious nature come from? See, I am even curious about myself!!!!

For years, it appeared that I was the only person in my family with this quirk, but my nephew Haven
has morphed into a curious creature too, he even looks like me! So does this mean because we look alike, we think alike????? Ha! Also, my great nephew Jordan is exhibiting a great natural curiosity , he is almost four, so it will be interesting to see how his develops.

No, I am not nosy, I am not pushy, just interested, simply curious. Lots of things fascinate me, people
places......I find this world an amazing place, full of wonder and excitement, nothing in it is boring.
I think we should all become a little more curious, notice people and places, ask questions.......
become......passionately curious.

A Bigger Heart

2011-12-29T21:12:00.000-06:00

A week of rest, I truly thought that I would accomplish so very much this week.......it being my first week off in two years and all. Ha! Most of my time has been spent with the dogs, with Rick, napping
and cooking.........not wasted by any means, but truly not what I had planned.

Rick has done yoga almost every day........I have done none, though I have managed to walk these woods with our pack of dogs. It has been a week of soul searching and what ifs......there is still uncertainty,
but there is always hope. I will be so happy when my energy returns.......it has been so long, I might not recognize it!

The sunset this evening was winter at her best.......(I know I have the new phone and didn't take a photo)
but the blaze was along the horizon before I saw it. The bare trees looked stately against the blood orange
of the sky. Tonight the stars are twinkling in the chill of December's final nights, January and the new year are almost here. Today, everything looked fresh and new......in many ways it was.....I had been given a reprieve.

Thank you all for your kind words and shared joy last night, the energy of kindness can be felt great distances, and love has no boundaries. I wish my heart were bigger, so that it could hold more gratitude. Blessings to you and yours, for love, and joy, and good health......may we all share the abundance.

Most Are Not That Lucky

2011-12-28T21:39:00.000-06:00

I spent most of my day in the oncology department of a local hospital, meeting with an amazing doctor who gave me good news.....no cancer. I do have some issues to take care of, but they are treatable.

I am blessed and lucky. As I came back into the waiting room after the good news, there was a woman sitting there whose husband was undergoing chemo, as she heard my news she reminded me to count my blessings, that most who sat where I sat today were not that lucky.

I have counted my blessings all evening. Her words still ring in my head......most are not that lucky.

Blessings and Curses

2011-12-27T21:07:00.000-06:00

A blessing and a curse........we have had several friends whose parents have passed on in the past couple of months. Some were ill for a long time, some died quite suddenly and unexpectedly. A friend called tonight, whose aging parents are showing signs of dementia......she called because she knew the disease ravaged my mother before she passed away six years ago.

I answered her questions honestly and tried to be gentle as well as instill a little humor......I could tell she has had a rough holiday season. I explained that the death of a parent for me, well now I can see the blessings and curses of a quick unexpected death, and that of a slow paced illness. My father died suddenly, he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and died with a massive heart attack.
My mother's death took almost two years......and sadly who she was died way before her body did.
I missed telling my father goodbye. My mother's slow death, changed our family, and felt at times as though it was killing me. Only a couple of months after my mom passed, my oldest brother died unexpectedly.

My conclusion, death is difficult no matter when, how or where. The passing of someone you love
takes a piece of you with them.....forever after there is a part of your heart missing. I think that our culture has made death even more difficult, it seems we have a put a time frame on grief, broken it down into stages, and tied it up with a bow. But loss cannot be measured by time. .....and it cannot be locked up and forgotten. Grief for friends and family and pets, can and will hit at the strangest times without warning. Sometimes the triggers are obvious and sometimes who knows what triggers the sadness or tears.

I think our memories, and the sharing of those memories are the soothing balm for grieving hearts.
And the realization that life goes on, that for we who are left behind........it is part of our growth.
We can work through the guilt, the hurt and the pain and continue with our purpose, or we can become frozen in time....... paralyzed by the grief and the change that has taken place in our life.

So whether death comes quickly or crawls.......there are blessings and curses that it brings for those left living. Whether we are consumed and killed by the residue of grief, or we learn and grow from its harsh lessons is up to us. Death is a part of life, some fear it, some welcome it.......but at some point.....it comes.

After Christmas Musings

2011-12-26T21:14:00.000-06:00

Happy Boxing Day to all my UK friends! I had a good Christmas, not as hectic as some years, a little more than others. Unlike many of my friends and family members, I did not start decorating in November.....so that means I am not tired of the tree or decorations. I love leaving the house decorated until New Years
Day.......I get to sit and enjoy it all this week.

Speaking of this week, I have not taken time away from work in almost two years......I am taking this week off. I did not realize how much I needed the break until today......I have not missed teaching at all today.
It has been nice to do some much needed cleaning in the house. Blackie Bear and Buddy have loved having me home today. This was also the first time in six years that I had not worked on Christmas Eve....
I guess an old dog can learn new tricks.

So, how do I plan on spending my week away from work? Visiting friends, working on our music,
cleaning house, and working on my vision board for 2012. There are several things that I want to accomplish this coming year, barring any bumps in the road. You know as soon as the new board is finished I will take a photo and post it.

I hope that your holidays have been good so far......that your Christmas was Merry and not too hectic.
I hope that the gift of love was in every stocking, and that you all felt peace in your hearts.
Do you all do New Years' Resolutions, do you party, any special celebrations? So far, we have been invited to a ball, a music jam, and a friend's home.......waiting to see where the spirit leads. Sometimes it is just nice to stay home.

I didn't even teach my community class tonight......it was time for a break. The body and the spirit need change, for growth and renewal. I believe that next week I will be a much better teacher.....and the dogs do love having me around! It has been another day of cold pouring rain, I hear it on the tin roof, the sound of the rain, and Blackie's snoring creates an odd musical offering. Not quite in sync, but rather
harmonious.

Time for a cup of hot tea.
Good night, Sweet dreams

The Christmas of My Dreams

2011-12-24T21:09:00.001-06:00

Here is our Christmas song that was on the Fretted Instruments Christmas cd this year. It was an honor to perform our song for this cd. Rick and I wrote it with our friend Tracy Reynolds.
I hope you enjoy......"The Christmas of My Dreams"

MERRY CHRISTMAS

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Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-23T20:55:00.001-06:00

This is my Christmas card that I painted and mailed this week, that's right each one hand painted.......

Merry Christmas to you all, may your New Year be filled with Peace.

jilda

Christmas Berries

2011-12-22T20:44:00.000-06:00

Rick upgraded my iPhone this week, I barely knew how to use the other one.......but I know that this iPhone 4 makes great photos!

As we walked the dogs this morning before the next wave of rain came, I saw these beautiful red berries at the edge of the woods. I know there is a proper name for them, I see them used as ornamentals in yards around the county. But this bush is growing wild in our woods and it just looked like Christmas!

It is a patch of brilliance in the earth tones of the woods. Winter has cloaked our woods in grays and browns, while mother nature takes her rest.......the flash of red and green seemed so cheery, so festive! Even nature seems to celebrate
the season of light.

I have wrapped presents, baked two kinds of biscotti, had lunch with a friend, visited sick friends and relatives........and the rain
came down in torrents. I am chilled to the bone. It will be a race to the bed tonight......I think I will beat
Blackie Bear, even though he is snoring loudly right now.

Good night, Sweet dreams.

More Thoughts on Blackie Bear

2011-12-21T21:09:00.000-06:00

Blackie Bear is not a happy dog, the new collie has decided to take his place in the office while I write.
There is quite a bit of snarling, some deep grunts and guess what.......Blackie wins! Calliou moves to the hall, Blackie regains his spot by "momma"!

Bear is the oldest, and I am his......somehow years ago, he decided I was his property. He tolerates my petting of the other dogs. He allows Buddy ( my mom's dog) to sit on the couch with me......but I have to pet the others when Blackie is not around. The past few weeks Blackie's protective nature has grown,
I'm not sure if he is afraid to be left alone, or he is that worried about me.

When I took the dogs for a walk this morning, the others ran in wild abandon like they usually do,
but Bear stays close to me........I changed my path a little this morning, thinking he would continue on the old one, he did for about ten seconds.......then he charged through the woods to catch up with me.
He has been with me for many many Christmases......he is grey and frail, I know our Christmases together are numbered. I can't even let myself think how my life will be without him.

I think tonight I am as ready for bed as Blackie.........
he says good night, sweet dreams

A Roof Over My Head

2011-12-20T21:54:00.000-06:00

Pouring rain tonight......the kind that makes you glad you have a roof over your head. Actually, most days I try to be really glad and grateful that I have a roof over my head. The past several days I have driven
around the storm struck areas visiting friends, going to the doctor, running errands. There are still so
many homes that are damaged, so many places where homes use to be......and I keep thinking, and wondering about the people in those damaged homes, about the ones who have no homes.

It has been seven months, since the April 27th outbreak of tornadoes......it seems like seven seconds, it seems like seven years. Our friends live in these areas, where the trees are gone, homes are gone,
people died.......I think many of them are on autopilot and to get technical......many are PTSD.
There is an odd normalcy to their lives, yet a strange eeriness as well. They know, as well we know,
that anyone who survived that day will never be the same.

I have been lucky and blessed my whole life......to always have a roof over my head. It may not have been the roof of my dreams, but there was always a roof. Tonight I think of people all over this earth who have no roof over their heads.......I can't imagine what that must be like.......no roof, no food, no clean water. I certainly have no right to ever complain about the cards I've been dealt in my life......I have always had food, clean water and a roof.

I hear the pouring rain on the tin roof, and I count my blessings......pouring rain, and cold.....no night fit for man or beast. Once again, I whisper a prayer of gratitude for my roof. It may seem a little strange to
talk so much about a roof.......but in this season of mass consumerism......when I see all those roofs around me, still covered in blue tarps.....I worry. I hope they are warm and dry tonight, I hope they have what they need, I hope that mercy is shown them, that there is food, and warm clothing
that they have health and joy......and that the new year brings them roofs.

No Panic Yet

2011-12-19T21:31:00.000-06:00

No, for anyone who is interested, I am not through with my Christmas shopping, nor am I finished with the painting of Christmas cards, no gifts have been wrapped.........let's see how many days until Christmas?

So, in the morning, if all goes according to plan, the cards will be done and mailed.......shopping will be done tomorrow afternoon, and wrapping, well maybe Thursday if all goes well. Also, cookies and biscotti will be baked on Thursday......and again on Christmas Eve.

Strangely I am not in a panic.......it has to be all the yoga.....or maybe it is just the realization that no matter what, it all works out. Of course, by Friday.......I might be in a straight jacket!

But, I am very very tired, Blackie Bear is waiting for me to go to bed, so he can sleep.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Celestial Gifts

2011-12-18T22:45:00.000-06:00

We drove down to Tuscaloosa tonight to have dinner with our friends, Jerry and Carol , Bob and Brandi.
We took the long way down Highway 69 and as we crossed Lake Tuscaloosa the sunset blazed.

Never have I seen cloud formations and colors like these this evening......like glowing embers that intensified as the sun dropped into the boiling clouds.

It seems the heavens have sent gifts this whole month,
the full moon was one of the most beautiful pearls ever in the night sky last weekend, meteor showers this week, and then this sunset tonight......a bounty of rare and beautiful gifts! How lucky can we get???

Beautiful celestial gifts and time with friends........life can be so exquisite when you least expect it. I know this is the week before Christmas and for many the mad rush of the holidays will rob you of all the gifts around you. Take time to see the beauty, smell the scents of the season, listen to the music, and enjoy your time with family and friends........it can all change in the blink of an eye. Cherish each memory, every laugh, and hug and make a wish on the evening star. It will all be over before you know it.

Feels Like Christmas

2011-12-17T23:27:00.000-06:00

Rick and I went to the first Christmas party that we have been to in several years tonight......usually we are the ones hosting a get-together. It was a small intimate gathering, bright talented people, musicians, writers, photographers.....so much talent, it was like being in a movie. I had a great time! Actually, I have not had this much fun in a while...... just sitting in someone's living room, playing music,

talking, eating, enjoying each other's company. I sat there for awhile and looked around tonight and thought.......this is it, this is the Christmas spirit. We were all quite different, yet had so much in common.

It was so hard to let this evening end.......no one wanted to go, but I think we knew in our hearts, the moment could not last forever. Aren't those moments wonderful.........everyone leaves with a smile on their face, a bit of joy in their hearts.....and you think, wow......wish it could be like this all the time

So tonight, the Christmas spirit has touched me......I know for each of us, we feel it in a different way, a different place.......but that contentment, that joy.....this is what memories are made of, how they are created. My wish for all of you tonight......that the Christmas spirit touches your hearts, that you feel the joy that we all felt tonight.....it finally feels like Christmas.

A Good Yoga Day

2011-12-16T21:55:00.000-06:00

New students in my yoga classes today.......all of them came in apprehensive......all left with smiles.

I am always amazed at the apprehension of coming to yoga class. I usually make jokes and tell the new students not to believe those rumors about me, they can't all be true!

Yoga is a release, and sometimes quite an emotional one.....there were some tears today as well as laughter. I try to make the class as nurturing as I can......but there is no place like home for the holidays and many of my students will not be home. The holidays make me emotional too......once old traditions are no longer celebrated, finding new ones that fit take some time. I am still trying on.

Because of our changes in the weather this week, several of the students were dealing with chronic pain.......the class moved in a healing direction, lots of breath work, blankets and eye pillows. It is amazing how much yoga helps with pain, both physical and emotional.......it was a good yoga day.

We Did It!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-15T21:36:00.000-06:00

A little good news.......Phil Campbell High School was awarded $50,000 today by the Glee Give A Note
committee. You all changed lives with your votes, with the time that you spent encouraging all your blog buddies and friends to vote, there is now a tiny community in Northwest Alabama where the sun is shinning brightly tonight and the music plays loud and clear. Pat yourselves on the back, do a happy dance, and say a prayer of gratitude!

My friend Kim (whose son was in the video) said you could hear the kids and the whole community
yelling and crying as the announcement was made today. I know that most of you are like me, and many days you might think that nothing you do matters.......well guess what, it does. Because of your help,
Phil Campbell High School will have help rebuilding their band program. April 27th destroyed so many homes and lives here in Alabama, but I know that music heals. Today, healing in Phil Campbell took a giant leap!

Our state has a long way to go in the rebuilding and healing process.......Rick and I drove from Birmingham today, and the devastation still leaves me reeling. All around us, it still looks like a war zone......there are times that as I drive through the communities, tears fall down my face. But these bright spots, these incredible good deeds, keep us all going. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, with your efforts music will live in the hearts and lives of young people, whose world was turned upside down by the storms. Who knows the impact of your simple vote? I believe your act of faith and good will changed the world and set into action something that will have lasting impact for years to come.

This is the best Christmas gift ever! Blessings of love, of good health and contentment to all of you.
We did it!!!!!!!!!

Beware a Busy Life

2011-12-14T21:01:00.000-06:00

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life" - Socrates

During this "busy season" I try to remind myself of this quote often. It is true you know, think about when you are so busy, how barren, how empty your life becomes. You hurry and scurry from one place, event, whatever to the next. You constantly watch the clock, thinking of all the things you have to do.
With the hustle and bustle, do you take time for your self and others? Do you do good things for your
body and your spirit? Do you take the time for good nutrition or just make a pass at the next drive through?

When you are "so busy" do you do anything well, or do you just get things done? During this holiday season do you rush from one family function to the next, never enjoying any of them? Do you find yourself so busy that you wish the holidays were over? Are you so tired from you trying to accomplish all that is on your to do list you collapse in bed each night?

Through the years I have been guilty of all of the above.........and there are some regrets. If I could give anyone advice now, I would say pick and choose. Pick the family functions that mean the most to you, (not to others) choose traditions that have meaning for you, slow down........take time to look at the lights, look up at the stars, and allow yourself to be happy. It is not your responsibility to
"make" the holidays perfect. You really don't have to be everywhere and do everything.
Don't max out your credit cards on gifts.......you will end up in debt and full of resentment.

You want this season to be full.......of goodwill, sharing meals, peace toward your fellow man, enjoying the beauty of the lights and music, and time for reflection. You don't want the barrenness that is the residue of a "busy" life. You don't want to find yourself at the end of the year, in a mountain of crumpled wrapping paper, exhausted, and thrilled that the season is over, filling empty and disappointed. Let this season enrich your life, restore your hope, and give you joy........slow down
and feel the peace, the stillness of a cold winter's night and the laughter and smiles of the children.

Dragons

2011-12-13T21:32:00.002-06:00

I love dragons. Not quite sure when this fixation began, but I have several pieces of dragon jewelry.
One necklace ( a vintage piece) is rumored to look just like a piece that Janis Joplin wore.
It is a massive piece, and every time I wear it, some one comments about it.
A friend gave me a tiny silver dragon on a black silk cord, I wear it almost daily along with my
Tibetan prayer coin, they are my talismans.
I have dragon earrings (vintage) and a dragon bracelet, also vintage. They are pieces that spoke to me as soon as I saw them.

Many dragon pieces are ferocious looking, but I find a great deal of beauty in their intricate markings.
They project a strength and braveness that I envy. It is no wonder, that in the Chinese zodiac, my sign
is yep, you guessed it.......The Dragon.

I also have a crystal dragon that hangs in my window, next to my spirit ball. The two of them catch
the sun and make me smile every time I look at them. By the way, one of the most requested songs that we do......Puff, the Magic Dragon!

Send a Card

2011-12-12T21:59:00.000-06:00

We received a Christmas card from our friends in Ireland today. I know that we all communicate electronically most of the time, e-mails, texts, calls.....but to get a handwritten note or card from someone
makes my day. Often students give me cards or notes, and I keep them all in a red leather book. On days when I struggle, when I question what I do........I sit and read those cards and notes.

Those cards, those notes are some of my most prized possessions. They serve as reminders, that somewhere, sometime in my life, I helped someone. I try to send cards and notes as often as I can, maybe the gesture doesn't mean as much to some as it does to me, but I will continue to send them out.

I think that Christmas cards are of my most favorite traditions. Picking out a card, taking the time to write a note and mail it........that is one of the things that makes this season special. We live busy lives, we live fast, but the old fashioned sentiment of mailing a card........is refreshing and appealing.

Dick Blick says I will get my blank cards tomorrow, that means tomorrow afternoon, the painting frenzy will begin. Rick always says, you can go buy some cards.....and there have been years that I did, but not many. I love to paint those cards, to send them out, to know that there are friends who look forward to getting them, as much as I look forward to seeing that card postmarked, Tullamore, Ireland.

I know that mailing Christmas cards does not appeal to everyone.......but don't shortchange yourself.....
send a birthday card, or a thank you, or just a note to say hello. Brighten someone's day......imagine their surprise when they open a card instead of a bill! Send a get well card or thinking of you to someone who is ill, sending a card is such a warm heartfelt gesture, you will never be forgotten.

The Beginning

2011-12-11T22:01:00.000-06:00

The tree is decorated, Jordan helped with his first batch of cookies, the house is a wreck.........I am itching like crazy because that is what evergreens do to me. A big beautiful full moon, rain moving in and Blackie Bear wants to go to bed. (he will not go to his bed, until I go to mine)

Beginning to get a little antsy about the cards, Dick Blick is late with their delivery of blank cards,
starting to rethink original sketches, simplify, simplify! A marathon day of shopping this week......it is the holidays!
And with that said, Blackie has convinced me.......time for bed.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Do What You Love

2011-12-10T23:47:00.000-06:00

Rick and I wrote a song called "Do What You Love"........it has become our anthem of sorts......and a message that we spread whenever possible. Life is short, and why would you spend it not doing what you love???? We did what we loved tonight.....played music. The crowd has been bigger, the money better, but it doesn't matter when you do what you love.

We performed Do What You Love a while back for a group of teachers, they asked for the lyrics so they could give them to their graduating seniors. I think we are all guilty of not doing what we love.....and it shows in our lives, on our faces and in our eyes. When you do what you love, everything is different,
there is contentment, peacefulness, the willingness to work as long as it takes......no short cuts.
The work seems more like play, even when it is hard.

Tonight, "if you ever get the feeling, life is passing you by, do you dread Monday morning, is your
job killing you? then do what you love, and love what you do"

Good night Sweet dreams

Feel The Magic

2011-12-09T21:20:00.001-06:00

Driving home this evening, the moon shone behind a gauze like veil of clouds......and all around the houses scattered on the backwoods road were Christmas lights. I am always intrigued by how people decorate for Christmas. I pass by houses and there seem to be thousands of lights, figures, and decorations that I can't quite figure out, some are like ours and there is nothing (yet) and others that simply have a Christmas tree.

We will decorate our tree Sunday. We always do a living tree, (we plant it after the holidays) and as you walk across our property you see all our trees from years past. I suppose I am somewhere in the middle when it comes to decorations.......a tree, the mantle, the coffee table, a tree outside. It's not that I don't like to decorate, but we live in a small cottage(not much storage space) and my biggie for Christmas is hand painted cards. I have been painting our Christmas cards for many many years, friends have collections of them, many have framed theirs. For me, sending my painted cards lets our friends and families know how special they are, that yes I put that time in just for them. Each card
hand painted and signed.

Jordan is excited, this will be the first Christmas that he has wanted to help decorate the tree, and bake Christmas cookies. Cookies, that is the other thing that I put much time and effort into, Swedish Spice
Christmas cookies.......have made them with my nieces and nephews for years, now the great nieces and nephews are helping me.

Being in the Christmas parade last night, was so much fun. Main Street, in my hometown of Sumiton
Alabama was lined with families......kids of all ages watching the parade, waiting for Santa. Since
Rick and I were Grand Marshalls, we led the parade......funny thing, some of the little kids thought
Rick was Santa!

The Christmas Spirit always hits me later than most. Our family never put a tree up until the week before Christmas.....most years we each got only one gift.......but the meal was unforgettable. For my parents who grew up in the Depression, the meal was everything. The table would groan because of so much food, and so would we. Even if you filled your plate twice, you would never be able to taste everything.......it truly was a food orgy.

Tonight, with the moon peeking through the clouds a lot of childhood memories of Christmas pasts
floated through my mind. Looking at the lights twinkling in the darkness, the world seemed so peaceful......even the cold felt peaceful tonight. There is something magical about this time of year.
If you can stand back from the mad consumerism, and the rush of the crowd and look at it all through a child's eyes......you can see, and you can feel the magic.

Goodnight, Sweet dreams
.

I Consider You Home

2011-12-08T22:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, so here is the video that we did a couple of weeks ago.......it has been an eventful week! The video was posted on You Tube last night. Our Christmas song that we recorded for a compilation cd was released today, and tonight Rick and I were Grand Marshalls for my hometown Christmas Parade and we are playing Saturday night. It has been a good day.

Hope ya'll enjoy the song!

Inward

2011-12-07T22:01:00.000-06:00

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, or what you do life beats you up.......I'm sure there are lessons that are to be learned, but often they are not apparent. So, what do you do? It is easy to become angry, to feel hurt and to wish like hell you were someplace else........but you're stuck in the thick of it with no way

out....or so it seems. It's those times, when you really do have to go inward.....to pull from your inner strength, to breathe, and remind yourself that this too shall pass.

Going inward can be easy.........you can shut down, shut up, and close your eyes........going inward can be difficult......you can search for answers, pray for guidance, and hope for wisdom. There is a certain amount of wisdom in knowing which inward path to take.......and there are some days when flipping a coin makes as much sense as anything.

I think sometimes we search too hard for the answers.......and by doing so, make our lives that much harder. Most of the time, they are right in front of us, or within........usually the answers we seek are so simple, that we think this can't be right, it is too easy. Why do we think everything good or successful has to be complicated?

Some of us spend too much time going inward, and miss the lessons and answers that are right in front of our noses.........that is when our lives become exhausting. The balance and contentment come

when we learn when to go inward and when to just let it all go. It's that thing about learning to pick your battles. And then there are those times, when there is no fight left within you.........once again,

knowing when to let it all go.

Going inward can be rewarding, uplifting and enlightening........staying inward......can be depressing,

defeating and destructive..........know when to let it all go.

Cold and Rainy

2011-12-06T21:52:00.000-06:00

Cold and rainy tonight, I hear the rain on the tin roof..........that roof is one of the best things about our house now. Nothing like the sound of raindrops on tin. I spent most of the afternoon doing errands.....and silly me didn't realize rain would be here so soon. I got drenched! Had a jacket, but no umbrella or hat......I am still cold.

One of my very first childhood memories is of rain. We had moved into a house that had a porch across the front, a new sink had been delivered. The new sink sat on the porch waiting for my dad to come home to install it. My kid brother, Ricky who was about one year old and I, opened the doors (the sink was in a cabinet of sorts) and hid from my mom. It was pouring rain......and that porch was the perfect playground

for rainy days. There is a picture of Ricky taken sometime later on his trike, on that porch. It is one of my favorite photos of him.

I love the rain. It doesn't depress me or make me sad, I find it soothing and calming. When we were in Ireland everyone was concerned about the rain, but I loved it......nothing like standing on the rocky shore with the rain coming down. Then going down to a local pub, and smelling peat burning in the fireplace.

Blackie Bear is snoring, he finds the rain soothing too. As a matter of fact, he, Astro and Buddy are all in the office with me snoring like crazy as the rain falls. YAWN.........I am getting sleepy too.

Good night, Sweet dreams.

Made with Love

2011-12-05T22:16:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow would have been my mom's birthday......it has been six years since her passing. I drive by her house, everything still looks the same. I wonder if the family who lives there now has any inkling of the memories that are stored in that house, good and bad. My mom and dad both died there. But there were incredible meals, and loud, laughing get togethers there. Grandchildren climbed those trees, picked the flowers and and sat in her swing, Someone was always stopping by for a visit, and a piece of cake or pie.

Christmas and Thanksgiving celebrations in that little blue house will be remembered for many years to come. Momma was most always in the kitchen, or coming up the steps from the basement. Her laundry room was downstairs, but so was her beloved quilting frames. All the kids and grand kids cherish those quilts she made.

She and I did our Christmas shopping together, I did her tree, her Christmas cards. Since she passed, I have done most of my shopping on line, going shopping is just not the same. I would wrap all her gifts and then come home and wrap mine. Birthdays were never much of a big deal with her, but Thanksgiving and Christmas were......and it was all about the food. Christmas presents at our house
were secondary, food was the major focus. She planned for weeks what she would cook, we would go grocery shopping for days, all over the county getting everything that would make the perfect meal.

For momma, people coming to her house, sharing a meal......that was life. Rick tells everyone that I got my mom's gift for cooking. I do love to cook for our friends and family, not only did my mom teach me her recipes, but she taught me the most important ingredient in a meal......love. Her theory, if you didn't cook with love, no matter how great the recipe or how good the ingredients.......for the meal to be great,
it had to be cooked with love.

Tomorrow, since I can't wish her a Happy Birthday......I'll cook a great meal, made with love.......and think of momma. Happy Birthday Momma.

Wasted Heart

2011-12-04T22:13:00.000-06:00

I watched one of my favorite Christmas movies tonight......Love Actually. There is a line in the movie where one of the characters talks of his "wasted heart". That phrase, "wasted heart" brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The character is speaking about wasting his love on someone who loves his best friend......but there are a lot of wasted hearts out there. Hearts that are wasted on loving the wrong
person, the wrong things, the wrong places. Hearts that have been given to those who were unappreciative, who were cruel and unloving.

Hearts have been wasted on following dreams that were never fulfilled, hearts that followed paths that led to nowhere. Hearts that were given and then tossed aside because they were old, or fat or not pretty enough, or just thought to be boring. Hearts that were used up, by people, and causes, by beliefs, and ideologies, wasted hearts, shells that once beat proudly for the good of all.

Wasted heart, given along with a wasted soul for a cause that was unworthy. Wasted heart......and time and energy, the heart you can salvage......the time and energy are gone for ever.
A wasted heart, may become hardened, cynical, and cold. Walls build around a wasted heart, and as the years go by, they become thicker and stronger, insulating the heart until it starves ......and then it is wasted forever.

Many of us have probably wasted our hearts at some point in our lives, and hopefully, we pressed on,
wiser, stronger, more careful........but what about those whose wasted hearts barely beat, so used,
they are mere shells that once housed vibrant living energy. It shows in the eyes, the look of defeat, accepting and acknowledging, they have wasted the center of their being. It's not too late, a wasted heart needs tender love and care.......human kindness and touch......the understanding that hearts mend, lives can be regained, and spirits heal.......and that love actually really is all around us.

My Other Gig

2011-12-03T23:17:00.000-06:00

A really long day......I have worked as a make-up artist for a friend who does motivational speaking today. She had two shows, one at 2:00pm one at 7:00pm, plus meet and greets in between.
Back at the hotel, pizza and a glass of wine......my feet are screaming! But, it has had its high points.....mainly Larnelle Harris. If you have never heard him sing, go to I-tunes now and buy his Christmas cd.....truly one of the most incredible voices ever.

Didn't know I was a make-up artist? Oh yeah, been one for years......I just don't practice on myself much.
Ha,ha! Working this gig is like performing, time ceases to exist.......day fades into night, and before you know it......another day. But, for some strange reason, this agrees with me.......I enjoy it.

Twelve hours days are tough, and I think it is time to sleep, tomorrow home, and practice for our gig coming up this week......oh yeah, did I mention that Rick and I are the Grand Marshalls for my hometown
Christmas Parade on Thursday night? I am practicing on my wave! Then Saturday night, we play Berkeley Bob's one of my most favorite places to play.

This nice hotel bed is calling my name......
Good night, Sweet dreams

A Little Drained

2011-12-02T19:41:00.000-06:00

Somehow, my friends always know when I need them. A couple of them called, a couple sent wonderful e-mails, but it was a day when I needed the connection. Not a bad day, but just a day when I needed to hear voices, get notes, and know that I was not forgotten.

Physically I feel better than I have felt in months, but emotionally a little drained. The night sky was so breath taking as I drove home from work tonight. The moon is not quite half full, the stars were beaming,

and the air is cold and crisp. Driving home, everything seemed so clear against the sun set.......the bare trees, the colors blending from yellow and orange to deepest blue.

Forgive me for the short post, I am very tired tonight, ready for a hot bath and cup of tea.

Good night, Sweet dreams.

Spend Time Wisely

2011-12-01T22:00:00.000-06:00

I have been beaten myself up tonight......sometimes I waste my most valuable commodity, my time.
Why? because sometimes I don't know how to say no. I know that I am not by myself, that there are many others who do the same thing......and then much like me, you beat yourself up. Time goes so quickly, I mean it is December 1st today!!!! In the past few months, I had really done much better about giving away my time, and then hello........I did it up big time!

Just say no......well it didn't work with teenagers and sex, it doesn't work with drugs and alcohol, so how could I expect it to work with my time? Changes have to take place, for one thing.....I have to begin to recognize my value, I have to truly believe that my time, my energy, my creativity is important.......just as important as anyone else's.

So tonight, I am working on letting go, being kinder to myself when I screw up, and once again reminding myself the value of my time.......the most valuable commodity I have. As always, it is my acting out of kindness, and not thinking, that propelled me to say yes, not no. But, I do admit, I am getting better, managing the spending of my time smarter and more frugal.

There are twelve step programs for almost everything these days, there should be one for those who can't say no........Hello, my name is....and I can't say no. Sorry, that statement could truly be misconstrued in several different ways! Ha,Ha!

So, once again, I will put on my big girl panties.......do what I said yes to, and remind myself daily that my time is valuable, to spend it wisely.
Goodnight, Sweet dreams

New Vision

2011-11-30T21:18:00.001-06:00

It will soon be time to build another vision board. I looked at my old one today, much like the ones in years past, there are pictures that became reality and others that are still waiting to happen.

The arbor that I had posted two years ago is finally built, the honeysuckle and jasmine planted.

New songs have been written, and gigs have been booked, even a video filmed....and I completed my 200 RYT in yoga.

But then there are those pictures still waiting........the cd to be completed, travel,( I did buy new luggage today) songs to be used in movies/tv shows, more frequent/better paying gigs, a new addition to the house, did I mention travel?

The board works, there are skeptics, but if you take the time to develop the board, really think about what you want in your life, and put it all together as a vision board, look at it every day, it works.

It serves as a reminder of the life you want, the life you seek. As a guide, or map, your vision board

keeps you on your path, provides the vision for that which you seek.

I am already collecting pictures and phrases and words for the new board. It is always a mix of old and new........and life changes......some things that seemed important last year, don't seem quite so

pressing now.......and others that didn't seem to take center stage, will have more visibility on the new one.

I stopped making resolutions years ago, but these vision boards, for me they are so much better.

They hold my feet to the fire, if you put them where you see them daily, they demand your attention,

and serve as not so gentle reminders about all that you said you wanted, the life that you saw yourself

living. As soon as the new one is ready, I will take a photo and post it.

So, how do you make your own vision board? Start thinking about your life, the things you want,

the life you want to live, the people in it, places, things you want to do, to achieve. Then start

collecting photos, pictures from magazines and publications, word/phrases that re-enforce those thoughts and dreams and hopes. For instance, it you want to travel to a certain place, be sure to include pictures and descriptions of where you want to go, if you want a new job, same thing, pictures and descriptions of that new career, lose weight.....show pics of how you want to dress,

doing healthy things, and healthy foods.

How ever you "vision" your life for the coming year, think it through, glue it all in a pleasing collage

on some poster board, and get ready for results. No, probably not everything will come to pass, but who knows, maybe it will! Place your vision board somewhere so you will see it every day.......and let me know your results. Many of us have lost our vision for our lives......we spend every day making a living, caring for those around us, our visions lost along the way. Take an hour or two, create your

vision board.....all you have to lose.....some glue, a few pictures, a couple of hours.......and all you have to gain........maybe the life you wished for long ago.

Contentment

2011-11-29T21:23:00.001-06:00

"Contentment, is an inner feeling of calm" - Andrew Weil

Dr. Weil has some interesting things to say about contentment........he suggests writing what you're grateful for in a journal, meditation and practicing deep breathing. All things that I teach in my yoga classes......so nice that someone as respected as Dr. Weil is speaking about these simple things that work.

Each time I have new students in my class, and I began to talk about breath work, meditation, writing down what you are grateful for........most look at me with bewilderment. It can't be that simple they say,
there has to be more to it. I tell them that it is true, life happens and there will always be difficult times and great times.......but for most of the time.......it's that place in the middle where we are day to day. That is where the breath work, meditation, yoga and gratitude come into play.........those tools will help you get through the difficulties, helping you stay centered and focused.

Sometimes we have to change friends, or lifestyles, .......but if you find yourself surrounded by folks who are always down, who see nothing but the dark......I promise you, soon you will be just like them.
According to Dr. Weil there is much research showing that depression as well as contentment is contagious. I believe that, just as I believe fear and hate are contagious as well.

Contentment is obtainable for everyone, but we have to look within........buying something, a new relationship, anything external can go away. But choosing to be content, being grateful......that is something that takes place within and it is within our power, it is our choice.

There is evidence now, that even when you are down, if you force yourself to smile, the physical
movement of those muscles will help you feel better. Looking at fresh flowers, trees, anything in nature
changes the mood for the better. And yes, breathing, awareness of the breath will make you feel better.

Dr. Weil's new book is called Spontaneous Happiness, it's an easy read, a sensible read. If you think contentment is beyond your reach, think about reading it.......and remember to breathe, spend time
outdoors, eat fresh healthy food, drink pure water, exercise and know that you have a great deal of power, over your own health and happiness.......your own contentment.

An Early Snow

2011-11-28T21:13:00.000-06:00

An early snow......well, for us here in North West Alabama it means maybe an inch or two and it will be gone by tomorrow afternoon. But, it is so beautiful as it falls tonight......big, wet, white flakes.
They are heavy, the kind of flakes that as they fall, they grab each other, and soon you have two or three flakes falling down to earth together. I love snow. I love the smell of fresh fallen snow, and I love the sound of silence as those flakes drift down toward ground.

It has been raining since yesterday, and rain began to change to snow around 3:00 this afternoon, changing back to rain and now back to snow. An early snow......I love those words.....there is magic
and romance in those words. Yes, it is cold, and damp.......but probably by the weekend our temps will be back in the 60's and all will be right with the weather world.

An early snow, the dogs are snoring, and so is Rick......I sit here and watch the flakes fall, shinning in the street lamp. Blackie Bear will make snow angels tomorrow if we have enough snow, and Jordan will run and throw snowballs. I know that people make fun of how we react when it snows.......but it is a rare and special gift for us........it happens so rarely, it is true, we cannot drive in snow and ice, we lose power, and for a day or two, our world shuts down.

An early snow, a gift from the universe......something beautiful and rare, a reminder that good things remain, a little bit of heaven on earth, a taste of peace.

Dream a Little Dream

2011-11-27T21:48:00.001-06:00

I had strange, really bizarre dreams last night. I woke up thinking where the heck did those come from?
Dreams are interesting aren't they? They can seem so real, so good, so frightening. When I was a child,
I had nightmares often.......they still come, but now when I wake up with my heart racing, in a sweat, I remember to breathe......and to remind myself, it's a dream.

In times of stress, I have a recurring dream that is beautiful and calming. I suppose it is my spirit's way of coping when life hits the fan. It is one of those dreams that is so delicious, so beautiful that I wish I could dream it at will.

One of my dreams last night involved a friend that I had not seen in a long time......he invited Rick and I to his house, when we got there, there were hundreds of people around but he was no where to be found. As we were leaving, he appeared and asked why we were leaving......then I woke up.

I know that dreams can be helpful, I have dreamed incredible songs, dreamed solutions to problems,
and experienced dreams that encouraged me to follow my bliss.......or to change paths. I use to keep a dream journal, I probably should again.

There is a gentle lazy cold rain falling tonight, I hope that it encourages sweet dreams......there is talk of snow for the next couple of days.......that could inspire some dreams too. I wish sweet dreams to all of you tonight, dreams that will encourage you, and inspire you, dreams that will be so good, your whole week will be smooth and joyous. Maybe you'll even "dream a little dream of me."

Goodnight Sweet dreams.

One Track Mind

2011-11-26T21:47:00.000-06:00

This morning as I was downing my third cup of coffee, I picked up Wednesday's newspapers to look at the Black Friday sales ( I am a little behind, I know) after looking at all the advertisements, I looked at Rick and told him that I hadn't missed a thing. He was a happy man.

My sister then called and told me that not only was her Christmas tree decorated, but she had almost all her Christmas shopping done. I am so depressed.......I must be the only person in America who shops in
December, and decorates her tree two weeks before Christmas. Oh yeah, her gifts are all wrapped.

I am still wishing I had pumpkin pie from Thursday, to go with the stuffing that I ate for dinner tonight. I must be living in limbo land, but it is a happy place to be. When I was grocery shopping today a woman told me she was buying everything she would need for her cooking in December, I told her that I was buying what would feed Rick and I for the next few days.......I didn't know what I would be cooking in December.

Somewhere, I got off the merry go round, well truthfully I was never on it........it is all my brain can do to process Halloween, then Thanksgiving and then Christmas.......I cannot multi-task them all at the same time. I mean, Rick took down my harvest flag today, to hang his Alabama Football flag, now I have to hang the harvest one again........I have a one track mind.

Good night Sweet dreams

The Creek

2011-11-25T20:57:00.002-06:00

There is a creek that flows through the property where I work.......in places there are rocks and drop offs
at times it is narrow and deep, and in places wide and shallow. There are spots where the water flows quickly and in others it is quiet still pools. I love that creek! In the six years that I have taught at my job,
I have seen that creek flow out of her banks, raging with mud and debris.......I have seen her dry to puddles and mere trickles.

Every day that I go to work, it never fails......I look at the creek to see what is going on, what stage of life is she in today. I have watched spring flowers blossom on its banks, autumn leaves fall and drift in its stream, and snow flakes swirl as icicles hung from tree branches and her rocks glassy with icy water.

Today, I looked at the creek......she is not at her fullest, rain has not been plentiful and there are places where her bed is dry......the stones dull from lack of moisture. She is so much like our lives........sometimes peaceful and beautiful.......sometimes raging and angry. She is in need now of rain
so that she may flow and nourish. I have spent a great deal of time giving these past few days, and I think I am like the creek........I need a little rain, some nourishment of my own so that I may flow and nourish again. I think this time of year, we all began to feel the drought.......so it's important that we slow down, just as the creek does when the rain doesn't fall.

Looking at that creek, allows me to be in the now. I look at the colors of the jagged rocks, the trees jutting up from her banks, hear the sound of the water as it flows across the rocks........it is easy to not think of time.......she is timeless.......she flows over and around, patiently carving her path, knowing her destiny and always moving toward it. She has taught me much these past six years, soothed and calmed, showing beauty and ugliness, accepting the flow of tears from many of my students, and teaching many of them, just as she has me.......to live like water.......always flowing toward our destiny.

Community

2011-11-24T20:21:00.000-06:00

It has been a good day. Watching people's faces as they came into the community center today was

really something.......so many of them said they couldn't believe we were serving them dinner.

I can't tell you how many times someone asked me, why are you doing this? We are in a sad state, when no one thinks they deserve kindness. This really was a community dinner, the elderly came, those who were working the local businesses that were open came on their lunch hour, the lonely came, those whose lives had been destroyed by the tornadoes came, and then as we found out about those who were home bound, food was carried to them.

As we were cleaning things up, people were already talking about what they would do next year......how they could make it even better. There was such a joy among those who were helping, you could see it in their faces, and hear it in their voices as they welcomed each person who walked through the door.

This is the third such dinner in as many years that my nephew James has organized ( and yes, he knows he can always count on Rick and I to help). He has an incredibly kind and loving heart,

and his wife Andrea, and their four children are always right there in the thick of it all. Breeze, the seven year old, and Daisy who is four, made all the table decorations.........dried leaf wreaths with a candle in the center.

I am tired, it has been a long day.......and an emotional one as well. I miss my family, my parents, my oldest brother, our Thanksgiving dinners that we shared as a family. I have to admit, there were moments when tears hit my eyes today.......but I have wonderful memories and I hope that these community dinners give others good memories. I know that some where, some place, some one

did not have a big Thanksgiving dinner today, I wish there was some way to reach out to everyone.

One thing life has taught me, you do what you can do.

I hope that you all have had a good day, that your tummy is full, and that your blessings have been counted.......no matter where you are.

Good night, Sweet dreams

Thanksgiving Blessings

2011-11-23T21:00:00.000-06:00

Cooking chicken and dressing for the community Thanksgiving dinner at Sipsey tomorrow. My nephew
James who organized it, requested that I make it. I learned how to cook it from my mom, it is an old recipe that her mother taught her, and it is southern. No matter how I try, mine never tastes as good as momma's did. Maybe one day.

We're thinking we will have around 100 folks show up........it's a small community, the one near us that was so devastated by the April 27 tornadoes. The healing and the rebuilding is slow, and yes we all know,
it won't ever be the same.

Thanksgiving was a big deal at my mom and dad's house. Mother was a great cook, and she loved cooking for anyone who would share a meal with her. She would cook the biggest turkey she could find,
the table would groan because there was so much food, and there were always leftovers for everyone to take home. Daddy would say grace, and there would be a mad rush to get to the food. She would send plates of food to anyone that she knew would not have lunch that day. Things change, and yes I knew when she passed, it would never be the same.

So tonight, let me share my gratitude, and thanks........to all of you who read this blog, who send me your wise comments, your funny stories, your sad times, and your encouragement. I pray that your Thanksgiving is blessed, with plenty to eat, lots of hugs, laughter, and love and good health.
May you be surrounded with people who love you, and remember to count your blessings.

Video Fun

2011-11-22T21:20:00.000-06:00

We shot our video today.......I am exhausted! but it was so much fun!!!! Part of it was shot inside but there were several scenes that needed to be shot outside......and it rained. Not showers or sprinkles, but thunder storms, monsoons, downpours.......so, in between the lightening bolts and deluge we filmed.

It will be a while before the editing is done, but as soon as it is ready, will post for everyone to see/hear.
I had forgotten how much fun this film and photography stuff can be.......and how draining. It is like performing all day long! So I requested to look ten younger and ten pounds thinner! Ha!

Our friend and music guru, Jerry Henry is doing all this wonderful work! He is just such a creative force, and so much fun to hang with. Already working on the second song!

I know many of you will be on the road tomorrow, headed for your Thanksgiving destination......blessings and safe travels......and remember to breathe and smile.
Good night, Sweet dreams

Service

2011-11-21T21:53:00.000-06:00

After my community yoga class tonight, a couple of us talked about service. Often students ask me what can I do to feel joy, to feel content, to feel grateful? The first thing I tell them.......do some service, help someone else, give with no thought of receiving. If you are in pain, you will forget your pain for a while,
if you are depressed, you will see someone whose life is worse than yours, service to others is humbling,
and empowering.

When I see people who are bored, who are angry, who are empty........service is the key. This Thanksgiving if you are away from family, or maybe you just can't face another family gathering......serve someone. Serve them a meal, provide transportation to a community meal, feed a neighbor or friend who is alone. Visit the elderly, the sick, play with a small child, do something for someone else. Even if you are having your family meal, find time this holiday week to do something for someone else. Writing a check is good, but that human contact is better. Volunteer to ring the bell for the Salvation Army kettle! There is great need, but the need for human contact, the need to help each other, to look in someone's face, to see a smile......that need seems to be growing daily.

I promise, if you will take the time during this holiday season, to give with no expectations of receiving
anything, just give your time, talents......joy will fill your heart.

Remember service........it will change you this holiday season. Helping others is the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves......volunteer for one hour, or one day......you will want to do it again.
We are all born to serve.